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I need a little feedback
    #7538575 -

Ok me and my father live alone. It's been that way since i was 2 and I watched my mom take my sister and leave in the van after a huge arguement. Haven't seen either of them in 17 years.

Our relationship is horrible. Our egos get in the way so much it's aggervating. Alot of the immature ways that i acted when i was younger rubbed off on him since he hasn't really pursued any relationships or even a social life since their fallout.

Just a second ago i asked him to go play pool up at this local bar. We played, and i never usually beat him since he's so good, but i've been practicing up at the college i go to and am MUCH better. I beat him about 3 times in a row, though he scratched and hit the 8 ball in on 2 of them, and he just could not but help saying how i didn't beat him and how he lost and all this other fucking shit bla bla.


This guy is and has been a horrible fatherly figure all of my life to look up to. The sad part is that i know he cares and that he trys. It's just he hasn't a clue how to BE a father and after all these years i'm starting to realize these things after the growing up i've done.

My back ground is dirt poor, never having anything but enough to get by, and i know alot of is to do with alchohol is the family past. His dad was an alchoholic and treated him like shit, and he never had anyone to push him in life in my opinion to be a BETTER person and not let ones ego shape the way that one models themselves.

It's annoying becuz i'm trying to do such things as walk-on the college bball team and get straight A's in my classes. None of these has been a family tradition. Matter of fact, there is really nothing at all to be proud of in my last name.

I find this shit so hard to live with because i never had anyone when i was younger to push myself to get better. I should have been in the weight room, studying my ass off, and all that other good shit when instead i was at stoner's houses getting blazed and doing absolutely not a damn thing with my life.

I'm determined to breakthrough. I just could use some words of inspiration right now.


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Re: I need a little feedback [Re: cube talk]
    #7538596 -

Looks like you're doing well, i'm sure your dad's proud and just has a hard time saying it. Keep up the grades, it'll really help in the future.


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"Fear makes the wolf look bigger"

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Re: I need a little feedback [Re: cube talk]
    #7538597 -

Hey, I have the same story, not exactly but similar. Your Dad put his life into you, you have to put in some time. You must figure out how to talk to him, you have got to sit down and get past this stuff no matter how difficult the conversation is going to be. The man went thru utter shit raising you and is probably pissed off about it.

At 25 I decided to find out how smart I was, I went to a psychiatrist and got an IQ test, asked if I was a junky and generally asked what my problem was, it was simple, it was me. There isn't anything out there that can stop you as long as you understand how to brush shit off your shoulder, tough child.

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Re: I need a little feedback [Re: Adom]
    #7538615 -

Adom said:
Hey, I have the same story, not exactly but similar. Your Dad put his life into you, you have to put in some time. You must figure out how to talk to him, you have got to sit down and get past this stuff no matter how difficult the conversation is going to be. The man went thru utter shit raising you and is probably pissed off about it.

At 25 I decided to find out how smart I was, I went to a psychiatrist and got an IQ test, asked if I was a junky and generally asked what my problem was, it was simple, it was me. There isn't anything out there that can stop you as long as you understand how to brush shit off your shoulder, tough child.



So he wants to stay mad about it because he had a tough time raising me? Seems like he wants to be a total recluse with his life when i could really use some help.


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Re: I need a little feedback [Re: cube talk]
    #7538626 -

Is that what I said?

No.

My dad is the same way, he didn't get ran out on until I was 19 when I was dropping out of college. Yours is a tough story, mine isn't pretty either, I just think you need to sit his ass down and have a talk. It's not easy, there isn't anything easy about growing up as far as I can see, even if you lived with a jewish family who has millions.

Your dad, he could of left you for dead, he didn't have to do what he did, even if you don't like his way. You can walk away from it all anytime, I don't mean to be an asshole.

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Re: I need a little feedback [Re: Adom]
    #7538650 -

lmao if i tried to get him to sit down i'd probably get a "i'll do what i want" back from him and then he'd go lay down in the bedroom hypnotized by the tv.

In all honesty, it looks like i'm going to have to walk away from it. It looks to me like he's given up on me.

It's both our faults and i'm not putting the blame on him but what do you expect to happen to a kid that you have, then just let him do w/e he wants with his new life? The kid becomes impressionable and adapts to w/e he can in w/e way he can. I didn't fucking know any better. I wasn't being pushed by anyone or anything and now im in a hole that i have to climb out of without any support from anyone or anything :mad2:

I realize he could have left me for dead but you and everyone here realizes that it was his responsibility not to since he brang me into this life. I know when i have a kid, exactly and i mean exactly what NOT to allow him to be doing based on my own expierences.

I'm staying optomistic about it though...

I've been in these situations before, just when you think your about to drop dead, a breakthrough happens... everything can change in a split second.


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Re: I need a little feedback [Re: cube talk]
    #7538666 -

Who knows then?

You seem really smart, you can brush the chip right off your shoulder. That is a good trait, maybe you could walk away for 6 months a year or what ever it takes, you do not need anyone to survive but it's usually better with family as far as I can tell, maybe not for you though?

I'd say go do what you have to do and come back and talk after a long break from him.

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Re: I need a little feedback [Re: Adom]
    #7538683 -

You know what the problem with that is?




.....You don't realize how much you miss something until it's gone


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Re: I need a little feedback [Re: cube talk]
    #7538695 -

Can I seriously ask how old you are?

I know this, all too well. I feel like a door-mat most days and I've burned so many fucking bridges it makes me cry to know the good people I've left behind. Still, sometimes, it needs to be done for personal benefit. I personally believe you could explain how you feel and see what happens, or you could move down the fucking street and you could do-it-your-self and still talk and have a relationship with your Dad.

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Re: I need a little feedback [Re: Adom]
    #7538713 -

i'm 19

Just this past summer decided to get off my ass and go take a test at the college and go through all the admissions bullshit to get in. It was alot. But i'm in college now.. If i don't have a figure to model myself after, i'll be my own model and people can have myself as a person too look up to when they need it.

Least that's where i want it to end up.


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Re: I need a little feedback [Re: cube talk]
    #7538760 -

just let him be. seems like your dad is stuck on his own past, don't let your past get to you. start living for yourself now, in this moment. he's a grown up and if he wants to act like he is acting then there's really nothing you can do about it: even talking honestly can be a waste of time when the other person has pre-determined all you say is childish bs or something.

seems you are making the first steps towards a breakthrough :thumbup:


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Re: I need a little feedback [Re: cube talk]
    #7538763 -

I'd send dad to the DOC and let him know you've grown up, you are smart, you are going places and he needs to brush the shit off his shoulder.

Read smart books as often as possible, you want my advice? Major in English and write a fucking novel.

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Re: I need a little feedback [Re: Adom]
    #7538857 -

why do you think i should write a novel


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Re: I need a little feedback [Re: cube talk]
    #7538881 -

the idea about the novel sounds great to me: put your life and feelings into words. i bet that's more interesting to read than a success story by some preppie fuck.

when i had a rough spot in my life some years ago, with dropping out of college and seemingly having no aim in life, i wrote short stories that someone liked, financed and i got it published. through that i've taken on writing more seriously and now i have an aim and a satisfactory hobby/life's work.


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Re: I need a little feedback [Re: cube talk]
    #7538896 -

because, the sad, the depressed, the drunk, the tuff people always write the best stories and you my friend are a trooper. Keep your head up, point your nose in the air and tell anyone you can't get a long with to stay out of your way, you are fine.

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Re: I need a little feedback [Re: cube talk]
    #7539028 -

Sounds like you're already on your way there.  You recognize where you came from and you've decided to rise above your past and to excel in ways that your other family members have not.  Stay focused dude.  :thumbup:








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