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Nervous Breakdown. Please help me out
    #5337596 -

I hate making these posts but I'm in a bad way.

I'm having some sort of a nervous breakdown. Yesterday was the worst day I've ever had at a job. I've been waiting tables the last month, and yesterday I fucked up really bad, had my manager yelling at me, customers yelling at me, I went into some sort of terrible panic mode under the stress and complete humiliation. Then I come home and get a call from my ex-girlfriend, basically she tells me that she's moved on from me, doesn't have any lingering feelings and is seeing somebody new.

On top of that my Dad had a heart attack last year, and now his kidney is all fucked up and he has been lying in bed with tubes sticking out of him all week.

I feel like I am breaking. I cannot really sleep or eat. I am terrified of my boss, I realized that I am still dependent on my ex-girlfriend and in some haunting way my mother as well. On top of that I might lose my father, whom I've never understood. I just feel hopeless, like my relationship to the whole world is fundamentally flawed in some way that causes me terrible pain and anxiety and I don't know that I'll ever be able to do anything about it. I am feeling old, weak and helpless at 24. Like I'll never be able to properly stand on my own two feet ever. I have always depended on other people for strength, and I am beginning to believe that this is only going to get worse.

I am so angry at myself for being myself that I don't trust myself at all. I feel like I'm always probably doing something wrong. Even writing this post I am being critical of myself for yet again reaching out in a desperate hope that someone will "SAVE ME."

But I don't know what else to do. I feel miserable inside and just have this terrible feeling that I need help, and that feeling of helplessness and dependency is just making me feel worse. I have run from my fear time and time again, changing my life around, switching locations and stuff. I don't know where to turn anymore. Give into the fear? Or keep fighting it? What's the use?


--------------------
:hst:
Society in every form is a blessing,
but government at its best is but a necessary evil 
- Thomas Paine

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Re: Nervous Breakdown. Please help me out [Re: gluke bastid]
    #5337631 -

I've been in similar situations, not as emotional tho; with your father (sorry to hear that btw, how everything works out), your girlfriend, etc.

I've noticed that whenever im surrounded by negativity, even if its not directly associated with me; just family members being depressed, depressing things happening on the news, etc., i tend to become very depressed myself. There was one time (about a month or two go) i felt very helpless and empty, i began to panic and was getting very paranoid and over-aware of my surroundings which just made it worse. Depression is a very strong feeling and it brings a lot of other strong feelings with it, and vice versa. Just try to remove any type of "tunnel vision" you have; know that this is just a low time in your life and that things will pass, and will get better. If you ever feel your at the end of your rope tho, dont hesitate you seek professional help. There are thousands, if not millions of people who have been in a situation like yours, and even worse ones.

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Re: Nervous Breakdown. Please help me out [Re: Abrainspot]
    #5337736 -

You're right, I can make it easier on myself if I stop focusing on depressing things. I just have to find energy to do something good.

I think I'm going to quit my job. I just don't think I can wait tables anymore. It is too stressful. Some people can do it, but I don't think I'm one of those people. And being around my manager is just too much of a drag, that's really the bottom line. He hovers over me, waiting to criticize me for anything I could possibly do wrong. AHH I HATE HIM


--------------------
:hst:
Society in every form is a blessing,
but government at its best is but a necessary evil 
- Thomas Paine

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Re: Nervous Breakdown. Please help me out [Re: gluke bastid]
    #5337768 -

Just remember that everyone has EVERYTHING inside of themselves that they need to get by.  This most definitely includes you, my friend!

I've been in spots where my whole world seems to be spiraling out of control (my control) and it's seems impossible to get a grip on myself.  Sometimes something like this has to happen and you have to hit rock bottom to realize that it can't actually kill you and then you come to the realization that you are equipped to take on what the world throws at you no matter what and whatever you are feeling at that time is OK.  Don't judge yourself about how you feel and react to situations...that will just make you feel worse.  Know that it's OK to feel whatever you are feeling at the moment and after you get better at doing that, you'll start to not take all the things that happen around you so personally.  It may not seem possible to do until it happens, but when it does, you'll know and be stronger for it.

Just try to step back and breath.  Let the world continue to spin violently out of control, but take yourself out of it for a moment and you will see that it will keep doing what it does without you even being involved.  That will probably take a lot of pressure off of you to perform to whatever expectations (or lack of)that you have set for yourself.

Hang in there, but remember to let go also.  Things can seem out of control when we hold on to stuff too tight and make all the crazy shit around us about us.

Feel free to PM me if things get too rough or you just need an ear to vent to. :smile:


--------------------
Absense of evidence is not evidence of absense...

"Religion is a defense against a religious experience"
              Carl G. Jung

 
"So really, ordinary reality is a kind of chemical habit, sanctioned by culture, which says it's okay to use certain drugs, eat certain foods, and have certain sexual behaviors. However, when you transcend all this pre-conditioning by returning to the original wisdom of the animal body, then you discover this immense dimension of opportunity. For some people, it is a frightening risk. To me, that's the psychedelic experience."
Terence McKenna

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Re: Nervous Breakdown. Please help me out [Re: VirgilKane]
    #5337829 -

Quote:
I have run from my fear time and time again, changing my life around, switching locations and stuff. I don't know where to turn anymore. Give into the fear? Or keep fighting it? What's the use?


Sorry, didn't pick up on this as much as I should have the first time...

This is a perfect example of stepping back and taking a breath. I suggest you explore your fears more in depth. The things that you are afraid of on the surface usually stem from much deeper fears from some time earlier. It's a conditioned response and once you expose the place that these fears are coming from and become aware of it, it's really liberating and once again, takes you personally, today, out of the picture.

You can come to a place where you become aware of fear when it strikes and see it for what it actually is. Just a conditioned response from long ago that really has nothing to do with who you are now. Once you realize this, you can move on without the past effecting the present and holding you back from your future.


--------------------
Absense of evidence is not evidence of absense...

"Religion is a defense against a religious experience"
              Carl G. Jung

 
"So really, ordinary reality is a kind of chemical habit, sanctioned by culture, which says it's okay to use certain drugs, eat certain foods, and have certain sexual behaviors. However, when you transcend all this pre-conditioning by returning to the original wisdom of the animal body, then you discover this immense dimension of opportunity. For some people, it is a frightening risk. To me, that's the psychedelic experience."
Terence McKenna

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Re: Nervous Breakdown. Please help me out [Re: VirgilKane]
    #5338063 -

Hey, I was in a really similar situation last week, except it included a fight with my gf who I'm still with, problems at work, lots of hopelessness and struggling. It gets better!

Sometimes shit hits the fan at the same time and it's really hard to take on all at once. A thread was just started in this forum about excersizing and it's benefits on mental health. You sound like you should walk aruond the block or go for a jog. Nothing too strenuous or anything, but go out and chill. It'll help unclog your mind. It's hard to get past these sorts of problems without a really clear mind. Things will start looking more positive, solutions will start coming in from all angles and you'll learn how to cope with these shitty situations a lot better. Some things are just out of your power to fix. It sucks. But there are ALWAYS better ways of looking at things!! I broke down and pretty much cried in front of my gf last week. I was felling hella shitty. But this past week has been wonderful! I'm on top of my game, going to bid farewell to a good friend who's moving forever tonight and maybe I'll pull some salvia before bed and reflect on my life. I'm positive that you can get out of this mess too. And if it takes you a while to figure things out, man, just learn from this experience as best you can!!!

Sometimes life can get shitty... and even if it gets shittier for a long time to come, at least remember what happened and make the best out of things. Keep on moving forward. Others on here will no doubt post some more relevant and helpful opinions, but I hope you can take something from what I've said as well. I'm not the brightest guy, but I try. And I stay positive and I move forward each and every day. I'll definitely try my best to throw in my two cents and help you any way I can. You sound like you need a little boost in the right direction, man. Those people around you, bringing you down... they'll respect you sooner or later. Just keep trying :smile:


--------------------
When the stress burns my brain it's like acid raindrops
maryjane is the only thing that makes the pain stop

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Re: Nervous Breakdown. Please help me out [Re: browndustin]
    #5338528 -

It helps to get away from everything. There is a truth to 'everything is relative'. No matter where you're at, you can drop everything and realize the duality of your circumstance. You will say: This is so important, but at the same time it means nothing.

The key is to relax both your body and mind and simply focus. Aim, but your focus can just be in general. You will find that things have a way of working themselves out. If you can take a jog and stretch, eat a meal, then meditate, I guarantee that everything will be different. And I don't mean just for that day. You will find lasting strength. I feel that it really is necessary to do more than meditation straight off because that cannot have the same effect of a good exercise/stretch for those of us who do not meditate regularly. First off, it's just practical because you need to get the blood flow going and the flexibility to sit for so long. Secondly, the chemical production really really helps kick things off. And third, a good jog is just like meditation. You need to slow everything down to become truly rational. Buddhists say that you true mind is a mind that does not think. Wisdom comes to you, as if it were a message from god. But really I beleive that it is just a message from yourself, similar to how shrooms can teach you so much. The lessons don't come from a mushroom, they come from you.


--------------------
Smoking my hobbit leaf...
Please keep in mind that I am just a human being. Please read my posts carefully and interpret their meaning for yourself.

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Re: Nervous Breakdown. Please help me out [Re: The_Hobbit]
    #5338769 -

Thanks guys, everything each of you has said has been helpful. These reminders help me piece myself back together. I am feeling a lot more calm now.

I'm still very unhappy with my job, and I think I need to quit. However I don't want to quit until I get something else going, so in the meantime I am just going to try and not let anxiety/my manager/customers get to me too much, because ultimately what does it all matter. Somewhere deep down I know it doesn't.

Anxiety is a real bitch.


--------------------
:hst:
Society in every form is a blessing,
but government at its best is but a necessary evil 
- Thomas Paine

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buck up, there are more fish in the sea, and some big tips are coming too. [Re: gluke bastid] * 1
    #5340205 -

just work with what you can.
all those things
gf, dad's health, customers at work, are just beyond your control, yet you are strongly influenced by them, and this is how it should be.

during this "externally" out of control period, try to keep your dignity, do your work, bring your dad a magazine, let the girl go, and even cry if you like at the unfairness or absurdity.

life has such difficult aspects that you get to suffer if you care to enjoy it's finer points, and these are well worth hauling through the dark times for.


--------------------
:brainfart: _ :finger:

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Re: Nervous Breakdown. Please help me out [Re: gluke bastid]
    #5340290 -

As for your job dude, try not to let it bother you as much. I mean, being hassled by your boss, embarrassed, etc., what is it all in the long run? Yeah its annoying when your boss is breathin down your neck, and if you mess up in front of people thats pretty embarrassing, but, that is just once instant within that day; even if it lasts for a few minutes, maybe hours. By just knowing that, "this is just the way it is" can help sometimes. I mean, you always have a life ahead of you, even if u are 99 yrs old; plus life is full of more "good" times than "bad", although the bad seem to stand out a lot more usually. Just try to cut back on the tunnel vision, and focusing to much on the situation at hand; yeah, tunnel vision is good for certain situations, but usually not negative ones, it only makes them seem worse. And if you want to quit, then more power to u man; you gotta do something you enjoy

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Re: Nervous Breakdown. Please help me out [Re: Abrainspot]
    #5341052 -

Anxiety IS a bitch. I remember the first year of work I'd get these random anxiety attacks. My mind would coil up, become weak and scatter brained. I felt like sneaking out of the building, running home, smoking some weed and just hiding somewhere until I figured things out. It's definitely the biggest bitch. But I'm very glad that you managed to ground yourself and calm down. That's good, man. Now you can start to calm down more and let ideas and solutions come back to you.

Keep sticking things out, be proud of yourself and stay strong/positive. You still have responsibilies in life even though you're going through a rough time. But don't let these responsibilies eat you up. Keep moving forward. You sound like you're doing better already! It's motivational to me when I hear about that, dude. :cheers:


--------------------
When the stress burns my brain it's like acid raindrops
maryjane is the only thing that makes the pain stop

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Re: Nervous Breakdown. Please help me out [Re: browndustin]
    #5347653 -

I'm sorry to hear about your situation.

Remember not to internalize other people's criticisms so that you begin to view yourself as you FEEL they view you. Try developing some compassion for yourself so that you are experiencing you from a loving perspective and you won't have to constantly feel like you are doing something wrong. If you are comfortable with your own mind and emotions, not criticizing or judging, then it is easier to deal with life's difficult spots without unessesary anxiety.


--------------------
1. "After an hour I wasn't feeling anything so I decided to take another..."
2. "We were feeling pretty good so we decided to smoke a few bowls..."
3. "I had to be real quiet because my parents were asleep upstairs..."

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Re: Nervous Breakdown. Please help me out [Re: Divided_Sky]
    #5356643 -

generally in my life i try and live by this. if somthing is causing un-due stress in my life, or anger or anxiety i try to do one of 2 things

1 learn to deal with it
2 cut it out of my life


--------------------
PEACE

:mushroom2:zippoz:mushroom2:



"in times of widespread chaos and confusion, it has been the duty of more advanced human beings - artists, scientists, clowns, and philosophers - to create order. In such times as ours however, when there is too much order, too much m management, too much programming and control, it becomes the duty of superior men and women and women to fling their favorite monkey wrenches into the machinery. To relieve the repression of the human spirit, they must sow doubt and disruption"

"People do it every day, they talk to themselves ... they see themselves as they'd like to be, they don't have the courage you have, to just run with it."

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Re: Nervous Breakdown. Please help me out [Re: ZippoZ]
    #5357171 -

I hope things go well friend.

Your attitude plays a crucial role in shaping the world that you experience. All you can do is be loving and hopeful and caring to all humans that you run into. Live your life the way you feel that it should be lived and trust that things will improve.


--------------------
I am the MacDaddy of Heimlich County, I play it Straight Up Yo!

....I embrace my desire to feel the rhythm, to feel connected enough to step aside and weep like a widow, to feel inspired, to fathom the power, to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain, to swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human......
Om Namah Shivaya, I tell you What!

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