Ok so this is going to be one of those long ones but I will try to get all the Intricate details in just so you know how fuxed this world is!
So I went to highschool with this guy, and tho we spoke occasionally and shared a few classes, I never really claimed him as a friend. Well, about three weeks ago I got to see him again at a party. We spoke, shared droogz, drank some, then at the end of the night when hes gettin ready to head out he hops on a crotch rocket. Well I knew he had had a few "imparements" and offered him a ride home, but he insisted that he lived only a couple of blocks away, so I shook his hand, looked him dead in the eye, and said "be careful on that thing man, shit can go wrong in an instant!" That was the last time I saw him. (he didnt die that night, just interesting my last words to him.
Ok so skip to 2 1/2 weeks later, or the other day if you prefer, and low and behold my myspace and facebook blow up with RIP letters for this same guy. It turns out that he was doing a lil racing on the interstate, and wrecked his bike at 100+ mph.
well in these letters are invited to his wake, whick took place last night. Now honestly I wouldnt have even been in town if I didnt have to pick up some smoke, but when i got to my dealers he asked if I was going to the wake, and said I should. "It was meant to be a celebration of his life." SO I say fux it why not and I tag along.
Now the crazy starts!
When we get there I notice a police officer at the door so I crack a joke to him and say "must be a pretty serious wake if the cops need to be here.", he laughed and returned with "yea some kinda detail huh" then directed us to where the ceremonies were taking place in teh back of the building.
As we got to where we should be I noticed that the room was packed full. Half of it were older folks, dressed in black, and the other half were the younger(his friends) people dressed in whatever. One of the younger kids, obviously a friend, was about to read a speech but stated that he didnt have anything written down, so he was jsut gonna read the last email that the deceased sent him. turns out it was a bunch of Michael Mackson jokes, so he starts "whats small, brown and found in baby's diapers???" then all shit hits the fan!!! One of the older gentlemen, who i learned later to be a "second uncle", shouts, "you need to stop, this is not what were here for!" then the fiancee of the deceased jumps up and retorts, this is exactly why were here, thisis a celebration of life, not a funeral, we already had that.". Well the family didnt like that too much and tells her she has to leave! so she jumps up and runs outa the door crying. At this point all of the friends group follows her outside, and were all standing around as friends try to calm her down.
Now things get tricky, the widow recovers, and ermembers that teh family had an open bar for the wake, so she informs all of the friends group to flood the bar. seeming on hw we got kicked out early there were none of the family group there to stop us. I recon that before the owner of the tab was informed we did about 2500 dollars in damage to the bar, but sure as shit whomever found out and shut down the tab. So its decided that we should move to a friends house and have a seperate ceremonie, and while everyone was exchanging goodbies the widow remembers that she forgot her fiancee's snowboard, and skateboard inside, and that they were specifically left to her. (why a 20 somethin has a will i dont know, but he did) So she says shell be right back shes gonna go get them. Not 3 minuits later shes bieng carried out by the family, yes the WIDOW mind you, and she is told she cant get her belongings. Now she goes batshit! So all of her friends gather by the entrance, drinks in hand, but outside mind you, and start trying to get her to calm down again, and thats when the improbable happened.
I had decided that I had seen enough and started to walk down the street when not one, not two, but 5 squad cars pull up, surround the area and start questioning/detaining anyone under the age of 40! The same cop i joked with at the door grabs my arm and says "where do you think your going?" So I look right at him, Im clean shaven with a fresh military haircut and an army shirt on, and say "Im going home mother fucker have fun breaking up wakes." naturally he dosent like that too much, but theres shit he can do so he says "get outa here" and for a second I almost took his advice, but something made me turn around one more time.
AS I turned around I see two cops literally dragging the widow away from the building, shes got a cigarette in one hand and a skateboard in the other, to a squad car and I thinks to myself "man thats fuxed up, I wonder if i can help?" So I walk over to where these two cops are wrestling with the widow, trying to get her into the car And I say to one of them "really? Your gonna arrest the widow?" and he says shes disturbing the peace. He turns back to her then says, and I quote, "If you dont give me that cigarrette, Im gonna smack it from your mouth and burn you so bad." and that sets off the bad idea monster and I tap him on the shoulder and say "If you touch that young lady again Ill drop you like a sack of bricks!" WHOOPS. Now Im in the swuad car next to the widow, but at this point my diversion has taen the heat down a notch, (I went peacefully after realizing that I had fuxed up) and jsut at that time, the mother of the deceased comes outa the building witht the snowboard in one hand, and the will in the other, and walks up to the cops that have detained us and shows him the paper and request that they let us go. (the mother is on the friends side in all of this BTW).
After that we get uncuffed and sent on our way. I offer to bring the widow home and she agrees so we head out... but wait jsut one more suprise! the cop that I joked with at teh door is sitting on the back of my truck, with a warrant to search. So I chuckle and say have fun wastin your time. 1 hour later and empty handed he says "thats what you get for threatening the police.". Many things ran through my mind at that point, but I held my tounge nicely, hopped in the car and drove the widow and myself to her house/party.
After yesterdays incident I got to wondering how fuxed is the world really?
Do people really kick spouses outa wakes?
Do second uncles know people better then friends do, I doubt it.
Are cops really all jsut psycho steroid, Im gonna fux you up people?
BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU SAY TO PEOPLE, IT MIGHT/ MIGHT NOT BE THE LAST TIME YOU SEE THEM!
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I belive that both Heaven and Hell exist on this earth. Our gift as humans is that we get to decide which realm we live in.
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