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OrgoneConclusion
Blue Fish Group



Registered: 04/01/07
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Of Primate Hierarchy, Transference and Forgiveness
#7853115 - 01/09/08 11:10 AM (16 years, 23 days ago) |
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Animal Kingdom
Was playing racquetball last night with the usual group. Danny, the alpha male of the group, not only because he is the largest and best player, but also because of attitude (he has been a cop for 30 years), says this is how things are going to be tonight. Most in the group jump when he speaks, but I have grown tired of him always getting his way, so I say, "Not tonight, bro." He steps forward with a snarl, stiff-arms me really hard in the shoulder and sez, "What are you going to do about it bitch?!" But I am pretty solid and am barely phased. I stand there for a minute then quietly leave the court.
A friend and witness, Karl, comes up to me and says, "I think you could take him. I don't see any fear in you and you definitely are stronger." I look at Karl and say, "First off I won't throw down with anyone over petty shit, it has to be pretty damn serious. Secondly, this really hurts as Danny and I have been friends for 18 years. I can't believe he laid hands on me. I am more sad than anything else right now."
Transference
Karl invites me to another court to play some doubles against Robert & John. Early in the match, Robert tries a trick shot and misses, then states, "I can make that shot any time I want to." "OK, then why didn't you do it?", I respond. "Because I am holding back to be sociable. $100 says I make the next one." Now Robert is not just blowing smoke. He is 13 years younger than me and is a former pro player (top 30 in the world some 14 years ago) who quit because of a bad hip. "Keep your money, just make the shot. Don't play down to me. Give me your best effort," I retort with some edge.
Robert proceeds to make a few good shots then gives me a Cheshire Cat grin after each one. This goading along with the previous incident sets my internal flame on high. I notice Danny sitting in the bleachers watching us through the glass. I proceed to smack the living-piss out of the ball with deadly accuracy and run down Robert's corner flicks and easily dominate my side of the court. John is no match for Karl on the right hand side, so we walk off the court with a dominating victory 15-7.
Forgiveness
Danny walks up to me and I have no idea what to expect. "I am sorry, Shmoopy," he says and puts out his hand. "I was way out of line." I grasp it warmly and say, "Apology accepted." He gives me the guy hug and looks me in the eye, "Are we cool?" "It never happened," I say. Then he walks on the court with his partner for a clean and friendly match with no emotional residue between us.
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Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery



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Re: Of Primate Hierarchy, Transference and Forgiveness [Re: OrgoneConclusion]
#7853756 - 01/09/08 01:47 PM (16 years, 23 days ago) |
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gay
-------------------- "Don't believe everything you think". -Anom. " All that lives was born to die"-Anom. With much wisdom comes much sorrow, The more knowledge, the more grief. Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
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OrgoneConclusion
Blue Fish Group



Registered: 04/01/07
Posts: 45,414
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Re: Of Primate Hierarchy, Transference and Forgiveness [Re: Icelander]
#7853870 - 01/09/08 02:05 PM (16 years, 23 days ago) |
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I knew you would understand the deep implications of the incident.
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demiu5
humans, lol


Registered: 08/18/05
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Re: Of Primate Hierarchy, Transference and Forgiveness [Re: OrgoneConclusion]
#7854432 - 01/09/08 03:51 PM (16 years, 23 days ago) |
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i don't see how the transference relates to the situation between you and danny
-------------------- channel your inner Larry David
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OrgoneConclusion
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Re: Of Primate Hierarchy, Transference and Forgiveness [Re: demiu5]
#7854507 - 01/09/08 03:59 PM (16 years, 23 days ago) |
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I channeled my emotion into playing a full level above my norm against Robert to dissipate it. By doing so, the path was clear to completely drop the incident.
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Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery



Registered: 03/15/05
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Re: Of Primate Hierarchy, Transference and Forgiveness [Re: OrgoneConclusion]
#7854518 - 01/09/08 04:00 PM (16 years, 23 days ago) |
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Translated - Don't fuck with a cop or you could be in big trouble.
-------------------- "Don't believe everything you think". -Anom. " All that lives was born to die"-Anom. With much wisdom comes much sorrow, The more knowledge, the more grief. Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
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demiu5
humans, lol


Registered: 08/18/05
Posts: 43,948
Loc: the popcorn stadium
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Re: Of Primate Hierarchy, Transference and Forgiveness [Re: OrgoneConclusion]
#7854536 - 01/09/08 04:03 PM (16 years, 23 days ago) |
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Quote:
OrgoneConclusion said: I channeled my emotion into playing a full level above my norm against Robert to dissipate it. By doing so, the path was clear to completely drop the incident.
so then, are you saying that without channeling this emotion that you would not have been able to forgive your friend?
-------------------- channel your inner Larry David
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OrgoneConclusion
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Re: Of Primate Hierarchy, Transference and Forgiveness [Re: demiu5]
#7854652 - 01/09/08 04:25 PM (16 years, 23 days ago) |
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15 minutes is a pretty fast in human terms to process fairly deep emotions such as I had on this. Despite all the S&P jokes, I am not Spock and have real feelings.
Have you ever forgiven someone, but not completely and so shadows of hurt feelings lingered for years? When I said "It never happened," I meant the affect was the same as if it did not. It was both literal and figurative.
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OrgoneConclusion
Blue Fish Group



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Re: Of Primate Hierarchy, Transference and Forgiveness [Re: Icelander]
#7854657 - 01/09/08 04:27 PM (16 years, 23 days ago) |
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As always your depth of understanding astounds.
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demiu5
humans, lol


Registered: 08/18/05
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Re: Of Primate Hierarchy, Transference and Forgiveness [Re: OrgoneConclusion]
#7854805 - 01/09/08 04:57 PM (16 years, 23 days ago) |
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Quote:
OrgoneConclusion said: Have you ever forgiven someone, but not completely and so shadows of hurt feelings lingered for years?
that i can recall, no. i would never tell someone i forgive them if i had not.
Quote:
When I said "It never happened," I meant the affect was the same as if it did not. It was both literal and figurative.
now this is something i have pondered on some lately. here is the first four lines of a poem i wrote after an incident with my roommate:
apologies can't undo the things that have been done; so please don't waste your breath with those little words
now, i understand that when one truly and honestly forgives another, it is as if the offense had never offended or even took place, but, in the past, the event still did take place. it's just that one is no longer concerned about, dwelling on, or allowing the offense to upset the relationship
thinking back on my question to you, i guess there is always some sort of transition, not necessarily transfer, that has to happen if one has become offended and is to forgive another
-------------------- channel your inner Larry David
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PhanTomCat
Teh Cat....



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Re: Of Primate Hierarchy, Transference and Forgiveness [Re: OrgoneConclusion]
#7854903 - 01/09/08 05:14 PM (16 years, 23 days ago) |
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Quote:
OrgoneConclusion said: I channeled my emotion into playing a full level above my norm against Robert to dissipate it. By doing so, the path was clear to completely drop the incident.
It was prolly~ a good thing you won that game....! It might have been more difficult to forgive Danny if you were effected by the frustration of loosing against Robert's Cheshire grin....
>^;;^<
-------------------- I'll be your midnight French Fry.... "The most important things in life that are often ignored, are the things that one cannot see...." >^;;^<
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OrgoneConclusion
Blue Fish Group



Registered: 04/01/07
Posts: 45,414
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Re: Of Primate Hierarchy, Transference and Forgiveness [Re: PhanTomCat]
#7855393 - 01/09/08 06:59 PM (16 years, 23 days ago) |
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Those darn cats! 
Then I would have had to have had another avenue of transference and on into infinity...
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PhanTomCat
Teh Cat....



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Re: Of Primate Hierarchy, Transference and Forgiveness [Re: OrgoneConclusion]
#7855959 - 01/09/08 08:33 PM (16 years, 23 days ago) |
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Quote:
OrgoneConclusion said: Then I would have had to have had
This is a fine example of one of them thar~ "verbal uncomfortables"....!  It is like when you use "that that" in a sentence, and it only makes sense half the time when you read it back.... 

>^;;^<
-------------------- I'll be your midnight French Fry.... "The most important things in life that are often ignored, are the things that one cannot see...." >^;;^<
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OrgoneConclusion
Blue Fish Group



Registered: 04/01/07
Posts: 45,414
Loc: Under the C
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Re: Of Primate Hierarchy, Transference and Forgiveness [Re: PhanTomCat]
#7855990 - 01/09/08 08:38 PM (16 years, 23 days ago) |
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"When the student is ready, the Master will use three sequential 'thats' in a sentence."
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PhanTomCat
Teh Cat....



Registered: 09/07/04
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Re: Of Primate Hierarchy, Transference and Forgiveness [Re: OrgoneConclusion]
#7856018 - 01/09/08 08:42 PM (16 years, 23 days ago) |
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>^;;^<
-------------------- I'll be your midnight French Fry.... "The most important things in life that are often ignored, are the things that one cannot see...." >^;;^<
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Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery



Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
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Re: Of Primate Hierarchy, Transference and Forgiveness [Re: OrgoneConclusion]
#7858334 - 01/10/08 09:30 AM (16 years, 22 days ago) |
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Quote:
OrgoneConclusion said: As always your depth of understanding astounds.
Thank you. I just really like to get to the base motivations rather than people's attempts to elevate their self images to lessen their fears. 
-------------------- "Don't believe everything you think". -Anom. " All that lives was born to die"-Anom. With much wisdom comes much sorrow, The more knowledge, the more grief. Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
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krin
Stranger


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Re: Of Primate Hierarchy, Transference and Forgiveness [Re: Icelander]
#7858981 - 01/10/08 11:50 AM (16 years, 22 days ago) |
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instead of having to dissipate negative feelings, when the catalyzing situation arises, dont even begin to form them haha
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Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery



Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
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Re: Of Primate Hierarchy, Transference and Forgiveness [Re: krin]
#7859204 - 01/10/08 12:27 PM (16 years, 22 days ago) |
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Yes and while you're at it, don't even be human.
-------------------- "Don't believe everything you think". -Anom. " All that lives was born to die"-Anom. With much wisdom comes much sorrow, The more knowledge, the more grief. Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
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