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OfflineIDontLikeThis
Lost Soul
Registered: 11/15/04
Posts: 10
Loc: East Coast
Last seen: 12 years, 7 months
advice please?
    #3368182 - 11/16/04 11:46 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

just wondering if anyone is good with relationship advice?  I suck at this stuff. :confused:  I met this guy recently, I think he's interested, but I'm not sure.  I don't want to put him on the spot and ask what he's hoping comes of "us" but at the same time, not knowing is killing me!  It seems like every guy I meet winds up not being anything long term, and I'm not looking for another fling.  What do I do? Help!!?


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Invisibleadrug

Registered: 02/04/03
Posts: 15,800
Re: advice please? [Re: IDontLikeThis]
    #3368212 - 11/16/04 12:00 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

You quit being a wuss and say something to him, otherwise you may as well just move on already before you drive yourself crazy not knowing.


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OfflineIDontLikeThis
Lost Soul
Registered: 11/15/04
Posts: 10
Loc: East Coast
Last seen: 12 years, 7 months
Re: advice please? [Re: adrug]
    #3368220 - 11/16/04 12:04 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

lol its not a matter of being a wuss, i just dont want him to get freaked out like guys sometimes do. how should i bring it up? do i just tell him how I feel, or ask him where he stands??


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Invisibleadrug

Registered: 02/04/03
Posts: 15,800
Re: advice please? [Re: IDontLikeThis]
    #3368254 - 11/16/04 12:12 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

Maybe try just asking him out on a date? You don't have to profess your love for him or anything, just ask him to a movie or something. :smirk: Its not unheard of in this day and age.


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OfflineIDontLikeThis
Lost Soul
Registered: 11/15/04
Posts: 10
Loc: East Coast
Last seen: 12 years, 7 months
Re: advice please? [Re: adrug]
    #3368261 - 11/16/04 12:14 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

we already hang out a lot, I guess I'm just wondering what he considers us, or if he's dating other people? I just don't want to get all attached to a guy who doesn't feel the same, ya know? Thanks for your responses, I really appreciate it. Anyone else have any words of wisdom??


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Invisibleadrug

Registered: 02/04/03
Posts: 15,800
Re: advice please? [Re: IDontLikeThis]
    #3368281 - 11/16/04 12:21 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

Sounds like you're at the crossroads where you either get hurt and move on or alternately things could work out. In that case, you are probably going to have to make yourself vulnerable and literally just come out and ask him where things are going with your relationship. Not an easy thing to do, but its gotta be better than wondering.


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OfflineIDontLikeThis
Lost Soul
Registered: 11/15/04
Posts: 10
Loc: East Coast
Last seen: 12 years, 7 months
Re: advice please? [Re: adrug]
    #3368314 - 11/16/04 12:29 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

Yeah the wondering is the worst, but I feel like if he wanted more of an official commitment than we have right now, he'd say something, no? I feel like I'm in effin high school. ::sigh::


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Invisibleadrug

Registered: 02/04/03
Posts: 15,800
Re: advice please? [Re: IDontLikeThis]
    #3368347 - 11/16/04 12:37 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

I know exactly how you feel, I just went through something very similar a month or so ago. Dating a guy, I wanted to take it further, he didn't seem to care either way if we did or not, I pressed ever so lightly and he ran away screaming. I personally am sick to death of wasting my time and the longer you drag it out, the more painful it is when it ends, so it was best to just cease all contact. Sucks, but at least I'm not being strung along anymore.


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OfflineIDontLikeThis
Lost Soul
Registered: 11/15/04
Posts: 10
Loc: East Coast
Last seen: 12 years, 7 months
Re: advice please? [Re: adrug]
    #3368365 - 11/16/04 12:43 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

yeah I came out of a very very long relationship and since then, everyone I've dated has turned out to be either a scumbag, or just hasn't wanted anything more than casual dating. I just don't want to waste my time, or have my heart broken again, because I really fell hard for this guy. That's what I'm afraid will happen, I'll bring it up, he'll get freaked out, and that will be it. But at the same time, I'd much rather find that out now and be hurt then get my hopes up any more and get crushed down the line.


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Invisibleadrug

Registered: 02/04/03
Posts: 15,800
Re: advice please? [Re: IDontLikeThis]
    #3368456 - 11/16/04 01:10 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

Sounds like you know what you need to do, its just a matter of getting the courage to do it. :smile: Good luck to you.


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OfflineIDontLikeThis
Lost Soul
Registered: 11/15/04
Posts: 10
Loc: East Coast
Last seen: 12 years, 7 months
Re: advice please? [Re: adrug]
    #3368468 - 11/16/04 01:14 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

thank you so much  :smile:  if anyone else has any input, please post a reply, i need opinions on how to do this!


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Offlinestefan
work in progress

Registered: 04/11/01
Posts: 8,932
Loc: The Netherlands
Last seen: 5 months, 20 days
Re: advice please? [Re: IDontLikeThis]
    #3368486 - 11/16/04 01:21 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

or if he's dating other people?



so you hang out all the time and you don't know that? so ask him if he has a girlfriend or if he's seeing anyone special or something like that.

After you know that see where the conversation takes you :thumbup:


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OfflineIDontLikeThis
Lost Soul
Registered: 11/15/04
Posts: 10
Loc: East Coast
Last seen: 12 years, 7 months
Re: advice please? [Re: stefan]
    #3368500 - 11/16/04 01:25 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

well I know that he's single, but I don't know if he's dating or more specifically intends on dating anyone else. I know that at this point, I personally wouldn't feel right about seeing anyone else, I guess I just need to find out where he's at, and find a way to bring it up that doesn't totally freak him out?


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InvisibleLiz
Owl Lady
Female User Gallery

Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 11/16/04
Posts: 6,962
Loc: Massachusetts
Re: advice please? [Re: IDontLikeThis]
    #3373671 - 11/17/04 01:00 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

thats tough. wondering sucks, but it might be a good idea to just let him figure out what he wants, rather than chance scaring him off? I mean, is he the type who is too shy to bring something like that up? I personally am the type of person who wouldn't feel right starting that kind of conversation, unless he asked me where I stood...but if I got the vibe that the guy wasn't interested, I'd walk away before I got hurt.


--------------------
Remember, remember the fifth of November
The gunpowder treason and plot.
I see no reason why gunpowder treason
Should ever be forgot.




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Offlinegoob
Sleepy

Registered: 10/27/04
Posts: 197
Last seen: 11 years, 11 months
Re: advice please? [Re: IDontLikeThis]
    #3374186 - 11/17/04 03:12 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

My advice?

It aint gooing to work out in the long-run
It's temporary
You'll get your heart broke or end up hating each other.

wanting something feels better than getting it
shopping is more fun than owning
Everything looks better in pictures.


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OfflineGus
Back in town.

Registered: 07/16/03
Posts: 1,503
Loc: Quebec, Canada
Last seen: 8 years, 7 months
Re: advice please? [Re: IDontLikeThis]
    #3374676 - 11/17/04 04:50 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

OK now its obvious to me that you just dont have the guts to ask him about it. You dont want to freak him out ?! What the hell ?! If he fresks out, good, you'll know whats up about your relation with him.
Whats this excuse anyway ?! Go for it, just dont say 'I want to marry you, you're the love of my life' the first time and he wont freak out :smirk: or continue to possibly lose your time with him indefinatly


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Offlinegoob
Sleepy

Registered: 10/27/04
Posts: 197
Last seen: 11 years, 11 months
Re: advice please? [Re: goob]
    #3379968 - 11/18/04 04:49 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

I think we're looking for sanctuary in a relationship
and monogamy fails in that it usualy degenerates into some form of authoritative abuse.

just my 2 cents


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Offlinegoob
Sleepy

Registered: 10/27/04
Posts: 197
Last seen: 11 years, 11 months
Re: advice please? [Re: goob]
    #3383081 - 11/19/04 08:57 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

We could conjecture that Eve Herself suffered some sort of authoritative abuse in the garden of eden.

and with that I think I derailed myself again.

(yup, sure did)


Edited by goob (11/23/04 12:16 PM)


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