October 14, 2010 - After a 2 year hiatus from the playful goddess salvinorin: One full average-sized bowl of standardized 10x atop a layer of plain leaf as bedding with the song Sama by Ishq playing loudly in the background. I've been introduced to salvialand on many occasions and I've grown fairly comfortable with the experience.
God's fractal playhouse and the cosmic escalator
Holding the flame over the bowl, I deeply inhale all of it at once and set the bowl on the glass plate beside me to avoid starting a fire. I then close my eyes as I hold the hit in deep and await the shattering of reality... two seconds pass, then five seconds, seven seconds, ten seconds... I begin asking myself, "why is nothing happening? why am I not feeling that all-familiar escalating tingling sensation and gravitational pull I'm used to?" I open my eyes to the sight of my room and ask again but aloud, "why is nothing happening?" Suddenly my room begins to slowly shift as if moving diagonally upwards and to the east. My bedroom ceiling opens up like a dollhouse revealing the stars as it keeps shifting farther and farther diagonally up and east leaving behind it a fractal image of my same dilemma in two second increments. Before I know it and with eyes open, here I am looking at a seemingly infinitely repeating fractal image of the same room I was viewing all of this from. During the course of this I feel a playful spirit behind me laughing at the strange predicament I find myself in. He begins to reach down, I feel his giant and powerful hand coming in close and fear overtakes me. I attempt to stand and run but physics do not apply here, he's altered gravity and manipulated reality making any attempt at escape impossible. I was now at his disposal - I, the puppet and he, my puppet master. He telepathically informs me that he means me no harm, that he wants to take me on a miraculous voyage through the cosmos... I care not for all I can think is, "what the fuck? you've proven your power, you've shattered my reality, you've proven to me that I'm minuscule and unimportant. What more do you want with me?" I feel his power in my mind as he works and massages my brain circuits pulling me higher and higher, deeper and deeper. I keep rising as though my world is stuck on a never-ending escalator to the stars but the image never changes - the fractal dollhouse that is my bedroom is the same room I've always known but... but... different. Again I ask myself, "what the fuck do I do now? how do I escape the grip of this playful and powerful god?" Finally I find my footing and look back to see the fractal images of my room slowly dissipating as the cosmic escalator loosens its grip and begins to decline - my room slowly shifts back down into place at the request of the powerful yet almost malevolent spirit. He seems disappointed as he begins to fade, as though I missed out on an opportunity that few spirits have the chance to experience. I open my door and enter my brothers room, leaving the music, in an attempt to collect my bearings and explain what just happened. I feel disoriented and I still feel the presence of the spirit poking fun at my shame and confusion. Following a little gibberish and a sad attempt to explain the impossible to my brother, I make my way back to my room and sit in my computer chair. I realize my room is still slowly coming back into place. I think to myself, "is it the music moving my experience? is it the spirit? is it me?" The Spirit has left by now and I'm arriving back at baseline. My reality has been torn apart and rebuilt with new and inconceivable foundations of wonder and awe. I'm left feeling small, confused, and disappointed - disappointed that I didn't have the courage to close my eyes and let go for I would have gone deeper than I've ever gone before.
-------------------- "The greatest blessings come by way of madness." ~Socrates
"We are not human beings having spiritual experiences, we are spiritual beings having human experiences." ~Teilhard de Chardin
"He who knows best knows how little he knows." ~Thomas Jefferson
Edited by mikeoshi (10/14/10 10:08 PM)
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