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Unfolding Nature Shop: Unfolding Nature: Being in the Implicate Order

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Marriage vows and other tales.
    #24919167 -

Why do you think people take vows of fidelity and then cheat? It's supposed to be a sacred promise to someone you really love and respect.  In one study I read the researcher said 70% of the men interviewed in long term marriages said they had cheated on their spouse. Many other studies put the %  lower but it seems that we make promises that we don't keep all the time. Why do you think humans lie so much? It seems to be a basic fact of life. Are we really as weak and lacking in  integrity  and honesty as it seems? Not to mention all the everyday so called small or  white lies we tell. Do you think humanity is destined always to be this way? If you don't how do you see change happening that would make us more honest and truthful? What would it take? Any evidence to show it's starting to happen or is it getting worse?


--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC

Edited by Icelander (01/16/18 07:24 PM)

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Re: Marriage vows and other tales. [Re: Icelander]
    #24919178 -

Well people tend to have their issues.  Everyone is in a relationship of choice for a reason or another.  Usually guys want to act on feelings.  Woman want more concrete gain, usually money and lifestyle.  Guys are into looks, that's just the psycology of it.

A guy won't marry a girl usually unless he physically wants her.  Girls usually want a free ride.  Suppose it could flip.

Sooner or later someones eyes wonder.  The girl realizes the dude ain't worth shit or the dude realizes looks fade.


--------------------
"in sterquiliniis invenitur in stercore invenitur"

In filth it will be found in dung it will be found

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Re: Marriage vows and other tales. [Re: Morel Guy]
    #24919203 -

Yeah that's pretty much what happens often enough. Is that just the way we're built or do we have some better choices we aren't making?


--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC

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Re: Marriage vows and other tales. [Re: Icelander]
    #24919215 -

The world is dumb.  I guess people know when they start but they believe in the fairy tale.

I wonder about how more primal tribes deal with this.  Some do orgies and others have other systems.

Sad part is what cheating represents.  It's not just the physical act or the risk of vd or another outside party being knocked up.  It's someone already gave up.  Then the mind game how it's the victims fault.

Society does that a lot and even at high levels of govt.  blames victims.


--------------------
"in sterquiliniis invenitur in stercore invenitur"

In filth it will be found in dung it will be found

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Re: Marriage vows and other tales. [Re: Morel Guy]
    #24919234 -

Yeah I think you're right. So those fairy tales would be lies we tell ourselves so we can think better of ourselves than we actually deserve or is real.  That would indicate imo a very low self esteem . Yet we so often claim to think very highly of ourselves. 

Sometimes I think we invented language so we'd have a easy way to lie to each other.


--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC

Edited by Icelander (01/16/18 07:47 PM)

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Re: Marriage vows and other tales. [Re: Icelander]
    #24919242 -

True!

Language is a power struggle, just read the media and how the govt takes and words their positions.  Then we all suffer when we lack experience being manipulative.


--------------------
"in sterquiliniis invenitur in stercore invenitur"

In filth it will be found in dung it will be found

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Re: Marriage vows and other tales. [Re: Icelander]
    #24924789 -

Icelander said:
Why do you think people take vows of fidelity and then cheat?


Humans are chronic rule breakers.

Establish a rule, law, or contract, and most of us will break our necks trying to break it.

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Re: Marriage vows and other tales. [Re: Icelander]
    #24924807 -

We can't completely predict the future and for some reason this post reminds me of the saying, "Expectations can become pre-meditated resentments."

I can't speak for everyone but I've heard some people don't tell their spouse they've cheated because they don't want to cause any extra 'unnecessary' hurt, which is essentially another way of saying I don't want to take any responsibility for my actions because I know that my partner will probably leave me and I'm worried over the prospect of being alone again.


--------------------
I am whatever Darwin needs me to be.


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Re: Marriage vows and other tales. [Re: RJ Tubs 202]
    #24925169 -

RJ Tubs 202 said:
Icelander said:
Why do you think people take vows of fidelity and then cheat?


Humans are chronic rule breakers.

Establish a rule, law, or contract, and most of us will break our necks trying to break it.



Why are we rule breakers?


--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC

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Re: Marriage vows and other tales. [Re: Icelander]
    #24925292 -

Break rules or take what's not or shouldn't be yours.

Inherent to humans inks a constant want for more.
If actually SATISFIED this would not happen as often.
Nowadays nobody is satisfied. If we don't want more women we want more money/things, if we don't want that we want more drugs.
Always MORE MORE MORE.
That is human condition.
To just be and be satisfied is an incredible feat and only those people should actually do things like committing themselves to one relationship.
Otherwise we are just fucking to keep the species going.
Caring and fucking are very different and all under pressure of wantoness.
The slow grind of more .
Also explains credit/debt in America

Cheers


--------------------
hmm...

"I'm naked and fearless... And my fear is naked."

"life isn't worth living without the threat of death"

"I got my plans in a ziploc bag, let's see how unproductive we can be"

"nobody lives their lives fully except for bull fighters"

My Trade List

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Re: Marriage vows and other tales. [Re: Icelander]
    #24925311 -

I guess the appetite gets triggered,
and while the left foot remains stupidly on the clutch,
the brake foot slips off
and the tongue hangs out while staring longingly;
then the vehicle just rolls into an embrace that should have been steered around safely.


--------------------
:brainfart: _ :finger:

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Re: Marriage vows and other tales. [Re: redgreenvines]
    #24925413 -

Nice method for creating widespread suffering. :satansmoking:


--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Re: Marriage vows and other tales. [Re: Icelander]
    #24926116 -

accidents waiting to happen


--------------------
:brainfart: _ :finger:

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Re: Marriage vows and other tales. [Re: Icelander]
    #24926356 -

Icelander said:
Why do you think people take vows of fidelity and then cheat? It's supposed to be a sacred promise to someone you really love and respect.  In one study I read the researcher said 70% of the men interviewed in long term marriages said they had cheated on their spouse. Many other studies put the %  lower but it seems that we make promises that we don't keep all the time. Why do you think humans lie so much? It seems to be a basic fact of life. Are we really as weak and lacking in  integrity  and honesty as it seems? Not to mention all the everyday so called small or  white lies we tell. Do you think humanity is destined always to be this way? If you don't how do you see change happening that would make us more honest and truthful? What would it take? Any evidence to show it's starting to happen or is it getting worse?


I'd say that it's getting worse the more complex the world becomes.

The way I see it what keeps people honest is repercussions for dishonesty.

If someone can get away with dishonesty without repercussions, they will. And the more complex, in general, the settings around us are, the more opportunity for small lies to go unnoticed, unchecked, and without recourse. That's a recipe for a snowball effect.

But maybe I've just been in the business world too long now :satansmoking:

I made an off-handed comment to the misses yesterday about a co-worker. He's clearly an extroverted sort and makes a great salesman as a result. But he's full of shit. And I've always pondered how he can sling BS so confidently. And it struck me that it's because of his extroversion. He looks at the external circumstances with a clarity I have to really think about and often after the fact. He looks at someone buying a product, coming to him for advice, and he knows he can say whatever because they simply don't know. And if they catch him, he just keeps going until he finds that weak point that they didn't know.

Me, I look at myself first. What answer would I want?
The truth, duh. :lol:


--------------------
Why shouldn't the truth be stranger than fiction?
Fiction, after all, has to make sense. -- Mark Twain

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Re: Marriage vows and other tales. [Re: Kickle]
    #24926376 -

Yeah the business world is not the place to look for honesty.


--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Re: Marriage vows and other tales. [Re: Icelander]
    #24926388 -

Do you think you'd be unfaithful given the chance? Why or why not?


--------------------
Why shouldn't the truth be stranger than fiction?
Fiction, after all, has to make sense. -- Mark Twain

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Re: Marriage vows and other tales. [Re: Kickle]
    #24926728 -

In marriage, no not in this life. I never cheated on a girlfriend. I always felt that my partner was supposed to be my best friend.

I still lie all the time however. I learned to lie from my parents,  and of course in school. Human nature. We lie. Nothing is going to change that.


--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC

Edited by Icelander (01/19/18 08:34 PM)

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Re: Marriage vows and other tales. [Re: Icelander]
    #24926832 -

I would not, have not, but I understand how it is just the same.


--------------------
:brainfart: _ :finger:

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Re: Marriage vows and other tales. [Re: Icelander]
    #24927130 -

Icelander said:
Why are we rule breakers?


In part due to demand-resistance. 

Demand-Resistance is "a chronic and automatic negative inner response to the perception of pressure, expectations, or demands."

The expectations or demands can come from from within ("I hate to do the dishes") or without (marriage vows of monogamy).

Demand-resistance plays a big role in our lives. Super interesting subject.

http://www.squalorsurvivors.com/overcoming/yourself/demand-resistance.shtml

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Re: Marriage vows and other tales. [Re: redgreenvines]
    #24927510 -

redgreenvines said:
I would not, have not, but I understand how it is just the same.


you are a positive influence when you make others not lie


--------------------
Make love not war
And art
Save the planet
Fix the earth

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Unfolding Nature Shop: Unfolding Nature: Being in the Implicate Order

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