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InvisibleAdden
I'm a teapot User Gallery

Registered: 06/04/03
Posts: 38,572
Almost back to my old self
    #3345545 - 11/11/04 06:53 AM (13 years, 6 months ago)

I tripped way too much last summer. Shrooms, LSD, DXM. I was pretty tripped out, and something real horrible happened in my life. Coupled with rampant drug use, the trauma sparked latent social anxiety. I found out my girlfriend was raped on my last, and highest dose of DXM.

I took a year off from school. I didn't feel like "me" existed. I was a shell, and felt numb all the time, except for the mental anguish. I was worried I'd never go back to the university, or be back to my old self again. I toiled every night, mindfucking myself, thinking I'd never amount to anything and I had lost my chance. I was afraid to go out in public. How could the world be so terrible?

I'm still on meds, which I'm using less and less of a crutch. I have the option of taking 4mg-6mg of klonopin a day, and lately it's been 4mg. I lost my brother to suicide this summer, and wished I didn't take my medical leave last year. I'm still in the throes of loss and grief.

Well, I went back to school, nonetheless. Creative writing courses, math, history. I didn't think I'd be ready for it all.

The semester's almost over. I'm doing well. I've got a new job in the works (should know by Friday) with overwhelming experience that puts me at the top of the list. Plus I know the manager and assistant manager. It's in the bag.

Many of you don't know me well, never really talking personally to anyone. But this isn't the point of this post. I know there are people out there that feel there's no escape from their current situation. There always is, even if you fail to see it.

BTW, in no way is this an anti-drug post (why would I be here if it was?). I don't blame DXM, LSD, or shrooms for what happened. My lack of control and things that were out of my control are to blame.

Many a kind soul offered to talk to me when I posted about these events last year and mid-summer. I declined. Why would talking to another person make things better?

I changed my mind after a few months. Glad I did. Some of you helped me through some real tough shit. I want to give back to the community. If you need someone to talk to, I'm here, and am a very non-judgmental person. Chances are I've been there, done that. I feel so liberated being almost back to 'normal'.

One of my few friends here is dead. I don't want to bring his name up or draw negative attention to the shroomery because of the nature of his death, but he was experiencing similar symptoms that I was through varying stages of mental instability.

It's possible to feel better about your mind, your body, your situation.

Just toss me a PM if you want someone to talk to, I usually log on daily.

Peace,
s2


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OfflineRepton
Moon Ripened Sultan
I'm a teapot User Gallery

Registered: 09/05/04
Posts: 155
Loc: Midlothian Flag
Last seen: 10 months, 38 minutes
Re: Almost back to my old self [Re: Adden]
    #3346458 - 11/11/04 02:08 PM (13 years, 6 months ago)

Well done dude, hope everything works out for you, sounds like you're on the right track.  It's a wonderful feeling when things start to fall into place again and the future looks a bit brighter :smile:

Keep smiling.

Peace


--------------------
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