Date of Trip: November 15, 2004
Dosage: ~2-2.5 grams (dried cubes)
Time of Departure: Noon
Setting: Apartment, alone (but with myself)
The Experience: I want to first pose a question- what about hands? We'll come to that later on, I assure you. Anyhow, I chopped up the mushrooms and decided to put them into a peanut butter sandwich. This was, in fact, killing two birds with one stone. I was hungry because I hadn't eaten all morning, and I also needed to dose the shrooms- thus, a peanut butter sandwich came to be. Now, I feel here that I must admit I didn't plan for this trip. I was given these shrooms for free on Friday, and due to company visiting, was unable to partake over the weekend. I woke up this morning and just, more or less, 'decided' spur-of-the-moment to dose them. Looking back, I probably should have done a little planning, but I was eager to trip. I did clean up my room a little beforehand, which is to say I moved the clothes into three piles on the floor as opposed to having them scattered.
Anyway, after about an hour and fifteen minutes I was feeling a little disappointed. I just had slight stomach discomfort and nothing had started to transpire. This is when I decided to take a shower. Wow. I could've stayed in that shower my entire life. The warm water never felt so good and I couldn't help but laugh out loud at some of the thoughts I was thinking. If there was ever a segue way from not tripping to tripping, this shower was it. After about twenty minutes I finally convinced myself it was time to get out. I looked at the mirror- it was like a consistent flow of lava. After staring at the mirror for ten minutes, I got dressed, which took another ten minutes.
ENTER: goofy non-sensical couple of hours. There were relatively few visuals (absolutely no closed-eye visuals), but I just had the time of my life for a couple of hours. To say I was a kid again would not even begin to describe how goofy I was acting. It was so fun... so nostalgiac... so distant. Let me explain- after my shower, it was roughly 2 pm. I smoked a cigarette, laughed, then came back inside. I decided I would see what my room was like. I actually wanted to play some music but unfortunately I got on my bed before hitting play, and from there the will to move was lost, as was I. I looked up at my ceiling for what must have been twenty minutes. It's one of those stucco-type ceilings, with the little 'paint spots' hanging off, for lack of a better phrase. It was as if the circus had come to town on my ceiling. It was swirling around, I saw some colors, I even saw a few hearts lunge out at me. It was awesome.
After the first ceiling experience, I decided I needed another cigarette. I was talking to myself this whole time. This is where my initial question comes into play. I was asking myself all sorts of random questions and flying off on the tangents, when I just started slapping myself in the face. Not hard or anything, just a few taps. And then I thought to myself... "But what about hands?" Wow. That set up the loop cycle. This question would repeat itself in my head no less than a thousand times. It makes no sense now, but at the time it made PERFECT sense. The funny thing is that I kept going with it- "What about hands? What if they were just hands that had fingers that were really just hands built upon more hands?" and so on. The cool insight that this led to- sign language is a beautiful thing, because it's giving someone who doesn't have natural hearing ability the chance to 'hear' what you're saying. It was just a cool thought.
ENTER: second ceiling experience. Thinking there was no way I could top the last 'movie' in my room, I went in for another try. This time on the ceiling I saw tons of faces. All the mouths were wide open, and the curve of the face just led into more and more faces. This time, however, I was aware of how comfortable I was as I just layed on my bed. The warmth... the feel... it was like I was 'one' with the bed. So, another fifteen minutes pass on the ceiling and it's back to smoking a cigarette.
ENTER: third ceiling experience. That's right. It happened twice and I thought 'no way could it be that cool again'. I was wrong. Now the ceiling was dividing itself into various geometric shapes, causing different parts of the ceiling to bulge while other parts sank. Simply said- it was spectacular.
So after that, it was basically another hour of insight. Like I said, the visuals were limited and now that I remember it, 98% of them were on the ceiling. I had a couple of other thoughts/insights that I thought were of note, so here goes:
-Everyone needs to be okay with themself. So much so that they can make fun of themselves, because if you can't laugh at yourself- who can you laugh at?
-This is going to be hard to explain, but: I was rolling my cigarette in-between my fingers and thought to myself "I can play with this thing so much, but it never seems to drop." and almost as quickly as I thought that I replied with something along the lines of "That's because in the subconscious, you always have your eye on the prize." May not seem like much to you guys, but at the time it was a little earth-shattering.
-Masks. I kept thinking about how everyone wears their own masks. Well, fine... whatever. It's bullshit, but whatever. The problem is, though, that if EVERYONE is wearing a mask, then reality is nothing but a mask in itself. That, too, was a nice little nugget of insight I gathered from the trip.
All in all, it was a crazy ride. At first I thought I'd feel nothing, then I "felt" everything, while seeing little. Then I saw a whole bunch on my ceiling, and finished it off with more philosophizing. Definitely can't wait until my next trip. It was 5 months in-between this trip and my last one. I can't even begin to explain how my mind/brain felt during this trip. It was heavy, but in a good way.
So now I ask you all: what about hands?
-------------------- "Many times I've lied - Many times I've listened,
Many times I've wondered how much there is to know."
-Led Zeppelin (Over the Hills and Far Away)
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