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The HighPhilosopher

Registered: 08/05/03
Posts: 847
Loc: New Jersey U.S.
Last seen: 13 years, 10 months
Emotions Blah Blah Blah....
    #2714037 - 05/22/04 07:03 AM (14 years, 3 days ago)

Hey whats up people. I can't belive i forgot the name of this website after being on here every day last year. Well, im not to good at expressing myself when it comes to my body and emotion. Two topics i have avoided most of my life wich seem to have slapped me in the face in the last week and its kinda hard to put it into words. But posting on here has always made me feel better so here it goes.

Ok, so im about 260 pounds, well i WAS 260, just last week. Untill i started feeling "unrealistic hopes about my chances with a certain person." As quoted by my horoscope on the day i realized i couldn't get this person out of my mind. I no longer feel that way for a number of reasons but my life has not been the same. Wich is good in a way and horrible on another.

See, during this overload of emotion last week. I kinda, stoped eating. I hate the words 'eating disorder' so noone dare suggest it. Anyway, What i would normaly have eaten in one day i have streched out to a whole week. Within the past 4 days ive eating 3 crackers, 1 slice of toast with butter, a piece of meat a small fraction of a slice of pizza and tons of water. About 1 small meal a day, thats it. For the first 3 days i could feel the starving but i just didn't feel like eating ( and i work around tons of food that i can eat at anytime). Now i guess my stomach is used to it cuz i havent heard it for the past 2 days.

The good thing is i have lost a NOTICEABLE amount of weight. I feel the lightest i have in my life and all my clothes are starting to be too big on me. In just one week. In the otherhand i have fallen into the deepest shithole of depression i have ever been in. I cant play videogames, watch tv, or surf the internet anymore. Everything just seems so fucking stupid. I dont remember why i used to smile and i have been cursing at every little fucking thing around me. Oh i an i also remember wanting to die or leave on a long road trip acouple of times in there too. Mostly just die. Not sure why. I can feel this very deep sadness in my face and it's been quite noticeable to the people around me. I drove around about an hour last night in circles around town just thinking. And i had trouble sleeping. Wich... probably explains why its 5 am on a saturday and im posting on a forum i haven't posted on since the last time i lost my job.

So anyway. I know what most replies are going to be "you need to eat healthy, go out for walks, try some heroin!" So just save it. What i want to know is if anyone has been through anything similar. And if you still havent killed yourself, how do you restrain from punching stupid people in the face??

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Registered: 05/08/04
Posts: 325
Last seen: 12 years, 9 months
Re: Emotions Blah Blah Blah.... [Re: Spokesman]
    #2714050 - 05/22/04 07:32 AM (14 years, 3 days ago)

In my teen years I had a weight problem.I was 6 feet tall at 16 and 250 pounds.That was a horrible weight for me.I gained alot of weight because I had stopped growing but I was still eating like I was still growing because I had become accustomed to it.I also ended up slacking in my training around that time.It took me about a year to get down to 210 and about another 6 months to get down to 185.It took ALOT of hard work through exercise and healthy balanced meals and it took alot of monitoring my caloric intake.My body makes it quite hard for me to lose weight but on the plus side I gain muscle and strength extremely fast.The other downside is that for the muscle I gain I also tend to gain a bit of fat with it.It can be frustrating sometimes.

However developing your willpower is critical.It's not easy to lose weight and keep it off long term.I've kept it off for about three and half years now.

You are probably experiencing depression because of low sugar levels or low serotonin levels due to inadequate carbohydrate intake.

"There is no fire like lust, no grip like hate, no net like delusions, no river like craving."

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Registered: 10/03/03
Posts: 535
Loc: Christ Light
Last seen: 13 years, 10 months
Re: Emotions Blah Blah Blah.... [Re: HypnoToad]
    #2714095 - 05/22/04 08:39 AM (14 years, 3 days ago)

i've noticed that when i go thru personal change or "growth" negativity is right there trying to pull me down, whether it be deprission, or being anoyyed at other people or what-not, but with this said there is always a small shimmer of light "positve" that i can can lean into and it grows around me to hold and comfort me thru these times. It's like in the left hand is negativity and in the right positive it's up to me to decide which one im gonna feed off of.hope this helped ya,peace Gypsy

"Well the first days are the hardest days." When life looks like easy street there is danger at your door.....

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Registered: 08/29/03
Posts: 203
Last seen: 9 years, 2 months
Re: Emotions Blah Blah Blah.... [Re: Spokesman]
    #2714144 - 05/22/04 09:43 AM (14 years, 3 days ago)

I barely ate at all last week. I think someone else was saying the same thing.

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Space Travellin
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Registered: 02/13/00
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Re: Emotions Blah Blah Blah.... [Re: Spokesman] * 1
    #2714306 - 05/22/04 11:48 AM (14 years, 3 days ago)

eh so you repress your emotions too huh? believe it or not that used to be (still can be) one of my major problems. So basically to me it sounds like you had your heart set on a person in one way or another, but completely gave up for whatever trivial reason. So you had a lot on your mind, probably a lot of stress, and you stopped eating so much. It happens. I only weigh about 160 lbs, and if anything I should be shoveling plates of food down my throat any chance I get, but there are times when I get a little depressed or whatever and hardly eat at all. Just last week I unintentionally fasted for three days.. I just didn't have the desire to eat at all.

Now as for the depression and wanting to die.. that happens too, and it is also natural. But it should not linger. If this problem continues then you need to do something to change it... I'm sure you can figure something out. Everything seems so stupid.. hmm somehow I can relate.. sometimes everything IS so stupid.. . how do I go through everyday surrounded by people living superficial lives..driven by material possessions and gossip and having no spiritual drive whatsoever - it fucking sucks. But you have to be able to recognize the good things too.. or else you will go crazy.

But you have to keep on keeping on. If there is ONE thing of the trillions I have learned on Earth... it is that the hard and challenging times exist for a very good reason, and if you ride them out objectively..in hindsight you will see that you learned a very valuable life lesson.

So you need to eat healthy.. take walks in nature.. and maybe try some opium. Just kidding.. but eating healthy and exercise can never hurt in helping you feel good. But you want to know if anyone has been through something similar... yes... I have had very similar experiences. But the big question - How do you restrain yourself from punching stupid people in the face... THAT can be a very hard one sometimes, because sometimes you can be surrounded by people seemingly swimming in a vortex of ignorance and belligerance.. and your fist is the karmic deliverer of truth.. it only seems right to balance the universe... but you have to restrain yourself.. unless they attack you or something. Then again you could punch them anyway just because they 'deserve' it. Some people do. Then there's the whole "live and let live" philosophy, which I try and follow. I try and keep my violent fantasies to myself and not act on them.

So yeah.. the solution to wanting to die is to find something useful to do, something that occupies you or something you enjoy. Boredom leads to destruction and destruction leads to self-destruction. I had this problem double than most people, because I had a tendency to bottle *all* of my emotions, especially anger, until it had built up enough to reach critical mass, and the slightest trigger would cause it all to explode in one furious emanation of negativity anger and pure insanity.. ie you wouldnt want to be the poor fool on the receiving end of that. But that's no good...not healthy. Self destructive thought patterns are dangerous. Even though they are natural. What I'm saying is that it's fairly normal to have loss of interest in things, feel a little depressed, think about suicide.. but these things should go away.. or else it is a bigger problem that needs to be dealt with. A little of it is ok.. even perfectly normal one might say. Especially if you are going through a notably 'hard' time in your life in one way or another.

So in order to not be depressed you have to be happy, or find something that interests you. Get your mind off this girl or whatever it is that is bugging you out. Get a new job, one you semi-enjoy.. give yourself time to chill and heal.. driving around town for an hour is good.. do more stuff like that.. but think good thoughts. Depressed thoughts lead to more depressed thoughts..it's a vicious cycle. You say you had unrealistic hopes of chances with a certain person... but did you even try? Do you even know what your chances are or did you just give up before you even began? That could be at least a fraction of the problem.

Essentially.. you are perfectly normal and going through a normal thing. The key  is to give yourself purpose, so as not to give your brain any reason to criticize you and sink you further into depression. You want something with more substance I take it. Hence your reason for not being able to play video games, watch TV, or surf the internet.. and finding them stupid. In reality.. they are stupid.. they are generally mind numbing devices. There can be exceptions of course but overall there is very little spiritual value to be found in them. You need to spend more time with nature, less time with society. I think you should come to the NE gathering next month, it would do your soul some good.

Just don't be a passive psychic sponge.
Be happy, because it's better.  :sun:


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all forms areself awareness

Registered: 02/09/04
Posts: 164
Loc: jungle of love
Last seen: 13 years, 11 months
Re: Emotions Blah Blah Blah.... [Re: Shroomism]
    #2714440 - 05/22/04 12:42 PM (14 years, 3 days ago)

i know what your talking about. just a few months ago i was ready to do myself in. i have bipolar, and never got it treated until my last episode, but that was the lowest ive ever felt.

when you make it through this, you will be stronger, and yes, feelings of depression are impermanent, they will pass.

ive found that with me, feelings of depression are linked to periods of time that my ego is strong. when i take myself out of that first-person view of things and see from the point of an unbiased witness, then that creates a sort of buffer. it helps me realize that the world is not "doing it" to me. the defenses of my ego make it extremely hard for me to realize that im doing it to myself.

"you win some and you lose some." the universe continues. true change can happen only on the inside. accept the people and situations in your life, here and now. (unconditional accepting yourself, also) and i believe acceptance is the ground of love.

using the negative emotions you feel can serve as 'flags' for the things you need to change within yourself.

"pride and indifference shroud this heart, too,as the sun is obscured by the piled-up clouds; supercilious thoughts root out all
modesty of mind, and sorrow saps the strongest will"

you will pull out of this. when you do, you will look back at this with wiser eyes. i believe in you.

o house-builder! thou art seen. thou shalt build no house again. all thy rafters are broken. thy ridge-pole is shattered.

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Leaving YourWasteland

Registered: 10/23/02
Posts: 3,594
Loc: Passing Cloud
Re: Emotions Blah Blah Blah.... [Re: Spokesman]
    #2714646 - 05/22/04 02:23 PM (14 years, 3 days ago)

Yeah dude ive felt the same way. Nothing to do with eating though... although not eatin will make you feel like shit :wink:. But, i feel like leaving everyday. I think abuout how much i hate my job, why i dont leave. But im trapped with the fact of my mom, it always comes back to home, how i have to go to school for them, how i have to keep a job.

Ive been looking for a new job, sometimes i think its okay what i do, but i cant feel any sort of outward force saying no. No direction really, i feel like i have so many choices.

Emotions... Yeah i feel, but my emotion as of late have taken a real dulling. I dont think we should be lifeless creatures without extremes, but i dont think its good to just go on with shit, and pretend like everything is okay.

I would give some advice, or tell you something concrete, but i dont know what that is, or what it would be.

Theres a thin line from suicide i think, its like an eggshell. I just havent cracked all the way yet.


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