I have been wanting to get another tattoo, but I have been waiting and waiting for something to come to me. Thats what happened for my first tattoo, I had to wait until something really "clicked". Once it came to me I KNEW thats what I wanted on me. I would compare the feeling when that happened to searching for hours for the right puzzle piece, trying every single one until snap! One just sets into place, fitting perfectly.
Well, I have been waiting for that perfect puzzle piece to click into place, and on the edge of sleep last Sunday night it happened! This image just popped into my head and it felt so right that I had a hard time going to sleep after that.
Long story short, I suck at drawing, so I would like to describe my idea to the shroomery in the hopes that one of you will be able to express on paper (or pixels) what I see in my head.
The tattoo idea involves two wings covering my entire back, both are demon/dragonish wings, very detailed, almost photorealistic. Also very, very evil looking. The bottom 1/3-1/2 of the wings are angelic, white feathers, very innocent and pure looking, same detail. Basically I picture "Fallen Angel" type of wings, as if the angel was cast out of Heaven, his proud and beautiful wings changed into ugly, evil demon/bat wings, and in the act of being cast down from Heaven his wings were battered and feathers ripped from them.
I want to give you artists the meaning behind the artwork, I was raised in a VERY conservative and strict christian upbringing. I asked "Jesus" into my heart and accepted him as my "Lord and Savior" at the tender age of 6. I believed it all, prayed multiple times a day, sought God's will for my life, went to church and participated willingly, etc, etc. At the age of 17 I began questioning many things about my religion, as some things just didn't add up. I was going through my own personal hell, crying out to my god to help me, give me answers.
I lost all my faith in humanity, God, religion in general, and hope. I was suicidal constantly, so full of hate and pain at this loss of every idea I had ever been told to be true. My worldview and outlook on life completely crumbled. Many times I wanted to kill myself to escape from my hate and pain, but was unable to escape from the thought that if I did kill myself, I might go to Hell for eternity. It was, and is, still very hard to ignore or stop believing completely in everything you were told was fact.
I liken it to the reverse of Jim Carrey's revelation in "The Truman Show", in that instead of "Oh wow, there is so much more to life!" it was "Oh wow, instead of there being a purpose and meaning to life, there is actually NOTHING."
One night, when I was 18, after much desperate prayer, begging, and crying out to God from the bottom of my tortured soul for answers, I received...nothing. I cursed God with all the hate in my soul and renounced my christianity, resigning myself to the (to me) certainty of an eternity in Hell.
This tattoo idea symbolizes the loss of my soul and the destruction of my innocence. It is to me a representation of my renouncement of my religion, the feathers still clinging are the concepts of christianity that are almost impossible to fully remove. I.E. the concept of one all knowing God, the existence of Heaven and Hell, and the status of my soul and its final destination.
I think this has been the longest post I have ever made, thanks for the people who read it all through, and double thanks to the people who give expressing the idea on paper a try.
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"Its moving of its own accord...and I like that in a shirt!" - Me, tripping.
deCypher said:
Schizophrenia beats dining alone, you know.
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