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Forming Bonds
    #6503821 -

I always keep people at a distance, including close friends and family. I can't seem to connect with anyone, so I rarely divulge my experiences and knowledge. I guess I don't want people to find out how boring/fucked up/unintelligent/ I am. I'm wary of the judgments others have when I try to creep out of the darkness. I can see through what people are really saying. Bit by bit I say what's on my mind, and how I really feel when issues are brought up, and it seems like people just smack me down and I end up retreating into my cave. So all I'm reduced to are one word responses.

"Awesome. Crazy. Cool. "

I'm...aware that conversation and connection is a reciprocal type of deal, but I'm just tired of it all.

I know what must be done to form and keep conversations/friendships/connections/bonds going, but it's just frustrating...:thumbdown:


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Who Dares, WINS
:cubie::mushroomgrow:Support Free Spore Ring Canada! :mushroomgrow::cubie:

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Re: Forming Bonds [Re: white_noise]
    #6504008 -

yeah


--------------------
http://www.doctorfungus.org

http://www.mushroomexpert.com/

http://www.textbookofbacteriology.net

http://bugs.bio.usyd.edu.au/learning/resources/Mycology/index.html

Edited by LayYouIn (10/25/09 10:06 AM)

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Re: Forming Bonds [Re: white_noise]
    #6504233 -

You just told my life story... :crazy:


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\m/ Spanksta \m/

"do you have the freedom to do with your nervous system what you want?"

"MolokoMilkPlus said:
I'll respect you if you let me give you a blow job"

"tactik said:
respect the can."


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Re: Forming Bonds [Re: white_noise]
    #6508691 -

what makes it frustrating for you?

The fakeness? The small talk?

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Re: Forming Bonds [Re: Ego Death]
    #6508800 -

What's frustrating is the small talk. I'm just not that good at it. If I have nothing to say I won'tsay anything. I used to talk about random garbage just to keep a conversation going, but now I just don't talk unless people ask me questions or opinions. Besides that I just sit in silence.

Makes me feel like I have to do be 'on' for people when there is awkwardness, entertain them, because that's how I used to be. :crazy:


--------------------
Who Dares, WINS
:cubie::mushroomgrow:Support Free Spore Ring Canada! :mushroomgrow::cubie:

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Re: Forming Bonds [Re: white_noise]
    #6511783 -

i know exactly what you mean,
but fact is you don't have to do anything you don't want too!

You care about what people think of you but don't worry about it! if you want to small talk or entertain then do it! if you don't then don't bother! if people ask you why then tell them nicely but honestly.

i feel exactly the same but this method works for me now.

>>>talk about random garbage just to keep a conversation going

Thats all small talk is dude, garbage! its not like you can learn anything you havn't learnt before from small talk, frankly it bores me too and i don't participate! i've given up being nice too i just tell people straight that small-talk is useless unless your trying to get to know somebody new. Even then i will have them involved in deep and interesting conversation within minutes.

When my friends all talk about bollocks, i just don't get involved but when something interesting comes up i will happily participate if they want me too.

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Re: Forming Bonds [Re: Ego Death]
    #6515475 -

Thanks for the advice! :smile:


--------------------
Who Dares, WINS
:cubie::mushroomgrow:Support Free Spore Ring Canada! :mushroomgrow::cubie:

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Re: Forming Bonds [Re: white_noise]
    #6529118 -

Yeah I'm alot like this, except around select friends. Humans stop making sense when you get 4 or more of them together at once.


--------------------
"Misery only doth exist, none miserable,

No doer is there; naught save the deed is found.

Nirvana is, but not the man who seeks it.

The Path exists, but not the traveler on it."

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Re: Forming Bonds [Re: tools_n_corpses]
    #6529192 -

Wow that sounds like my problem at school with my close friends. Each time I say something, they either shoot it right down or try and make me sound really stupid. I don't do anything, I just take it and move on. However, when I do the exact same thing to them, they want to strangle me. It's basically like my opinion doesn't matter, no matter how stupid or brilliant it may seem. :frown: It's like the most annoying thing ever, so that's why I rarely talk to them when I'm hanging out with them.

So anyways, I think you should try to find some new friends, because I think people who are like that are ignorant and just trying to make themselves feel superior.

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Re: Forming Bonds [Re: white_noise]
    #6529214 -

white_noise said:
What's frustrating is the small talk. I'm just not that good at it. If I have nothing to say I won'tsay anything. I used to talk about random garbage just to keep a conversation going, but now I just don't talk unless people ask me questions or opinions. Besides that I just sit in silence.

Makes me feel like I have to do be 'on' for people when there is awkwardness, entertain them, because that's how I used to be. :crazy:


fuck other people.  no joke.

this is pretty much the way I am, and the way one of my best friends is.

Although times are still going to be awkward around people, do what you will.  You have every right to live your life the way you want/choose, and it's not your fault if people choose to be offended by it.


--------------------
channel your inner Larry David

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Re: Forming Bonds [Re: demiu5]
    #6533470 -

Sounds like a description of introvertism so I would suggest researching the topic a bit.  If you feel like this is a description of you like I have, it may very well change your life and how you view yourself or your "abnormality".

I, too, have difficulty forming strong relationships thus the reason I prefer a small circle of good friends.  I also have difficulty in social situations where small talk is involved but the reason is because I despise it.  If I can't think of anything worthwhile to say, I don't feel the need to say anything at all.  Like one person posted above, it's just garbage and I'd much rather be thinking to myself.  Talk to me about something I'm interested in and has the potential to develop into deep conversation and I'm game.

I'm 21 yo and have long struggled with my social deficiency searching for ways to "come out of my shell".  I've done the club and bar scene with extroverted friends in an attempt to change, but in the end I really don't feel like it's me.  I hate the small talk and the socialization just seems so unstimulating.  Not to mention I feel like such crowds get exhausting after awhile.  I enjoy and thrive on privacy and time to myself, but I don't necessarily avoid social interaction because of it, I just avoid pointless interaction.

I feel like I'm on the right track to discovering and accepting who I am and it makes me so much happier than trying to change myself into something I'm not.  Don't let people tell you're abnormal because you're quiet, calm, and reserved.  There is scientific evidence noting physiological differences in the brain between introverts and extroverts.  Perhaps this is the reason I found difficulty and dissatisfaction in my own attempt to change and become more sociable.

It's also quite liberating to hear of others who share your experiences and opinions so keep it going :smile:

Edited by phoenity (02/05/07 02:24 PM)

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Re: Forming Bonds [Re: phoenity]
    #6533601 -

i avoid small talk. im introverted. i try to get people to open up and talk about real things. if that doesnt work then i go for a physical bond. with guys its wrestling or punching, with girls its sex, cuddling or flirting.

its rare that i run into someone that can hold a good conversation.

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Re: Forming Bonds [Re: white_noise]
    #6534411 -

I'm in the same boat. I've just passed the one month mark in my new college course and already I've had people say "why are you so quiet?" Most of the time this thought gets me down and into a sad mood. It's just... I don't know. I've forgotten how to initiate small talk? but once in a good convo I can carry it easily.

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