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InvisibleSwami
Eggshell Walker

Registered: 01/19/00
Posts: 15,413
Loc: In the hen house
Ego and Transference
    #4106462 - 04/28/05 12:25 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

Was playing doubles racquetball last night, when one player named Tim, skipped an easy set-up.

Now Tim fancies himself to be an awesome player, but the truth is that he is a mediocre player who makes an occasional awesome shot. He has great potential, but weak focus and no mental discipline. This type of disparity between self-image and reality is devastating to the ego. How can he maintain this illusion despite the facts? That is easy.

1. Cling to the memory/s of great moments while dismissing the rest.

2. Make endless external excuses as to why your performance was lacking.


Tim screams like a wounded animal and swings even harder on the next shot skipping it also. His frustration builds to the point that he hits his racquet on the floor. Spiraling out of control, he eventually smashed his very expensive stick on the back wall. Then he stepped off the court to get his spare racquet.

The rest of us were commenting on his childish behaviour when he bolts back into the court and with steely eyes and jaw set, yells, "Talking about me behind my back! Are you too pussy to say it directly to my face?!"

Now despite what you may think, I have the ability to hold my tongue; and would have if this had been an isolated incident, but these antics had gone on week after tiring week.

So I whisper, "Tim, the question is not whether any of us are man enough to say anything. The real question is, "Are you man enough to listen.""

The court gets deadly silent.

With clenched teeth, Tim says, "Say what you have to say."

I respond, "If you want the respect of those in this court, you will earn it through sportsmanship, not through your shot-making ability. You have been performing these tantrums for months on end and frankly, everyone here is damn tired of your shit. We come for fun, comraderie and a good workout which you selfishly undermine. Its about time you grew up." (BTW, Tim is 30.)

Tim gets even more red-faced than he was and steps toward me threateningly.

"Destroying your replaceable racquet was one thing, now you are about to destroy three relationships with people that like you; not to mention other serious consequences. And the sad thing is, if we mix it up, your problem will still remain. Your anger is not with me."

Now Tim is looking for a way to save face and not go mano-a-mano with me. Not because he is afraid, but because he is starting to realize how foolish he looks.

In a louder voice I say, "Now stop your damn pouting and let's play."

I turn my back on him and go to serve and things get relatively back to normal.


--------------------



The proof is in the pudding.


Edited by Swami (04/28/05 12:34 PM)


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InvisibleIcelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery
Male

Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 93,974
Loc: underbelly
Re: Ego and Transference [Re: Swami]
    #4106482 - 04/28/05 12:30 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

What's yer point. :mushroom2:


--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC


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OfflineJacquesCousteau
Being.
Male User Gallery

Registered: 06/10/03
Posts: 7,825
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Last seen: 5 months, 24 days
Re: Ego and Transference [Re: Swami]
    #4106491 - 04/28/05 12:32 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

*pats swami on the back*

Good job.


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InvisibleSwami
Eggshell Walker

Registered: 01/19/00
Posts: 15,413
Loc: In the hen house
Re: Ego and Transference [Re: Icelander]
    #4106512 - 04/28/05 12:36 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

There were only about five major points which are applicable to us all.


--------------------



The proof is in the pudding.


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Offlineslaphappy
Its just me
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Registered: 10/29/04
Posts: 1,188
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Re: Ego and Transference [Re: Swami]
    #4106537 - 04/28/05 12:41 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

Us all = 100% of the people who are me.


--------------------
The argent messenger of truth beyond truth, the antithesis of life, cruel and bleak as interstellar space, pulseless and frozen as absolute zero, dazzling with the frost of irrefragable logic and unforgettable fact.


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InvisibleIcelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery
Male

Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 93,974
Loc: underbelly
Re: Ego and Transference [Re: Swami]
    #4106554 - 04/28/05 12:45 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

Well Duh! I guess. What I'm curious about is why you let him off the hook. I never see you do that here. This guy was way out of line and IMO needed to see his actions carried out to their inevitable conclusion. :heart:

I quit calling people like him my friend along time ago. He doesn't understand friendship yet. :thumbdown:

This post seemed so obvious to me I thought maybe there was something else I wasn't getting. :grin: :mushroom2: Maybe there still is? :confused:


--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC


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InvisibleSwami
Eggshell Walker

Registered: 01/19/00
Posts: 15,413
Loc: In the hen house
Re: Ego and Transference [Re: Icelander]
    #4106582 - 04/28/05 12:53 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

Well Duh! I guess. What I'm curious about is why you let him off the hook. I never see you do that here. This guy was way out of line and IMO needed to see his actions carried out to their inevitable conclusion.

Many are surprised to find out that I have never gotten really physical with anyone. It accomplishes NOTHING unless you need to save yourself (or others) from imminent harm.

Do you always understand your anger even when in the middle of it? Does your self-image perfectly align with reality? Do you never blame anyone or anything for your discomfort?


--------------------



The proof is in the pudding.


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InvisibleIcelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery
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Registered: 03/15/05
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Loc: underbelly
Re: Ego and Transference [Re: Swami]
    #4106608 - 04/28/05 01:02 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

Swami said:
Well Duh! I guess. What I'm curious about is why you let him off the hook. I never see you do that here. This guy was way out of line and IMO needed to see his actions carried out to their inevitable conclusion.

Many are surprised to find out that I have never gotten really physical with anyone. It accomplishes NOTHING unless you need to save yourself (or others) from imminent harm.

Do you always understand your anger even when in the middle of it? Does your self-image perfectly align with reality? Do you never blame anyone or anything for your discomfort?




First I never said you needed to get physical with this dummy. And if attacked by this guy, you know you put yourself there by telling the truth and you will handle that. No foul.

Secondly, this seems a matter of degree here. I have all the human failings as do you. Yet we have mastered them to a certain point. (no Hitler's here right. :grin:) I might have a  game with this dude once, but his behavior is VERY immature. Lots of repressed anger. I find there are enough people of quality in my world to find a more suitable friendship. Now maybe there is something redeeming about this guy I cannot know from your post.


--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC


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InvisibleIcelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery
Male

Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 93,974
Loc: underbelly
Re: Ego and Transference [Re: Icelander]
    #4106614 - 04/28/05 01:05 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

Oh, and yes, I do always understand my anger when in the middle of it. I have come that far. Like you, I am not a young man and have made some use of my time here on this beatiful planet. :mushroom2:


--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC


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InvisibleSwami
Eggshell Walker

Registered: 01/19/00
Posts: 15,413
Loc: In the hen house
Re: Ego and Transference [Re: Icelander]
    #4106647 - 04/28/05 01:11 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

Now maybe there is something redeeming about this guy I cannot know from your post.

Everyone has multiple personalities; not just nutcases. When he is not fully immersed in his three-year old persona; he is a likeable guy and is an honest player and very competitive. He also invited me to this particular club (not my "home" club), so I am the guest there.

Had he crossed the final line; the relationship would have ended. I am quite tolerant and cut people a lot of slack. I also enjoy playing with the other two guys, but I do hear what you are saying.


--------------------



The proof is in the pudding.


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InvisibleSwami
Eggshell Walker

Registered: 01/19/00
Posts: 15,413
Loc: In the hen house
Re: Ego and Transference [Re: Icelander]
    #4106655 - 04/28/05 01:13 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

Like you, I am not a young man ...

*puzzled* But, but, but, I AM a young man!  :mad2:


--------------------



The proof is in the pudding.


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Offlinemygodisme
mommy

Registered: 04/15/05
Posts: 37
Last seen: 10 years, 4 months
Re: Ego and Transference [Re: Swami]
    #4106662 - 04/28/05 01:16 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

^_^ That was a really nice thing that you did.

Now, what was your motive behind it?


--------------------
I've seen the infinite. It's nothing special.



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InvisibleIcelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery
Male

Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 93,974
Loc: underbelly
Re: Ego and Transference [Re: Swami]
    #4106696 - 04/28/05 01:25 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

Swami said:
Like you, I am not a young man ...

*puzzled* But, but, but, I AM a young man!  :mad2:




Oh, I meant mature, in the Spiritual, cosmic, spacecraft from Pleadies, with Shirly McClain, type of way.  :tongue2::mushroom2:


--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC


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InvisibleIcelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery
Male

Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 93,974
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Re: Ego and Transference [Re: Swami]
    #4106702 - 04/28/05 01:28 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

I am quite tolerant and cut people a lot of slack. 

-----------------------------------------------------------------

:grin: :grin: Whew!! :grin: :grin:


--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC


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InvisibleSwami
Eggshell Walker

Registered: 01/19/00
Posts: 15,413
Loc: In the hen house
Re: Ego and Transference [Re: mygodisme]
    #4106709 - 04/28/05 01:32 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

Now, what was your motive behind it?

Chicks were watching; what else?  :wink:


--------------------



The proof is in the pudding.


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Offlinefireworks_godS
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Re: Ego and Transference [Re: Icelander]
    #4106720 - 04/28/05 01:36 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

Monumental post... :mushroom2:

Quote:

Icelander said:
I might have a  game with this dude once, but his behavior is VERY immature. Lots of repressed anger. I find there are enough people of quality in my world to find a more suitable friendship. Now maybe there is something redeeming about this guy I cannot know from your post.




There is a difference between a behavior that one exhibits and the person themself. Behavior constantly changes with each interaction. This is more than redeeming.  :heart:

I think Swami interacted with this man in a manner that brought about a change in this man's thinking, and, subsequently, his behavior. I think that perhaps Swami interrupted the near-subconscious, ingrained thought processes responsible for this man's manner of acting and allowed for the man to reflect awareness within himself and the manner in which he was acting. Through this interaction, perhaps the man became more self-aware? :grin:

I personally found a corncucopia of spiritual wealth within Swami's post. :thumbup: Ya'll find what you will... :wink:

:headbang: :headbang: :headbang: :satansmoking:
Peace. :mushroom2:


--------------------
:redpanda:
If I should die this very moment
I wouldn't fear
For I've never known completeness
Like being here
Wrapped in the warmth of you
Loving every breath of you

:heartpump: :bunnyhug: :yinyang:

:yinyang: :levitate: :earth: :levitate: :yinyang:


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InvisibleIcelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery
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Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 93,974
Loc: underbelly
Re: Ego and Transference [Re: fireworks_god]
    #4106755 - 04/28/05 01:49 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

Ya'll find what you will...
------------------------------

Thanks, I will. :mushroom2:


--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC


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InvisibleLunarEclipse
Mr. Dogma Free
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Registered: 10/31/04
Posts: 19,744
Loc: The Hand
Re: Ego and Transference [Re: fireworks_god]
    #4107194 - 04/28/05 03:47 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

"I personally found a cornucopia of spiritual wealth within Swami's post.  :thumbup:"

Cornucopia.  5 syllables.  It's a big word.

I found more of a recurring theme.  Swami is a good racquetball player who is older than his competitors.  Swami loves to win at racquetball against younger players just as he loves to win debates here in S&P against younger people. 

There have been at least three posts that I can recall including this one where Swami has told of his competitor slamming racquets against the wall or floor while playing him.  It seems funny that different people would do this, unless provoked.  I can't imaging Swami provoking anyone.  :confused:

He's old, when he loses, oh well.  When he beats the young guys, watch the fireworks and the racquets break.  Thank God Swami is there to calm down the guy in his own club.

Give Me A Freaking Break.


--------------------
Anxiety is what you make it.


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InvisibleSwami
Eggshell Walker

Registered: 01/19/00
Posts: 15,413
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Re: Ego and Transference [Re: LunarEclipse]
    #4107217 - 04/28/05 03:54 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

You're all wrong. Last week I beat a 72 year old guy. *Swami's head swells to a near-bursting size.*

Let's be serious for moment and sweep away any preconceived notions, if we may.

I said NOTHING to provoke this player nor the others. Do you really believe I have such power so as to make people what they are not? Anger only comes from angry people just as orange juice only comes from oranges.


--------------------



The proof is in the pudding.


Edited by Swami (04/28/05 04:06 PM)


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InvisibleLunarEclipse
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Re: Ego and Transference [Re: Swami]
    #4107223 - 04/28/05 03:57 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

"Anger comes from angry people just as orange juice only comes from oranges."

The orange squeezed the hardest produces the most juice.


--------------------
Anxiety is what you make it.


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