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just wrote a poem heavy with christian themes. tell me what you think. * 1
    #17223117 -

i didn't plan on writing how i did. i was just trying to talk about the serpent mythology. it ended up being a lot of revelation imagery.

Shrewd is your tongue,
And forked like the river.
Forth from your lungs
Comes its knowledgeable whisper.
Jaws unhinged for deceit
Behind those fangs sleek and slender;
That which you promise
You will never deliver.

Come now, dragon.
Your time has grown short.
Make haste with your armies,
O, King of the North.
Unveil yourselves, serpents.
Writhe and contort.
Show mankind his divinity.
Yes! Equate harmony with discord.

"Prepare, men, for war!
There can be no surrender!
Our arrows will sing
Until we've emptied our quivers!
Comes now the time to be always remembered.
We will blot out the sun,
    (Turn the lushest land to cinder)
See of the moon not a sliver.

Bloodlust. Bloodguilt. He fought and killed many,
But he and his crowd were outnumbered from the beginning.
He stared them in the eyes when he was martyred.
He did not bow his head nor bend a knee.

"Peace and security!"
So has proclaimed the new Lord.
"Love and acceptance!"
As he swings his mighty sword.
"I have returned!"
As he steps onto the shore.
"Long live the King!"
    (Who is like our Lord?)
The crowds cheer in accord.

Shrewd is your tongue
And forked like the river.
Forth from your lungs
Comes its knowledgeable whisper.
Jaws unhinged for deceit
Behind those fangs sleek and slender.
That which you promise
You will never deliver.

And those surviving sold their souls
To buy their children food.
Thus their reasoning was taken from them,
And they were like cattle moved.
Aye, unto every successive generation
More mindlessness was imbued.
Yet, high in the heavens hooves galloped.
O, a storm now there brews.

With thunder the clouds opened,
The sea surged, and the earth churned.
Down from the heavens rode the white horse
For which all the faithful had yearned.
Before the crowned rider's mouth,
The sword of truth did turn
To cast judgment on the impostor
That his identity the whole world may learn.

He said:
"Shrewd is your tongue
And forked like the river.
Forth from your lungs comes
Its knowledgeable whisper.
Jaws unhinged for deceit,
Behind those fangs sleek and slender.
That which you have promised, Serpent,
You will never deliver."

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Re: just wrote a poem heavy with christian themes. tell me what you think. [Re: questioneverything]
    #17223154 -

i honestly enjoyed that very much!


--------------------
Something there is mysteriously formed,
Existing before Heaven and Earth,
Silent, still, standing alone, unchanging,
All-pervading, unfailing,
I do not know its name; I call it tao.
If forced to give it a name, I call it
Great (ta). Being great, it flows out;
Flowing out means far-reaching;
Being far-reaching, it is said to return.

It's just a shot away..

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Re: just wrote a poem heavy with christian themes. tell me what you think. [Re: Bill_Oreilly]
    #17223158 -

tl:dr

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Re: just wrote a poem heavy with christian themes. tell me what you think. [Re: questioneverything]
    #17223166 -

Why do you hate gays so much? Are you in denial about something?

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Re: just wrote a poem heavy with christian themes. tell me what you think. [Re: RedSnapper]
    #17223179 -

RedSnapper said:
tl:dr


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Re: just wrote a poem heavy with christian themes. tell me what you think. [Re: Bill_Oreilly]
    #17223207 -

Odaxelagnia said:
Why do you hate gays so much? Are you in denial about something?




doesn't have anything to do with this thread. why do you have to read my ratings to tell me if you like what i wrote?


TheAnimalJesus said:
i honestly enjoyed that very much!




THANKS my man! i appreciate it.

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Re: just wrote a poem heavy with christian themes. tell me what you think. [Re: questioneverything]
    #17223387 -

That was neat to read: reminded me more of medieval times (which I love) then christian themes although i'm completely ignorant when it comes to Christianity :lol:

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Re: just wrote a poem heavy with christian themes. tell me what you think. [Re: Beanhead]
    #17223438 -

Right on dude. Thanks. Yeah I'm more drawn to the medieval wars than modern. Braveheart over black hawk down.

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Re: just wrote a poem heavy with christian themes. tell me what you think. [Re: questioneverything]
    #17223614 -

Pretty cool.  Reminds me of some of Dimmu Borgir's lyrics, although they tend to advocate for the other team.  :lol:

Quote:
My descent is the story of everyman
I am hatred, darkness and despair
My descent is the story of everyman
I am hatred, darkness and despair

Evoked and entertained through centuries
Wrathful and sullen--dormant still

The ferocity pervades everywhere
Waiting to be released at last
Hear my offering
Ye bastard sons and daughters
Share my sacrifice
Share my sacrifice

Reconcile not with the fear of the snake
But embrace it as your own
Inject its venom into your veins
And replant the seed that gives growth
Still shrouded in mystery
Until you arise above perception
A veil of ignorance is emotion
Continuing throughout generations

The snake is notoriously tempting
But the snake is fair
What is worse than not knowing?
To live or disappear?




--------------------
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.

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Re: just wrote a poem heavy with christian themes. tell me what you think. [Re: deCypher]
    #17223654 -

I would never listen to dimmu borgir because like you said they're pretty evil, for lack of a better word. But damn man their drummer is fantastic. Thanks for the compliment bro. I'm just starting to realize how weird this poem sounds. I was rolling balls when I wrote it. And I just railed another capsule so I'm still rolling, but with a little time behind me I see this poem sounds pretty freaking weird. I'm really attached to it though. I'm just proud that it's not traditional subject-verb-direct object all the way through. Lots of yoda mechanics in here hahaha. But for real thanks.

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Re: just wrote a poem heavy with christian themes. tell me what you think. [Re: questioneverything]
    #17223664 -

Doesn't really affect me in any way/10


--------------------
You are at once
both
the quiet
and
the confusion
of my heart.
-Franz Kafka

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Re: just wrote a poem heavy with christian themes. tell me what you think. [Re: questioneverything]
    #17223677 -

Good repetition and imagery. I would suggest experimenting with line breaks in the future. There is a lot of end stopping. Maybe try some enjambment to change the flow a little. Just a suggestion


--------------------



"That's the vernacular, isn't it?" --Mrs. Peel

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Re: just wrote a poem heavy with christian themes. tell me what you think. [Re: questioneverything]
    #17223708 -

Pretty good man.  Also inspired me to post more publicly a somewhat similar poem I wrote last year, which you can find here, if you like.


--------------------

--------------------
┼ ··∙   long live the shroomery  ∙·· ┼
...╬π╥ ╥π╬...

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Re: just wrote a poem heavy with christian themes. tell me what you think. [Re: RedSnapper]
    #17223713 -

RedSnapper said:
tl:dr


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Re: just wrote a poem heavy with christian themes. tell me what you think. [Re: questioneverything]
    #17223728 -

I can dig it.

Seems a bit king Jamesy to me but I guess anything other than the poetry of the Romantics has *always* seemed campy to me.

That's not to say this is a bad piece of work; far from it. I can definitely enjoy it for what it is despite that it's never been my thing.

That sir, is well deserving of

:raisemyglass:

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Re: just wrote a poem heavy with christian themes. tell me what you think. [Re: Adden]
    #17223991 -

the_drummer said:
Good repetition and imagery. I would suggest experimenting with line breaks in the future. There is a lot of end stopping. Maybe try some enjambment to change the flow a little. Just a suggestion


I'm interested in the suggestion, but I don't know what you mean by line breaks? I tried to break it up 4 couplets per paragraph and connected them with that "bloodlust. Bloodguilt" paragraph.

geokills said:
Pretty good man.  Also inspired me to post more publicly a somewhat similar poem I wrote last year, which you can find here, if you like.


Thank you! I'm gonna read it right after I post this.
Dystopia said:
I can dig it.

Seems a bit king Jamesy to me but I guess anything other than the poetry of the Romantics has *always* seemed campy to me.

That's not to say this is a bad piece of work; far from it. I can definitely enjoy it for what it is despite that it's never been my thing.

That sir, is well deserving of

:raisemyglass:



Yeah I know what you mean. It definitely doesn't sound like modern English, but I'm glad you appreciated it for what it is. Thank you very much.

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