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OfflineDivided_Sky
Ten ThousandThings

Registered: 11/02/03
Posts: 3,171
Loc: The Shining Void
Last seen: 8 years, 6 months
I have a Control problem
    #3356166 - 11/13/04 04:49 PM (12 years, 26 days ago)

I've been on here off and on complaining about one existential problem or another, but I've realized it all comes down to a need for control. I'm an extremely cerebral, cautious and reserved person. I always have to have order in my life and I am about as anti-impulsive as they get.
Even with something like weed I have to schedule a day, clean my room, lay out everything I will need, make sure nothing important is the next day, create a music playlist, etc. In fact a barely ever use any drugs anymore because I can never find a set and setting where I feel in control and comfortable. I can only be spur of the moment when I feel well in control of my body and mind.

I'm an extremely mental person because knowledge and rationality give me some sense of control of the world around me, but when they break down and give way to emotions and impulses it scares me. Because my mind is very adept and skillful I get addicted to the power of being smart, creative or talented. I don't know what I would do if I lost these things.

The whole irony is that I NEVER have control. I'm completely at the mercy of my body, life and death. That's why death freaks me out, not that it will be painful, but because it means total loss of control. I'm totally aware of this fact, so life is always scary and unerving to me.

Freinds have said the problem is my ego is violently fighting for control. I don't know what to do. I mean I don't even know how to live without the control of ego, let alone give it up.

What do I do?


--------------------
1. "After an hour I wasn't feeling anything so I decided to take another..."
2. "We were feeling pretty good so we decided to smoke a few bowls..."
3. "I had to be real quiet because my parents were asleep upstairs..."


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Offlinephi1618
old hand

Registered: 02/14/04
Posts: 4,102
Last seen: 6 years, 6 months
Re: I have a Control problem [Re: Divided_Sky]
    #3356238 - 11/13/04 05:04 PM (12 years, 26 days ago)

I pretty much have the same problem.


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Offlinewrestler_az
PsiLLy BiLLy
Male User Gallery Arcade Champion: Chopper Challenge

Registered: 08/11/02
Posts: 11,594
Loc: day dreams of a mad man
Last seen: 8 hours, 19 minutes
Re: I have a Control problem [Re: Divided_Sky]
    #3356527 - 11/13/04 06:20 PM (12 years, 26 days ago)

i used to be the same way....and it never got me very far. control is an ilusion we make for ourselves to try to put some order to this chaos we call life. sometimes it is needed, but most other times it just inhibits our ability to grow.

or at least thats my experience with control issues.


--------------------
how's your WOW?





  Edited by yageman (04/20/06 4:20 PM) 


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Invisibletruekimbo2
Cya later, friends.
Male User Gallery

Registered: 12/08/02
Posts: 9,234
Loc: ny Flag
Re: I have a Control problem [Re: wrestler_az]
    #3361840 - 11/14/04 11:06 PM (12 years, 25 days ago)

do things you're afriad of that subject you to things outside your control. normal everyday things, nothing dangerous.


--------------------
You can check the last post in my journal for contact info.


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OfflineDivided_Sky
Ten ThousandThings

Registered: 11/02/03
Posts: 3,171
Loc: The Shining Void
Last seen: 8 years, 6 months
Re: I have a Control problem [Re: truekimbo2]
    #3361865 - 11/14/04 11:12 PM (12 years, 25 days ago)

Yeah, actually yesterday I left my number with my tip for this cute waitress. It's not that I even care if she calls me, and I kind of hope she doesn't, but I did it because it's something I would never do and is very out of character. My freind tried to convince me to do it, and I refused and then I though maybe the reason I don't want to do it is why I should do it. So I did. My life isn't changed or anything but its a start.


--------------------
1. "After an hour I wasn't feeling anything so I decided to take another..."
2. "We were feeling pretty good so we decided to smoke a few bowls..."
3. "I had to be real quiet because my parents were asleep upstairs..."


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Invisibleasd11
final sky

Registered: 08/02/04
Posts: 501
Re: I have a Control problem [Re: Divided_Sky]
    #3469744 - 12/09/04 11:49 AM (12 years, 1 day ago)

99%same.


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InvisibleGreat_Satan
prophet of God
 User Gallery

Registered: 09/05/04
Posts: 953
Re: I have a Control problem [Re: Divided_Sky]
    #3487159 - 12/12/04 07:07 PM (11 years, 11 months ago)

You're doing a good job in the politics forum. Keep up the good work. We need to win the war on terrorism or we'll all have governments like Saddam Hussein's or the one in Iran.


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OfflineGrav
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Registered: 02/06/02
Posts: 4,454
Last seen: 3 years, 11 months
Re: I have a Control problem [Re: Great_Satan]
    #3490570 - 12/13/04 12:40 PM (11 years, 11 months ago)

I can sympathize, D_S

I've found that fear is a path out of your unwanted habits.


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OfflineThe_Red_Crayon
Exposer of Truth
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Registered: 08/13/03
Posts: 13,673
Loc: Smokey Mtns. TN Flag
Last seen: 4 months, 14 days
Re: I have a Control problem [Re: Divided_Sky]
    #3493027 - 12/13/04 07:47 PM (11 years, 11 months ago)

Try Meditation. Free your mind and your ass will surely follow


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OfflineDivided_Sky
Ten ThousandThings

Registered: 11/02/03
Posts: 3,171
Loc: The Shining Void
Last seen: 8 years, 6 months
Re: I have a Control problem [Re: The_Red_Crayon]
    #3493207 - 12/13/04 08:12 PM (11 years, 11 months ago)

I meditate every day. Somehow that isn't enough.


--------------------
1. "After an hour I wasn't feeling anything so I decided to take another..."
2. "We were feeling pretty good so we decided to smoke a few bowls..."
3. "I had to be real quiet because my parents were asleep upstairs..."


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InvisibleFucknuckle
Dog Lover

Registered: 04/24/04
Posts: 6,762
Re: I have a Control problem [Re: Divided_Sky]
    #3493392 - 12/13/04 08:37 PM (11 years, 11 months ago)

What are you meditating on ? I mean not all meditations are the same.

Example......... I have at times found a quote or scripture that is short and sweet. It represents a quality or ideal that I would like to have dwell within me. To let my inner man become.

So I will take this quote and not only speak it but describe it out loud. Speak into myself what it is. Where and what can I apply it to in my life. To really be honest with myself and bring it into my heart. To carefully meditate and carefully visualize myself being in that place. Al lthis is done with my voice outlound and in private. Spending 2 hours doing this is not crazy.......unless you ask my wife :shocked:

I have found that by speaking the things I want to pass in my life they happen.

I also was a control freak completely out of control. I some ways I still am. But I found Meditation on words and thruy speaking truly helped me.


I also understood that this need to CONTROL was not a bad thing at all. In fact it became my best quality. I turned it into a productive quality. Do not be afraid to be a person of authority. No one is going to brand you as such but you.


What I also suggest is to get in the habit of setting GOALS and have a reward system for your self. Once you begin to identify what you are in control of then it becomes easer controil what you are not in control of. Get a paper and pen write your daily habits and goals down EVERYDAY for a week. Then you can see what you have got a grip on and what needs work. You have a great talent that has no reins.

Once I started living a Goal focused life stlye then all my negative Control problems quickly became a very valueable asset. As will yours

Just learn that you have a gift that needs to be trained.

Hope this info helps :heart: :cool:


--------------------
What it is, is what it is my Brother.
It is as it is, so suffer thru it.


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Invisible40oz
 User Gallery

Registered: 01/19/01
Posts: 30,035
Loc: Sandy Eggo. Ca.
Re: I have a Control problem [Re: Divided_Sky]
    #3502216 - 12/15/04 05:34 AM (11 years, 11 months ago)

sometimes you just gotta close your eyes
hold your arms out to your sides &
just fall back.

sure it might hurt, but only a little :wink:


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:pacman: - - - -  :pill: :mushroom2: :pill2: :mushroom2: :regularshroom: :mushroomgrow: :pill: :pill2: :mushroom2: :poison:

:sun::heart::sun:

tiny_rabid_birds said:
"your avatar is dirty."


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Invisiblepsyka
Praetorian
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Registered: 06/09/03
Posts: 1,652
Re: I have a Control problem [Re: Divided_Sky]
    #3502639 - 12/15/04 08:35 AM (11 years, 11 months ago)

I enjoyed your post very much :smile:

You're struggling to end a struggle; searching for a doorless exit, for the Way out. The key to ending the problem of all problems is realizing there never, truly, was an initial conflict to begin with.

I have a quick fix, though: do the opposite of what you do.


--------------------
As the life of a candle,
my wick will burn out.
But, the fire of my mind
shall beam into infinite.



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