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my relationship with my dad
    #5801053 -

has pretty much always been rocky at best. there were times, when i was a kid....but that was long ago.

recently....

hes been talking with this woman he met on an online dating service who lives in thailand. a few months ago he took a trip down there, and when he came back he announced that they will be getting married. (this will be his third, i am a product of his first) hes been doing great with his job (he sells insurance) after a big career move. hes fixing up his house, buying lots of nice things for himself and his new family to be. hes taking another trip to thailand here in a few days, taking her and her daughter scuba diving among other things.

im happy for him....really i am, at least on the outside. ive noticed changes in his attitude. he seems more motivated, more productive and happier than hes been in a long time. i thought i would use this opportunity to try to work on our relationship. i thought that maybe since his life is finally starting to go good for him he might be a little less hesitant to let me in.

but every time i talk to him, all he can do is rant and rave and brag about all this shit hes buying for them, all these trips hes going on, how nice the house will be when they move in. and again, i try to be happy for him. but theres only so much i can take before feelings of jealousy and resentment start surfacing. where was this force that seems to be driving you when i was around? and when he does find the time to talk to me about me, its to basically tell me what a disappointment ive been to him.

should i just butt out of his life? im getting to the point where i wonder why i even bother anymore.

/end rant


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how's your WOW?





  Edited by yageman (04/20/06 4:20 PM) 

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Re: my relationship with my dad [Re: wrestler_az]
    #5801404 -

sucks. I know what you mean.

My dad has always resented not having anything to do with raising me most of my life, which is his fault primarily. Not once has he ever told me if he was proud of me and seems to be holding his breath, hoping for me to fuck up..... at the same time, he still helps support my 28 year old brother who still sometimes lives with him, has no degree, a few drug addictions, and spends what little money he has on Widespread Panic shows..... while I am a 23 year old, who has been self sustained for 5 years, and makes 35k a year.

It is like if I succeed in life, while my brother doesn't (the one he mainly raised), it shows how incompetent of a father he was/is.

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Re: my relationship with my dad [Re: SneezingPenis]
    #5801452 -

So, just to play Devil's Advocate....Imagine if the situation were reversed.

1. You said your relationship with your dad was rocky (and it kind of seems as though you resent him a little too).

2. If you met a bran-new girl and fell madly in love with her, would you be worried about him? What would you be talking about constantly if the situation were reversed.

It certainly doesn't justify his actions towards you previously, but perhaps the timing of trying to make amends (when he's busy working on new things) just wasn't right.

I can relate. My dad never really wanted me, and although he was present during my childhood, his heart wasn't in it. Now he's remarried, and has a new stepfamily. He only wants me around to hold hands with them and be a happy go lucky "new age" family. He only wanted to have a family when he remarried and the stepkids came around. I resent that, but I don't let it get to me.

If I were to get married and start a new family, I certainly wouldn't be worrying about HIM.


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...the whole experience is (and is as) a profound piece of knowledge.  It is an indellible experience; it is forever known.  I have known myself in a way I doubt I would have ever occurred except as it did.

Smith, P.  Bull. Menninger Clinic (1959) 23:20-27; p. 27.

...most subjects find the experience valuable, some find it frightening, and many say that is it uniquely lovely.

Osmond, H.  Annals, NY Acad Science (1957) 66:418-434; p.436

Edited by badchad (06/28/06 11:56 PM)

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Re: my relationship with my dad [Re: SneezingPenis]
    #5801466 -

The answer is not to sever relations.

You need to work together as a team in order to make something of your relationship. I don't know what the entails, but it will take equal effort. If your feelings are getting in the way, perhaps you should find a way to express your problem to him.

Don't get caught up in the past. Think about right now and make something happen.

P.S. Your score on Chopper Attack is ominous. I am unsure about my motivation to beat you anymore.


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Smoking my hobbit leaf...
Please keep in mind that I am just a human being. Please read my posts carefully and interpret their meaning for yourself.

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Re: my relationship with my dad [Re: The_Hobbit]
    #5801506 -

It got to one point where we told each other to fuck off forever, then we reconciled and things have gotten much better, but to give you some reality of the situation, I have lived in Nashville for almost 3 years now, and he has yet to once come and see me or my house. It is an 8 hour drive, 2 hour flight, and this week, right now, he is flyfishing in Virginia at his friends mountain camp where we go every year.... which is that one time a year we really spend any time together. In the 3 years I have lived here, I have gone to visit him atleast every 3-4 months.

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Re: my relationship with my dad [Re: badchad]
    #5801551 -

well sure, i understand all that. and yes, i do resent him a bit. but my timing has been constant over the past couple of years. theres always "something" hes doing that gets in the way of any attempts i make at a healthy relationship with him. i personally think he has some major avoidance issues. his third marriage just happens to be the most recent something. and yes, i am guilty of some things here. im not perfect, but it seems im the only one trying.


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how's your WOW?





  Edited by yageman (04/20/06 4:20 PM) 

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Re: my relationship with my dad [Re: wrestler_az]
    #5801774 -

Meh, I dont care anymore

I think its important for a father and son to realise the importance of their roles and duty in eachothers life. It upsets me to see when a father neglects to understand the influence he has over his son and his esteem while growing and living, even in the adult years. Its a phycological need of ours to look for acceptance and love from our dads. So...dont be afraid to bring this to his attention, if you feel neglected. Look to heal the situation always and going about it defensicely will only reflect badly in the end. YOU need to the one to wake him up and show him where he might be influencing you negatively. None of us are relationship conselors, but its not a difficult thing to do, just relay your thoughts in a assertive way.

I think its wrong of parents to set expecations over the children that they can never meet, this really works againts their self esteem. If a father is upset with his kids, then he should explain why and help them through it, never hold it over them.

On another note, perhaps right now, you need to just support your father and not try to seek attention. After all the hustle bustle is done and the deal is set, then you can try to reconsile your feelings and work towards spending more time on the relationship.


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Requim for a Dream - Paul Oakenfold
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"The mis/abuse of any form of power, is the worst form of ignorance"
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WIZOLZ - Lover with a Killer's Smile

Edited by WIZOLZ (06/29/06 05:39 AM)

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