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OfflineWysefool
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What is my problem?
    #3620344 - 01/12/05 09:47 PM (11 years, 10 months ago)

I can't figure it out, I can't talk to people. I just stand there trying to think of what to say, then I decide that whatever I'm trying to say is stupid. I constantly worry about how I look and act. People say I tend to look dazed or spaced out, even if I haven't done any drugs recently and I've been told I look really cold and emotionless, but inside that's far from the truth. Supposedly I look more normal when people come over to my house or whatever, it's just in public I'm like this. I have trouble even talking to my own mother and closest friends.

I was on Wellbutrin SR for awhile and my mom says that was helping but I don't want to be taking pills all my life.

I went into the doctor saying I thought I had social anxiety, he told me I was depressed and had a low self-image and put me on the pills. When I was younger I was diagnosed with ADHD and I feel like that medication helped me alot but hesitate to start again because of the abuse potential of the pills.

Basically I figure I'm either depressed, have social anxiety, have ADHD, or am autistic. Anyways I just got into a big fight with my mom today because I got really worried about going to school and kept making delays so I eventually didn't have to go, we got to talking and neither of us can figure out what my problem is so...


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OfflineKenny7822
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Re: What is my problem? [Re: Wysefool]
    #3620371 - 01/12/05 09:54 PM (11 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

Wysefool said:
I can't figure it out, I can't talk to people. I just stand there trying to think of what to say, then I decide that whatever I'm trying to say is stupid. I constantly worry about how I look and act. People say I tend to look dazed or spaced out, even if I haven't done any drugs recently and I've been told I look really cold and emotionless, but inside that's far from the truth. Supposedly I look more normal when people come over to my house or whatever, it's just in public I'm like this. I have trouble even talking to my own mother and closest friends.





That's so weird because I am exactly like this. I'm not sure what my problem is either. I'm guessing social anxiety but I'm not really sure. I know it's not depression because I am never depressed. Inside I am a very emotional person but I have problems displaying those emotions and I also have trouble talking to people because like you said I am afraid of what other people will think and usually I don't have anything to say. Hopefully someone here can help us both out. I've never been to a psychologist or anything like that, I just kind of ignore my problem and deal with it but it really bothers me sometimes.


Edited by Kenny7822 (01/12/05 09:57 PM)


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OfflineSWEDEN
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Re: What is my problem? [Re: Kenny7822]
    #3620614 - 01/12/05 10:41 PM (11 years, 10 months ago)

My ex had the same problem with not wanting to go to school some days, because the social climate there was too much.  I find that there are some circles of people that I simply can't be amicable with, much less be around for longer than 5 minutes.  Everyone has this problem to a varying degree unless you are some super-philanthropist.

The best thing you can do is to say to yourself: the person or people I am anxious about are humans too, they think and feel the same things that I do, even if they act differently.  We are all the same on a fundamental level.  Once you realise this, it is almost like self actualization.  It won't cure your anxiety right away if you start thinking like this, but it sure has helped me deal with mine.  It's kind of like the remedy for stage fright when you imagine everyone in the audience as being naked.  Just imagine that everyone you meet is the same collection of living cells balancing atop one another, except with a unique brain and persona.

Or I could just be rambling :blah:

I hope this cheers you up!


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Offlinekadakuda
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Re: What is my problem? [Re: Wysefool]
    #3620726 - 01/12/05 11:07 PM (11 years, 10 months ago)

guess we really do need a bc gathering.  cause i dont really give 2 shits what ya say...i'll say jsut as little :smile:

i dont talk much either, but i dotn care if i look stupid when im saying somthing (i often do).  are you liek this on any substances?  when your drinking are you still like this?


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The seeds you won't sow are the plants you dont grow.


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InvisibleHolydiver
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Re: What is my problem? [Re: SWEDEN]
    #3620742 - 01/12/05 11:11 PM (11 years, 10 months ago)

I used to have this, and still do to a small degree. Any type of social situation would cause me to clam up and keep everything to myself, I was nearly paralyzed by fear of what other people would think when I spoke. It is an awful way to be out and about, I know.

Came to the realization that this is no way to live, and I started talking at any costs in various social situations. The outcome is usually better then you think, people generally think higher of you than you imagine they do. Sounding dorky and out of place is better then being a clam though.

It's a hard thing to break out of, but I don't feel medication is the answer. Like you said, who wants to rely on pills to get through these things? I don't. Practice in social situations can help if you're willing to make a change. It's not easy though, so don't expect a fun time initially.

HD


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To find a place to live between the negatives and positives.


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OfflineKenny7822
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Re: What is my problem? [Re: kadakuda]
    #3620791 - 01/12/05 11:21 PM (11 years, 10 months ago)

On heavy amounts of alcohol I am not like this as you would expect. Weed on the other hand makes me quieter than normal, pretty much I wont even say a word I just stare off into space.


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OfflineKenny7822
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Re: What is my problem? [Re: Wysefool]
    #3620806 - 01/12/05 11:24 PM (11 years, 10 months ago)

Sorry to kind of take over your thread but I am having the same problems as you unfortunately. I'm just trying to get some help for both of us.


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OfflineSWEDEN
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Re: What is my problem? [Re: Kenny7822]
    #3620890 - 01/12/05 11:41 PM (11 years, 10 months ago)

Have you ever been crunk?


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OfflineKenny7822
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Re: What is my problem? [Re: SWEDEN]
    #3622371 - 01/13/05 06:33 AM (11 years, 10 months ago)

Oh yeah, I've been crunk plenty of times. I'm assuming you mean high and drunk = crunk. I usually do that a lot but when I am drunk I don't really feel the marijuana high.


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OfflineMrBump
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Re: What is my problem? [Re: Wysefool]
    #3623499 - 01/13/05 03:33 PM (11 years, 10 months ago)

sounds like you have a parnioa personality disorder.

i am like you in a lot of ways: feelings of irrationally harsh judgement by others,
worrying about every little thing i do or say being taken wrongly by other people,
worried that everything said to me was some sort of private rip on me,
i usta believe everyone was out to screw me over.

i would easily rationalize these feelings as universal and i became very cold and quiet in social seettings (if i dont say anything, no one will have any justification to think im strange, not cool, unfunny etc.)

i used to think i had social anxiety but came to realize that im highly paraniod.

maybe this describes you?


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If it weren't for the bloody corpses, I wouldn't have any corpses at all.

There are two ways to get to the top of an oak tree: start climbing or sit on an acorn.

Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?


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OfflineIamHungry
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Re: What is my problem? [Re: MrBump]
    #3624737 - 01/13/05 08:34 PM (11 years, 10 months ago)

You know, just reading you guys' posts and seeing that there are others out there with similar problems as I makes me feel much better.

My psychiatrist is a brilliant man. He taught me everything I am about to say:
Never forget how many things had to go a certain way for you to turn out the way you did. You are not any better or worse than anybody else, just the product of a different genetic code and upbringing. The reason people exhibit confidence is not because they place themselves above anyone else, because that's when it crosses over into arrogance. Rather, confident people just don't care about what others think. Next time you're in a social situation, focus on anything besides what people are thinking. Focus on politics, hobbies, the news, etc. It will not only ease your stress, but it should give you a topic to discuss as well.


--------------------
Here comes the sun, do n do do,
Here comes the sun, and I say,
It's alright...


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InvisibleLouiseLouise
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Re: What is my problem? [Re: Wysefool]
    #3624770 - 01/13/05 08:41 PM (11 years, 10 months ago)

WOW, great piece. Reading your post was like looking in the mirror.
I am the exact same way, I feel comfortable (for the most part) with company at my place. But I am so focussed on what others are percieving that I often look cold and far away too.
To the point where alot of times I will rather not do something that I would benefit from just to avoid the nervousness I feel.
I've never been able to express this (what I too call a social anxiety of some sort) to anyone.  I don't like taking prescriptions either, I've tried a few, none helped.
It just amazes me when I feel like I'm the only one who feels this way, and someone else says so.
I don't have any advice, just identifying.

:peace:


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"That's why you get in close to them, and then take the picture!! Don't be a pussy!" ~CC


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Offlinenunciate
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Re: What is my problem? [Re: IamHungry]
    #3624774 - 01/13/05 08:41 PM (11 years, 10 months ago)

Try talking about how you can't talk about anything and/or feel uncomfortable in social situations. You seem to have plenty to say on (at least) this topic.
I'm not being mean. I am serious. I too feel this way at times, and the only thing that gets rid of it is announcing it. In the end it makes me look like I am lying. But, hey, at least I am saying SOMEthing.


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I am the devil and I am just like you


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InvisibleLouiseLouise
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Re: What is my problem? [Re: nunciate]
    #3624827 - 01/13/05 08:51 PM (11 years, 10 months ago)

Reading back on this thread, there is much great advice here.
As is there people like me. Personally, I have alot to say on the subject, but people's conversation in the real world, I just can't get into it. Especially small talk.
How many here are like this?:
People are freaked out sometimes b/c when I ride a distance with somebody, I usually don't have anything to say, and it's like you can hear a pin drop, or cut the air with a knife. I don't like gossip in particular.


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"That's why you get in close to them, and then take the picture!! Don't be a pussy!" ~CC


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OfflinePoopShooter
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Re: What is my problem? [Re: LouiseLouise]
    #3625225 - 01/13/05 09:50 PM (11 years, 10 months ago)

Oh I am exactly the same. I HATE small talk. I can have conversations with people just fine, as long as they are about something, but just talking about the weather or the game or whatever doesn't interest me. To counter act this, I end up asking kinda loaded questions out of the blue. "Do you believe in God?" "So what do you think of President Bush?" Sometimes it catches people off gaurd and puts them on the defensive, but for the most part, I can start some pretty good conversations with people, and get to know them beyond the "What's up bro. Get wasted last night? Totally," stage that I just don't seem to connect very well with.


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InvisibleHolydiver
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Re: What is my problem? [Re: LouiseLouise]
    #3625446 - 01/13/05 10:33 PM (11 years, 10 months ago)

Same here, once again. I can start and hold good, intricate conversations with people, and enjoy them. But I panic at the small talk/everyday greeting crapolla and that usually ends up in my being quiet. Why is the easy part so hard for most of us, but we like to converse otherwise? Strange.


--------------------
To find a place to live between the negatives and positives.


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OfflineWysefool
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Re: What is my problem? [Re: Holydiver]
    #3626079 - 01/14/05 01:01 AM (11 years, 10 months ago)

I think that's alot of where it comes from, not being able to do small talk. I get the 'what's up' and 'not much' parts but can't continue on from there.


--------------------
GET MAD SWAG MONEY BIG PIMPIN


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OfflineMrBump
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Re: What is my problem? [Re: Wysefool]
    #3626097 - 01/14/05 01:06 AM (11 years, 10 months ago)

try asking the person about themselves, people always seem to like talking about themselves (im not trying to be smartass here)

then if they actually say anything that remotely interests you, junp all over it and steer the conversation quickly past the "hey whats up" stage to something you like to talk about.

i learned during 4 years of bartending how to this (mostly just for survival in the service industry, but i actually met some really cool people this way.)


--------------------
If it weren't for the bloody corpses, I wouldn't have any corpses at all.

There are two ways to get to the top of an oak tree: start climbing or sit on an acorn.

Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?


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OfflineIamHungry
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Re: What is my problem? [Re: nunciate]
    #3627671 - 01/14/05 10:25 AM (11 years, 10 months ago)

OK, well at parties and other social functions I'd look around, wondering if people were looking at me. I ALWAYS had the feeling that someone was staring at me, no matter where I was. I wondered if my life was somehow being broadcast to people I knew, like the Truman Show, and if people were watching me when I was alone. I've always been a good person with good friends, but the friends I had made in college were all complete extroverts. I knew deep down I could be one too, and I could get along with anybody, but it felt like there was just something in the way. Eventually I stopped hanging out with those guys because they were always around new people I hadn't met and I let my anxiety get the better of me.

After the first year of college I decided to see a psychiatrist, and he basically said "it doesn't matter if people are looking at you. What you have to say is more important than what they think." And it's been much easier to talk to people after that. Pretending to be confident works just as well as confidence itself. If people see that you're comfortable around them, they'll make the conversation much easier. But seriously, as the CornKing said, people can usually talk about themselves for a long time. Asking people about themselves not only flatters them but it shows that you're interested in what they have to say, which will eventually reciprocate into interest in what you have to say. It takes practice.

I guess it's not the same for everyone, but my point is that you don't HAVE to feel that way, and you're much more in control than you might think.


--------------------
Here comes the sun, do n do do,
Here comes the sun, and I say,
It's alright...


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Offlineenotake2
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Re: What is my problem? [Re: Wysefool]
    #3628344 - 01/14/05 02:24 PM (11 years, 10 months ago)

I used to have social anxiety and it has gotten much better. The insights I gained that helped me are:
- you don't have to worry if people have wrong opinions about you. These opinions will be corrected by people's ongoing experience of you, or you can talk to the person about their perceptions.
- You don't have to be perfect at everything you do an say - everyone makes mistakes all the time - no big deal.
- Your opinion of you is the most important. You are the major constant in your life. You know yourself best and your opinion is probably correct. Be confident in it. Other person's opinions are not better than yours - always remember you own opinion.
- If you feel overly self-conscious in some situations - most people are too busy with what they are doing to notice or care what you are doing!
- everyone gets nervous sometimes. It is a natural human emotion. and they are still adequate human beings.

I don't know how many of these are relevant to you, but these realisations are what helped me out.


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Computer games don't affect kids. I mean if Pacman affected our generation as kids, we'd all be running around in a darkened room, munching pills and listening to repetitive electronic music.

"Being bitter and hateful is like drinking a vial of poison and hoping the other person gets sick" FreakQLibrium

"My motto from here on out is: If someone or something (including me) in my life is conducting themselves in such a way that they can be seen on Jerry Springer, it's time to take out the garbage!!! When you stop taking their behaviour personally and see their antics as a true reflection on their character, it becomes absolutely nauseating." Anon. on abusive relationships.


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