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Barred Spiral

Registered: 02/03/03
Posts: 2,468
Last seen: 6 months, 28 days
I just had quite an eye-opening experience into a long term psychological problem
    #4306152 - 06/17/05 01:43 AM (13 years, 10 days ago)

Just had a rather interesting experience as I was trying to go to sleep.

Today I did a fairly decent dose of opiates and found it to be very therapeutic and relaxing. I was able to write some music, contemplate my life at this moment, and just generally have a good time.

As I was attempting to go to sleep, I felt more of the sedating effects of the opiates and was in the early stages of starting to fall asleep. I must have started to become more emotionally open and honest with myself, much in the way dreams can show a person unsettling aspects of their sub-conscious. Recently I?ve gone through some very tough times; I?ve started to lose a family member who I was living with to mental illness. This person?s entire personality had changed to the point where he isn?t himself anymore, and in fact, has been inadvertently been pushing people away from him because of his behavior (just a quick note, I was using opiates while I was in a good mood, not to escape this problem).

I started to think about how painful it is to go through this, all the memories of growing up with this person, and how he doesn?t really exist anymore. I also thought about all the painful moments growing up, and how I often try to avoid thinking about them in my awake state, but still find them in my dreams and so forth.

Sometimes I feel a tension in my teeth, as if they don?t ?set right?, and this was one of those moments. I tried letting go of trying to put them in the right position, and I felt this very uncomfortable pain, as if there was boiling anxiety under-riding my emotional state.

I then became aware that this under-riding anxiety, tension and pain is something I live with all the time, and that many of my psychological conflicts I think about throughout the day are a result of trying to suppress & channel this so I don't have to feel it. In other words, rather than feel that pain all the time, it comes out in the form of neurotic thinking, or clenching my teeth a certain way etc? I?m looking for a solution to why I?m feeling the way I do, and yet the problem is internal, not in the things I focus on.

I seriously think this is an explanation for a lot of the physical problems I have. I wake up very tired and have a tough time starting my day. When doing physical activity, I become exhausted extremely easily. I think this is all because my body is under constant stress and emotional turmoil.

Recent times have been fairly stable, up until this battle with my family member. It has been a long time since I?ve dealt with something like this, which is why I think this awareness has come about.

This post might be a bit misleading in that it seems like I am a tortured soul or something. While I certainly have had my share of challenges in life, I also have experienced some pretty amazing things, and in many ways, have an inner peace alongside that turmoil. I?m hoping that I can confront this under-riding pain so that I live a more balanced life.

The very nature of experience is ineffable; it transcends cognitive thought and intellectualized analysis. To be without experience is to be without an emotional knowledge of what the experience translates into. The desire for the understanding of what life is made of is the motivation that drives us all. Without it, in fear of the experiences what life can hold is among the greatest contradictions; to live in fear of death while not being alive.

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irregular verb
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Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 23,210
Re: I just had quite an eye-opening experience into a long term psychological problem [Re: Twirling]
    #4306739 - 06/17/05 06:57 AM (13 years, 10 days ago)

assuming the opiate indungence is not as a "pain" treatment, habit tension can be easily countered. teeth clenching is one of the most common habits, there is even an industry devoted to repair and rehabituation of clenchers - orthodontists are very involved in this and related arts.

The loss of a loved one to dementia of any sort is befuddling.
For the one who has left there are no longer any consistent rules of behavior, you have to reduce the relating part of the relationship in favor of honoring the past stories. the sadness that remains is part of the residue of a love one has lost, it is human and noble.

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The Minstrel in the Gallery

Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
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Re: I just had quite an eye-opening experience into a long term psychological problem [Re: Twirling]
    #4306879 - 06/17/05 09:57 AM (13 years, 9 days ago)

Twirling, This is something I have also noticed. I waw on a psychedelic last night and I delved pretty deeply into this body armoring. I was able to notice it in very great detail. I had a general tension and armoring throughout my body. In specific places there was a decreased blood flow to certain muscles which caused pain. Cronic tension and armoring. One thing else I have noticed. The mind tries to help in an unskillful way, to reduce emotional pain. If I am not ready or able to deal with some emotional issue, but the issue keeps comming up, I think my subconscious, in an attempt to distract me from the emotional problem, causes a body pain condition to defocus me from the emotional pain. I believe this is a unskillful attemtp to deal with the problem, by my subconscious.

If you are interested in exploring this theory, I would recommend these books: The Potent Self, by Moshe Feldenkrais. The Elusive Obvious, also by Feldenkrais. And a very good good book and my pick for the best beginning, The Mind Body Perscription, by John E. Sarno, MD. :mushroom2:

"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC

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Registered: 12/10/99
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Re: I just had quite an eye-opening experience into a long term psychological problem [Re: Twirling]
    #4306908 - 06/17/05 10:34 AM (13 years, 9 days ago)

This kind of somatization often responds quite well to hypnotherapy - even symptoms that have been present for decades! Hypnotherapy, or in your case, Hypnoanalysis might be accomplished in just a few sessions. I usually get sufficient results in 1-3 sessions that clients don't return for more. Why don't you see who is in your area? www.natboard.com

γνῶθι σαὐτόν - Gnothi Seauton - Know Thyself

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Registered: 06/14/04
Posts: 10,362
Loc: On the Border
Re: I just had quite an eye-opening experience into a long term psychological problem [Re: Twirling]
    #4306923 - 06/17/05 10:47 AM (13 years, 9 days ago)

"I?ve started to lose a family member who I was living with to mental illness"

My brother developed schizophrenia 4 years ago. The first year was a really stressful time as he was alienating himself as thoroughly as he could due to paranoid delusions he was experiencing (people reading his thoughts, poisoning his food, contaminating his soap, shampoo, deoderant, etc..., spying on him with psychics, telescopes, man in monkey suit spying on him too, and electronic surveillance), and I had considered that he was "lost". This is not the case, though. Once he came to grips with his situation and accepted it he accepted treatment and now he is back in a practical frame of mind. He has to take medication that rotates frequently, but he is all there...and he can even joke about it now. My point here is that with proper support this person will not be lost.

"A warrior is a hunter. He calculates everything. That's control. Once his calculations are over, he acts. He lets go. That's abandon. A warrior is not a leaf at the mercy of the wind. No one can push him; no one can make him do things against himself or against his better judgment. A warrior is tuned to survive, and he survives in the best of all possible fashions." ― Carlos Castaneda

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