This one's being entered in a contest, lemme hear what you think.
I think so
It was 2:00 AM. I sat in my dingy room in my shitty apartment in my boring suburb in my backwater town. I can tell my apartment is shitty because the paint flakes and splinters when you touch it, or if you run your hand along it as you come inside. I can tell my suburb is boring because by nine o’clock the neighbor’s lights are out, and everyone is in bed. I can tell my town is a backwater one because our local news is also a country radio station, and the biggest thing to happen here in the last decade has been a hurricane.
I typed casually on my keyboard. I wasn't looking for anything in particular, I was just killing time. There's lots of time to kill when you can't sleep. Time flows slowly when you can't sleep. Everything runs together in one long lethargic memory. I ate chips, I drank a coffee. Recently? No. Hours ago. But the chip bag and coffee cup are right in front of me, where they've been since then, since forever, it seems.
What am I doing now? I must be doing something, because even when someone says they’re not doing anything, they’re still doing something. So what am I doing? I'm typing. Looking at websites. Downloading music. Am I? Don't remember. If I'm not doing those right now, I was moments ago, or was planning to after I've finished whatever it is I'm doing now. What am I doing now? No idea. I know that I'm hardly aware of my surroundings anymore, and that’s probably a good thing. My apartment is shitty, and I can tell because the paint flakes and splinters when you touch it, or if you run your hand along it as you come inside.
My apartment is so bland and cold now. It’s bland because I don’t furnish it, I don’t furnish it because it’s shitty.
Where is everything? What have I been doing for the last six years? In the day I work. In the day I work for a shitty computer company, answering question after mindless question. I don't remember what went on today. It was the same as every day, I know that much.
The days all become one collective memory, they're all so alike. I wake up, 8:00 AM. I turn off my alarm. Take a shower. Brush my teeth. Put on suit and tie. Walk outside. Bus, 8:46 AM. Work, 9:02 AM. Greet colleagues. Desk, 9:04 AM. Computer, 9:05 AM. Phone, 9:10 AM - 12:43 PM. Lunch, 12:45 PM - 1:15 PM. Water cooler, 1:16 PM. Phone, 1:17 PM - 5: 27 PM. Bus again, 5:33 PM - 5:48 PM. Home, 5: 50 PM. Tv, 6:00 PM. Computer, 7:00 PM. Bed, 12:30 PM.
It's 2 AM, why am I still awake? Friday. It's Friday. Or Saturday now, I guess. The week doesn't seem to have even started yet. Did I finish that report that was due Friday? Or was that last week? I don't know. What month is it? April? March? The date? No idea. The year is 2006, of that I'm sure. I know it's 2006 because this will be the sixth year in my apartment. I know that because the lease papers are on my fridge. I know they're on my fridge because they're there every time I make ice cubes. I make a lot of ice cubes.
What am I doing now? Lost in thought, but still typing. How? What am I reading? LSD. I'm reading about LSD. I see it at the top of the screen there, it's a book online by Albert Hoffman. What do I know about LSD? Ergot. Potent. Dangerous. Hallucinations. Flashbacks. Flashbacks? I have flashbacks, but I'm not on drugs. Flashbacks, instant moments of awareness. Awareness of repetition. Deja. De-Deja Vu. Deja Vu, what do I know about Deja Vu? French. Brain waves. Unknown cause. Potential causes : brain activity, nerve connections, past lives, incorrect memory.
Incorrect memory must be me. I must have it. I have no idea what my job title is. I don't know my colleague's names. I see them. "Good Morning, Dave " Not Dave. I don't have a colleague named Dave. When I see them, I know their names. But only then. And only while I see them. As soon as they leave, their name is gone. I wonder if I talk to them? I’ve probably said something about the weather to them. They must have spoken back, too. But it wouldn’t matter, I don’t really listen to what people say. If I listen to the tone of their voice, I understand enough to respond with an appreciative laugh, or a maybe, or an I don’t know. I don’t remember. I must have incorrect memory.
Incorrect memory, fading images, my childhood. My childhood? Childhood. A time of happiness? No. No? What then? What? No. No, no, no, no. Therapy. Happy places. Therapy. Deep breaths. Therapy. No worries. No worries. Nothing bad, don't worry, parents-better place. In a better place. Don't, parents, place.
Why am I screaming? It’s comforting. I know that. It’s comforting, but my throat is beginning to burn with it. How long have I been screaming for? Could have been a half hour. I must have made ice cubes while I was screaming, but I forgot to put the tray away. It’s sitting in front of me.
What are my neighbors below yelling? What's their last name? Brixby? Bixby? Sounds like a town in England. My neighbors are a town in England. They're yelling at me. Please? Please what? Wait-po-lease. Police? Police. Police, police, police. Uniforms, guns, batons. Badges. Polished, shiny badges.
Knocks at the door? Still screaming? Failure to comply? Still screaming. Bowflex on tv? Still screaming. Forced entry? Scream, scream, scream. Hinges shatter, scream scream scream. Here they come, scream scream scream. Techno song, scream, scream, scream. Muffled scream, fight, fight, fight. Kitchen has knives. Knives. Sharp. Jagged. Steaks. Police are steaks. Steaks, scream, fight, struggle, pain. Beat down. Beat, club, club, club. Meeting the baton. Hello, baton. I remember your name. You're not my colleague.
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I'm so lucrative, even my birthday suit is in three pieces.
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