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 Ellis Dee
Archangel
 
Registered: 06/29/01
Posts: 13,104
Loc: Fire in the sky
Last seen: 5 years, 1 month
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 How to be a good Democrat 
#894547 - 09/19/02 08:29 PM (21 years, 6 months ago) |
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How to be a good Democrat
1. You have to believe the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.
2. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.
3. You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat, than U.S. nuclear weapons technology, in the hands of Chinese communists.
4. You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.
5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical, documented changes in the earth's climate, and more affected by yuppies driving SUVs.
6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but being homosexual is natural.
7. You have to be against capital punishment but support abortion on demand.
8. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.
9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but loony activists who've never been outside of Seattle do.
10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.
11. You have to believe the military, not corrupt politicians, start wars.
12. You have to believe the NRA is bad, because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.
13. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.
14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinmen are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, General Robert E. Lee or Thomas Edison.
15. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides aren't.
16. You have to believe Hillary Clinton is really a lady.
17. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried, is because the right people haven't been in charge.
18. You have to believe conservatives telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar and sex offender belongs in the White House.
19. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites and bestiality should be constitutionally protected and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.
20. You have to believe that illegal Democratic Party funding by the Chinese is somehow in the best interest of the United States.
21. You have to believe that this letter is part of a vast right wing conspiracy.
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"If the foundations be destroyed, what can the righteous do."-King Solomon
And there was war in heaven: Michael and his angels fought against the dragon; and the dragon fought and his angels,
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Larrythescaryrex
teardrop on the fire
Registered: 07/19/00
Posts: 11,004
Loc: further down the spiral
Last seen: 1 year, 4 months
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 Re: How to be a good Democrat [Re: Ellis Dee]
#894560 - 09/19/02 08:39 PM (21 years, 6 months ago) |
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kinda funny, but some of that describes people I know.
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RIP Acidic_Sloth
Sunset_Mission said:
"larry the scary rex
verily scary when thoroughly vexed
invoke the shadows and dust, cast a hex
mercifully massacring memories masterfully
relocate from Ur to 8th density and become a cosmic bully
mulder and scully couldn't decipher his glyphs
invoke the shadows and dust, smoke infernal spliffs"
April 24th 2011
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 luvdemshrooms
Two inch dick..but it spins!?
Registered: 11/29/01
Posts: 34,247
Loc: Lost In Space
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 Re: How to be a good Democrat [Re: Ellis Dee]
#894738 - 09/19/02 10:29 PM (21 years, 6 months ago) |
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You have to believe that your path is the only path and that anyone who disagrees is simply being mean.
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You cannot legislate the poor into prosperity by legislating the wealthy out of prosperity. What one person receives without working for another person must work for without receiving. The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else. When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work because the other half is going to take care of them and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work because somebody else is going to get what they work for that my dear friend is the beginning of the end of any nation. You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it. ~ Adrian Rogers
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foghorn
enthusiast
Registered: 12/13/01
Posts: 308
Last seen: 19 years, 5 months
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Re: How to be a good Democrat [Re: luvdemshrooms]
#895190 - 09/20/02 06:44 AM (21 years, 6 months ago) |
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democrat is just a word
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Swami
Eggshell Walker
Registered: 01/18/00
Posts: 15,413
Loc: In the hen house
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Re: How to be a good Democrat [Re: Ellis Dee]
#895228 - 09/20/02 06:56 AM (21 years, 6 months ago) |
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I have to believe that you are full of shit.
The last thing we need is more propaganda and generalizing rhetoric from any side. Is your diatribe supposed to be enlightening? healing? humorous? It fails on all accounts.
As an aside, I am not a Democrat.
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The proof is in the pudding.
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JonnyOnTheSpot
Sober Surfer
Registered: 01/27/02
Posts: 11,528
Loc: North Carolina
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Re: How to be a good Democrat [Re: Ellis Dee]
#895283 - 09/20/02 07:15 AM (21 years, 6 months ago) |
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democrats..republicans...all fucking hopless in my book.
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Religion is for people who are afraid of going to Hell; spirituality is for those who have been there.
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Phred
Fred's son
Registered: 10/18/00
Posts: 12,949
Loc: Dominican Republic
Last seen: 9 years, 3 months
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Re: How to be a good Democrat [Re: Swami]
#895317 - 09/20/02 07:31 AM (21 years, 6 months ago) |
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22. You have to have no sense of humor.
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Captain Jack
i [heart] you
Registered: 01/23/00
Posts: 4,113
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 Re: How to be a good Democrat [Re: Ellis Dee]
#895586 - 09/20/02 09:29 AM (21 years, 6 months ago) |
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How to be a good Republican
1) Hate everybody
2) Pollute
3) Build bombs instead of schools
4) Have heart attacks
5) Ehh, I'm bored of making this stuff up.
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-
Captain Jack has been hailed as a brilliant scholar, discredited as a brilliant fraud, and mistaken for a much taller man on several occasions.
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Anonymous
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Re: How to be a good Democrat [Re: Swami]
#895601 - 09/20/02 09:40 AM (21 years, 6 months ago) |
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I think it's humorous, and it has more than a bit of truth to it as well.
As an aside, I'm not a republican.
Edited by Evolving (09/20/02 09:41 AM)
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I_Fart_Blue
Stranger
Registered: 06/25/02
Posts: 3,495
Loc: SItting on the Group W Be...
Last seen: 20 years, 3 months
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Re: How to be a good Democrat [Re: Ellis Dee]
#895641 - 09/20/02 10:00 AM (21 years, 6 months ago) |
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Even as a Democrat I get a kick out of Rail_Gun. He is a funny bastard.
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"A study of the history of opinion is a necessary preliminary to the emancipation of the mind. I do not know which makes a man more conservative-to know nothing but the present, or nothing but the past." -John Maynard Keynes
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Swami
Eggshell Walker
Registered: 01/18/00
Posts: 15,413
Loc: In the hen house
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Re: How to be a good Democrat [Re: I_Fart_Blue]
#896272 - 09/20/02 09:33 PM (21 years, 6 months ago) |
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Perhaps in different times I would find him amusing. I find nothing humorous in the possibility of WWIII, the WOD and Bush trying to crown himself as Caesar.
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The proof is in the pudding.
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Albino_Jesus
Clearly Retarded
Registered: 09/14/02
Posts: 1,698
Loc: Construction ahead...
Last seen: 14 years, 2 months
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Re: How to be a good Democrat [Re: Ellis Dee]
#896285 - 09/20/02 09:39 PM (21 years, 6 months ago) |
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In reply to:
6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but being homosexual is natural.
are you implying that gender roles are not artifical or that homosexuality is not natural, or both?
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The only difference between the Republican and Democratic parties is the velocities with which their knees hit the floor when corporations knock on their door.
-Ralph Nader
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Abudiwa
CompleteApparition.
Registered: 08/17/01
Posts: 5,531
Loc: here and there...
Last seen: 4 years, 3 months
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Re: How to be a good Democrat [Re: Ellis Dee]
#897927 - 09/21/02 05:21 PM (21 years, 6 months ago) |
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if you reverse some of those points, they apply to the republicans also.... and are equally scary. 
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*user out of date*
the only pms pants gets:
<pants> "WTF UR PIKTUR IS SO STIPID WTF FUCK U"
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Albino_Jesus
Clearly Retarded
Registered: 09/14/02
Posts: 1,698
Loc: Construction ahead...
Last seen: 14 years, 2 months
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Re: How to be a good Democrat [Re: Abudiwa]
#897975 - 09/21/02 05:44 PM (21 years, 6 months ago) |
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because they both have their heads on sideways... one to the left, the other to the right 
but neither making any sense.
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The only difference between the Republican and Democratic parties is the velocities with which their knees hit the floor when corporations knock on their door.
-Ralph Nader
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Abudiwa
CompleteApparition.
Registered: 08/17/01
Posts: 5,531
Loc: here and there...
Last seen: 4 years, 3 months
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Re: How to be a good Democrat [Re: Albino_Jesus]
#898007 - 09/21/02 05:56 PM (21 years, 6 months ago) |
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agreed. 
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*user out of date*
the only pms pants gets:
<pants> "WTF UR PIKTUR IS SO STIPID WTF FUCK U"
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MortMtroN
journeyman
Registered: 09/09/02
Posts: 62
Last seen: 21 years, 6 months
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Re: How to be a good Democrat [Re: Ellis Dee]
#898134 - 09/21/02 06:43 PM (21 years, 6 months ago) |
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5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical, documented changes in the earth's climate, and more affected by yuppies driving SUVs.
So you don't think that carbon monoxide and other noxious fumes that are byproducts of burning fossil fuels are a cause of O-zone hole depletion of which the effect is global warming? If not, please explain
"You have to be against capital punishment but support abortion on demand."
What makes capital punishment and abortion the same? Capital punishment is the state killing somebody for breaking a law, or sometimes for nothing at all. While abortion is women choosing not to have the children of their rapists and asshole boyfriends that left them when they got pregnant. A foetus is not a fully developed life form. A convict is.
"17. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried, is because the right people haven't been in charge."
what do you mean "socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried?"
I am not a democrat.
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francisco
Richman Sporeman
Registered: 01/15/02
Posts: 133
Loc: USA
Last seen: 5 years, 7 months
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Re: How to be a good Democrat [Re: Ellis Dee]
#898824 - 09/22/02 05:40 AM (21 years, 6 months ago) |
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Glad i'm a libertarian.
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Well...Maybe just a little.
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Larrythescaryrex
teardrop on the fire
Registered: 07/19/00
Posts: 11,004
Loc: further down the spiral
Last seen: 1 year, 4 months
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Re: How to be a good Democrat [Re: francisco]
#898826 - 09/22/02 05:43 AM (21 years, 6 months ago) |
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i'm a bull moose
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RIP Acidic_Sloth
Sunset_Mission said:
"larry the scary rex
verily scary when thoroughly vexed
invoke the shadows and dust, cast a hex
mercifully massacring memories masterfully
relocate from Ur to 8th density and become a cosmic bully
mulder and scully couldn't decipher his glyphs
invoke the shadows and dust, smoke infernal spliffs"
April 24th 2011
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Phluck
Carpal Tunnel
Registered: 04/10/99
Posts: 11,394
Loc: Canada
Last seen: 5 months, 22 days
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Re: How to be a good Democrat [Re: Ellis Dee]
#899293 - 09/22/02 01:06 PM (21 years, 6 months ago) |
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"13. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high."
Is this from "Why not me?" by Al Franken? It was a joke, folks.
Most of these hardly makes sense. Sure all democrats look like retards if you make up a bunch of goofy misinterpretations of their ideas and claim that's exactly what they're saying. You could easily do the same for republicans.
"17. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried, is because the right people haven't been in charge."
What about most Scandinavian countries... Canada? Things are a-okay up here.
"11. You have to believe the military, not corrupt politicians, start wars."
I don't think anyone believes that.
I could go on... they're all pretty dumb.
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"I have no valid complaint against hustlers. No rational bitch. But the act of selling is repulsive to me. I harbor a secret urge to whack a salesman in the face, crack his teeth and put red bumps around his eyes." -Hunter S Thompson
http://phluck.is-after.us
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Ellis Dee
Archangel
Registered: 06/29/01
Posts: 13,104
Loc: Fire in the sky
Last seen: 5 years, 1 month
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Re: How to be a good Democrat [Re: Phluck]
#900263 - 09/22/02 08:50 PM (21 years, 6 months ago) |
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A lot of them hit pretty close to home for most liberals in general, not just socialist democrats.
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"If the foundations be destroyed, what can the righteous do."-King Solomon
And there was war in heaven: Michael and his angels fought against the dragon; and the dragon fought and his angels,
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