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Invisiblequestion_for_joo
i'm left. youall can bite me
Registered: 04/30/03
Posts: 1,591
Dealing with an unreliable friend
    #4129422 - 05/03/05 09:59 PM (11 years, 11 months ago)

I really don't have many real life friends.
The guy I'm closest to, who I can talk to freely with, is a really flaky sonofabitch. He's the sorta guy who says yeah dude I'll give you a call Saturday we'll go fishing, then you never hear from him. He's the sorta guy who says yeah I'll be round about 2 o clock. Then he never shows up, doesn't even bother to call. "I'll send you that check for the money I owe ya".... and it takes months and months before he gets round to it. SHows up late if he shows up at all. He always does this to me. As long as I've known him he's been this way. It's so frustrating.

One thing I hate about it is that I always go "ok great." or "ok I'll see ya" whenever he says he's gonna do something and even as I say these things I know there's a very good chance he's gonna just flake out. He doesn't care. It pisses me off cause I don't get to to do things often, so when he stands me up or whatever it's like that's it, that's my one and only chance to socialize for the week gone.

Or the other thing is I'll clear my schedule for something we've agreed to do together, then he just won't bother. It makes me hate him, even though he's basically a good guy...

And this is a guy we talked about getting a place together in August. It's my only real shot at moving out from mom and dad's which I'd like to do but I really have a bad feeling about it... I mean the govt gives him rent money cause he's clinically mental, so I'm not worried about him stiffing me, but I just know he's gonna wind up standing me up somehow...

I hate him but I love him. Often times I feel like just fucking telling him off and severing our relationship but like I said I don't have that many other friends to turn to. I don't know. Can people relate to this sort of friend? Any advice on how I should deal with him in the future?


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youi was a pig informatnt so you can go fuckyoruselfs


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InvisibleIcelander
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Re: Dealing with an unreliable friend [Re: question_for_joo]
    #4129445 - 05/03/05 10:05 PM (11 years, 11 months ago)

Why sever the relationship, just tell him how you really feel (that's the freedom real friends give to each other), if he doesn't like it he'll most likely sever the relationship.


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"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC


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Offlinenonoman
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Re: Dealing with an unreliable friend [Re: question_for_joo]
    #4131475 - 05/04/05 08:15 AM (11 years, 11 months ago)

I know what you mean, that kind of situation is really frustrating. I'm an only child, used to entertaining myself, so when I find myself in that type of relationship I leave the ball in their court-not calling or visiting them until they make the effort to reciprocate.

Either you never see them again (in which case it was a one-sided friendship anyway) or their conscience kicks in and they pull their weight in the relationship.

Just my .02.


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Invisibleornate_varnish
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Re: Dealing with an unreliable friend [Re: question_for_joo]
    #4131583 - 05/04/05 09:44 AM (11 years, 11 months ago)

Take this anyway you want, but it would be best to answer your own questions ..but I'll offer some suggestions.

I really don't have many real life friends. << Why? ( is what you should be asking yourself )

The guy I'm closest to, who I can talk to freely with, is a really flaky sonofabitch. He's the sorta guy who says yeah dude I'll give you a call Saturday we'll go fishing, then you never hear from him. He's the sorta guy who says yeah I'll be round about 2 o clock. Then he never shows up, doesn't even bother to call. "I'll send you that check for the money I owe ya".... and it takes months and months before he gets round to it. SHows up late if he shows up at all. He always does this to me. As long as I've known him he's been this way. It's so frustrating.

<< Not knowing the person your refering to it would be hard to say if he is the type to take advantage of kindness/weakness or as you say 'flaking' out.

One thing I hate about it is that I always go "ok great." or "ok I'll see ya" whenever he says he's gonna do something and even as I say these things I know there's a very good chance he's gonna just flake out. He doesn't care. It pisses me off cause I don't get to to do things often, so when he stands me up or whatever it's like that's it, that's my one and only chance to socialize for the week gone.

<< Why do you put yourself in this position and allow yourself to be 'victimized' ?

Or the other thing is I'll clear my schedule for something we've agreed to do together, then he just won't bother. It makes me hate him, even though he's basically a good guy...

And this is a guy we talked about getting a place together in August. It's my only real shot at moving out from mom and dad's which I'd like to do but I really have a bad feeling about it... I mean the govt gives him rent money cause he's clinically mental, so I'm not worried about him stiffing me, but I just know he's gonna wind up standing me up somehow...

<< You've stated he isn't trustworthy, then what's the question?

I hate him but I love him. Often times I feel like just fucking telling him off and severing our relationship but like I said I don't have that many other friends to turn to. I don't know. Can people relate to this sort of friend? Any advice on how I should deal with him in the future?

<< Yes, he gains more by your involvement.. so captain your own ship and find your OWN course.


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I only go out to get me a fresh appetite for being alone. - Lord Byron


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InvisibleeMotionALLmotion
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Registered: 02/28/05
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Re: Dealing with an unreliable friend [Re: ornate_varnish]
    #4131744 - 05/04/05 11:03 AM (11 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

ornate_varnish said:
Take this anyway you want, but it would be best to answer your own questions ..but I'll offer some suggestions.
.
I really don't have many real life friends. << Why? ( is what you should be asking yourself )
.
<< Not knowing the person your refering to it would be hard to say if he is the type to take advantage of kindness/weakness or as you say 'flaking' out.
.
<< Why do you put yourself in this position and allow yourself to be 'victimized' ?
.
<< You've stated he isn't trustworthy, then what's the question?
.
<< Yes, he gains more by your involvement.. so captain your own ship and find your OWN course.



.
.
Damn, do we have a ringer....!?  (first post?)    Impressive wingspan.....    :sun:


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Uni-VersALL      MasterPeace
eMotive  :sun: Divinity NowThere Infinity :sun:  eMelody


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OfflineJacquesCousteau
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Re: Dealing with an unreliable friend [Re: question_for_joo]
    #4131886 - 05/04/05 11:51 AM (11 years, 11 months ago)

I've had friends like this... and the only way to "fix" it is to fix yourself.

You have to stop relying on your friends for happiness... for satisfaction. You have to be able to fulfill your own needs. Stop trying to rely on others to do it for you.

I know it sounds harsh, but this is what I learned.

If you had a good relationship with the source of love inside of yourself you wouldn't be hurt or frustrated when someone else doesn't provide you love.


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Invisiblequestion_for_joo
i'm left. youall can bite me
Registered: 04/30/03
Posts: 1,591
Re: Dealing with an unreliable friend [Re: JacquesCousteau]
    #4132135 - 05/04/05 01:05 PM (11 years, 11 months ago)

That's good advice there Jaques I'm sure of it.... thing is I still want to figure out how to deal with this sort of guy cause he's not the only one, you know.... Sometimes I've said to him "ok, are you really going to come this time cause if you stand me up again I'll be pissed." and then he makes a special effort to not flake out, just to try to make me look nasty like I don't know what you're talking about I'm not flaky. But I can't just say this every time cause then I look like a bigtime asshole you know.. So it's like I can't win.


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youi was a pig informatnt so you can go fuckyoruselfs


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Invisiblep4kSouL
Animals Are Cool
Registered: 01/13/05
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Re: Dealing with an unreliable friend [Re: question_for_joo]
    #4132426 - 05/04/05 02:06 PM (11 years, 11 months ago)

Dude man I have a friend exactly like that! God damn I know what you feel like man. Its like they have no emotions and just dont give a shit about life. Ive been blaming it on his weed habits but who knows. A couple of years ago I was just fed up with it and I didnt call him. He didnt call me or do anything for a whole year after. Just like JacquesCousteau said you should never rely on your friends for happiness. They will mainly just let you down. You have to be the leader and before you know it people will be fallowing you... :thumbup:


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OfflineTehKraken
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Re: Dealing with an unreliable friend [Re: p4kSouL]
    #4136124 - 05/05/05 03:46 AM (11 years, 11 months ago)

Oh shit dude. That reminds me of a friend I have, I kinda stopped hanging out with him cause he is really not a very good person.

Anyways, him and a bunch of my friends all bought X-Box's and Halo 2, so they've been playing the game constantly since it came out, I put up with it until December then I told them off. I hung out with them at the beginning of February, and all they did was play Halo 2. So I said "Fuck it." and I left. I didn't hang out with any of them for 2 months. Then one day they started talking to me again, so then I made plans with one of my friends in that group. So I booked that day off work and stuff, then he completely ditched me to go play more Halo 2 that he had "Supposedly" been planning for a month. I didn't believe him.

There is no point in relying on someone for happiness, if you want happiness you have to find it yourself. For me, I decided to find new friends, and you know what? I've been really happy with it. I understand you look up to this person becuase your friends, but sometimes you have to draw the line.

I either suggest finding newer friends or having a chat with your friend and discussing your current feelings towards him.


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InvisibleLe_Canard
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Re: Dealing with an unreliable friend [Re: question_for_joo]
    #4136152 - 05/05/05 03:57 AM (11 years, 11 months ago)

I have a friend like that. He's notoriously unreliable. If he says he'll be a such and such place at such and such time, it more likely he WON'T be. Be that as it may, I'm still on friendly terms with him (when he's about) but I've pretty much quit hangin with him...


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OfflineBloodNOil
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Re: Dealing with an unreliable friend [Re: Le_Canard]
    #4136217 - 05/05/05 04:41 AM (11 years, 11 months ago)

:blush:

That guy reminds me of me...  Shit.


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It's like a koala bear crapped a rainbow in my brain!


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Offlinesideshowbob
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Re: Dealing with an unreliable friend [Re: question_for_joo]
    #4138209 - 05/05/05 04:45 PM (11 years, 11 months ago)

I can be like this, depending on where i am in my life. if im in business mode, then im the most reliable person you could imagine. but if i'm in a place, where i live minute by minute and i don't know where i'm gonna be 2 weeks from now...then yeah, i can be pretty unreliable. but theres something to be said for a carefree culture thats always late. it might not be personal, i mean...if i tell someone that i'm probably gonna be around next friday...and then wednesday night some girl calls me and tells me to come down to NY city and she'll show me a good time. then ima go, and i might be in the frame of mind where i have no idea that a week ago i told someone that i might be coming around. i just don't remember. its nothing personal...and if someone did it to me i wouldn't mind at all...also ...other people used to make me late, cause i'd be waiting around for them and they would be late, then id be late for other people.

I see what you mean though, cause i used to always complain about my jamaican friends being 2 hours late minimum all the time. but then i realized that my way of life was just giving me a headache...westerners put too much importance on dates and times...in some places, many places, its rude to be on time! also, if you know someone lives a certain way - don't expect them to do anything otherwise, expect him to be late and take it as it is - now i find these friends amusing cause i don't count on them to be on time...and their way of life is amusing, cause once you get responsibilities etc...you miss having a carefree life when you have no idea where you'll be 2 days from now. thats a good thing in certain amounts.

but don't trust this guy for rent or anything - if hes living like that then he might not even mean to be late...but he will. and if its already bad, then imagine what it would be like to live with him.


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Offlinenonoman
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Re: Dealing with an unreliable friend [Re: sideshowbob] * 1
    #4141055 - 05/06/05 08:26 AM (11 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

sideshowbob said:also, if you know someone lives a certain way - don't expect them to do anything otherwise,




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Offlinerandomdude123456
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Re: Dealing with an unreliable friend [Re: nonoman]
    #4141187 - 05/06/05 09:26 AM (11 years, 11 months ago)

I'm guilty of doing the same thing your friend does, and so are alot of my friends toward this one kid Marc. We (my friends and I) try to avoid him as much as possible, but he persists. He'll be like "yea what you doin friday we'll hang out, I'll tell him I've got prom. He'll try to invite himself into the hotel room and I'm like dude it's a private room back off. "oh Jay ur so gay". This kid calls me and my friend constantly, we pick up say maybe 1 out of 25 calls and ditch him as much as possible.

He sets up his own plans and expects us to follow through with them. He attempts to invite himself to whatever we are doing when plainly we don't want him there, everybody
I know thinks he's annoying and he is impossible to get rid of. Once you say bye to him he'll continue talking about the dumbest shit you'll ever hear. Just make sure you don't project that kind of image because then your doomed to shitty friendships (when your a shitty person). /Rant

Oh another funny story about this kid. When he comes knocking at our doors, we throw ourselves to the floor, crawl towards the door and like a spy, check whos at the door, if it is Marc we lay silent until he leaves. If he does catch us, my friends mom is like "ok we're going to get something to eat, bye marc. She drives around the block, until Marc gets back to his house and then drives back home.

To cover my ass, I'm only like that towards this kid, to everybody else, my real friends, I'm nice, funny and always hookin them up with hallucinogens :smile:


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just think about the future.


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InvisibleLe_Canard
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Re: Dealing with an unreliable friend [Re: question_for_joo] * 1
    #4142357 - 05/06/05 03:03 PM (11 years, 11 months ago)

Take a lesson from people like this. Always fulfill your promises and obligations come hell or high water, whenever humanly possible. If you don't plan on doing something, don't say you will. When it's all said and done, all a man really has is his word. Make sure your word is good and trustworthy....


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Invisiblequestion_for_joo
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Re: Dealing with an unreliable friend [Re: Le_Canard]
    #4142570 - 05/06/05 03:55 PM (11 years, 11 months ago)

That's damn good advice ToiletDuk.  I try to keep my promises to other people, always have.  I'm just not too good about keeping promises to myself.  :tongue:


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youi was a pig informatnt so you can go fuckyoruselfs


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InvisibleMOTH
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Re: Dealing with an unreliable friend [Re: Le_Canard]
    #4143217 - 05/06/05 06:28 PM (11 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

ToiletDuk said:
When it's all said and done, all a man really has is his word. Make sure your word is good and trustworthy....




That's a very good point. I've been a flake these past few months.


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OfflineJacquesCousteau
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Re: Dealing with an unreliable friend [Re: Le_Canard] * 1
    #4145242 - 05/07/05 08:50 AM (11 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

ToiletDuk said:
Take a lesson from people like this. Always fulfill your promises and obligations come hell or high water, whenever humanly possible. If you don't plan on doing something, don't say you will. When it's all said and done, all a man really has is his word. Make sure your word is good and trustworthy....




5 shrooms for that. :smile:


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