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OfflineLifeIsSweet
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Registered: 11/01/05
Posts: 71
Last seen: 17 years, 11 months
Naturally Introverted?
    #5287693 - 02/11/06 12:13 AM (17 years, 11 months ago)

Every day of my life i wish I could be more extroverted...but sometimes I feel like something is missing...for the most part I am a normal guy, I'm a college student, i was a frat (that is, until we were kicked off campus), i drink, i smoke weed (recently quit)...but...there is definitely a different side to me.

I am an architecture major; I am quite creative; interestingly enough I feel like I am left handed; I feel like a left handed person in a right handed world. I tend to space out; I live in my head.

Sometimes my best friends tell me I have maturing to do, but I just don't see it, in fact I feel the exact opposite (that it is them that needs to mature, if anything), and it makes me sick to hear it (not to relinquish personal responsibility, but this is honestly how i feel).

I feel like I have the gift and a curse sometimes: the gift my creative genius, the curse, well...sometimes I feel like people are looking at me as if they are thinking, "aw, he thinks he's people." As if the whole world sees something I do not. As if I am insane or mentally challenged and my parents just forgot to tell me.

I will add that I did not have the most normal childhood; I had a verbally abusive (and in other ways) father growing up, who was not aroud much due to health reasons...I am no rookie to spiritual enlightenment (if it exists) or introspection, but I cannot help but be a natural cynic.

Every time someone doesn't call back, I ask myself what's wrong with me, and the worst part is I have no idea if there is or not, whether its self imposed, whether I'm a paranoid schizophrenic or something...again you wouldn't know it from looking at me. Or maybe you would.

If anyone can offer more than mere positive reinforcement I would love to hear what you have to say. I'll finish by saying that I'm a generally happy guy who is amazed by all we have been given on this earth, but I feel like something is missing, and no matter how deep I look I just don't know.

I am mostly interested in knowing if there any way a natural introvert (I was a shy kid growing up and people might say the same about me today, though most think I'm just generally mellow) could somehow "train" myself into being more of a people person, a leader, basically an extrovert I suppose...


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InvisiblePenguarky Tunguin
f n o r d
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Registered: 08/08/04
Posts: 17,192
Re: Naturally Introverted? [Re: LifeIsSweet]
    #5287835 - 02/11/06 01:56 AM (17 years, 11 months ago)

You're definitely not a lone, man, not at all.

First thing that I would recommend...stop caring what other people think.  Especially when it has to do with you.  Only you know yourself and how you truely are.  They only see what you decide to show them.  Everybody exists in their own reality tunnel.  The world is created by these reality tunnels converging on eachother.  No one can share your reality tunnel with you.  Its yours and yours alone.

Same thing goes with you trying to think of what others are thinking.  You'll never know exactly what they're thinking, so don't even try.  :smile:  Do what you will and do it all the time.  You only live for yourself.

Becoming an extrovert is irrelevant to you.  Be who you want to be.  If you want to be a creative genius, do it, people commenting on your architecture will help you come out of the shell. 

And as your friends telling you need to mature...how the hell do they know what mature is?  How does anybody?  My concept of mature could be entirely different than someone else.

In short, be who you want to be, not for anyone, but for yourself.  Stop worrying about others. 

Hope this helped, even if only a little.  :smile:


--------------------
Every mistake, intentional or otherwise, in the above post, is the fault of the reader.


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OfflineLifeIsSweet
Stranger
Registered: 11/01/05
Posts: 71
Last seen: 17 years, 11 months
Re: Naturally Introverted? [Re: Penguarky Tunguin]
    #5287853 - 02/11/06 02:26 AM (17 years, 11 months ago)

It helps a little, if only to see the words. But I would be lying if I said it was advice I had not already thought of. It just seems so deep inside sometimes that I cannot begin to scratch the surface of it. Often I feel like I "lapse" into these modes, like Neo in the Matrix when his mouth disappears and he can't talk or something (ok weird analogy).


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OfflineLifeIsSweet
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Registered: 11/01/05
Posts: 71
Last seen: 17 years, 11 months
Re: Naturally Introverted? [Re: LifeIsSweet]
    #5287855 - 02/11/06 02:28 AM (17 years, 11 months ago)

PS Thank you for the advice.


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OfflineThe_Hobbit
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Registered: 04/06/04
Posts: 1,382
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Re: Naturally Introverted? [Re: LifeIsSweet]
    #5288055 - 02/11/06 07:51 AM (17 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

LifeIsSweet said:
I feel like I have the gift and a curse sometimes: the gift my creative genius, the curse, well...sometimes I feel like people are looking at me as if they are thinking, "aw, he thinks he's people." As if the whole world sees something I do not. As if I am insane or mentally challenged and my parents just forgot to tell me.




Hey. I think that every thought is relative to how it effects you. So.. you can think about what people think of you. Then you think 'I can't live up to it' or 'I need to be me'.

I know that it's not right to be always questioning everything when it's making you feel sad and paranoid. You need to take an opposite approach sometimes and make an assumption or an answer to your problem thoughts.

If you want to act a certain way, why don't you act it? There is logic to consider the questions and answers and the balance you reach is what the aim is.

Things are much more emphasized in a world that makes sense because you need to feel the comfort of being a good person to yourself. You need to like yourself. The hard part is determing who you are.

There are reasons you think and feel what you do. Considering your actions is pragmatic.

You will get nowhere with consant fear.


--------------------
Smoking my hobbit leaf...
Please keep in mind that I am just a human being. Please read my posts carefully and interpret their meaning for yourself.


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InvisibletrendalM
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Registered: 04/17/01
Posts: 20,815
Loc: Ontario, Canada Flag
Re: Naturally Introverted? [Re: LifeIsSweet]
    #5288167 - 02/11/06 09:11 AM (17 years, 11 months ago)

I am mostly interested in knowing if there any way a natural introvert (I was a shy kid growing up and people might say the same about me today, though most think I'm just generally mellow) could somehow "train" myself into being more of a people person, a leader, basically an extrovert I suppose...

To be honest...I don't think you can truly do this. Or if you can, it will not be your "natural" state of being.

I'm an introvert. I happen to be quite introverted, and I have also wished to be more of a people person at various times in my life. I've come to realize that I can act much more extroverted, be a people person and the whole deal. But ti takes a lot out of me, energy wise. The more extroverted I act, the more tired I get.

Introversion is probably something you'll be stuck with for your life, to some degree.

If it makes you feel any better (it did for me) you should know that a lot of extroverts actually do want to be more introverted at times. I don't think most of them will admit this, but I've had a few close friends who were extroverts admit it to me.

So don't fall into the all-too-easy trap of "extroversion is better". It's just another way of interacting with the world around you. Neither introversion or extroversion is "right". They both have their ups and downs.


I recomend this a lot in this forum, but if you haven't taken an MBTI personality profile, I suggest you do so! It has really helped me come to terms with who and what I am.

Check out:
http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp
http://www.trendal.org/myersbriggs/personhome.htm


--------------------
Once, men turned their thinking over to machines in the hope that this would set them free.
But that only permitted other men with machines to enslave them.


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Offlinesdd01
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Registered: 04/15/05
Posts: 5
Last seen: 17 years, 11 months
Re: Naturally Introverted? [Re: LifeIsSweet]
    #5288232 - 02/11/06 09:42 AM (17 years, 11 months ago)

What kind of things would your Dad say about you? (you don't have to answer, just think about it) I ask this because I don't know if you've heard of "the self-fulfilling phophecy" but it is a well-proven theory that pretty much says "if you act as if- you will become."

You've taken all the negative things said about you by your dad/friends too seriously and you've (subconciously) created a mirror image of yourself by what other people have said about you.

I just learned about 'the self-fulfilling phophecy' in sociology class about 2 years ago and it explained alot about my life.  I couldn't believe it, in elementary school i would be called "dumb" or "an idiot" like 20 times a day by my "friends" and peers and I was starting to think i was actually dumb. I started saying dumb things and getting bad marks in school because I (subconciously) thought that was expected of me.  When i learned about 'the self-fulfilling phophecy' I was able to change my life around and not take what other people said about me in my earlier years seriously.  I started trying harder in school because i know i had it in me and i got 87% average that year. I was like "fuckin right!!! bitches". 

So keep that in mind. Forget all the negative things your dad said to you.  He didnt know shit. He probably didn't mean it either, that was just his way of trying to say "do better." I think you may have slowly built your negative self-fulfilling prophecy around that. But maybe thats what im thinking, you're situation COULD be a whole new story.

Just imagine a society, where everyone raised their kids with only positive sayings. Where assertive students didn't put down the submissive students and instead encouraged them.  But thats like asking a bear to shit in a toilet.

Instead of asking your self whats wrong with me? Focus on the positives. Whats good about you? Well, you have a fuckin architect major. Thats something. your a creative genius apparently.

i'll end up with the saying  "if you act as if- you will become."  easier said then done but its do-able.

:thumbup:

edit:  Don't listen to what the above poster said...it is very possible to become the extrovert you want to be. you can do whatever you want. you got it in you. I really don't think you can born 100% naturally introverted. something happened to you in the external environment that made you what you are today. could've been your father verbally abusing you...could be one bad dream you had when you were 3 years old. who knows?

He made some good points: extrovert doesnt neccesarily mean better. Say you become extroverted, you might realize and appreciate how sweet your life was when you were introverted and more independent. whatever floats your boat. i enjoy staying in a couple nights alone, playing guitar, watching a movie whatever.  nothing wrong with it.  if someone calls you weird for being introverted they are just jealous and don't understand it :tongue:


Edited by sdd01 (02/11/06 10:11 AM)


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InvisibleTheDude
is waiting forthe peak

Registered: 04/15/03
Posts: 2,876
Re: Naturally Introverted? [Re: LifeIsSweet]
    #5288658 - 02/11/06 01:11 PM (17 years, 11 months ago)

This was a nice little piece of writing about introverts/extroverts someone posted here a while ago in another thread. Not saying it will help your situation but you might get something out of it.

http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200303/rauch

I am a very introverted individual and my parents tell me I have had this behavior since I was a little baby. I was always one to sit back and observe things as opposed to jumping right into a situation for hands on experience. Example, as a toddler my parents would take me to a friend's party and before getting involved in the activities I would sit off to the side and observe everything going on. When I felt that I understood the dynamics of the situation and how I could fit into things, only then would I try to enter the scene and begin interacting.

Later in life (possibly due to the idea championed by society that an affinity for social contact = "normal" and is synonymous with happiness) I felt a desire to be the extroverted life of the party and was upset with myself for not being that way. No matter how hard I tried it was always forced, phony, and never the real me. I have since learned to give up that quest and instead have found happiness in being and accepting what I am; an introvert. Now that I've come to terms with it I am much happier because I've stopped beating myself up for being something I can never hope to be. I think this is the natural process of growing up and becoming comfortable in your own skin, despite what other people or society might have to say about it.

Popeye said it best: "I am what I am"


--------------------
"this lebowski he called himself 'the dude'. now, 'dude', that's a name no one would self-apply where i come from but there was a lot about the dude that didn't make sense to me...."--the Stranger


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InvisibleSkorpivoMusterion
Livin in theTwilight Zone...
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Registered: 01/30/03
Posts: 9,954
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Re: Naturally Introverted? [Re: LifeIsSweet]
    #5290428 - 02/11/06 11:31 PM (17 years, 11 months ago)

I have a book, "The Introvert Advantage". I highly recommend this excellent book to all fellow Innies out there.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0761123...glance&n=283155



--------------------
Coffee should be black as hell, strong as death, and sweet as love.


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InvisibleTODAY
Battletoad
Male

Registered: 09/25/03
Posts: 10,218
Loc: Metropolis City, USA
Re: Naturally Introverted? [Re: SkorpivoMusterion]
    #5292214 - 02/12/06 06:09 PM (17 years, 11 months ago)

I just took the myers-briggs test and it labeled me as an INTJ...which apparently is the rarest personality type.

I am an introvert and always have been.  I remember actually being afraid to talk to people when i was younger...one thing in particular was that I could never order food at a restaraunt where I had to talk to a cashier. 

I've also always stayed on the outside of the social circles that I've been exposed to, in both family and peer groups.  a lot of the time i just don't have much to say or care to say anything but i feel awkward when i've been silent too long.

i never used to listen music for fear of my taste being ridiculed by others.  i was also afraid of being judged by my taste in clothing and other visibly expressive things but i have gotten over these quirks to an extent as the years have gone by.  i'm 20 years old right now and in the stages of discovering myself and what my life's work will be...life is love and hate man. 

sometimes i'm totally cool with being me and other times i'm so sick of myself and my thought processes that i feel depressed and worried about the future.  we're all different.  fuck it.  if you don't like people very much or are uncomfortable with certain situations like i am, there isn't any reason why you should try to force yourself to like these things. 

be happy or sad, content or uncontent, etc...but be yourself.  your mind and body are the only vehicle you'll ever have and you'll always be in it so make it work and tune it to your liking.  its a big fuck you to other people who can't dig that.


Edit** Reading the descriptions of the INTJ's "Mastermind" personality type really hits me as quite an accurate description of myself.  I encourage others to take this test too :smile:


--------------------

ca'rouse (k-rouz)
intr.v.
To engage in boisterous, drunken merrymaking.


Edited by TODAY (02/12/06 06:14 PM)


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OfflineDerelict
Stranger Danger
Registered: 12/03/05
Posts: 50
Loc: Appalachain Mountains
Last seen: 15 years, 7 months
Re: Naturally Introverted? [Re: TODAY]
    #5293108 - 02/12/06 10:34 PM (17 years, 11 months ago)

I recommend long term travel. I did some hiking on the appalachain trail, and while I am still an unrepentant introvert, I can manage people and situations much better.

You can get all of the alone time you want, but eventually you will pine for some human contact. When you do, you have no choice but to do as extroverts do.


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Offlineleery11
I Tell You What!

Registered: 06/24/05
Posts: 5,998
Last seen: 8 years, 9 months
Re: Naturally Introverted? [Re: Derelict]
    #5295700 - 02/13/06 04:29 PM (17 years, 11 months ago)

I was really really extroverted when I was younger.

But I have a bit of a neurological problem that causes me some self-consciousness.... don't really want to explain it, but anyway so about the time that middle-school came around this became a big problem for me, because people started making fun of me for it.

Also they thought that I and my friend were gay because we hung out too much.

So basically in 2 years I was really severely crippled and afraid to express or be myself, whereas before when I was a child I didn't think there was a single thing wrong with me and my "condition" didn't bother me at all...

and anyway so...... in highschool also this girl really teased me pretty badly all the time, and so did another.... and so that left me kind of afraid of talking to girls too, though thankfully that was cured.

I sort of recovered in 8th grade, 9th was real good. The end of 10th hurt me a lot. And I was completely DESTROYED in 11th and 12th because of a bad relationship.
And throughout college well I've put myself back together a bit. I don't really hesitate to talk to people but I also feel like I stick out a ton to everyone and wonder if people are just being nice to me because of like you said, "aw he thinks he's people" and so I'm sort of bringing myself back to being able to express myself like I should be.

But I really went from a carefree uncensored child to a prisoner in my own mind, to someone who is struggling to be able to express himself again without being afraid of being struck down for .... just being himself.

For someone that is struggling to really accept all facets of his personality. It's difficult because when you're a child you just make best-friends automatically, but I haven't had a best-friend in so long that you know..... who do I confide in? The internet and my brain and one guy I know online who I'm real close to. That's it.

How is that supposed to help me rebuild my social skills and confidence? It's hard. No one goes up and talks to you if you sit alone. And if you're sitting on a bench staring at people as they walk by, they probably think "oh he must be high or something", they still don't come talk to you.

But do you want them to ? By that I mean, do I want them to? I don't know, sometimes, if they're female.

I've come to the point where I feel completely safe around women, but any man is kind of threatening to me, not only do I worry about rejectino from them, but I worry about getting beaten up or whatever.

I have never been beaten up, ever, but you know how drunken college people are, they start fights, they think they're macho and have something to prove... Im just not comfortable around guys unless they dress like hippies, nerds, or femninely.

Well if it's a pot-party I'm fine. Drinking parties I think I will never go to again really. Too many close-encounters with police, violence, and possibly weapons.


--------------------
I am the MacDaddy of Heimlich County, I play it Straight Up Yo!

....I embrace my desire to feel the rhythm, to feel connected enough to step aside and weep like a widow, to feel inspired, to fathom the power, to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain, to swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human......
Om Namah Shivaya, I tell you What!


Edited by leery11 (02/13/06 04:32 PM)


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