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Offlinescotsmushie
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Registered: 08/16/05
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My dad
    #4588477 - 08/27/05 09:04 PM (11 years, 3 months ago)

My mum is now like my dad very much more than she was

My dad is 60, my mum 49

They are both teachers, are very orderly....

They seem to me to be depressed.

My relationship with them is extremely strained, but I think these are the reasons why.......

When people watch comedy, any comedy, theres usually laugter and giggles at even the silly jokes

when my father watches his favourite comedy, the simpsons.... all you will get is a "hm hm hm" (a restrained ha ha ha!)and that is only on the most hilarious parts

I find my mother and father are very restrained people, and I dont know if its because they feel like they need to "sigh" because of theyre "sadness" or whatever, but they will often "blow" like whhhhhh a kind of out panting, or an outright sigh breath.... just while walking about the house!! they do not speak much unless its to tell me about something, or to tell me to do something, or about something specific, there is no "chatter" ... so I dont know what this "sigh breath" is all about?

I feel very awkward and like im walking on egg shells around them, because they do respond to "talking funny shite" as I put it. I mean, they will have a "worded conversation" it is not humurous/funny/smiley/nice which is the conversation or communication I have with most people.... I feel like its a kind of "talking down" to me. as if I am someone they have this unbelievable responsibility to keep wise and on the "right path"... its like they see themselves as the people to keep me right (fair enough when im like 12) but now im 19

The thing about the comedy I wrote a second a go was an example... of how much more "restrained" for want of a better word and "thoughted" or "depressed" (but maybe not in a oh im so sad way - because my dads allways been like it) way they act.... he never has a smile on his face.

My dad also is very sarcastic sometimes, which occasionally is funny..... but I really can NEVER EVER have a "hahahahahahahaha ... hahahaha hahaha" time because he has never ever showed that emotion of being in hysterics, even in a fit of small laughter... its allways a "hm hm hm!" laugh

I feel because hes much "lower" or "depressing" even in jovial sociable communication, or the most he can be.... whenever there is an argument, it is almost as if he has conditioned himselfe to act this way (old fashioned to an extent) ie if I've done something wrong, he wont be "angry" and complain.... he will "use a tone of dissaproval" as if he has intentionally "faked" this persona to give me dissaproval or a row.... this severely pisses me off and I feel its not the right way to go about youre kids if you want a relationship with them

Oh, this is something I wanted to say.... a few times, when I have been stoned, I've either got a lift home, or I'll just be with them after ive smoked some bongs or a doob.... I DO NOT (nor am do i have the intention) of being "cheeky" or "smug" but my mum on occasions has asked me things or said things to me I think, in my stoned-not going to rise to the bait-dont take it seriously mindset... and not argued with her, but just brushed her off and giggled in a jovial stoned sort of way brushing her off..... I was not cheeky, did not swear, did not say anything she could say was bad......

yet she stopped the car a few times saying she was going to throw me out for my "smug" .. "attitude".. Its like they just cannot communicate with anyone on a more asssertive adapting wavelength to them so instead of accepting it, just tell themselves its not theyre fault, but its mine..... and throw me out the car or go mad at me! there was no words i said which offended her, it was my "smug attitude" because I was laughing!!!

There is just no laughter or giggles with my parents, and there never will be, especially with my dad.

Because I have completely rebelled against theyre "restraining" of me, I have no relationship with them now, and we are on a "fake getting on" terms (not just my words, theirs too) until I get into the army or get a flat of my own which im working towards.

They are good people, and both have respectable jobs etc.... but i feel theyre obsessed with "the correct way to behave" in a nutshell.... and just feel they restrain all theyre emotions and my father comes across as very very 1 sided and 1 emotion.... which is nothingness

Even when we watch TV together, they sit there literally motionless, and it makes me very very uneasy......

Im just wondering if anyone else has these "restrained/conditioned" type of old fashioned parents who take great offence to bad language and "not good as gold" behaviour in a nutshell

and if you do, whats the best way to treat it while living with them without being completely different to how you would normally act. Its like they have no personality, and they dont want me to have one and try to restrain it, unless its a "he he, ill laugh a tiny little bit and be extra pleasant to everyone and pretend i live the perfect way or as good as someone can" and anything which they see as "rogue" element is not to be talked of, "dosnt mind me doing it as long as its outside the house" (including the garden) ganja smokin.....

I just feel as if, they have been conditioned so much, never taken drugs or mind expanding things, that they have unintentionally moulded themselves into these people that believe in themselves they are "correct" because obviously theyve made themselves believe it

anyway how do you think is the best way to deal with these people

cheers


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Offlinescotsmushie
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Re: My dad [Re: scotsmushie]
    #4588497 - 08/27/05 09:09 PM (11 years, 3 months ago)

when they talk to people in the house, i feel as if what they are saying is all very "above water" no taboo subjects, all they fucking talk about to anyone is about "theyre job, theyre kids jobs, how theyre progressing educationally/workwise in life" or about just every day things.... now fair enough, in work thats what most people do, but once youre inside a home, dont you open up and reveal a personality? isnt that what distinguishes you? when you're in youre "private" life how you are then is what really matters.... but its like they have never ever had a "secret private" life involving anything exciting ie adventures/experiences/drugs... going to different social occasions frequently

all they do is go to the cinema every few weeks or months, which is a big "evening" for them.... or go to a neighbours dinner party

I hate my fucking suburban street full of "perfect" people who lead "honourable" lifes

yeah so perfect, why dont they live in a house half the price and give money to people in africa who are dyeing


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OfflineDreamer987
The VerbalHerman Munster
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Registered: 04/15/03
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Re: My dad [Re: scotsmushie]
    #4588763 - 08/27/05 10:16 PM (11 years, 3 months ago)

People "live" life on many different levels.
Your parents are a lost cause. You see what is wrong with them? Don't let that happen to you. It is easy to hate your parents, or hate things about them, and than turn around and grow up to be just like them.
Don't repress your humanity. Express yourself. shine, and lauph in societys face.


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Invisibledemiu5
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Re: My dad [Re: Dreamer987]
    #4588909 - 08/27/05 10:48 PM (11 years, 3 months ago)

people often lie to themselves so they can "make" themselves comfortable with a situation that is repetitive or, in other words, a rut. But they still realize this state is not healthy or beneficial in any conceiveable way, yet they choose to live this way as a means for not having to deal with life. They exsist, but they are not living or alive. I have to agree and disagree with Dreamer. I wouldn't say your parents are a lost cause, no one is, ever. But it would be very hard to talk to them, let alone change anything. But if you honestly, moreso out of love and caring for your parents, want to talk to them, do it. It's hard, but it could work. Bring this to their attention that you see things this way and then tell them you think it needs to change. Be sure to give them examples though (as you've done here) that they can see and wouldn't dismiss as either irrelevant or not true. Hope this can help you in your situation.


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Offlinescotsmushie
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Re: My dad [Re: demiu5]
    #4588999 - 08/27/05 11:10 PM (11 years, 3 months ago)

They work 5 days a week, work with bastard kids in high school, allways come home stressed

I do think they are living a lie... but i have talked to them about it, and our paths have crossed numerous countless occasions, thats why i dont get on with them as human beings now

they dont want to listen, and have an excuse, change the subject

AND when I say something they cant "deny/twist/or comeback to" they will simply "disagree" with me without any reason, just because they "dont see it that way"


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OfflineScrewjack
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Registered: 09/18/04
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Re: My dad [Re: scotsmushie]
    #4589153 - 08/27/05 11:51 PM (11 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

scotsmushie said:
AND when I say something they cant "deny/twist/or comeback to" they will simply "disagree" with me without any reason, just because they "dont see it that way"




Yeah, I totally hear you on that one.  My mom does the same thing.  I'm thinking it must be a teacher thing.  :smirk:

It's annoying.


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InvisiblePsychoChipmunk
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Registered: 01/08/05
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Loc: A hole in your back yard
Re: My dad [Re: Screwjack]
    #4589879 - 08/28/05 02:47 AM (11 years, 3 months ago)

Not to accuse or anything but this caught my eye:

"but just brushed her off and giggled in a jovial stoned sort of way brushing her off..... "

Are you stoned around them? If so, do you think maybe they are aware of it and that it could be contributing to the condescending way they act towards you?

Just a thought, no offense is intended.


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\m/


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Offlinetomk
King of OTD

Registered: 09/22/04
Posts: 1,559
Loc: PNW
Last seen: 9 months, 5 days
Re: My dad [Re: PsychoChipmunk]
    #4591438 - 08/28/05 05:52 PM (11 years, 3 months ago)

You still sound like you need your parents to validate what you feel.

It's good that you recognize the patterns that they are stuck in, and don't want to repeat them. But, you are becoming stuck in a different rut, namely, seeking their approval and validation. You feel that they didn't give you approval and validation when you were a kid right, and oppressed you. Now, you realize this and are mad about it, and want them to approve and validate your anger at their oppression.

Isn't it the same pattern reappearing somewhere else?


--------------------
"I am eternally free"


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