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Unfolding Nature Shop: Unfolding Nature: Being in the Implicate Order

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Had a Very Depressing Thought
    #4916151 -

Maybe this belongs in P+S, I'm not sure, but I put it here because I felt strongly about it. So anyhow, recently I moved from Idaho out to the coast. A week or two after arriving I noticed that a bug had snuck into my backpack. This specific type of bug seems to live a long time because they can hibernate and conserve energy. For example the bug had been in my pack for almost two weeks without food and still had energy to move around.

Recently I decided I needed my backpack and gave him the boot out. I tried to put him into a dark place in the room. I took him outside but he wouldn't get off my piece of paper because it was cold and wet. Before the bug got into my bag he was in another part of the country and it was alot warmer outside. So anyhow, it just wanted to stay inside.

I realized that if I just left him in my backpack he would live indefinately, but now out of it he is in a foreign environment with no purpose to live. I can't leave him in the pack forever, but it pains me because I know his life will end if I let him out. All there really is left is to wait for him to die.

That seemed very wrong to me, and I think unconsciously this thought connected me to my grandfather's death two months ago, something I think I never really processed. He died slowly over several months and I was relieved when it finally ended. I had a dream last night that I thought he was still alive, and I think it was because of the bug. Waiting for the bug to expire reminded me of waiting for my grandpa's death.

Realizing that in effect all creatures, the bug, my grandpa, myself and everything else are all just waiting to die, and that everything that happens in between is impermanent, kind of got me down. I do believe that existence goes on beyond this life, but everything is fleeting. It seems that in the end nothing really matters because nothing lasts. The lives we build are bound to end and our memories die. Accomplishments are illusions because they disapear quickly.

I guess I just feel that life is so cheap and fleeting. It's so hard to make sense of a game that is constantly changing and people suffer and die.


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1. "After an hour I wasn't feeling anything so I decided to take another..."
2. "We were feeling pretty good so we decided to smoke a few bowls..."
3. "I had to be real quiet because my parents were asleep upstairs..."

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Re: Had a Very Depressing Thought [Re: Divided_Sky]
    #4916163 -

Nothing lasts....but nothing is lost.



McKennaDMT :mushroom2: :mushroom2: :mushroom2: :mushroom2:


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Every mistake, intentional or otherwise, in the above post, is the fault of the reader.

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Re: Had a Very Depressing Thought [Re: Penguarky Tunguin]
    #4916309 -

im beginning to see impermanence as a good thing but i understand how it can get you down from a certain point of view. the way around it is to change your point of you, unless of course you want to feel bad about it.

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Re: Had a Very Depressing Thought [Re: Deviate]
    #4916552 -

just turning a new leaf over.

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Re: Had a Very Depressing Thought [Re: Divided_Sky]
    #4916580 -

Sounds like a classic existentialist crisis :tongue:

What you have realized is very true, but it is cause for celebration, not sadness. We are in a manifest, experiencing part of the Tao. We are able to live our lives and love and enjoy the game we've been thrust into.

People are constantly suffering, and there is absolutely no reason for it. Suffering is mostly self imposed.

You should post this in S&P, you'll get a lot of well-thought out answers there.

If I remember I'll post more on this later, but I have to run for now.


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"What is in us that turns a deaf ear to the cries of human suffering?"

"Belief is a beautiful armor
But makes for the heaviest sword"
- John Mayer

Making the noise "penicillin" is no substitute for actually taking penicillin.

"This country, with its institutions, belongs to the people who inhabit it. Whenever they shall grow weary of the existing government, they can exercise their constitutional right of amending it, or their revolutionary right to dismember or overthrow it." -Abraham Lincoln

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Re: Had a Very Depressing Thought [Re: Divided_Sky]
    #4916635 -

Sometimes I get sad when I wake up from a good dream. Hint, hint.


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"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC

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Re: Had a Very Depressing Thought [Re: Divided_Sky]
    #4916843 -

I read your whole post thinking the bug was a metaphor at first.

Yes, everything is impermanent. This isn't a bad thing. Knowing that helps to get us through the tough moments, by reminding ourselves that time will obliterate all pain.

I know that the same goes for good things, but if you learn to live in the present, you'll see that their impermanence is irrelevant. Life itself is necessarily temporary, and that's the only reason it is worth anything.

The future isn't a part of life. It doesn't exist anywhere but your mind. Not to sound too philosophical or anything, but I think you'd benefit from experimenting with meditation. There are lots of resources on the web for getting you started.

Try not to let it consume you. I had an extended bout with that impermanence thing. The best thing to do is keep your mind on what's happening, not on what you think will happen or must happen.


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Welcome evermore to gods and men is the self-helping man.  For him all doors are flung wide: him all tongues greet, all honors crown, all eyes follow with desire.  Our love goes out to him and embraces him, because he did not need it.

~ R.W. Emerson, "Self-Reliance"

:heartpump:

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Re: Had a Very Depressing Thought [Re: Penguarky Tunguin]
    #4917146 -

McKennaDMT said:
Nothing lasts....but nothing is lost.



McKennaDMT :mushroom2: :mushroom2: :mushroom2: :mushroom2:



wow!

Nice!

:cool: :thumbup:


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Disclaimer!?

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Re: Had a Very Depressing Thought [Re: WhiskeyClone]
    #4917238 -

Some things are permanent, it the very fact that people worry about this stuff that makes us hold on to certain memories, in our lifetimes and for future generations. As time passes we will eventually lose our individuality but we will still be remembered collectively. Like when you think of all those people past, and you get a feeling for the people as a hole. only afew keep their individuality, and this is only to help us connect to and remember the rest of the people living around these times, sorta like reference points that keep the past in order,they help us imagine what things were like back then.

Its only in the modern world where we have this unhealty fear of death, it hasn't always been like that.

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Re: Had a Very Depressing Thought [Re: Mike_yy]
    #4917861 -

I dont think the bug would have lived very long in your bagpack either--maybe a few more weeks but not long eneough where it would be unjust to give him the boot. Besides, its not like you put him in there, he crawled in there himself and maybe for the purpose of providing and provoking this thought/lesson.

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Re: Had a Very Depressing Thought [Re: OrizonsHorizon]
    #4917888 -

i give this post

/ 5


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No statements made in any post or message by myself should be construed to mean that I am now, or have ever been, participating in or considering participation in any activities in violation of any local, state, or federal laws. All posts are works of fiction.

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Re: Had a Very Depressing Thought [Re: OrizonsHorizon]
    #4917996 -

:thumbup: Lighten up and do the funky chicken. :laugh:


--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC

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Re: Had a Very Depressing Thought [Re: Penguarky Tunguin]
    #4918307 -

McKennaDMT said:
Nothing lasts....but nothing is lost.


:thumbup: :heart:


--------------------
"Easy going and organic thoughts bent on self experimentation and knowledge and growth for the betterment of self and those around us"
-Playdo the philosophiser

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Re: Had a Very Depressing Thought [Re: Kerr]
    #4918584 -

I had a kind of similar experience. This fly kept buzzing me and stuff..... which I didn't like because it tickled really badly... but anyway so.... I chanted some Buddhist things for it, on the off chance that Buddhist mantras can really lead you to liberation, I wanted the fly to have a drastically better next life.

So anyway.... one thing I really wanted to do is to get the fly to leave my apartment, because I don't know what it could eat here..... and a few times I've had my window open to let in air, only to inadvertently close the window, trapping the fly. I could clearly tell by the fact that everytime I opened the window, he went to it, that he wanted outside.... but I never could get him to go out the door.

I'd be sitting on the computer and he'd land on my hand, and I'd say to him "okay, I'm going to take you outside... calm down..." and I'd to get up as slowly as possible to move him to the door, but he'd always get scared and fly away.

I guess he died now. :/ I haven't seen him in a week.


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I am the MacDaddy of Heimlich County, I play it Straight Up Yo!

....I embrace my desire to feel the rhythm, to feel connected enough to step aside and weep like a widow, to feel inspired, to fathom the power, to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain, to swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human......
Om Namah Shivaya, I tell you What!

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Re: Had a Very Depressing Thought [Re: Divided_Sky]
    #4922014 -

We are used to think of things and static and unchanging, but nothing is. Life, bugs, grandfathers, mountains are processes with a beginning, a middle and an end. By only concentrating on the end, you will get depressed, but the end is only a part of the process without which the whole wouldn't exist. Every moment is filled with countless births and deaths. The you of yesterday is gone forever, there isn't even someone left to point to, and the you who is reading this now didn't exist yesterday.

Clinging to life or people or things is like clutching water in your fist, the harder you try to hold on, the more it runs through your fingers. When you open your hands, you'll eventually notice that for everything that goes away something new arrives.

Each of us may only be here for a short while, but we are all part of the same eternally evolving universe.


--------------------

"You should view the world as a conspiracy run by a very closely-knit group of nearly omnipotent people, and you should think of that group as yourself and your friends."

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Re: Had a Very Depressing Thought [Re: koppie]
    #4924052 -

Damn good post, koppie.


McKennaDMT :mushroom2: :mushroom2: :mushroom2:


--------------------
Every mistake, intentional or otherwise, in the above post, is the fault of the reader.

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Re: Had a Very Depressing Thought [Re: Penguarky Tunguin]
    #4925971 -

It's good to feel a connection to all life.. It was it's time to go..Nothing ends change is eternal..

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Re: Had a Very Depressing Thought [Re: Bhairabas]
    #4928491 -

i say FedEx that bug to a more habitable climate. Any shroomites willing to be on the receiving end?

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Re: Had a Very Depressing Thought [Re: Divided_Sky]
    #4928581 -

All that exists is the moment. If there's a point in "time" where the moment can make you smile or laugh or feel good to be experiencing it, then that is worth all the billions of moments we spend in grief, boredom and sadness. If a creature lives a life of horrible pain and despair, but they experience a single moment of joy, even if for the most trivial of reasons, then their life was worth living.

So get busy livin' or get busy dyin'. :heart:

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Re: Had a Very Depressing Thought [Re: moog]
    #4953431 -

I used to suffer a lot from depression, so extreme that I made a few attempts to kill myself. I know life can be difficult, I just wanted to mention, the thing that has made the biggest positive difference in my life is doing good things for people. Maybe not even immediately afterward, but the more I do favors for people I normally wouldn't do, the better I feel. When I go to the convenience store, and make a purchase, I try to say something funny (Or at least kind if I can't think of anything funny to say) just to make their day that much better. If you do or say just one good thing for every person you see, it makes their day better, and in turn could make someone elses better too.

Edit - I agree with you though, what you accomplish in this life is insignificant. Whether you dropped out and became a janitor at the school you used to attend, or whether you become a great writer, it's all the same. What does matter however, is if during your time here you were nice when at all possible, generous when you've got something to give and helpful when other people were weak. If you try for the best in this life you won't have to in the next....

When other people are happy, it makes me that way too. Right now I feel happy, and I sincerely hope you do.


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For a reliable vendor with high quality merchandise at a great price, try BBB

Edited by adoseofparn0z (11/18/05 08:48 PM)

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Unfolding Nature Shop: Unfolding Nature: Being in the Implicate Order

Community > Physical and Mental Well-Being
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