Home | Community | Message Board


Azarius
Please support our sponsors.

Community >> Physical and Mental Well-Being

Welcome to the Shroomery Message Board! You are experiencing a small sample of what the site has to offer. Please login or register to post messages and view our exclusive members-only content. You'll gain access to additional forums, file attachments, board customizations, encrypted private messages, and much more!

Jump to first unread post. Pages: 1 | 2 | Next >  [ show all ]
InvisibleSlite
Lost in Life
 User Gallery
Registered: 11/03/03
Posts: 355
Loc: UK
Socially Inept
    #2268887 - 01/24/04 07:29 PM (13 years, 2 months ago)

I have a severe problem talking to people I don't know, I have my group of friends that I've known for years but I hardly ever socialise outside this group.

What makes matters worse is that this problem is multiplied tenfold when I talk to girls. I've only ever had one girlfriend, which is kinda sad. What pisses me off even more is that I know at least a few girls like me, hell some have even told me to my face. I just don't seem to be able to do anything about it. Any time a girl tries to flirt with me I just freeze up and either say something very stupid or nothing at all.

To make matters even worse I've been stoned pretty much 24/7 for the past 6 months and when I'm stoned I tend to just crawl into my own little world and say nothing for hours on end. I'm off the herb for now and the loneliness is driving me insane. I spend hours just thinking about shit to say and when the time comes to actually say something I just don't.

I don't know what I'm trying to accomplish by making this post, it's not like theres some secret that will make me more sociable, is there?


--------------------
"You can either believe you can do something, or believe you can't.... either way your right"



Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
OfflineSlapnutRob
Toolhead

Registered: 03/31/03
Posts: 520
Loc: Michigan
Last seen: 7 years, 8 months
Re: Socially Inept [Re: Slite]
    #2268978 - 01/24/04 08:15 PM (13 years, 2 months ago)

I know what you're trying to accomplish. It just feels good to write about these things and hear other people talk about them. I don't have trouble talking to people but I have the same problem with loneliness. The only advice I think I can offer is to pretend what it's like talking to you as an outsider. You know you enjoy talking to friendly people... everyone does... so realize how great it is for other people when you're friendly and just talk. I don't even know if that makes sense, but that's what I got.


--------------------
Anything stated above is fictional roleplay dialog by the character that is Slapnut Rob, in no way representing the actions or beliefs of the man behind the keys.


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
InvisibletrendalM
point of inflection
Male User Gallery

Registered: 04/17/01
Posts: 19,566
Loc: Ontario, Canada
Re: Socially Inept [Re: Slite]
    #2269278 - 01/24/04 10:04 PM (13 years, 2 months ago)

You are not alone, eh :wink:

I also have an extremely hard time talking to anyone I don't know.

One thing that HAS helped is having a group of friends who share my nutty side and as such have brought me out of my shell to some extent. When I'm around them, I've got their support and that seems to make all the world of difference!

Don't worry, you'll find your niche :wink:


--------------------
Like my post? Hit me up!
BTC - 1KqrSHZ1C3NsQP4g3PkHhppBnhdgyXr6sB


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
Offlinejarby
Stranger
 User Gallery

Registered: 03/08/03
Posts: 754
Last seen: 11 years, 4 months
Re: Socially Inept [Re: Slite]
    #2269303 - 01/24/04 10:13 PM (13 years, 2 months ago)

I know you may not want to hear this (I didn't), but maybe you should cut down on weed. You don't need to perminatly quit, but if you take a month off, you'll feel more sharp (mentally). Then maybe you'll be better able to talk to others and carry out a decent conversation.

Sorry if my advice sucks... Another thing I find that makes me more sociable is alcohol. I don't know though I'm no expert when it comes to socializing.


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
Anonymous #1

Re: Socially Inept [Re: Slite]
    #2269379 - 01/24/04 10:43 PM (13 years, 2 months ago)

I got to say I am sort of in the same boat as you. I too have
real trouble just talking to any one. Even my close friends. But that is me I realized I am a quiet person. Nothing wrong with that. Yes it is hard to pick up women. But I belive in fate and that every one has a purpose. Not every one is supposed to be loud and socialble. I hear you on the lonlieness part also. Its real tuff getting what you want when you dont share your feelings. Its best to try and work with that realize what you want and voice it. If the girl is cute give her a compliment. Dont stress it man. Every thing will be right. I figure a women if she realy is atracted to me will realize I am wha t I am and that I am comfortable with who I am. So just dont stress it every ting will be ire mon, Jah!


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
InvisibleSlite
Lost in Life
 User Gallery
Registered: 11/03/03
Posts: 355
Loc: UK
Re: Socially Inept [Re: jarby]
    #2270748 - 01/25/04 07:00 AM (13 years, 2 months ago)

It funny you should mention the weed thing because I have been pretty much clean (apart from the odd spliff at weekends) for a month now. Your right I do feel much more clearheaded and generally better now. I stopped because I really needed to get some work done to pass some exams , I've decided I'm not gonna be hitting the bong as much from now on but I've said that before :frown:

Thanks for the support :smile:


--------------------
"You can either believe you can do something, or believe you can't.... either way your right"



Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
Offlinepattern
multiplayer

Registered: 07/19/02
Posts: 2,183
Loc: Canada
Last seen: 2 years, 9 days
Re: Socially Inept [Re: Slite]
    #2271178 - 01/25/04 11:49 AM (13 years, 2 months ago)

Everyone is socially inept at some point, they have to overcome it to become "socially ept". Thats just the natural way of things. You are still in the first stage and its up to you to move on, if you really want to.


--------------------
man = monkey + mushroom


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
OfflineFrog
Warrior
Female User Gallery

Registered: 10/22/03
Posts: 4,284
Loc: The Zero Point Field
Last seen: 4 years, 2 months
Re: Socially Inept [Re: Slite]
    #2271277 - 01/25/04 12:41 PM (13 years, 2 months ago)

It's kind of funny. I am the complete opposite. I will talk to anyone about anything. I can't shut up. I will talk to girls and guys, alike, about anything in the world.

So I was thinking about what it must be like to be unable to talk to people. Is it that you are afraid of how it will sound? Because I was thinking about how I will talk to anyone, and say anything. I don't care what people think, for the most part. And usually, people are really nice and respond back to whatever you say.


--------------------
The day will come when, after harnessing the ether, the winds, the tides, gravitation, we shall harness for God the energies of love. And, on that day, for the second time in the history of the world, man will have discovered fire.  -Teilard


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
InvisibletrendalM
point of inflection
Male User Gallery

Registered: 04/17/01
Posts: 19,566
Loc: Ontario, Canada
Re: Socially Inept [Re: Frog]
    #2271315 - 01/25/04 12:54 PM (13 years, 2 months ago)

Well I can't speak for Slite...but for me it comes from a combination of thinking too much and worries over how my ideas will sound to the other person (I don't enjoy being misunderstood).

Compound that with the fact that I'm almost 100% introverted...and you get one quiet mofo :smirk:


--------------------
Like my post? Hit me up!
BTC - 1KqrSHZ1C3NsQP4g3PkHhppBnhdgyXr6sB


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
Anonymous #1

Re: Socially Inept [Re: trendal]
    #2271382 - 01/25/04 01:21 PM (13 years, 2 months ago)

For me its competeing for someones atention. I also dont like to bullshit and sound stupid about something I dont know about. I just like to smile and listen to every one.


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
InvisibleGGreatOne234
Stranger
Registered: 12/24/99
Posts: 8,946
Re: Socially Inept [Re: Slite]
    #2271620 - 01/25/04 02:55 PM (13 years, 2 months ago)

Don't smoke so much bud then.


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
OfflineSl1p
redi jedi
Registered: 10/23/03
Posts: 59
Last seen: 9 years, 3 months
Re: Socially Inept [Re: GGreatOne234]
    #2271872 - 01/25/04 04:21 PM (13 years, 2 months ago)

I have about the same problem. I have my close knit group of friends and just about everyone else I go to school with is cool. My problem is I dont have much to talk about. It's either I have a question or Im answering one. And I prefer to be the one answering the question. Most of the time I just sit there and go "yea" "haha" "wanna smoke a bowl?" "for sure" or nod my head. Things people talk about seem to be so abstract and without any meaning it feels like I have nothing significant to contribute, so I don't. Sure I can say something, but it probably just sounds dumb and is a waste of my breathe.


--------------------
Life's a bitch make it yours.


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
InvisibleSlite
Lost in Life
 User Gallery
Registered: 11/03/03
Posts: 355
Loc: UK
Re: Socially Inept [Re: trendal]
    #2271952 - 01/25/04 04:45 PM (13 years, 2 months ago)

I think it's because I'm scared of being misinterperted, I don't like the thought of people going away thinking something bad about me because I said something just to make myself talk. I'm also scared of making a fool of myself by trying to talk about something I know zero about.

It's not just a case of stopping smoking either, weed isn't the cause of the problem, it's just something that makes it worse. I think I'm kinda blaming the whole thing on weed abit too much, I've never been good talking to people for as long as I can remember.

Whenever a social situation comes up I spend the whole time wishing it was over because I feel like I'm embarassing myself (by not talking or saying something stupid). But a few hours later I kick myself because of the way I acted, vow never to do it again and repeat the process the next day.

The way I feel when I'm around other people (nervous, apprehensive and downright stupid) doesn't make me want to repeat the experience in a hurry. In fact I tend to stay away from social events because I feel I will just embarrass myself. I've realised that this isn't helping though and recently I've been making the effort to at least try to talk to people, next week I'm planning on going out and getting really drunk, maybe that will open me up abit.


--------------------
"You can either believe you can do something, or believe you can't.... either way your right"



Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
InvisibletrendalM
point of inflection
Male User Gallery

Registered: 04/17/01
Posts: 19,566
Loc: Ontario, Canada
Re: Socially Inept [Re: Slite]
    #2272008 - 01/25/04 05:10 PM (13 years, 2 months ago)

Yes that was exactly my problem, in the past!

I would suggest: maybe you are attending the wrong social gatherings?

What I mean is, if you spend all your time around the type of people who are likely to misunderstand you...you aren't likely to feel very comfortable.

What I did was find a group of friends who are just as likely as I am to say something weird or make a "fool" of themselves. I stopped hanging around with the people who had always made me so unsure of myself. In no time I was just as loud and silly as my new friends were! Able to say what was on my mind, when it was on my mind.

The company you keep makes all the difference here, trust me :wink:


--------------------
Like my post? Hit me up!
BTC - 1KqrSHZ1C3NsQP4g3PkHhppBnhdgyXr6sB


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
OfflineFrog
Warrior
Female User Gallery

Registered: 10/22/03
Posts: 4,284
Loc: The Zero Point Field
Last seen: 4 years, 2 months
Re: Socially Inept [Re: trendal]
    #2272386 - 01/25/04 07:51 PM (13 years, 2 months ago)

Interesting, what you guys are saying. I do the same thing, in that I will say things that may inadvertently piss someone off. I wish I could think about what I'm going to say, first, but then I'd probably never say anything because I'd think too much, like trendal.

Trendal, if we could take 1/2 your brain and half my brain, we'd probably have a thoughful person who said the right thing at the right time.

What trendal said about hanging with the "right" people is true, even in my case. I can't hang around people who are going to constantly criticize my ideas. I stopped doing that about a year ago. Now, I only hang out with people who appreciate my ideas. Not everyone will appreciate me, and I don't have to win them over, either.


--------------------
The day will come when, after harnessing the ether, the winds, the tides, gravitation, we shall harness for God the energies of love. And, on that day, for the second time in the history of the world, man will have discovered fire.  -Teilard


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
OfflineOook
Oook!

Registered: 08/19/03
Posts: 533
Loc: England
Last seen: 12 years, 6 months
Re: Socially Inept [Re: Frog]
    #2273999 - 01/26/04 09:06 AM (13 years, 2 months ago)

The analysis of the what's going on always seems to be the problem IME. You sit there thinking hmmm shall i say this or that, but in the end rarely say anything because you figure that you saying something that has even a slightly uninterested response or whatever.

I kind of get how this works but not how to stop it as such, you have to realise that people almost always aren't as harsh as you think. When it all boils down to it the majority of day to day discussions are just small talk with no deep philosophy or anything else behind them. If someone does respond unecessarily to something to say you know they are at fault, not you.

Here's a good test, next time you are out say three things that you plan on saying, but instead of thinking it just say it. I can guarantee that their response will not be nearly as unpleasant as you think. If people responses in their body language etc. also phase you, just come to realise that you should accept every response as at least neutral(at the worst) unless you are positive that they are being negative with their demeanour.


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
InvisibleSlite
Lost in Life
 User Gallery
Registered: 11/03/03
Posts: 355
Loc: UK
Re: Socially Inept [Re: Oook]
    #2274126 - 01/26/04 10:37 AM (13 years, 2 months ago)

Small talk is what I have trouble with, I can talk about religion, politics, drugs and technology in depth for hours with someone who will listen. The problem is I live in a fairly small town and I haven't met anyone who shares all my interests, or even some of them.

Whenever I try and talk to anyone about things I'm interested in they always give the same response

religion: either god exisits or he doesn't, not prepared to debate or even hear the other person point of view
politics: They either get extrememly bored or tell me to stop dreaming about things I can never change
Drugs: Pretty much always "Drugs are bad, they will fuck your life up" as they drink a pint of booze and take a drag of a ciggy
Technology: I'm instantly branded as a geek

Of course some people don't give these responses, and these are the people I hang around with. However most of the people whom I meet I cannot relate to whatsoever. As a result of this I've tended to keep away from people because I feel that they will not be interested in what I have to say. I guess it is kinda my fault I'm like this, but 9 times out of 10 people I meet will not be the least bit interested in my interests.


--------------------
"You can either believe you can do something, or believe you can't.... either way your right"



Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
OfflineTwista
Fire it up
Male

Registered: 04/05/02
Posts: 554
Loc: Central Florida
Last seen: 1 month, 19 days
Re: Socially Inept [Re: Slite]
    #2274261 - 01/26/04 11:41 AM (13 years, 2 months ago)

I often find myself thinking more than speaking as well but it usually doesnt hold me back.

about the girls thing:

Step one would be to ask questions. Its much easier to listen rather than talk. Women tend to have this way of talking uncontrollably anyways. Besides, if you ask them questions they will see that you're interested in THEM and not just for what they look like. Not only that but often they're answers to your question(s) may bring up something that the both of you share in common.

one last thing: AfungiToBeWith and trendal kick ass. that's all.

-t-


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
InvisibletrendalM
point of inflection
Male User Gallery

Registered: 04/17/01
Posts: 19,566
Loc: Ontario, Canada
Re: Socially Inept [Re: Twista]
    #2274461 - 01/26/04 01:00 PM (13 years, 2 months ago)

Right back at ya bro :smile:


--------------------
Like my post? Hit me up!
BTC - 1KqrSHZ1C3NsQP4g3PkHhppBnhdgyXr6sB


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
OfflineHugh_Jass
pantydealer
Registered: 04/25/02
Posts: 82
Loc: Northern Ireland
Last seen: 5 years, 10 months
Re: Socially Inept [Re: trendal]
    #2278196 - 01/27/04 05:58 PM (13 years, 1 month ago)

I used to feel exactly the same, a year or two ago I was a total waster staying at home all time but then I got intouch with some old friends and started going out again then got school and some work sorted out.

If you say something to someone they have to respond, 9/10 they will respond. Almost everyone loves attention and hopefully they will be flattered. Sometimes I used to feel liek I'd done somethign wrong for approaching girls after a few bad experinces. Girls are attention whores. If you're looking to pick up girls all you need is a little bit of confidence even if it's bluffed and make a bit of effort.

Any night you're out in a social situitaion make a point to approach someone new, it will be hard but you'll feel good afterwards and then you can allow yourself to relax and do what makes you feel comfortable. The more you do it he easier it gets. Even just be more flirtaous on a dance floor with body language. You'll know who seems interested from glances etc.

I work in a supermarket and whenever you're on the check out your encouraged to make small talk, you should see how some peoples faces light up when up ask 'How are you?' even some of the grumpiest. Some people talk back alot and ask questions etc without you having to make any effort, If someones interested in you they'll probably do that. You just ask little questions about them like what they do for a living and see how it goes holidays etc are always a good point.

When I trip alot of my thoughts are concerned with I should talk more. I find it very difficult to express myself sober, when im tripping I could talk endlessly about alot of really deep stuff but usually dont find an outlet and I cant bring out those thoughts when Im sober. But I've met this girl whos kinda a thinker like me but I was really excited when I started getting to know her shes writes poems and stuff but for ages all we talked about was just stuff like work and homework. But after my last trip I told her how i felt and that I'd always wanted to have a deep chat with her and that and she appreciated me for that and it brought us alot closer.


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
Jump to top. Pages: 1 | 2 | Next >  [ show all ]

Community >> Physical and Mental Well-Being

Similar ThreadsPosterViewsRepliesLast post
* Socially Inept Reclusive Drunk
( 1 2 all )
Yarry 2,585 23 06/05/05 12:08 PM
by nightkrawler
* Social Anxiety
( 1 2 all )
AA2277 8,198 35 07/23/09 01:37 PM
by Ginseng1
* Speech, linguistics.. and social anxiety?
ShroomismM
2,316 17 07/16/08 01:48 AM
by fazdazzle
* I need spiritual help. I am not socially developed (Long) EgoMurderer 1,495 7 04/18/07 01:35 AM
by danr49
* Social Anxiety Disorder...? HighGuy 1,390 15 04/18/06 09:54 PM
by eligal
* LADIES! what rhythm is the best?
( 1 2 all )
Anonymous
2,378 30 05/10/08 07:12 PM
by OwMyHead
* lexapro socializing and other stuff cam4eva 968 3 05/06/09 01:39 AM
by Society
* How do I become more social? fawhit 777 4 11/17/08 06:24 PM
by WhiskeyClone

Extra information
You cannot start new topics / You cannot reply to topics
HTML is disabled / BBCode is enabled
Moderator: CherryBom, boO, Ped, Acidic_Sloth, ZippoZ, Rose, yogabunny, Jokeshopbeard, Memories
3,290 topic views. 0 members, 19 guests and 9 web crawlers are browsing this forum.
[ Toggle Favorite | Print Topic | Stats ]
Search this thread:
Mycohaus
Please support our sponsors.

Copyright 1997-2017 Mind Media. Some rights reserved.

Generated in 0.108 seconds spending 0.006 seconds on 17 queries.