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I want to erase all aspect of sexuality from myself. I don't want someone to be able to look at me and tell if I'm a boy or girl. I don't want breasts and I don't want a gender. I choose to remain in-between.

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HeavyToilet said:

Don't do it Ellemy. Mother Nature gave you your body. Why would you want to destroy it?

Quote:

I want to erase all aspect of sexuality from myself. I don't want someone to be able to look at me and tell if I'm a boy or girl. I don't want breasts and I don't want a gender. I choose to remain in-between.

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Why? What would be the advantage to doing that?

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The only thing I can think of is not being stereotyped because of being a women. 

HeavyToilet said:

Don't do it Ellemy. Mother Nature gave you your body. Why would you want to destroy it?

Quote:

I want to erase all aspect of sexuality from myself. I don't want someone to be able to look at me and tell if I'm a boy or girl. I don't want breasts and I don't want a gender. I choose to remain in-between.

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Why? What would be the advantage to doing that?

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EllemyshShade said:

It's not that I want to be a guy.  It's that I want to be neither.  I have been considering surgury in the future to get my boobs removed from my body.  I'm not worried about my husband's reaction.  That's not an issue as we've already spoken about it. 

This is about me feeling more comfortable in my own skin.  This is about manifesting my 'idea' of mySelf into physical reality.  I figure it's my life so I should do whatever I feel like doing while I have the time to do it. 

I want to erase all aspect of sexuality from myself.  I don't want someone to be able to look at me and tell if I'm a boy or girl.  I don't want breasts and I don't want a gender.  I choose to remain in-between. 

My question is:  Are there any "girls" here who have elected to remove their breasts in order to achieve balance in their life?  How has not having breasts changed your life, for better or worse?

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You will never escape your sex, it's in your chromosomes, mrs. xx.  It looks like you've made some important realizations regarding gender though, in that it's ambiguos and for that I applaud you.   

Your brain is in physical reality, no?  Manifesting your thoughts into feelings of being comfortable in your own skin seems much more practical than lobbing off your breasts, not to mention a hell of a lot more rational.

Developing a personality that goes beyond gender is what you should be working on.  You're showing a lot of attachment to how people perceive you.  Live for yourself, not for others. Why does it matter if someone sees you as a woman?  Are you tired of the suffering others cause you when they treat you differntly because of your sex? 




  Perhaps your identity as a woman is what you need to work on. Maybe it's time you start fully exploring what it means to be a woman. 



p.s

your breasts aren't the only way to identify your sex, reconstructing your hip strcture is going to be quite expensive

Well, that was a good post. 

Smoker For Peace said:

You're showing a lot of attachment to how people perceive you.  Live for yourself, not for others. 

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Exactly.    Everyone doesn't want me to remove my breasts.  If I didn't go through with it, wouldn't I be listening to you guys, instead of mySelf?

There is a picture in my minds eye.  It's me, but I'm different then that picture.  I want to conform to the picture that I have created of myself, for myself. 

Thanks for the reply. 

EllemyshShade said:

WEll, I do not consider breast removal "destroying my body." More like molding my body to fit my internal image of mySelf. I've been thinking about this recently. I don't feel it's that different then going on a diet to shed a hundred pounds. In both cases you are choosing actions and behaviors which will mold your body to appear more like you desire it to appear. In my case, I will be molding myself to be less female, and hopefully more neutral.

I can see many advantages to removing my breasts. For one thing, in societies mind, I am canceling out the most obvious thing that makes me female. It sickens me to think of how people fixate on breasts, like they're something so special, like the breast is what makes a woman.

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EllemyshShade said:

Well guess what. I don't want to play that game anymore. That's honestly how I feel. I "quit" being a female, since it's obvious I will never measure up to the standards we impose on one another with gender.

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EllemyshShade said:

I no longer want any part of the gender game. I elect to be neither. I feel there is nothing wrong with this. In fact, I crave this.

Another advantage is internal balance. Inside, where the sun don't shine, where I hide mySelf, is where I have an idea of me and as long as I am female I am denying the truth of who I really am.

The point is, I have never felt "right" being female. And now I am discovering I can do something about it.

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EllemyshShade said:

Well, that was a good post. 

Smoker For Peace said:

You're showing a lot of attachment to how people perceive you.  Live for yourself, not for others. 

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Exactly.    Everyone doesn't want me to remove my breasts.  If I didn't go through with it, wouldn't I be listening to you guys, instead of mySelf?

There is a picture in my minds eye.  It's me, but I'm different then that picture.  I want to conform to the picture that I have created of myself, for myself. 

Thanks for the reply. 

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Realize that this version of "yourself" you claim to be listening to has been influenced by society and culture since the day you were born.  Then you'll see that the search for ones self's true identity isn't about changing yourself to create  this ideal self that you've created out of defense mechanisms.  It's about re-discovering your real self, which is eternal and never-changing.  This path is about healing.  The warriors path 

p.s

If you aren't down with the be here now philisophy, then please disregard everything I've just said 

p.s.s

I've been through some struggles with gender issues myself, PM me sometime if you wanna shoot the shit about it.


edit, I'd also like to add that I find your willigness to give up all standards of 'normal' to be praiseworthy

Quote:

1) What's it like to not have breasts?

It fucking rocks! seriously I absoluetly LOVE my chest! I like to touch it,looks at it, even just know my breasts are gone forever. Nothing to get in the way, no awkward lumps of flesh.

2) How long did the surgery take and how long was recovery?

The surgery itself was a few hours, I'm not sure exactly how long since I was under anesthesia and then totally out of it on pain meds. As for recovery it probably took about a month to get pretty much back to normal and a few months before there wasn't any tightness when I reached straight up. But recovery time really varies from person to person. Also, though you didn't ask, the pain wasn't all that bad after the second day (which was hell) but after that it really wasn't bad. I had drains, whcih where annoying and a little painful, but not a big deal.

What's it like to be seen as neither male or female?

Well, it's hard to get people to see you that way in the first place, but once they do it's an incredible feeling of freedom! I don't have to pretend to be something I'm not anymore, I can just be myself.

How does this affect your relationship with others?

On general it hasn't had much of an effect. Most of the people I hang out with just see me as a person, and the fact that I'm genderless doesn't matter to them. Unfortunately there are exceptions, for instance today I go told I was scary by someone I was chatting with on MSN. In the dating realm it's a little different. *sigh* lol I think it does get in the way a little, but I'm cofindent it won't be a huge problem.

Do people still try to polarize you into one or the other?

Some people do, mostly people I haven't fully come out to as genderqueer just trans, so they think I identify as male. But again most people I hang out with don't seem to have a problem with it. They do use male pronouns, but then I haven't asked them not to, it's seems like it wouldbe confusing for them to try and use genderqueer pronouns. Society in general definetlky tries to polarize everybody! Gender binary bathrooms, asking for gender on forms, stuff like that.

Is there a special pronoun used for people who are neither male or female?

Yes, two actually, and a few variations. Instead of he or she you can use xe (pronounced zee) and instead of him or her you can use hir (pronounced here). And there are several variations on those.

I know exactly how you feel about wanting to cut off your breasts, I had so many fantasies of doing that before I finally got top surgery. Actually I identify greatly with pretty much ALL of the things you said! You are definetly not alone in those feelings. I also went back and forth on whether I was gay or not, now I identify as "pansexual" which basically means, just like you said, that gender doesn't matter when selecting a mate. And I had to deal with people overlooking my trans issues and just trying to get me in control as I am also bipolar on top of everything else and everyone thought it was just another weird symptom. And you're right, although your husband matters, this is something you need to decide for yourself. There where a of people around me who didn't want me to go as far in trasistion as I have, but it was something I needed to do inorder to survive my own life.

If you have anymore questions, or just want to chat, please feel free, I'm happy to do anything I can to help. I know how hard this can be.

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Smoker For Peace said:

Realize that this version of "yourself" you claim to be listening to has been influenced by society and culture since the day you were born.  Then you'll see that the search for ones self's true identity isn't about changing yourself to create  this ideal self that you've created out of defense mechanisms.  It's about re-discovering your real self, which is eternal and never-changing.  This path is about healing.  The warriors path 

p.s

If you aren't down with the be here now philisophy, then please disregard everything I've just said 

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I'm all over 'Be Here Now.'    It's the book where you can open any page and learn something valuable and applicable about existence. 

I wish I could crack open my head and let you see where I'm coming from.  Chances are I'd just bleed everywhere, though. 
The Self I am listening to is the Self which I rediscovered some time ago.  It's when I learned that all of existence spins forth from me (us) and that I (we) could create anything I (we) want out of the material I've (we've) been given. 

So you see, I see nothing serious about altering my body this way.  It is just another example of me taking hold of the reins of my own reality.  Because there are infinite realities for me to explore and experience, I shouldn't fear doing anything on my behalf during this one. 

If this reality is mine to create, then why not create it the way I choose?  That is how I am seeing things now.

Anyway, I'm not going to rush out and get my breasts removed tomorrow.  I don't have the money.