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need some objective advice.
    #9450678 -

I'm faced with a hard choice right now.  Basically whether to go traveling come February or not.  I've bought the plane tickets already, but I'm strongly considering canceling.  I'm planning on going backpacking for around 6 months.

It isn't as simple as it seems.  Travel is something I've wanted to do since I was in High school, I'm 23 now.  My goal when I graduated was to get a job, move out of my parents house, save up money, and go traveling.

Since then I haven't gone traveling, or achieved the degree of independence from my family that I want.  Right now I live in an apartment (on my own), and drive a car that are both owned by my parents.  I've never been able to achieve these goals due to financial reasons, as well as depression, addiction and other character flaws and family pressures.

I won't get into the story of my life, but I've worked, paid rent, and had some degree of autonomy most of my adult life.  I've also owned my own car, but I've never had complete independence, which makes me still feel like a child in a way.

Depression is something I've always struggled with, and I've been having a very difficult time lately.  I need some kind of change in my life, a goal achieved, or something to take pride in to boost my self esteem.

By going traveling I'll be achieving a lifelong goal, but at the expense of my independence.  Especially since when I come home, I'll be flat broke, and probably have to move in with my parents again.

I also have a job I enjoy right now, which I would have to quit, and finding a new job when I get back might be difficult, especially the way the economy is going these days.

If I don't go traveling, it will be very disappointing, but I'll be able to buy myself a car, get my own apartment, and be able to live my own life, as an independent adult.  At the same time though, I'm very unsatisfied with my life as it is.  Will I make the most of my independence?  Or will I squander it, and fall deeper into hopelessness and depression?  Also if I don't go now, when will I be able to go again, if ever?

I've talked about this with my friends.  My friend who I'm supposed to go traveling with (and who I'd be letting down if I didn't go) keeps telling me to suck up my pride, and just go, assuring me the memories that last a life time are well worth it (he has gone backpacking before).

My other close friends think I should cancel the trip, and become more autonomous.  The friends that think I should stay have never been traveling.

This decision is causing me a lot of anxiety, and I'm hoping for some impartial opinions.  I hope I haven't been to vague.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

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Re: need some objective advice. [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #9454806 -

I'd also just go.  If you don't now it may never happen.  You can make independence your goal once you return, and you may have some additional perspective from your travels. 

I do understand how it feels to not be totally independent when many of your friends have been for a while.  I moved back in with my parents when I was 24 so I could go to school without amassing huge amounts of student debt.  It ended up being completely worthwhile but definitely didn't feel so great about it at the time.


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Welcome evermore to gods and men is the self-helping man.  For him all doors are flung wide: him all tongues greet, all honors crown, all eyes follow with desire.  Our love goes out to him and embraces him, because he did not need it.

~ R.W. Emerson, "Self-Reliance"

:heartpump:

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Re: need some objective advice. [Re: WhiskeyClone]
    #9455164 -

hey! go go go go go... traveling is always the best option, maybe try working a few days here and there to have some money when you get back?
but, if you're going just go, don't worry about what you'll do when you get back cause you'll be a very different person then.
the only real time is now


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Re: need some objective advice. [Re: Ermizhad]
    #9455252 -

go

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Re: need some objective advice. [Re: Grav]
    #9455286 -

why would you want to stay in america anyways?? :wink:

go


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"Life sucks but in this really beautiful way" - Axl Rose
"Life's a bitch and then you die that's why we get high cuz you never know when you're gonna go." - NAS
"When people don't know what you're about they put you down and shut you out" - Black Sabbath
"An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind" - Gandhi
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"Don't question my reality." - Me (as far as I know)

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Re: need some objective advice. [Re: SlashOZ]
    #9455732 -

Go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go

There's nothing like expanding your worldview to help with depression. When you travel and meet new people from different cultures, its a bit like wiping the slate clean, you have no previous experience in these situations so its a great time to be yourself without any learned behaviour etc.

You have this chance, take it and stop beating yourself up, there's no shame in having your parents help you out for a bit so long as you're not leeching, and honestly, from experience I know the personal change that going abroad, "starting again" with yourself in a way and meeting new people can bring. Don't fuck it up!!!!!


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let yourself be silently drawn by the stronger pull of what you really love

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Re: need some objective advice. [Re: mr_kite]
    #9456009 -

Go travelling, it'll be the best thing you ever did.

You very well may have to move back in with your parents, BUT your perspective will be wisened and it wont be bad.

I promise you your goals + the means to them will be clearer than they are, when your return.

I am/was in the same bout. I went to South America and then down to the states for a total of 6 months - came back broke + realized that i want to go school. I've moved in with my parents, signed up for trades school + am working in the mean time.

Best decisions i ever made. I am also 23.


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GO OUTSIDE.

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Re: need some objective advice. [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #9461913 -

Thanks for the encouragement everyone.  Maybe I'm just getting nervous, and starting to doubt myself.  But I think everyone's right, going on a trip like this will help me discover more about myself, and what I want.

Oh and for the record I'm traveling through SE Asia.  Flying into Bangkok, then probably heading south through Malaysia, Singapore, Indonesia.  I also want to head north, through Vietnam, Cambodia and Laos.

Now I'm just getting worried if I'll have enough money...

If anyone has any experiences traveling in this area I'd love to hear about it.  This forum might not be the place though.

Thanks again

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Re: need some objective advice. [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #9461948 -

whats more autonomous than going backpacking to foreign countries?

mommy & daddy wont be there :shrug:

the only reason im not in india right now is cause i got a job i love & after being in shitty jobs for years before theres no way im letting this one slip

the q u gotta ask is is your job that good?

:peace:


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Re: need some objective advice. [Re: Chronic7]
    #9463759 -

How much money do you have and how long do you plan on going for?

Check out bootsnall.com forums for specific information regarding budget in SE asia. Im sure those forums will put your mind at ease.


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GO OUTSIDE.

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Re: need some objective advice. [Re: PDU]
    #9463780 -

You sound like you absolutely need to go!  Learn to travel with no money.  Stay with random crazy people and find cool (and safe) places.  Meet and keep up with everyone that you can.

Where are you planning to travel to/from?  I'd spend some money on a pack and sleeping pad.  This gives you the ability to go anywhere on a whim!  Its a great feeling.


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Re: need some objective advice. [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #9463798 -

Ohhh dude you totally have to go....one of my buddies went to Thailand for two weeks and said it was incredible. He said that he talked to other people that said Vietnam and other farther east Asian countries were even better.

I could see this being a big boost of morale for you to state your independence when you get back. Sort of like pat on the back.

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