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suicidal thoughts
    #10162492 -

when my life gets tough, thoughts of suicide play on the outskirts of my mind.

things like putting the petal to the floor, and letting go of the wheel.... letting go as the car veers off of the road into un-avoidable chaos and calamity.

Sometimes i think of what it would be like to just shoot myself in the head. How I could never pull the trigger, sitting there for hours, a bottle of whiskey and a bullet. just wondering and waiting if i could do it, then just commiting in a second and pulling the gun to my head as i Screamed for the last time as i pulled the trigger out of impulse...

what it might feel like in that last moment before death became me. how it might feel in those moments before i died. How i would probably regret what I had done.

I would never kill my self, I am not capable.but as life gets difficult for me the thoughts flirt with my conciousness.

i just dont know what to do, or to think. i know that these are things that i can not tell a single soul on this world. thoughts and words of this nature have implications that stretch far beyond the computer screen into the real world, they can lock you up, and put you away for a long time. they can steal your shoe laces, and put you in a padded room against your will. they can take your freedom and your rights.

I wish i could talk to someone about all of this, aside from posting anonymously here.

but there is no one that i can trust.

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Re: suicidal thoughts [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #10162693 -

It's natural to consider these ideas.  Sometimes even comforting.  But, yeah, you're right:  Don't tell a shrink or you'll be locked up in a mental ward for at least 72 hours (probably the most boring and retarded place on earth).  Only you know if you would really do it.  And it sounds like you wouldn't.  I used to do the same thing.  I used to imagine jumping from a tall building and what it would feel like to splatter on the concrete below... or hanging myself from my balcony and the neighbors finding me hanging there in the morning on their way to work, calling the police, then the police telling my wife I was dead.

Suicide is an incredibly selfish fantasy, but I have a feeling death is no escape.  Plus, I've heard it's difficult to kill oneself successfully and not live out the rest of your long life in a disabled, painful state.  Luckily I've grown out of it and moved past those ideas, but I don't fault you for succumbing to the thought of it just a little bit.  We all explore our own mortality at some point.


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Re: suicidal thoughts [Re: sterbeklang]
    #10163639 -

Fuck that, I could...just the finality of it and wondering if I'd miss the things in life I enjoy.  Can't know much about what that decision would entail since info on suicide is sparse, there is such a large varying idea about what the afterlife will be like for suicides and for those who die a natural death.  There are ways too be over 95% succesful of death if you do the research, and some suicide groups on google groups that offer understanding and acceptance for these feelings, as well as the overly religious types to tell you about spirit prison and forever being cast off from Jesus.

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Re: suicidal thoughts [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #10164924 -

Everyone has those thoughts sometimes.  My suggestion is not to fantasize about easy exits of any kind, especially violent ones.  It's an addictive habit that only makes life worse.

Quote:
but there is no one that i can trust.


I hear this a lot, and it's bullshit.  You can trust anyone you want.  You could hand your wallet to a stranger for safekeeping.  You could leave your door unlocked 24-7.

What you can't do is get a bulletproof guarantee that others will never hurt you, or that they'll serve anyone but themselves.  So stop looking for that.  Learn to rely on yourself for absolutely everything, and you'll do fine.  Spend your energy improving your situation.  Don't waste your energy wishing or hating, unless you want to suffer even more.

Living without getting hurt is completely impossible, and some people drive themselves nuts trying to do just that.


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Welcome evermore to gods and men is the self-helping man.  For him all doors are flung wide: him all tongues greet, all honors crown, all eyes follow with desire.  Our love goes out to him and embraces him, because he did not need it.

~ R.W. Emerson, "Self-Reliance"

:heartpump:

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Re: suicidal thoughts [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #10167774 -

Anonymous said:
they can steal your shoe laces, and put you in a padded room against your will.



I've been in your situation, it's not really as uncommon as it used to be. If you want to talk about it you can pm me

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Re: suicidal thoughts [Re: ABC]
    #10172562 -

I turned to look but it was gone....the piddely shit of one over another, to what ever extent, is getting boring....what you can change throught your experience in your body and the way things are, are amazing.

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Re: suicidal thoughts [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #10174641 -




--------------------
pt:    n  u  m  b  e  r  s  c  a  n  a  l  s  o  b  e  u
CT(a): BH AT CW CE KI LI LT KE AE BH AE KW LT AW CE KI AT
pt:    s  e  d  a  s  c  o  o  r  d  i  n  a  t  e  s
CT(a): LT KI KT AE LT KE AW AW LI KT BI BH AE LE KI LT
:docbrown:    :realawe:                :realpacman:

Outer Space Radio Network

Gcv Ujkv

Edited by Talking Head (04/16/09 11:13 PM)

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Re: suicidal thoughts [Re: Talking Head]
    #10180007 -

Suicide is a selfish way to deal with your problems. My brother commited suicide in 95' and it ruined and tore apart my family. Noone benifits from it. There are always other ways to deal with it. If your having those kind of thoughts you should really see someone or talk to a family member. I hope all turns out for you

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Re: suicidal thoughts [Re: T-Rex]
    #10180077 -

Anonymous, is it partially out of curiosity?  Or mainly out of frustration with your own life?


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Delicious Pizza

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Re: suicidal thoughts [Re: T-Rex]
    #10181087 -

I'm very sorry to hear that shroomngreen89.

It's very unfortunate how other people react to suicide. What I don't understand is how if someone is feeling suicidal would their family and friends rather they suffer their entire lives until natural death? That seems just as selfish to me. Everything thinks that intense depression can be "cured." I'm sure most suicides are not exactly a good option, but I'm sure in some instances living for that person is just as bad as the death's effect on family and friends.

I don't mean to offend you, shroomngreen89, just asking for anyone's response.

As for the original post..I think it's somewhat normal, but I'm not too sure. I've never asked any one of my really happy friends if they've considered it. Some people that I never thought would have admitted to it, though. I think it's just a fantasy of escape. I sometimes fantasize about suicide when I'm having a really tough time in life...but it's just out of exhaustion...I just want it to end and can't (at the time) see an end in sight.

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Re: suicidal thoughts [Re: fazdazzle]
    #10181335 -

Depression can get us down at times in our life. Try going out more, finding some new friends (this can be hard when your depressed). But smoke a bowl, It should help you in that direction :stoned:. I would  suggest praying to God, but you have to believe in him for that.


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Re: suicidal thoughts [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #10183307 -

I got put in the looney bin for four days- it was the best thing to ever happen to me.  The looney bin is great.  They feed you decent grub.  You go to fun kindergarten like classes.  You sleep whenever you want.  Plus if you ever get bored there are plenty of other crazy people to talk to.

I am great now.  When I used to be happy, I knew it was fleeting and I would be sad soon.  Now if I am sad, I know it will pass and I will be happy soon.

Edited by Anonymous (04/17/09 08:15 AM)

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Re: suicidal thoughts [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #23808528 -

I have never felt like suicidal. May be because I have got whatever I wanted in life, or may be my expectations are very little. But I feel sad about those who commit suicide for meaningless things.

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Re: suicidal thoughts [Re: mantishugo]
    #23828018 -

In order to be free one must be able to choose one's actions without fear of reprisal or shame.  Consider that apoptosis seems to be a natural microcosmic expression of this. Some things know when they need to die.


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Bacon Pancakes, makin bacon pancakes. Bacon pancakes, that's what I'm gonna a make!

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Re: suicidal thoughts [Re: Finn and Jake]
    #23852863 -

You are right, if a person takes ownership of his actions he may open up a space for improving his attitude towards all the negative aspects of life. Anyways, I think people who are feeling suicidal should watch motivational movies and eat healthy food.

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Re: suicidal thoughts [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #23853388 -

Mate !

Be happy you still have a life

Shrooms fucked me up , got stuck in that trip and dont have a decent future
anymore.

I also thought about suicide but my mother and my sister would not handle that.

I ama lresdy 1 year since that happened and i am thinking every day why i must have taken those shrooms and being sorry for myself my family .


I am fucking desperate and my life consists of staying isolated , playing games , eating , dioing midnight walks , smoking cigs , masturbating ..

Nothing really gives me pleasure anymore , i am just. a body without a mind i can use correctly.

Better think again after seeing my post and your life how bad it may be isnt compared to mine , you have a healthy body , a healthy mind can do whatever you want with it .

Peace

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Re: suicidal thoughts [Re: mantishugo]
    #23854128 -

mantishugo said:
You are right, if a person takes ownership of his actions he may open up a space for improving his attitude towards all the negative aspects of life. Anyways, I think people who are feeling suicidal should watch motivational movies and eat healthy food.


May I ask why you resurrected and commented on this 7 year old thread in particular?


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Re: suicidal thoughts [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #23866496 -

Ive been there, on a lotta days im still there. Life is hard, we've had deaths in this family, people that i didnt know that ive cried for, if you were to die, or commited suicide we would  miss you, message me if you ever need to talk. I think about suicide all the time, sometimes random gruesome shit, i suffer while no one knows any better somethings wven think that if i were stronger id have done it, but thats bullshit, i havent because i am stronger than that, so are you, people arent meant to be alone, even if you have 0 friends you have one more now. I care.


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Check bio for trade list. Always open to trade anything of mine (that i can )for BTC.

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Re: suicidal thoughts [Re: KThunderland]
    #23866509 -

Didnt see that this was 7 years old, i hooe they are ok, and the offer stands to anyone reading this , we care. I care.


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Check bio for trade list. Always open to trade anything of mine (that i can )for BTC.

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Re: suicidal thoughts [Re: KThunderland]
    #23867773 -

Didn't read the original post, but when it comes to thoughts like that it means that you should work on your environment... that is the big picture....
family
friends
housing
town
any of the above, work on changing that and maybe you will be better off

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