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Am I falling back into bad habit?
    #3857309 -

Well... i'm not sure how to start this off. i've been seeing this guy for about 5 months. in the beginning he seemed too perfect. i felt too ugly for him, not enough for him.

i got over it. we ended up working out very well. he spoiled me with jewelry, flowers, pays for everything, takes me on vacations, etc...

let's step in my past real quick - i dated this guy for a while and he hurt me mentally. he wanted me to be anorexic... i became sick...my image warped severly. it was unhealthy and kept me damaged for a while afterwards.

i think i jumped into this new relationship too early. i was still bleeding from all the mental cuts that my ex created. i think i was just so relieved to find a guy who wasn't like him. i attached myself.

well now it's come to the point where i'm fustrated. i feel that maybe i'm falling into the same trap. same mental pain but this one is a little more unlying. i can't put my finger on it.

he never fails to tell me when i look bad - even if i think i look alright. however he gets mad at me because i have a low self esteem. he's seen me break down in tears - he's heard stories from my past of abuse and has seen me just fall apart.

i feel like im a doll - bent and shaped and not able to hold myself up.

he tells me i look pasty all the time - i went tanning for our vacation and he tells me i'm an idiot for doing that.

he pinches me, pokes me, slaps me (in his mind - playfully). i have bruises from atleast a week ago from his last poking and pinching. he knows it hurts me - but never stops.

today i told him how excited i was - i have been reading a lot and things have rushed into my head. i've opened up my creative flood gate. i need to start singing again - writing again. i also have realized some things about myself... how i view myself... how i am able to bring respect back into my own mind.

he said "what is all this shit you're talking about?"

i told him to forget it - it wasn't worth telling him. he got all mad - told me "you think you know everything". he is an "artist" ... constantly i have been supporting him, trying to keep him emerged in his artwork. now that i have a burst of these songs coming to me - he thinks i'm crazy.

but at the times that he's like this - he can also be really sweet. when i break down and cry - he turns to sweetness. he says he loves me.

im having problems here... what do i do?


--------------------
Fuck Ted Nugent he?s a fucking jerk
I wish that he?d be gone
Chauvanistic republican
Kills animals cause he
Forgot how to write a song

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Re: Am I falling back into bad habit? [Re: Delyrium]
    #3857536 -

Dump him, change him, talk to him, seek counseling with him, or change yourself. What are you willing to do for this person?

http://209.15.29.56/myersbriggs/mating.htm
Scroll to the bottom and read: "The Pygmalion Project"


Seems unsupprotive, abusive, and is only caring when you call him on being an asshole to you. Additionally seem to be just pulling you on a leash constantly, hey, if you like to be dragged on a leash, and to be conformed to what he wants, by all means continue. Don't stay with someone thinking that they will change for you, as it appears from what i've read, it seems like you're doing all the changes and that he's trying to conform you to be his "barbie".

Hope that actually helped and didn't seem to be trite, not my intention to be anyhow.


--------------------
"Their is one overriding question that concerns us all: How can we get out of the fatal groove we are in, the one that is leading towards the brink?" Albert Szent-Gyorgyi
"We may not be capable of eradicating the corruption of reason, but we must nevertheless counter it at every instance and with every means." Dan Agin
"Politics is the best religion and politicians are the worst followers."
-It's ok to trip as long as you don't fall.
-Substance over Style.
-Common sense is uncommon.

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Re: Am I falling back into bad habit? [Re: Delyrium]
    #3857830 -

Hmm thats a bit tough, the thing is he probably really does enjoy being with you. Its just that he seems like a control freak, or someone that never matured emotionally. I'd personally look elsewhere for a man.

There are too many good people out there for you to be with an abusive dickhead.

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Re: Am I falling back into bad habit? [Re: Boom]
    #3858184 -

please, let go of him.

then, go find yourself... go even deeper into yourself than you already have.

let all your wounds heal, then love will find you.

please, for yourself, drop him.

:heart: :heart: :heart:


--------------------
Men look at themselves and they see flawed humans, we look at women and we see perfect
GODDESSES
Women look at themselves and they seem utterly human, when looking at men they see proud
GODS.

~Casil



:cactus:

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Re: Am I falling back into bad habit? [Re: Todcasil]
    #3860471 -

I am very sorry to hear this...i to have been mentally abused by an ex...

Dump him hes not worth you can be strong be single for a while get things together pursue what you wish to do sing write be creative...

Edited by LooksLikeRain (03/03/05 01:18 AM)

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Re: Am I falling back into bad habit? [Re: Boom]
    #3860516 -

Booooom said:
Hmm thats a bit tough, the thing is he probably really does enjoy being with you. Its just that he seems like a control freak, or someone that never matured emotionally. I'd personally look elsewhere for a man.

There are too many good people out there for you to be with an abusive dickhead.


yes, "rebound relationships" rarely work out. And, you're not going to change him, no matter what. Besides, he's putting you down to raise his own self-esteem, and no one should do that...

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Re: Am I falling back into bad habit? [Re: Delyrium]
    #3860967 -

Definitely dump him.Its only going to worsen as time goes on.

Quote:
he never fails to tell me when i look bad


I love my fiancee.More than anything and anyone in existance.Nothing exists that I could love more.But I would NEVER tell her she looked bad.To me she is always the most beautiful thing in existance.Especially when she just wakes up in the morning before showering,before brushing her hair and before she puts on makeup. :grin:



Quote:
he tells me i look pasty all the time


From this and a lot of other things said.He sounds like a shallow asshole.


All in all if someone cant be supportive of you you need to move on.Especially with the past you have, you need someone nurturing and supportive.Maybe even someone who has had a bad past who can relate to and understand what you went through.They should also support your activities even if theyre not into them.

Quote:
but at the times that he's like this - he can also be really sweet. when i break down and cry - he turns to sweetness. he says he loves me.



Sorry to say this but its most likely out of guilt.If someone is sweet they are sweet most or all of the time.Not this "at times" crap.

Quote:
i felt too ugly for him, not enough for him.



Already a huge sign to move on.You wont ever get over that feeling most likely.


Quote:
he spoiled me with jewelry, flowers, pays for everything, takes me on vacations, etc...



All this means is he has plenty of money to blow.Thats it.Any pretentious bonehead with too much money can (and often they do) do this.It takes real love to give something from the heart and spend time on it even if its just a poem rather than to spend two seconds and no thought buying thoughtless gifts.


In essence what I gather is that he flashes around a lot of money and drops a lot of money (and probably thinks he's "the coolest person ever") and he puts TONS of importance on the physical perfection of the girl he dates.Seems to only take interest in his hobbies and activities and calls himself an artist.Sounds like an egomaniac to me all the way.

He sounds disgusting and misogynistic and egotistical.Like I said Dump Him.


--------------------
Do not desire to reach a high level.Rather work without thought of reward to iron out flaws and impurities in one's self for the sake of one's self.When one has done this one needs not to desire anymore. http://www.lifeforceonlinestore.com/yc/

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Re: Am I falling back into bad habit? [Re: Delyrium]
    #3861021 -

sounds like you need time to figure yourself out in stead of being in another 'difficult' relationship. Although he is really nice to you at times and buys you tons of gifts etc you sound not really happy (from what I can get out of your post).

Quote:
today i told him how excited i was - i have been reading a lot and things have rushed into my head. i've opened up my creative flood gate. i need to start singing again - writing again. i also have realized some things about myself... how i view myself... how i am able to bring respect back into my own mind.

he said "what is all this shit you're talking about?"

i told him to forget it - it wasn't worth telling him. he got all mad - told me "you think you know everything". he is an "artist" ... constantly i have been supporting him, trying to keep him emerged in his artwork. now that i have a burst of these songs coming to me - he thinks i'm crazy.


wtf :confused: what an asshole
he should be supportive about this!
I'm not the one to tell you what to do, but it looks like this guy is no good for you. at least he could show you some support. Do what you want to do; the singing and the writing. and FUCk those who critisize you like that!

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