I live in florida where the cow pastures are plentiful. But the difficult part is finding one thats secluded to look for mushrooms. My brother never tripped before so i told him lets drive around a bit and see if we can find a field thats safe. We drove and drove and ended up out in the middle of no where which is good because its secluded. I spotted this one spot that looked perfect cause the nearest house was a mile away and the field had lots of shady spots and was extremely damp. I run out there and boom, mushrooms. So its really exciting for a first timer and finding your own reliable spot. Anyways i pick from this spot several times and was all good besides some passing cars and bananna spiders. So this one morning my friend calls me and asks me if i could go pick some and i was like sure. Cause i think its fun. It was about noon and i head out there. I get to my spot and its a gold mine. Huge Caps everywhere. And i start running around nabbing these bitches. So right as i about to get done, i hear a car coming up so i duck low next to a tree...and my heart stops...Its a god damn cop and he saw my car parked on the side of the road. Right now my hearts beating so hard i could hardly hear anything but the blood gushing the my neck. I throw the bag down and fly through the barbwire fense with no care of the barbs. I just had to get the fuck out the field. So he circles and pulls up behind my car. I was just like "My lifes over". Ive never been arrested cause my dad is retired military now FBI and on top of that i just signed up for the military(Delayed Entry). And i know mushrooms are not screened in military drug testing so thats why i was wanting to do them. So as he pulls up behind my car i walk out to the road from the bushes along the barbwire fence and wave to him like "thats my car". So i walk up to my car and stand there awkwardly as im waiting for him to get out of his car. The whole time there was only one word going through my head repeatability. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. He gets out and it was seriously like watching your executioner coming to pull the switch. During this panic i had a to think of what i was going to say but i was so scared my mind was blank. So here i am standing here like a classic showdown but i know he has the quicker trigger finger. He walks up with the heavy steps of overly polished shoes, adjusting his belt from his bulbous gut and looks at me and says "Watcha doing out here". And when im that scared, luckily Ive been gifted or more skilled to come up with a reasonable answer quickly especially with a military upbringing. Without hesitating sub conscientiously the words "I pulled over to take a leak sir". And soon as those words hit his ears firing right back he says "Really, well i drove passed here 10 minutes ago and your car was here". Fucking doomed right?! Well firing right back at him i said "Actually sir i was shitting and i know its unlawful. I apologize sir." Nice recovery i thought but i'm not so dumb to think im off the hook. So he says "Could'nt you of pulled over at a gas station?". I reply "Well sir it was an emergency and there isnt a gas station miles from here." Feeling like i was a first grader again having to explain why i had to piss without asking permission. He then asks me where i live. And where this was all taking place was a good distance from where i live so natraully he then asks me why i was out there. Of course like anyone being interrogated by a cop i was like "I was heading to a friends house". With luck on my side which would of been a direct step on a land mine was if he followed that reply if a "Oh yah, well were does he live?". Then i would of been completely screwed. Now after bashing my way through that interrogation he says well i need to frisk you, so i agreed. LUCKILY i did not stick mushrooms in my pockets otherwise that would be a dead give away if he pulled out pieces of cow shit. But i had a machete out there with me and that was tossed with the bag of mushrooms and the case was in my pocket. He pulls it out and says "wheres the machete?". "At home" i blurted out. Now i made it through that he asks for my Drivers License. I give him it and he goes back to his car and leaves me standing there for about 20 mins then comes back "I'm not getting anything on this". His system was out of service range. "Shit, another obstacle" i thought. He calls back up and i was like "GREAT, now two damn pigs!!" Then he walks back to his car to run it again. Boom, it ran through and with my clean nose maybe its the express lane from here to being on my way. I noticed he was being alot nicer after that too. The second cop arrives, he fist pounds him and gives him a thumbs up on me so they chatted a bit and he was gone. I thought this looks good if he's calling off the dogs. He explains why he has to take a report just in case if anything turns up just in case if i was out there to ditch a dead body or something. Then he gets to my description and he has to put down my tattoos. I have quite a few but the one that caught his attention was the classic car i have done. Then god smiled down on me to give me a break. He's a muscle car junkie as well! Then i struck up conversation to detour this whole situation talking about my dads classic, then he starts bragging about this ol chev hes restoring. Then chatted up more about how i was going into the military da da dah. He then snapped a photo of me shook my hand and i was on my way. Now out of my entire lifetime, ive never felt fear so chilling so it was almost euphoric when i turned on my car to leave. It was definatley a drive home where the stereos off and not even noticing. It's disappointing to have lost that spot, i even sometimes think about going out there again with some binoculars just to pin point where the mushrooms are at rather than running around out there. But why do that when you can just be patient and grow some right? HA Anyways thats my story.
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