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    #21433134 -

Guys, I don't know where else to turn for help. I've been trying to fight against my brain for years, and bipolar is winning. I haven't had any money to get my meds, my legs are cut up and scared because it is the only way that makes my head silent for a minute. I don't want to live anymore. I don't want to try, because everytime I finally get back up, my mind always finds a way to ruin everything I have going for me. I'm at the point now where I don't care about leaving my girlfriend and my family behind. I don't know what to do. I know I shouldn't do what I want to do, but I know it is coming.


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Reborn - 6/08/13

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Re: :/ [Re: MushyMatt]
    #21433153 -

i think when you are at that point, its time to check yourself in.

tell them you cant afford meds, your head isnt right...and go play apples to apples for a few days while they get your meds on track and figure out how you can afford them.


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->$10 FLOW HOOD ALTERNATIVE <-

. i cleaned a mold contaminated live culture and saved it. (might have useful applications)

[quote]Enlil said:
I'd be the guy with thousands of minions doing my bidding and all of the hot women locked in a cage for my use.[/quote]

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Re: :/ [Re: rxb]
    #21433187 -

obviously you want to live and obviously you know your brain is making that hard. hospitals cant take what you dont give them, and bad credit is fixable, even so, bipolar is grounds for social security it IS a disability, you are witnessing that now. if it makes it hard to live CLEARLY its making it hard to work. if you can work you cant afford meds and hospital care.

so go to the hospital, hang out in the psych ward for a few days until you get leveled off, they feed you they send you home with some meds. BE SURE you talk to EVERYONE about your concern over affording meds. and your ability to work when you have episodes....

get yourself on disability, get yourself a shrink that you enjoy...get yourself healthy and happy, because you CAN and you deserve to.


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->$10 FLOW HOOD ALTERNATIVE <-

. i cleaned a mold contaminated live culture and saved it. (might have useful applications)

[quote]Enlil said:
I'd be the guy with thousands of minions doing my bidding and all of the hot women locked in a cage for my use.[/quote]

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Re: :/ [Re: rxb]
    #21433401 -

hey man.

i hope you'll go get help.

my sister was in a similar situation a little over a year ago...we had to have her committed but now she is doing really well.

http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

:hug:


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Re: :/ [Re: MushyMatt]
    #21433408 -

Wish you the best vibes Matt. If you feel you need help then look for it.


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:mushroom2::sun::crazy2::leaf:




...once in a while you get shown the light in the strangest places if you look at it right...



:feelsgoatman:

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Re: :/ [Re: MushyMatt]
    #21434942 -

:sad: My heart go's out to you man.

I hope you can find the help you need. In most city's there are ways to get treatment without money.

Look into group therapy? its a good way to heal without spending a lot of money.

:heart:


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Life begins on the other side of despair...

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Re: :/ [Re: Grateful Dead]
    #21436716 -

Group therapy is never going to happen. I have a hard enough time just opening up to my girlfriend.

I got my anxiety meds, but my anxiety is so bad I am taking 6x the recommended dosage and it still is barely helping.

I'm broken guys, and I don't think I can be fixed.


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Reborn - 6/08/13

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Re: :/ [Re: MushyMatt]
    #21436992 -

Sorry to hear that man...
You should be able to sign up for state insurance, which will pay for your meds.  All you do is go to your nearest police station, tell them you have suicidal idealizations, and they will take you to the nearest psych facility.  The state pays for your stay.  From there, you may be transferred to another facility for further evaluations, and they should prescribe you the meds you need.


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Re: :/ [Re: Natures medicine]
    #21437102 -

can mellow out bi polar with thc. but you really want lowish thc and midlevel cbd.

hard to get in non med states.

you could experiment with microdosing mushies. but whatever you do you should be overseen by someone who cares and has a clue... the problem with bipolar is you guys always think you need more or less than you actually do. and have next to no clue when you are stable.


--------------------
->$10 FLOW HOOD ALTERNATIVE <-

. i cleaned a mold contaminated live culture and saved it. (might have useful applications)

[quote]Enlil said:
I'd be the guy with thousands of minions doing my bidding and all of the hot women locked in a cage for my use.[/quote]

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Re: :/ [Re: rxb]
    #21449310 -

Well, I am now on Lithium, so we will see how this goes.


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Reborn - 6/08/13

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Re: :/ [Re: MushyMatt]
    #21525981 -

Well ended up in the er the other day for a suicide attempt. Doubled my dose of lithium and now also on klonopin. :/


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Reborn - 6/08/13

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Re: :/ [Re: MushyMatt]
    #21525995 -

do us a favor and next time you feel suicidal go to the er first.

or let us call 911 for you.


--------------------
->$10 FLOW HOOD ALTERNATIVE <-

. i cleaned a mold contaminated live culture and saved it. (might have useful applications)

[quote]Enlil said:
I'd be the guy with thousands of minions doing my bidding and all of the hot women locked in a cage for my use.[/quote]

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Re: :/ [Re: rxb]
    #21526000 -

i wish you werent suffering with this so much.


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->$10 FLOW HOOD ALTERNATIVE <-

. i cleaned a mold contaminated live culture and saved it. (might have useful applications)

[quote]Enlil said:
I'd be the guy with thousands of minions doing my bidding and all of the hot women locked in a cage for my use.[/quote]

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Re: :/ [Re: rxb]
    #21526012 -

Im not going back to that psych ward. Never. Again. The room alone wanted me to kill myself. They locked me in a pure plastic room. The two tables and chairs were plastic that were built into the room. Plastic bed with a sheet and a pillow. I honestly felt like i was in jail, the only difference was the room was 3x big and had no bathroom. Everytime the door shut on someones room, i could hear the nurse and the tech making fun of the person and i couldnt help but think what they were saying about me. I really needto talk to someone high up there and make a better room environment for people who are mentally unstable but at the same time, cooperating and not causing a problem to others or yourself.


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Reborn - 6/08/13

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Re: :/ [Re: MushyMatt]
    #21526022 -

Then why not make that your goal? Advocate for those in need. You have personal insight into the envinroment there, why not try to take steps towards helping the people out


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:mushroom2::sun::crazy2::leaf:




...once in a while you get shown the light in the strangest places if you look at it right...



:feelsgoatman:

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Re: :/ [Re: Sham87]
    #21526034 -

My goal now is to stay alive. Then focus on school that can lead myself to a career that can help people. Since i can't be a pilot, i am thinking either pharmacy tech to a pharmacist, emt, or phlebotomy.


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Reborn - 6/08/13

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Re: :/ [Re: MushyMatt]
    #21526044 -

well do what you have to do but stay focused man, keep your mind busy brother.


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:mushroom2::sun::crazy2::leaf:




...once in a while you get shown the light in the strangest places if you look at it right...



:feelsgoatman:

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Re: :/ [Re: Sham87]
    #21545397 -

Attempt #2. I love you all so fucking much. My time on this board was amazing. I've learned so much from so many lovely souls. It's sad that "drug" users aka psych users have more love toward others they dont even know than the ones that Cl aim to love you the most.

During my first mushroom trip ever of 9g, i discovered my biggest fear is being insane. I realize what that meant now because i saw the demon in me that will drive me to be insane. Over the past 4 years its grown into something unstoppable.

For everyone, please live by this quote i found myself repeating in a deems experience.

We are nothing, yet at the same time, we are everything.

I love you all.

Especially..
Viva la mushie
Andy
HB (I really miss you man)
Deadendvor
GaV (even though your a dick, i love you man)
Baller
and to all of you in our special chattermatrix chat. You have helped me everytime shit was bad. You guys were my crsis hotline. I love you all for putting up with me.

Summer daisies, I will be seeing you soon man.

I love you all so much, make something of the life we live. Dont let a mental illness in your life.


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Reborn - 6/08/13

Edited by MushyMatt (04/14/15 10:12 AM)

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Re: :/ [Re: MushyMatt]
    #21545661 -

Love you man good luck brother, I hope you find the peace you need.


--------------------
:mushroom2::sun::crazy2::leaf:




...once in a while you get shown the light in the strangest places if you look at it right...



:feelsgoatman:

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Re: :/ [Re: Sham87]
    #21545737 -

love and peace to you.


--------------------
->$10 FLOW HOOD ALTERNATIVE <-

. i cleaned a mold contaminated live culture and saved it. (might have useful applications)

[quote]Enlil said:
I'd be the guy with thousands of minions doing my bidding and all of the hot women locked in a cage for my use.[/quote]

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
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Shop: Sporeworks.EU Spores for European Microscopy   North Spore North Spore Mushroom Grow Kits & Cultivation Supplies   Original Sensible Seeds High THC Strains

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