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OfflineStonedShroom
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controling friend
    #2880102 - 07/12/04 01:06 AM (12 years, 10 months ago)

this is kinda long post, but sorry...

I have this friend I've has since high school... we're really close and I was her maid of honor. She's REALLY overweight (Like she weighed 330 lbs and is only 5'5") and she had this surgery where they put a band around her stomach so it forces her to eat less... anyway this isn't the real issue, but it's kinda something you need to know

OK, her and her husband are going to Mexico and she invited me to come. Since her Mom paid for the trip (but isn't going, it's just going to be my friend and her husband) I would have to pay for myself, which I don't mind at all. it's actually a good deal, a little over $500 gets us round trip airfare from dallas, and all-inclusive hotel and aminities for 5 days and 4 nights, plus all the non-motorized activities (golf, mini-golf, windsurfing, swimming pool, snorkling, etc) that's all meals, unlimited snack bar and unlimited drinks (including alcohol)

so I get real excited making plans to go on this trip. I even talked my mom into letting me drive her brand-new loaded Durango to Dallas (about a 4-5 hour trip from here) so all three of us can comfortably sit in a vehicle for 5 hours (because her and her husband are large people) and it has a DVD player so we won't be so bored.

then the other night she starts lecturing me about how she's not going to drink so if i choose to drink she'll just leave me drunk somewhere and not even help me to my room or if someone tries to steal stuff from me while I'm drunk. Then she says that I can get pills over the counter in mexico without scripts but if I bought any she would call the mexican police on me and have me thrown in a mexican jail for attempting to smuggle drugs. Then says that I'm not allowed to ride her to dalas, and that her mom says she's not allowed to ride because I'm not a safe driver... so we would end up having to take 2 seperate vehicles for 3 people to get there.

ok, she has had 10 wrecks, all her fault, 3 of them causing major damage to all vehicles, and one of the major accidents she totalled a BRAND NEW car and almost died. Me? I've hydroplaned (which wasn't my fault, in fact, my insurance went DOWN $5/month after that happened) and 2 fender-benders that weren't my fault... one of the fender benders I wasn't even IN my car, it was parked in my driveway and some drunk ass backed into it... so I *know* her mom didn't ban her from driving with me because I'm a better driver, plus 1 second after i said 'my mom says we can take the durango' she says 'my mom said i can't ride with you' I mean, I *know* she didn't have a conversation with her mom discussing how i offered to drive everyone.

and she controls her husband so bad it's not even funny. I mean, somethings she's says to him or makes him do just amazes me he doesn't just walk out on her.

like we were at her dad's this weekend and he wanted to go shoot guns with her dad but she made him stay inside and make ladybug and butterfly picture frames... then he asked something about her dad and she bitches at him for not knowing it then says 'well, maybe if you spent time with him and bonded you'd know the answer to that question' I mean HELLO he tried to but you made him glue crazy eyes to a foam ladybug!

anyway, I just feel like she sees qualities in other people that she's jealous of then controls them so she feels superior in her head...

like her and her dad didn't have a good relationship AT ALL, and she was jealous her husband was going to bond with her dad, so she made him stay inside.

and she'd be jealous I'd be driving a REALLY nice car so she made up some excuse and controled me so I wouldn't be driving it... even though it's not even my car

and she'd be jealous that I'd be drinking and having a good time drunk so she makes these 'rules'... but it's not my fault she can't drink enough to get drunk because of her surgery.

I'm not going on that vacation now because i don't want to be bossed around and bitched at the entire time... and I don't want to have to drive 2 seperate cars for no reason.

other than trying to control people she's actually a good friend and will always be there if I need her (she wouldn't actually leave me for dead if I got drunk, she was just saying that to scare me from drinking, but she would bitch at me for the rest of the trip and i'd rather be in a mexican jail then listen to her bitch) and has really been there with some good advice when I needed it...

but sometimes I just can't take being controled and I want to say something to her when she's bossing around her husband because I can tell it's wearing him down.

any suggestions?


--------------------
We are not human beings going through a temporary spiritual experience.

We are spiritual beings going through a temporary human experience.



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OfflineTasty_Smurf_House
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Re: controling friend [Re: StonedShroom] * 1
    #2880137 - 07/12/04 01:15 AM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Wow. That's fucked up. I think you should talk to her, or both seperatly, or both together. But someone needs to talk to her.

Just make sure you're carefull how you approach it and think things through. You know her. I don't. I can't tell you what to say.

How important is she to you? Being a friend for that long and a maid of honor... that has to mean something.

Take some time to think about things. I don't have much advice to give. I wish I could help you more.


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OfflineUncleMike
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Registered: 05/18/03
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Re: controling friend [Re: StonedShroom]
    #2881936 - 07/12/04 01:39 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Tell you friend that you arent gonna to go with her. Why would you want to spend 5 days with someone who so misrable with themselves that they can't stand to see anyone else having a good time. I don't care how good of a deal the vacation is it's just not worth her critisim. I hope her husband learns to stand up for himself.

Don't go around her for a few weeks. when she ask you why then you open up and tell her why. Of course she will probably get mad at you but maybe she will come to understand that she doesn't have power over all people.


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Invisible40oz
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Registered: 01/19/01
Posts: 30,038
Loc: Sandy Eggo. Ca.
Re: controling friend [Re: StonedShroom]
    #2881962 - 07/12/04 01:53 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

Don't go around her for a few weeks. when she ask you why then you open up and tell her why.
Quote:



yeah, dont confront her, wait till she confronts you.


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:sun::heart::sun:

tiny_rabid_birds said:
"your avatar is dirty."


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OfflineSheepish
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Re: controling friend [Re: StonedShroom]
    #2883040 - 07/12/04 07:22 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

You made the right choice in not going. Don't let her play those kind of games on you. As for the husband, it's all up to him to stand up for himself. Maybe talk to him one time (could be hard, your friend might think you're after her man or something retarded) and see how he feels about the whole situation. I wouldn't try talking to your friend about it because chances are she'd deny being controlling and get angry at you.
Maybe just be stubborn and whenever she trys to have her way, you make sure you DON'T. If she wants to do something that you don't, just refuse to go. Eventually she might realise that she's going to have to make compromises rather than everyone compromising for her.


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OfflineJoeyBond
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Registered: 05/23/04
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Re: controling friend [Re: Sheepish]
    #2886944 - 07/13/04 06:57 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

simple as this
no really
screw you guys im going home


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Invisiblesir tripsalot
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Registered: 07/10/99
Posts: 6,486
Re: controling friend [Re: StonedShroom]
    #2889955 - 07/14/04 03:52 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

I mean HELLO he tried to but you made him glue crazy eyes to a foam ladybug!




I've always known them as 'google' or 'googly' eyes.


--------------------

"Little racoons and old possums 'n' stuff all live up in here. They've got to have a little place to sit." Bob Ross.


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OfflinePhishgrrl
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Re: controling friend [Re: StonedShroom] * 1
    #2890012 - 07/14/04 04:04 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

I can't believe she's old enough to get married for sweet jesus' sake, but she says her MOM won't let her drive 5 hours with you? WTF???

One of my best friends has control issues too....she says the dumbest shit just like that (well maybe not quite so bad!). I know how it is. Usually I am the most laid back person with shit like this and I let her get away with it because I feel bad for her, and because I am too nice to say anything.

One time, I had tickets to a Sundance movie and her husband (also a good friend of mine) offered to go with me since mine couldn't- she was freaking out in the bathroom to my friend saying that there is no way he could go with me, she thinks he is in love with me, blah blah blah....and wouldn't let him go. Then 3 months later she is proposing that her and my husband go ALONE on a multiday backpacking trip and share a tent. DUUUUUUUuHHHHHHHHH!

I don't really have advice, but I know how it is!


--------------------
Once in awhile you can get shown the light

In the strangest of places if you look at it right...



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OfflineUncleMike
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Registered: 05/18/03
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Re: controling friend [Re: sir tripsalot]
    #2892503 - 07/15/04 08:45 AM (12 years, 10 months ago)

I sure miss this soft spoken raccoon loving guy.


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OfflineStonedShroom
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Registered: 10/22/00
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Last seen: 7 months, 30 days
Re: controling friend [Re: Phishgrrl]
    #2895126 - 07/16/04 12:06 AM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Well, she asked me earlier this week if I had my passport stuff ready... and I said I'd rather not go if all she's gonna do is bitch the entire time while I'm having fun... and she said that I don't act my age when I drink (uhhmmm isn't that the point of getting drunk?) and that I don't have to drink to have fun.

So I said that I'll just spend the money I had saved up for Mexico on stuff for my car and I haven't talked to her since.

oh well, she'll call in a couple weeks and act like nothing happened.

AND she's all paranoid about her husband too. Like he always harasses me... tickling me and play boxing, kinda the way he harasses his little brother and she gets so pissed about him touching me. *newsflash* I'm a lesbian. I think she just lets jealousy get the best of her.


--------------------
We are not human beings going through a temporary spiritual experience.

We are spiritual beings going through a temporary human experience.



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OfflineUncleMike
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Last seen: 8 years, 6 months
Re: controling friend [Re: StonedShroom] * 1
    #2896127 - 07/16/04 07:32 AM (12 years, 10 months ago)

You friend is really very insecure. You're better off staying home.


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