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Mushrooms, Mycology and Psychedelics > The Psychedelic Experience
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Can't seem to enjoy tripping since an accidental ego death * 1
    #29669929 -

I've been tripping for ten years. I grow them and love the hobby. I enjoy high doses of 7-8g natal super strength. I've always been very comfortable with high dose mushrooms and nearly always remain conscious of my surroundings. I trip once every 1-2 weeks and I've been doing that for a long time. Never ever had a bad experience not once.

I've experienced ego death before but this was different.

I wanted to extend my trip so took some advice from this website advising how to do just that.

The re-dosing very, very rapidly led to reality breaking down completely where I couldn't even see my hands anymore.

Before that happened I left family an emergency message to get to mine and I explained what I'd done.

I also quickly got a neighbour.

This was good timing as then I couldn't see but at the same time I was afraid of vomiting and choking.

I was afraid my grow would get discovered by emergency services and the trouble I'd be in. I was completely freaking out. I've never ever freaked out on mushrooms in all those years of enjoying high doses and being very comfortable in that headspace.

I convinced myself I was going to choke and die on my vomit.

My family and neighbour supported me through it and actually it turned into a beautiful, cathartic trip AFTER the intense ego death trauma.

Ego death has previously been beautiful but this happened so quickly and was so traumatic.

Ever since then...I've no longer been able to enjoy tripping. And I have always LOVED it...it keeps my head right. It keeps my depression away and they just make me a better person.

As soon as I start seeing those swirling fractals I panic I'm going back into ego death when I'm not. I just have strong ego dissolution. But the panic starts. I don't know how to enjoy it again. I'm lost without my mushrooms!

I've never had an issue with them in ten years. And now this.

Any advice?

Edited by MrCraggles9 (09/16/26 03:12 AM)

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Re: Can't seem to enjoy tripping since an accidental ego death [Re: MrCraggles9] * 3
    #29669937 -

That is a classic case of over-dosing

Safe to say you now know your limits

Take it as a blessing

Enjoy lower doses

Also, its all mental. You said you convinced yourself you would choke on vomit, and it became cathartic afterwards you became unconvinced of that. You focused your thoughts on ideas you percieved as bad which led to the bad trip.

So now you associate tripping as being bad. Its all mental. In order to have a good trip, you simply focus your thoughts on experiences that you percieve as good. And immediately disregard and replace all bad thoughts immediately with good ones.


I remember experiences similar to a bad trip and I realized that it was all mental and it was my duty to focus my ideas entirely upon ideas that I intend to experience that I also percieve as good


--------------------
"Why try for high fives,
When my pies have nine lives?"
DUBJUG TEK
PLASTIC-EATING MYCELIUM
TRANSGENETIC EXPRESSION 🧪
JOIN CAKE WARS III TODAY
MODERN FRUITING CONDITIONS (CUBES)
REVITALIZE THE CUBENSIS GENEPOOL

Edited by langten69 (09/16/26 03:44 AM)

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Re: Can't seem to enjoy tripping since an accidental ego death [Re: langten69]
    #29669955 -

I had a similar thing happen with DMT MrCraggles9. After a long time of pushing it far and then one time I pushed it waaay too far, I had the whole NDE then complete destruction of self type experience.

I think what makes it so hard to get back on the bike is we experience some degree of trauma when we do this sort of shit to ourselves, we literally get self inflicted PTSD.

There's a bunch ways to deal with the situation probably, but exposure therapy was how I approached it. A good break and then incremental doses until I was comfy again. Potentially mixing with MDMA would help too, but not massive doses of each.


--------------------
We are the music makers, the dreamers of dreams.

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Re: Can't seem to enjoy tripping since an accidental ego death [Re: MrCraggles9] * 1
    #29670086 -

Quote:
The re-dosing very, very rapidly led to reality breaking down completely where I couldn't even see my hands anymore.

I was afraid my grow would get discovered by emergency services and the trouble I'd be in. I was completely freaking out.

I convinced myself I was going to choke and die on my vomit.

...it turned into a beautiful, cathartic trip AFTER the intense ego death trauma.



:aliceshocker: :scaryshroom:

This is one of the perils of high dosing - the idea of "ego death" sounds like a vague, esoteric spiritual concept, but then you get a trip that sends you into a panic attack because it literally makes you think you are dying.

To get through the trip at this point involves either a pointless fight to stay conscious and not have your existence permanently erased, or the kind of surrender that feels like an acceptance of your actual death and not just a metaphor. And then the "beautiful, cathartic trip" follows immediately on from doing that.

Quote:
As soon as I start seeing those swirling fractals I panic I'm going back into ego death when I'm not. I just have strong ego dissolution. But the panic starts. I don't know how to enjoy it again.


I used to get a lot of tripping anxiety from doing high doses. I think part of the solution is just to take a bit less, and over time you feel more comfortable and confident and the anxiety goes away.

The other strategy is to accept the negative feelings from a strong trip, commit to it with a kind of "fuck it" attitude and let it take you where it wants to go.

For me, a mixture of these approaches works well. I don't usually take so much these days that the trip genuinely scares me, and if it does start to feel a bit overwhelming I try to go with it. Knowing that you've been through the same type of trip before can be a double-edged sword - it can make you nervous by reminding you of how bad things can get, but it also gives a bit of a confidence boost that you can get through an intense trip, and that even the most terrifying trips can end up being extremely blissful if you let them.

:dancingbear:


--------------------
I wrote that, but I meant something else

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Re: Can't seem to enjoy tripping since an accidental ego death [Re: MrCraggles9] * 1
    #29670127 -

I’ve only ever had one true ego death, my friend, and it too was not pleasant. It was 40 years ago and still scares me if I dwell on it. I was dead for thousands of years, existing purely as a consciousness in a dark, cold, lonely void. Before I “died”, while I was begging God to forgive me and swearing I’d never do mushrooms again, my life literally flashed before my eyes (cliché, I know!). I had intense feelings of guilt about what my death would do to friends and family, and then I was catapulted into the stratosphere out of my body. I remember the guilt and fear quickly evaporating. I remember accepting I was dead. And then nothing! For thousands of years….

I did not come away with a feeling that I’d had a satori enlightenment or any of those blissful-sounding experiences. I came away with what’s been a lifelong fear of death.

Somebody on here recommended I read H.P. Lovecraft as it would help me understand the void. So I’ve read all his works but still have the existential fear.

But what I don’t understand, and I could be showing my ignorance here, is how the experience of being dead fits with being able to speak with your neighbour during it. I’m genuinely curious rather than questioning your experience, as I’m trying to understand how you experienced those two things together.

Wishing you well,
DJ Ed


--------------------
“It’s like when you see a mountain lion,” he suggested. “If you run, it will chase you. So you must stand your ground.”
Michael Pollan: How To Change Your Mind

“The problem is not to find the answer, it’s to face the answer.”
Terence McKenna


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Re: Can't seem to enjoy tripping since an accidental ego death [Re: MrCraggles9] * 2
    #29670450 -

Happens to the best, just keep showing up and it'll even out.

:coolcat:


--------------------
"Which of you to gain me, tell, will risk uncertain pains of hell?
I will not forgive you if you will not take the chance"

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Re: Can't seem to enjoy tripping since an accidental ego death [Re: islandsss]
    #29670590 -

It would be very beneficial to people to have trazodone on hand
It has stopped trips atleast 20 times for me and I’m sure it’s well established from other trippers to do the same

I recently dosed some pan cyan they were a couple years old and the potency test said they had lost half of their strength so I dosed 2 1/2 g and ate them

Boy, a big mistake. I tried to ride it out, but at one point, I couldn’t even see where the hallucinations ended in the truth began. It was just more than I wanted it to be. I was not prepared for that.

I keep an emergency bottle of trazodone by my bed, just for such instances I took one pill and laid down in the bed and covered my head with a pillow and within 20 minutes I was feeling extreme relief, and within an hour I had completely stopped tripping, and was ready to go to bed

Trazodone is a very widely prescribed medication as a sleep aid it is non-habit forming and very well tolerated so most doctors don’t have any problem prescribing a 30 day prescription to see how you like it

I say this because if you know for sure, you can stop a trip within an hour without any consequences it enabled you to go through the trip to see what can potentially happen

Edited by 99.99 (09/16/26 06:20 PM)

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Re: Can't seem to enjoy tripping since an accidental ego death [Re: 99.99]
    #29671108 -

I’ve used a trip killer once. 20mg Valium (benzodiazepam). The instant I swallowed both tablets the placebo effect calmed be down instantly. But the ferocity of the trip took a further hour to start calming down. At which point I was pi55ed off that I hadn’t ridden it out!

But I then discovered benzos are a lovely way of ending an acid trip leading to a lovely nights sleep. So been taking one a week after acid for a couple of years not thinking I’d get dependent. Bad mistake, I’m now withdrawing!

Take care out there people
DJ Ed


--------------------
“It’s like when you see a mountain lion,” he suggested. “If you run, it will chase you. So you must stand your ground.”
Michael Pollan: How To Change Your Mind

“The problem is not to find the answer, it’s to face the answer.”
Terence McKenna


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Re: Can't seem to enjoy tripping since an accidental ego death [Re: DJ Ed]
    #29671163 -

I think of these experiences similar to athletic training and adventures. You lifted too much or fell while attempting a difficult ski run and got injured.

Recovery takes time and effort, but every PT I have worked with has been clear that continuing activity is key to healing and return to play. Other folks have said to back off dose size and keep practicing. This technique has been working for me for almost 40 years of psychedelic journeying.

Edited by Ralph W. Llama (09/17/26 11:40 AM)

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Re: Can't seem to enjoy tripping since an accidental ego death [Re: Ralph W. Llama] * 1
    #29671323 -

First off trazodone is not addictive so you don’t have any repercussions from using it.
Second of all isn’t it better if you’re out training yourself trying to be some extreme athlete and you end up breaking your leg and you can’t make it back to your car wouldn’t it be nice to have some little something to help you back to your car ……analogy of trazodone to stop a trip you don’t want to be on

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Re: Can't seem to enjoy tripping since an accidental ego death [Re: 99.99] * 3
    #29671455 -

-Has trauma from doing too much of a drug
-Gets recommended to take more of that drug in combination with other drugs

:billymaythumbup:


--------------------
"God is an intelligible sphere, whose center is everywhere and whose circumference is nowhere."

Llamando la Mareacion

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Re: Can't seem to enjoy tripping since an accidental ego death [Re: MrCraggles9]
    #29671473 -

Oh buddy, I feel ya.I took 8 grams in my early 20s, thinking I was ready, and it took like 5 years before I even thought about doses more than 1-1.5 grams. I did learn to really enjoy the lower doses though, and to this day I generally stay in to 2 gram range.

Your brain need time to recover, and probably associates certain effects with ego death.

Edit: Just realized it's my 15th shroomday on the shroomery. Time sure does fly...

Edited by tbone8352 (09/17/26 05:58 PM)

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Re: Can't seem to enjoy tripping since an accidental ego death [Re: Bardy] * 1
    #29671498 -

Bardy said:
-Has trauma from doing too much of a drug
-Gets recommended to take more of that drug in combination with other drugs

:billymaythumbup:


It's a well researched and documented exposure therapy to face/run through the thing that terrifies you with trauma along with MDMA.

If OP is truly lost without his shrooms he might want to know that exists, give hime a thing to research for potential help.


--------------------
We are the music makers, the dreamers of dreams.

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Re: Can't seem to enjoy tripping since an accidental ego death [Re: MrCraggles9] * 1
    #29671500 -

i have only experienced "ego death" (or at least that's what i approximate it to have been) once, on salvia. i thought the entire universe had ended and this was it, i am dead and this is how it feels to be behind the veil of our senses. fucked me up for like 6 months and im never touching salvia again.

i cant help but shake my head when i see newbies eager to experience "ego death" like it's some hill to conquer. this shit isn't a game... preaching to the choir here, i know.

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Re: Can't seem to enjoy tripping since an accidental ego death [Re: Northerner]
    #29671554 -

Northerner said:
Bardy said:
-Has trauma from doing too much of a drug
-Gets recommended to take more of that drug in combination with other drugs

:billymaythumbup:


It's a well researched and documented exposure therapy to face/run through the thing that terrifies you with trauma along with MDMA.

If OP is truly lost without his shrooms he might want to know that exists, give hime a thing to research for potential help.


Yeah, now he’s so terrified that he won’t explore any of. It seems like face on is a good way to go for sure.LOL

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Re: Can't seem to enjoy tripping since an accidental ego death [Re: 99.99]
    #29671778 -

It’s not a terrible thing to stop exploring drugs. There are other ways to explore your mind.

Face on is a way to go, and there are many other ways to go. Whether it’s good or bad is for them to decide.


--------------------
"God is an intelligible sphere, whose center is everywhere and whose circumference is nowhere."

Llamando la Mareacion

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Re: Can't seem to enjoy tripping since an accidental ego death [Re: Bardy]
    #29671785 -

If MrCraggles9 truly wants to learn how to love tripping again, hes gotta treat it with the respect it deserves

Some people want their ego to die, and some like their ego

If you take too much, you will end up killing your ego and then have to start from scratch again

The whole premise of this thread is that he got careless and took way to much and "accidently" had an ego death

Its like exercise, you dont immediately try to lift heavy weights without warming up with the lighter weights first

Enjoy the lower doses, and gradually work your way up


--------------------
"Why try for high fives,
When my pies have nine lives?"
DUBJUG TEK
PLASTIC-EATING MYCELIUM
TRANSGENETIC EXPRESSION 🧪
JOIN CAKE WARS III TODAY
MODERN FRUITING CONDITIONS (CUBES)
REVITALIZE THE CUBENSIS GENEPOOL

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Re: Can't seem to enjoy tripping since an accidental ego death [Re: langten69] * 1
    #29671946 -

Sometimes respect means taking a break and not trying to treat it like it’s a pleasure machine where you just get fucked out of your mind every other week.

Sometimes if you have an injury you shouldn’t lift weights again for a while.

Sometimes the problem is that there are a whole bunch of hedonistic people on this website who think that drugs are the answer to many problems. And then when people come here with problems caused by drugs, they recommend more drugs as the solution.

:mindexpanding:


--------------------
"God is an intelligible sphere, whose center is everywhere and whose circumference is nowhere."

Llamando la Mareacion

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Re: Can't seem to enjoy tripping since an accidental ego death [Re: Bardy]
    #29671959 -

I dunno bro some people are just.............






:awehigh:

................

....

:persistence:


:highdog:


ego deaf


:smugjerry:

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Re: Can't seem to enjoy tripping since an accidental ego death [Re: Bardy]
    #29671975 -

Bardy said:
Sometimes respect means taking a break and not trying to treat it like it’s a pleasure machine where you just get fucked out of your mind every other week.

Sometimes if you have an injury you shouldn’t lift weights again for a while.

Sometimes the problem is that there are a whole bunch of hedonistic people on this website who think that drugs are the answer to many problems. And then when people come here with problems caused by drugs, they recommend more drugs as the solution.

:mindexpanding:



Or maybe he had one bad trip after ten years of experience and its not a big deal

:borat:


--------------------
"Which of you to gain me, tell, will risk uncertain pains of hell?
I will not forgive you if you will not take the chance"

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Mushrooms, Mycology and Psychedelics > The Psychedelic Experience
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