Last night, I met up with this girl who's engaged... we've hung out before, and at most hugged each other. I've been friends with her for 3 or 4 years now. But not really good friends or anything, just kinda casual friends. But there were a few times we'd gone to clubs and she kinda got freaky on me. I always-always-always brushed her off, because hey I'm not going there, and we're just friends. But I always thought it was irie that she would grind on me, or just be kinda friendly to me... and that she was engaged. It never made sense.
We have somewhat of a history. I used to like her years ago, and she liked me. But then,I just wasn't the same person. I was more confused and insecure then, and I guess not interested in being more than friends. I still had thoughts about it over the years, but very sparingly. I actually ended up introducing her to one of my friends, and after they eventually broke up, she got back together with her ex boyfriend from high school... the whole high school sweetheart relationship. Except this kind of relationship was get abused, breakup, and then get back together and get engaged! Woohoo sign me up for this plan!
So it doesn't take the sharpest tool in the shed to question her engagement. In fact, a couple of my friends have questioned it, along with me. And your eyebrow can't help peaking, when you see her freaking with guys on the dance floor... the kind of freaking that says "I'm sexy baby, dance with me", instead of, "Hey I'm engaged so look-don't-touch".
One time we hung out I noticed she wasn't even wearing her ring. I asked her about it and she made up some excuse. In fact I think the reason she's marrying this guy is because, in her own words "there has been no one else better to come along" ... ughh...thats a horrible reason to get engaged. I would never marry a person unless I wanted to, and never have my reasons for marriage being "cuz I couldn't find anyone else."
We got drunk last night. It was a lot of fun. We hung out at the club and were dancing, but nothing more than usual. Then I kinda did my own thing as she met up with her girlfriends and I met up with my friend. I kinda talked to a few other girls... but then later met up again with her and her chick friends and we danced on the dancefloor. I started dancing with her other friend a bit, and that was cool. But then the real show started. It was like someone decided to film a movie about me and my engaged friend, cuz it was just US the rest of the night.
She started grinding against me... and we were dancing...and all of a sudden this switch went off in my brain. All of a sudden all I wanted was her. I wanted her body against mine. It was like my entire civilized persona evaporated and I was left with the animal in me. Animal sees girl, animals wants girl... tunnel vision. I've never had this happen before... maybe becuase I'm good at controlling my inner self. But this time for some reason I just let myself flow with it. Part of it was the alcohol maybe, but I think there was definitely more to it than just that. It was almost like we both just let out our desires for each other, desires that were deep, and constrained, and held back. It felt good to just let it come out ...dAMMMMMMNNNNN it was crazy. But this was just all psychological at this point... nothing said. She started grinding even more on me... I couldn't resist her anymore. We danced, and she grabbed my hands and put them all over her body. I returned and grabbed her hard, showing her how I was feeling. It was like, we both knew. WHOA it was so hot. You have to envision this club too... dark, thumping deep beats just resonating..everyone was just lost in the beat...
The night came to a close, and we ended up driving home together, because we drove there together...and she stopped at my place before continuing to her house, because she wanted to sober up a bit.
We listened to a bit of music, and then layed on my bed. I wasn't even thinking about anything other than just hanging with her. After talking a bit, I started just looking at her. The way her body melted into my down comforter. She looked so good, I just wanted to be completely on her... me and her, just naked... being animalistic, not giving a damn. Haha, those were some of my thoughts going through my head. I just got so turned on to her. And... we started flirting. Then I gave her a massage. This girl is too hot. My body was pulsating at this point.
As we were laying there, every song in my random Winamp mp3 player went along almost perfectly with what we were doing. It was absolutely fucking crazy. After every song, I kept thinking...I really hope it doesn't go to some lame dumb song because I don't want to have to get up. But that never happened, everything was perfect. I turned the lights off to chill. As she layed on my bed, it was like I had one voice saying " Man just chill, think about everything else. Think about her boyfriend, think about your inebriation, think about hers, think about how things are going to be the next day..."... but the other voice was saying "Dude this is a once in a lifetime thing, it feels so right, just kissing her wouldn't do much harm, I want her so bad! ..."
Finally I had to do something... seeing her body writhing in my sheets was too much. I asked her, "Can I do something to you thats really bad, and you can just hate me for it afterwards?" She answered in a low voice, "What...?" I kissed her on her cheek. Naturally it only got hotter. I asked her again the same question, and she's like what? So I turned her over, so her body was facing up, straddled her, and let my body fall on hers giving her a slow deep kiss on the lips. OMG. I've never felt so naughty...even when I was a child, I never felt this naughty... it was like I was eating the forbidden fruit. She totally was into everything, and at no points did I feel she wanted to leave, or anything. We didn't have sex... or anything like that. But I kissed her more that night, caressed her body, and just layed there with her.
It was crazy. I had always wanted to do that. But I feel like even if you take out the physical part, there was something else there. We talked about her life, and where she was going. About how no one understands her...how she doesn't trust the person she is engaged too. Just about life...
We hugged some...and when she finally left, we hugged again.
I don't know what to make of this situation. I never thought I would do this... I'm not going to say it was the alcohol, because I knew exactly what I was getting into. In fact, I'm perfectly content with everything...
I wanted to do it. And she wanted it. And it was great. And... I could be happy never talking to her again if she wants that, or to keep talking. But I have this weird feeling, like, did I just eat the forbidden fruit, and now God's going to show me his wrath? In other words, whats going to happen with this?
I have a feeling that its going to just be our little secret. Remembered as a semi-drunk hookup that was 3 years overdue. It was almost like our friendship became friends-with-benefits...but for just that time. I feel like it was a positive experience... I really showed her and told her she needed to be herself, find herself, love herself...and do what she felt right in life. In a way I loved her last night, and showed her... I gave her a big dose of affection... and in that way I don't regret the experience.
If we just got horny and had sex, that would have been one thing... Even though she is hot and has this amazing body, I had more restraint than that.
Hmmm... any comments? 
Edited by MenuShroom (02/03/06 12:23 PM)
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