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A 'Bump' in the road/ the past few years of my life
    #5229573 -

It seems like for almost the first 17 years of my life i had everything going perfectly for me. great grades in school, awesome family, nice car etc.. that was up until about 2 years ago. I was spendin some time with my brother down in souther cali and i spent a decent amount of time on his computer. by a crazy string of events.. i met this girl and we instantly felt a connection even tho it was just online.

we talked for like a month or so and then a bit after i got back home we decided to go on a date to the movies and we startin seein eachother shortly after that. from that point on we were inseperable for the next couple of years. she was young at the time and was livin with her step dad who happened to sell weed... things seemed so perfect at the time until a 'bad' incident happened with her, some valuum, and her stepdad. she then moved back with her mom who was even crazier than her rapist stepfather, and her real dad that lives nearby is also a crazy fuck, literally. too make that part of the story short, her family basically turned my life into complete craziness- me almost being kidnapped by her skitzo dad etc, and havin to deal with her being kicked out and abused by her mom and such.

so as relationships usually go, things started to fall apart between us as we both began working, she worked 2 jobs even altho she didnt drive. i couldnt bring her to work all the time and didnt want too which caused a lot of fights between us. one day while waitin for the bus this kid we always saw at our dealers house buyin coke picked her up for work in his nice car( crashed mine recently so mine wasnt quite as nice) she startin usin him to get rides all the time after that and they started hangin out a bit altho she wanted nothin aside from that...im sure he thought thats how she felt..yah right. she wanted to be able to still hang out with guys and have me not get pissed, i agreed after a while and so i started to do the same as her- at that point she changed her mind :shocked:

I couldnt deal with all that crap any longer even tho i cared for  her so much i decided to end it right as summer began. i thot life would be better. i thought i would be able to find someone to replace her someday..I broke my arm very badly right as summer began which made things even worse. i ended up gettin into coke and x pretty heavy. i had a lot of jealousy at that point cuz she seemed to be better off without me while i was doing horrible. Things continued in the same pattern and i ended up gettin arrested and thrown in jail for a while for distribution of a few illegal substances. i was kicked out of school and now i have to go to drug court every friday for 52 weeks along with treatment and UAs a couple times a week. after jail i spent almost a month in the hospital too for an infection i think i got in there.

Gettin to the point of all this, alhto i left out a lot of events that took place; loosin my gma, my dad almost dieing.. to top it off now that i have to be this new clean and sober person all my friends have like completely abandoned me. when i was doing drugs i felt so much more comfortable in life, now i feel like im stupider than i was  before and have a hard time communicating. i just feel so distant from everyone now and cant really draw any kindof connection to anyone no matter how hard i try. its been months since i used and i still cant seem to figure out how to live sober, i know that sober people dont just sit on the computer and eat food all day but it seems thats all i have to do. i just want to have a life again, i want to be able to leave the state and explore like i should be doing at this age( cant even leave the state). I feel like im trapped in a place i really dont want to be and theres no way out. sorry in advance if this post is really stupid, my brain is just goin off in a thousand different directions right now and i just dont know what to write. i probly should have waited til i calmed down to write this reasonably but i felt i just had to get it all out there...

just one thought to add to all of that_ the day i got out of jail i went to a small party at my usual hangout and decided i would eat a little over an 8th so that i could reflect on jail etc. i thot it would help me to stay sober which it did. that night i realized a lot about all my 'friends' as i saw them doin coke/x/meth around me and i had a pretty horrible trip :sad: i did mushrooms a few times after that while stayin away from other drugs and havent had a good trip since. i hope ill be able to have a good trip again someday


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Re: A 'Bump' in the road/ the past few years of my life [Re: BlueFos]
    #5229953 -

Naw, it's certainly not a stupid post. I hope you feel better having vented a bit. I don't know what to tell you - sounds like you've hit a rough spot in life, as we all do. It won't be the only rough spot you'll hit either, I'm sad to report. Such is life. About the only thing I can tell you to do is work to get yourself out of it, and you will. Remember, this too shall pass. Best of luck, my friend.

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Re: A 'Bump' in the road/ the past few years of my life [Re: Le_Canard]
    #5230009 -

teenage love will do that to you...

about the drugs / jail thing.. consider yourself lucky you didn't end up spending a couple of years thinking about it in a cell. I have similar feelings too.. since i got out of jail a few years ago, i stopped everything except a little weed and salvia.

I could def. tell that lots of the connections i had with friends really revolved around drug use. It's not just that I would personally make the choice to stop hanging out with certain people if i knew they were just going to be getting drunk and taking pills.. but i also noticed that as people realized i really stopped drinking and doing drugs, they sort of saw me as being a buzzkill. I dont preach or anything, but I just get really really bored when I am sober and everyone else is falling down and getting fucked up all the time.

I also had a gf in high school with a similar situation. she lived with her crazy abusive stepdad, abusive sister and a drunk for a mom, only she was the one that started getting heavy into pills and pain killers and shit... eventually I just stopped calling / stopping by. I still see here like once a year when i go home... still hooked on pills / pain killers... still hanging around guys that sell drugs... still doesnt have much going for her.

To be honest, you should learn to move on, develop some hobbies / skills that make you happy and just realize that the time you did spend that was good was just that... time well spent.

p.s. shrooming around people that are doing things you dont agree with (especially if you just got out of jail / hospital), will probably result in a bad trip.


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No statements made in any post or message by myself should be construed to mean that I am now, or have ever been, participating in or considering participation in any activities in violation of any local, state, or federal laws. All posts are works of fiction.

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Re: A 'Bump' in the road/ the past few years of my life [Re: kotik]
    #5231411 -

thanks for all the support guys. i feel a bit better gettin all that out there..its true i really have also realized people view me different now that im not all about gettin drunk and high all the time. i dont think that my life has to always be like this though, when i finish drug court that should be a really big step and i should feel alot better and accomplished at that point. From now on im gonna try and do that, " realize that the time you did spend that was good was just that... time well spent." :smile:


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