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OfflineSpooge
The Nutter
Registered: 04/21/04
Posts: 5,189
Loc: Ice patches that last for...
Last seen: 4 years, 9 days
A poem I just wrote
    #4294334 - 06/14/05 06:35 AM (11 years, 5 months ago)

I'm getting very brave and am attempting for the first time to give a poem I just made.  Well, I'm not really a poet. Just something I wrote I guess, hope it's not to bad.

I wrote this after finish several terrence mckenna books.  Thinking about it now, I think it's heavily influenced by terrence mckenna.

Eden Speaks

Hush the quivering whispers,
Whispers of impending doom,
The silent shout of paradise lost,
Hiding deep inside the moon.

Leaning on a wall of light,
Darkness walking under our feet,
Invisible door with a welcome mat,
Seen through the eyes of a silent cat.

Reflecting moonlight on a midnight surface,
Silhuettes(sp?) of spaceships and dreams,
The smell of a past love,
Showing the door and erasing the seams.

A cosmic dive in the pool of awareness,
Hesitating breath for fear of pain,
A time to let go of all our fears,
Love will be our winning gain.


I'm not very versed in proper grammar techniques and whatnot.  Just something I wrote.  Any criticism?  My own would be....I like the first verse the most.  The feeling I get from the first verse is lost when I move onto the others.  They just aren't the same.  But I don't really think about these things when I write them fuked up  :wink:


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OfflineHambo
Limey

Registered: 09/23/04
Posts: 497
Loc: UK
Last seen: 9 years, 9 months
Re: A poem I just wrote [Re: Spooge]
    #4295767 - 06/14/05 07:02 PM (11 years, 5 months ago)

Until it got onto the spaceships and cosmic stuff, the first 2 made me think of that tom cat one.. you know?

In midnight in the alley,
A Tomcat comes to wail,
And he chants the hate of a million years,
With the swing of his snakey tail.

or something.. I like that one. Anyway it has a cat in. So its ok by me.


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Onlinerogue_pixie
faerydae
Female User Gallery

Registered: 07/28/04
Posts: 3,812
Loc: UK
Last seen: 1 minute, 5 seconds
Re: A poem I just wrote [Re: Hambo]
    #4295781 - 06/14/05 07:05 PM (11 years, 5 months ago)

yeah I like the first verse a lot too.#

nice imagery :smile:


--------------------
'It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.' ~ J. Krishnamurti


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