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Unfolding Nature Shop: Unfolding Nature: Being in the Implicate Order

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My seemingly endless search for my faith
    #7185641 -

I'm not sure how to approach this post so I'm just going to start writing. Over the last four years I've found myself compelled to find what I would call God. My methods and contexts for searching are always changing as I have no frame of reference. I approached my search through LSD, through Buddhism, through Hindu traditions, through my own means, and through others' means. I never really knew where I was going with any of these methods. They were just there, in my life, almost like hobbies. I always felt that something was missing.

At one point in those years I picked up a book entitled "The Way of a Pilgrim", which captivated me beyond measure. It would be a lot easier if you knew what this book was about, but if you don't it's basically about prayer. I wasn't so much captivated by the fact that it is based on a Christian pilgrim. It could have been any religion but it happened to be Christianity. I was captivated by the self-obtained inner peace he achieved through constant repetition of the Jesus Prayer.

Where am I going with this...I suppose the direction I want to go here is that prayer and any sort of religious striving is completely worthless if you have even the slightest of doubt. It seems like there is no searching for God. You either know God or you don't. My mind tells me that statement is wrong, but I don't feel like it is. I can't pray because my head gets in the way. I can't devote myself to God because I don't have the faith. I'm too full of doubt.

The only time I really have no doubt is when I'm on some sort of psychedelic drug, and even then only in the right settings. I'm so disillusioned by my own life and my struggle for inner peace that I find it hard to believe it's there. With faith one can achieve anything. I feel like faith is a glorious psychology and I can't decide if that's a good way to approach life or not.

This post couldn't possibly have made much sense but I got something written.


--------------------
Ishmael
http://www.ishmael.org

Ron Paul 2008!
http://www.ronpaul2008.com/

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Re: My seemingly endless search for my faith [Re: freddurgan]
    #7185654 -

Quote:
I suppose the direction I want to go here is that prayer and any sort of religious striving is completely worthless if you have even the slightest of doubt.


I beg to differ, and so would Robert Anton Wilson. Just play along with that reality tunnel as if it were true, and see where it takes you.


--------------------

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Re: My seemingly endless search for my faith [Re: freddurgan]
    #7185668 -

Quote:
The only time I really have no doubt is when I'm on some sort of psychedelic drug,


Yeah, there is an enviable element of 'focus' i find it hard to recapture when I'm not high.

Edited by Booby (07/16/07 10:31 PM)

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Re: My seemingly endless search for my faith [Re: freddurgan]
    #7187647 -

Life is a crap shoot. There is no way as far as I can tell that one can find ultimate truth. Each person has to work out their own salvation one way or another. I think that if one could fully accept that then there would be some peace to be found.


--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC

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Re: My seemingly endless search for my faith [Re: Icelander]
    #7188175 -

I was sitting down today trying to get my thoughts in order and I suppose that what I was trying to say is this:

I'm losing faith in the idea that I've held onto for so long that the oneness and truths that I have experienced while on psychedelics are able to be experienced by the sober mind.

For years I've read oh so many books, I've meditated oh so much, I've fasted, I've prayed (as earnestly as possible for me), I've chanted, and yet I never feel anything close to a oneness or an inner calm. I'm doubting it's possible.

I don't know what I expect you guys to tell me but that's the problem I was able to get into words.


--------------------
Ishmael
http://www.ishmael.org

Ron Paul 2008!
http://www.ronpaul2008.com/

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Re: My seemingly endless search for my faith [Re: freddurgan]
    #7188424 -

Maybe one just needs to know what the particular deity wants in order to be 'enlisted'. Some deities require blood sacrifice or sacrifice of personal comfort. Some may be a protector of the poor or the protector of people who look out for the poor. Living the hermits life is pretty extreme, imo, and sometimes it seems a deity expects the extreme in order to find favor.


--------------------
Let it not be remembered
That mycelium eats detritus and dies
But that life in all it's glory
Counts mycelium to be on it's side.

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Re: My seemingly endless search for my faith [Re: freddurgan]
    #7188526 -

freddurgan said:
I was sitting down today trying to get my thoughts in order and I suppose that what I was trying to say is this:

I'm losing faith in the idea that I've held onto for so long that the oneness and truths that I have experienced while on psychedelics are able to be experienced by the sober mind.

For years I've read oh so many books, I've meditated oh so much, I've fasted, I've prayed (as earnestly as possible for me), I've chanted, and yet I never feel anything close to a oneness or an inner calm. I'm doubting it's possible.

I don't know what I expect you guys to tell me but that's the problem I was able to get into words.


i have found that yoga and tai chi and proper diet much helpful. doesn't fasting make you feel tripped out?


--------------------
I am the MacDaddy of Heimlich County, I play it Straight Up Yo!

....I embrace my desire to feel the rhythm, to feel connected enough to step aside and weep like a widow, to feel inspired, to fathom the power, to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain, to swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human......
Om Namah Shivaya, I tell you What!

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Re: My seemingly endless search for my faith [Re: leery11]
    #7188709 -

To use a quotation from your signature..

"By clinging to what is impermanent we bring suffering down upon ourselves. "

What are you clinging to?


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Re: My seemingly endless search for my faith [Re: WScott]
    #7188732 -

I have no idea what I'm clinging to. Maybe I'm clinging to my notions that psychedelics showed me the one and only kind of contact with God that one can have. That's probably wrong, but I don't know what else to search for.


--------------------
Ishmael
http://www.ishmael.org

Ron Paul 2008!
http://www.ronpaul2008.com/

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Re: My seemingly endless search for my faith [Re: freddurgan]
    #7189062 -

Is the click on your keys contact with God?


--------------------
I am the MacDaddy of Heimlich County, I play it Straight Up Yo!

....I embrace my desire to feel the rhythm, to feel connected enough to step aside and weep like a widow, to feel inspired, to fathom the power, to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain, to swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human......
Om Namah Shivaya, I tell you What!

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Re: My seemingly endless search for my faith [Re: leery11]
    #7189669 -

93
Fields of the Nephilim
-Celebrate-
"When the moment's right
Only moments rise
For the lesser blessed
It's all promises
When the daughters rise
From their comas rise
For a lesser blessed
It seems honest here

Celebrate give love and praise
Celebrate
For our lesser days

Obsessions in your eyes
The peril of my life
Where others fall
You came back again
With no grace in mind
For the magan blind
To a lesser god we'd seem honest here

And you'll turn
You'll find new highways
And you'll turn
But lady you'll burn

This moment's all you have it there
This moment hangs like your ragged hair

Celebrate
Give love and praise
Celebrate
For our lesser days

When the moment's right
Only moments rise
The eternal sea of silence
The shadows of mankind
And you'll turn
You'll find new highways
And you'll turn
You find new highways

Celebrate here
Celebrate here please
For all you've changed me
Celebrate here
Celebrate here
Celebrate for our lesser days"
93 93/93


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Re: My seemingly endless search for my faith [Re: freddurgan]
    #7192910 -

freddurgan said:
I have no idea what I'm clinging to. Maybe I'm clinging to my notions that psychedelics showed me the one and only kind of contact with God that one can have. That's probably wrong, but I don't know what else to search for.


I wouldn't preach that there is only one way to God. During InterFaith week on TVO there was a Buddhist who claimed that there are an infinite amount of ways to enlightenment.


--------------------

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Re: My seemingly endless search for my faith [Re: WScott]
    #7198802 -

The only reason I believe that is because I want to believe that. I've never experienced anything remotely interesting in this regard while I was sober.


--------------------
Ishmael
http://www.ishmael.org

Ron Paul 2008!
http://www.ronpaul2008.com/

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Re: My seemingly endless search for my faith [Re: freddurgan]
    #7198867 -

What you seek is what is seeking.


--------------------
I am the MacDaddy of Heimlich County, I play it Straight Up Yo!

....I embrace my desire to feel the rhythm, to feel connected enough to step aside and weep like a widow, to feel inspired, to fathom the power, to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain, to swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human......
Om Namah Shivaya, I tell you What!

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Unfolding Nature Shop: Unfolding Nature: Being in the Implicate Order

General Interest > Spirituality & Mysticism
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