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Mushrooms, Mycology and Psychedelics > The Psychedelic Experience
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I THINK I Ruined My Life - Golden Teacher Trip
    #1665565 -

Hello Shroomers.

last night I tripped for the third time in my life. My first experience was the greatest. My second trip was bad, I suffered hard boredom. I am not sure of the strains, but the first batch was cracker dry. My second trip, the shrooms were still kind of wet. Both times were purchased from somebody else. Now, my third trip were some Golden Teachers that I was growing in a Mycobag. I'm not sure wether I had a bad trip due to the strain (too intense) or because of the cake's circumstances.

Like the idiot I am, I dropped the mycobag about 5 different times. After I removed the bag, I must have dropped the cake about 3 different times. After shocking the cake because of growth stalling, several stems turned blue. My first flush was maybe 2 grams. The caps weren't even fully open, but the stems were blue so I ripped them. I ate one that was 2 inches long (stem), and ate 2 real real tiny ones. I ate them at 3 AM, the trip must have came down at 1 PM. The trip was 1/3 pleasant, 1/3 scary-bad, and 1/3 frustrating/confusing. I experienced ego- death, now all men look at me like I'm a jerk or better than them, and the ladies can't stop looking at me. Maybe it's because my motives is that nothing matters, which is truth. But I am scared. I recovered from my first two trips easily. I am worried about this one. My question is, is Ego- Death permanent? Will I recover back to my normal life? Sure, it feels good to one with myself and God like. But, I feel I don't deserve this because my whole life was been all play and no work. I am 18 years old, and my life has just started since I've grasped a father figure, my father. I haven't worked for nothing in my life, yet I was liberated by these shrooms. I feel dirty and that I cheated. Please, somebody answer my questions. Thank you shroomery fam in advance.


*******EDIT******* Joolie 3, 2003. 3:23PM

Okay, here goes. Long before my Golden Teacher trip, I was messing around with hypnosis. About 2-3 months ago, I purchased instructions online on how to induce self-hypnosis. I wanted to get the ladies, but I ain't want to do the approaching (another sign of all play no work-no guts). So I induced confidence on myself. Day by day, I saw the reactions, as well as myself change. Big mistake, I sold my soul just for the girlies, what a fuckin idiot. Sure, I had 99.9% of all females looking at me now, and 97.9% of the men looking at the ground cuz of my presence. I didn't even know that I was schizo until I was admitted to the fucking PSYCHE Ward. Word of advice, if you are schizo, please don't fuck wit hypnosis. The fake confidence brought up a dumb defensive mechanism. So, from disrespecting my family,friends,and people, I was desperate to undo this hypnosis. I couldn't do it myself, I tried each time. So, finally I went to seek professional help. They illegally admitted me cuz I was '' a threat to society''. I was stuck in the psyche ward for 7-8 days, pure hell. I said to myself, okay. At least I'm not disrespecting my loved ones, now I'm just disrespecting the doctors and crazy people (which I found out, weren't really crazy people as depicted on tv). So they give me medication that they said so called will UNDO the hypnosis. I thought to myself, this is bullshit. How the fuck is medicine gonna take this hypnosis shit off? From being there 7-8 days, I might have saw/felt my normal self for a total of 2 hours. I had to find out thru my sister that I was schizo, beautiful. The doctors won't tell you shit. The medication were tranquilizers, Abilify and Diphenhydramine for sleeping I think. I looked them up when I got home, surprisingly, Abilify did have to do something with hypnosis. But my sister told me, the medication is to stablize my schizophrenia. So, I'm home, I ordered this hypnosis CD online called '' cancel suggestions''. I was so hyped that it was gonna rid me of the powers. Wrong, It only strengethened it and helped me manage it better. So, finally. My last attempt was the harvest of my Golden teacher. I purposely tripped to be rid of my hypnosis powers. I said, God; please take away my hypnosis powers, they can never ever be used again no matter how much I try. So ther I was getting that 1/3 1/3 1/3 trip. When I came down, I believed God took it away............................so I was like what the fuck is wrong wit everybody? Girls still lookin at me, men lookin at the floor. I felt like Super Mario, I said maybe that's why. But in reality, I found it....that my powers were still wit me. Really sad, so the bad trip was CAUSED by the hypnosis. I really really wish I haven't messed wit hypnosis, all becuz of the fuckin girls. SHIT. okay, I'm done. Now ya'll can laugh at me.


--------------------
huhhhhhhhh

Edited by ReefeRnShroomS (07/03/03 01:21 PM)

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Re: I THINK I Ruined My Life - Golden Teacher Trip [Re: ReefeRnShroomS]
    #1665587 -

Relax man. Things will blow over. Shrooms have a way of grabbing you deep where you least expect it. You're only 18. You have your whole life ahead of you and to succeed in life, all you have to do is want to.

The bad shroom experience will pass. Give it time. Next time you trip, try to find a friend who's experienced.

Good luck!


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Republican Values:

1) You can't get married to your spouse who is the same sex as you.
2) You can't have an abortion no matter how much you don't want a child.
3) You can't have a certain plant in your possession or you'll get locked up with a rapist and a murderer.

4) We need a smaller, less-intrusive government.

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Re: I THINK I Ruined My Life - Golden Teacher Trip [Re: Diploid]
    #1665651 -

First of all, how can you be bored on shrooms? I didn't think that was possible. How can you not have your ego back? You don't seem to be clear on the concept. Ego-death is something experienced while on shrooms, when you lose meaning of self. Your perspective on everything may has changed since the trip, but you're not experiencing ego-death anymore. Diploid gave you good advice though.... I'm 18 myself and our entire lives are ahead of us. Bush never worked for a thing in his life and he's our president. Also, there's no way the cake itself gave you a bad trip... a bad trip is the result of poor planning, a bad mental state, or negative vibes.


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Anything stated above is fictional roleplay dialog by the character that is Slapnut Rob, in no way representing the actions or beliefs of the man behind the keys.

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Re: I THINK I Ruined My Life - Golden Teacher Trip [Re: ReefeRnShroomS]
    #1665719 -

Ego death = ego SEPERATION. Your ego doesn't wither and die, and it will still be there when you get back. Last time I ate shrooms, I had some seperation, and it scared the bejesus out of me. It was rough, and at the same time, taught me a few hard hitting truths. That was the other weekend, and I'm fine. The next day was a bit strange, a bit drained and confused, but the next few days I was happier than ever. Don't stress it, it usually passes. Thinking it won't ever go will create more problems than you already have.
And I don't think the shrooms were bad - just the wrong set, setting and frame of mind.

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Re: I THINK I Ruined My Life - Golden Teacher Trip [Re: Sheepish]
    #1665790 -

you just had to stick in an insult of GW didnt you?

I suggest you think before you speak..whether or not his dad helped him become president is irrevelent. It is pretty ignorant to think he has NEVER worked for anything in his life.



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Life is worth much more than gold.

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Re: I THINK I Ruined My Life - Golden Teacher Trip [Re: InSearchOfIt]
    #1665791 -

Ummm, what the fuck are you talking about?

EDIT : Next time, reply to the person you're talking to. It's not that difficult.

Edited by Sheepish (06/26/03 09:33 PM)

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Re: I THINK I Ruined My Life - Golden Teacher Trip [Re: Sheepish]
    #1665820 -

Man you must be fucking crazy to defend george bush

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Re: I THINK I Ruined My Life - Golden Teacher Trip [Re: Zutroye]
    #1665885 -

Insearch, i think you really need to do some research on bush and how he has come into power, i think that if you knew the truth behind him you wouldnt be defending him so readily. And to reefn, i thing your taking this thing too far, i understand bad trips and have had a few, once i actually truly thought i was dead for about 2 hours, but i think your just a little freaked out by what happened.


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"I celebrate the Earth, my home, my mother, my grave, and as long as men are Man they must, if they would preserve the integrated being, do the same---[and preserve]--this rank casual hungry smelly sweaty lusting transitory body, my oozy pulpy liquid-bag-swollen body, bones, blood, hair glands, my bejeweled sex; I love and celebrate it all.  never to let men forget that they are animals as much as gods---that is one thing I shall say."

  Edward Abbey

Edited by hawksapprentice (06/26/03 10:02 PM)

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Re: I THINK I Ruined My Life - Golden Teacher Trip [Re: Zutroye]
    #1665897 -

Thanks everyone, I guess I will be back to normal within 2 days. I was bored on trip number 2 and 3, like something was missing. These Golden teacher's taught me toooooo much, I learned so much. I couldn't even fully cry, like I am suppose to. It was like Ying Yang. When I was speaking to God, the devil would creep up. It's like they both just took turns ripping at me.



--------------------
huhhhhhhhh

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Re: I THINK I Ruined My Life - Golden Teacher Trip [Re: ReefeRnShroomS]
    #1665911 -

Just take what you learnt, or remember from the trip, and turn it into something positive in your life. It may just be a thought you had when you were so far gone, it could be a feeling, it could be anything. It can be overwhelming, having all these thoughts and feelings just come rushing up during a trip. But they appeared for a reason. Work through them.
And if you find nothing of importance, well, just look back and say "Wow, that was just unexplainable" and feel good to be alive :smile: 

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Re: I THINK I Ruined My Life - Golden Teacher Trip [Re: ReefeRnShroomS]
    #1666375 -

Don't worry bro'. A bad experience can affect you for a few days, but you will notice things improve as you get your thoughts in order.

Good Luck


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Re: I THINK I Ruined My Life - Golden Teacher Trip [Re: ReefeRnShroomS]
    #1666424 -

live and learn my friend.


--------------------
-Completely FazEd
Leggo my Ego

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Re: I THINK I Ruined My Life - Golden Teacher Trip [Re: FazEd]
    #1667698 -

this has happened to me while tripping acid. it goes away, you will be fine. compare it to sex when you blow a load you feel different for a few minutes and then things clear up. well, you had a hell of a mindfuck and your brain is still in the clearing up stage after blowing its load.

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Re: I THINK I Ruined My Life - Golden Teacher Trip [Re: four20snakeman]
    #1667772 -

I think too many newbies confuse what ego really is and what it means to enter egolessness.  Ego is a creation of the mind; a dualistic illusion which is the opposite of the true nature of mind.  Psychedelics can, and often do, effect brain chemistry to the point where a forced egolessness is achieved.  But let's look at your statements...

>>now all men look at me like I'm a jerk or better than them, and the ladies can't stop looking at me.

Nothing could be more egotistical than these comments.  You didn't lose it at all.  :smile:

>>Maybe it's because my motives is that nothing matters, which is truth.

Truth is a metaphor that is subjective to your own reality.  A trapping of the dualistic nature of ego.

>>Will I recover back to my normal life?

That depends what you define as a normal life.  Viewpoints and attitudes change; it's part of growing up and getting older.  Perhaps you had some insights on this trip that brought to the surface aspects about your own reality that you have previously been in either denial or resentment about?  Perhaps this last trip gave you the courage you need to move on into another direction in your life.  Perhaps this last trip simply showed you how things really are in your reality.  Only you can really answer the question if you'll return to a normal life.

>>I haven't worked for nothing in my life, yet I was liberated by these shrooms. I feel dirty and that I cheated.

Liberation comes from within your own mind...the shrooms only helped you change the direction and focus of the lens for a while...it's still your own consciousness that develops any insights from a trip.  Instead of feeling bad about your situation, why not concentrate on how blessed and fortunate you have been in these 18 years of your life? 

The basis of why you would feel dirty is only something you can truly deconstruct and remove from your personality...but don't let any missgivings you may have take away from your enjoyment of life.  One of the hardest things for anyone, myself included, is to learn to appreciate the impermanence of all things.  Change is the only constant in the universe.  Nothing stays the same forever.  Never feel bad or guilty for enjoying life when it's good.  Just realize the good will not always be there and be prepared to face the bad with as much integrity and willingness as you did with the good.

It seems to me that you've had a very deep experience with the golden teachers.  Take some time to yourself so you can meditate on what was brought to the forefront of your consciousness.  Perhaps returning to a "normal life" is what you fear most?

Good luck with your search.

Love & Light,

Boppity

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Re: I THINK I Ruined My Life - Golden Teacher Trip [Re: Boppity604]
    #1667830 -

I think Boppity is right on point. From my own experience, when I was 18 and first used psychedelics, I felt that nothing matters because all the things I was trying to achieve suddenly seemed silly and pointless. Up until that point I was trying to be what everyone wanted me to be, and that was my motivation in life. Psychedelics showed me that it doesn?t matter what anyone else wants me to be, and that I needed to develop who I was. I don?t know how much of this rings true with you, but that was my experience.


Either way, you?ll be fine in time, it?s just a period of adjustment. I think as time goes on, and you start exploring life usually something clicks. It may feel like you?ve ruined your life, but that?s just the feelings from change. Use this as an opportunity to grow and I think you?ll find that your Golden Teacher taught you what you needed to be taught. Just give it time. :wink: It will be ok.


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The very nature of experience is ineffable; it transcends cognitive thought and intellectualized analysis. To be without experience is to be without an emotional knowledge of what the experience translates into. The desire for the understanding of what life is made of is the motivation that drives us all. Without it, in fear of the experiences what life can hold is among the greatest contradictions; to live in fear of death while not being alive.


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Re: I THINK I Ruined My Life - Golden Teacher Trip [Re: Twirling]
    #1668115 -

"I haven't worked for nothing in my life, yet I was liberated by these shrooms."

"None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free." - Goethe

Don't feel guilty about feeling free of the "system". But remember, reality balances the benefits of tripping. Peace.


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Re: I THINK I Ruined My Life - Golden Teacher Trip [Re: ReefeRnShroomS]
    #1668185 -

so how's it goin?


--------------------
Insert an "I think" mentally in front of eveything I say that seems sketchy, because I certainly don't KNOW much. Also; feel free to yell at me.
In addition: SHPONGLE

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Re: I THINK I Ruined My Life - Golden Teacher Trip [Re: Strumpling]
    #1668260 -

I suggest whenever anyone asks a question we all just wait for Boppity to answer and not waste our time. LOL.

Quote:
you just had to stick in an insult of GW didnt you?


I't my favorite hobby. It's a simple fact that GW didn't have to worry about anything in his life... anything he would fuck up would be fixed by his daddy... he even got into the Texas National Guard to avoid the Vietnam draft after scoring a 25/100 on the entrance exam and despite a year-long waiting list. Read "The Best Democracy Money Can Buy" to learn firsthand from the best investigative reporter in the world, Greg Palast, all about the Bush family's storied business history, and how easy it was made for GW.

Sorry about the off-topic rant.


--------------------
Anything stated above is fictional roleplay dialog by the character that is Slapnut Rob, in no way representing the actions or beliefs of the man behind the keys.

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Re: I THINK I Ruined My Life - Golden Teacher Trip [Re: ReefeRnShroomS]
    #1668476 -

You took them at 3am and you finished at 1pm? The trip lasted 10 hours???



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Don't worry, B. Caapi

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Re: I THINK I Ruined My Life - Golden Teacher Trip [Re: Xlea321]
    #1669112 -

>>You took them at 3am and you finished at 1pm? The trip lasted 10 hours???

My first successful cubensis trip lasted 8.5 hours.  :smile:

Love & Light,

Boppity

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Mushrooms, Mycology and Psychedelics > The Psychedelic Experience
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