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geo's henchman
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im depressed / Thinking about school
    #1790430 - 08/07/03 11:55 PM (14 years, 10 months ago)

I dropped out of school when I was 16, got a cool job, worked there for a while, then eventually we moved. My mom moves alot with her work, every couple years it seems.

Well after that, I was steady working for a good while at a shitty job still in search for this perfect job in the computer industry I assumed that I deserved. We then moved to florida where I got a job doing construction making pretty good money, but working 70+ hours a week...I couldn't hang in there that long, and soon quit to persue an easier career sellling drugs. That went on for a couple months and then when some people started going down I came to my senses and stopped, and moved back to california.

That was about 8 months ago, and the first 6 months there, my friend and I staying with his grandma looked for work but the economy was shit...so we just sat around smoking bud for the most part, then his grandma said that she wanted to sell the house in a couple months and to no worry about work, we had shit to do around the house for her. So this was our new excuse not to do anything, and sit around and smoke bud all day...The time came where the house got sold, and we moved to northern cali, and were staying in a hotel for a good while, trying to find jobs and a place to live.

I came home for a little bit to visit my sick grandmother who wanted to see me for a bit before her time was over, and when i was out here I injured myself, and thought it would be best to stay. This leaves us with today.

My mom is planning on moving again, not far, a couple cities away wich is good. I am in the same town with drug dealers and all my old not so nice friends who I dont want bringing me down. We will be moving in a week or two, but until then,  I have nothing to do. I help around the house, but I cant really get a job till then, and sitting here talking online, and reading gets real boring. This depresses me

I talked to a few friends from a long time ago, and it seems as though they are doing just as shitty as I am, but some worse. The economy is shit, and people are unemployed when they got more skill than anyone i know.  This depresses me.

I am generally an optomistic person, and very rarely do i get sad and depressed.

When I dropped out when I was 16, I gave up my chance. My sister is getting college paid for, and lives at her uni. She was always a 4.0 bookworm type who loves to study. I wasnt. Now at the univ she is getting a 2.3 gpa and this scares me.

I know I can work, and get by working my way up a company. Even if i worked at mcdonalds my whole life i would be happy as long as it was stress free and i was enjoying it.  My problem is i wanna learn, I know now that information is power, and i wanna expand my brain to full capacity.

If I want to go to school, I have to get my GED, then I must enroll in school, and do so while maintaining a job & paying rent.  I know it will be hard, and im not quite sure if i can do it. I couldnt cut it in high school, i dunno why i think i can do it now. I want it now, im gonna be paying for it now. I never developped god study habbits in school, i could usually just ace tests with common sense. Now is when i need those study habbits, and that handwriting i never had, wich has gotten even worse since ive been on a computer for the last 4 years. It is alot of work to try and do, and i dont know if im ready. It sometimes feels like its too late, i lost my chance, then i relize that im only 20 and im still real young.

I dont know what to do. I gave up being a kid when i dropped out, now i gotta hold a job ontop of school if i want, and i dunno if i can even do that itself, letalone both.

I guess I really just need to do something for the time being though, sitting here makes me think about just how gloomy life can be, and although i have my fun most the time, there is a sad mellow side to things, and it sucks. 1 side of me thinks i shouldnt have to give up my youth to slave labor + school to just exist, i should be out having fun, but the other side of me wants to get established somewhere doing something, so i can stop worrying.

i dont usually think like this, i kinda assume things will work out...well they usually do work out, i dont always get what i want, but i get what i need. :wink: but now im thinking maybe i want to get what i want, and instead of letting shit just happen to maybe get there that i need to work for it, and set some goals. too bad i dont even know wtf i wanna do in the next year to set goals.

I wanna backpack across europe or live in the jungle, or work at the car wash. I wanna do something. ;[

The DJ's took pills to stay awake and play for seven days.

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Registered: 04/18/03
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Loc: Southern TX
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Re: im depressed / Thinking about school [Re: tak]
    #1790446 - 08/08/03 12:00 AM (14 years, 10 months ago)

Go for the GED man, very easy test. Same thing as a diploma.. Not that itll be any easier to find a job, but a few more job oppurtunities will open up.

The only thing permanent is change.

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Registered: 06/06/03
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Re: im depressed / Thinking about school [Re: Cheebatoke]
    #1790986 - 08/08/03 04:34 AM (14 years, 10 months ago)

Actually, for what it's worth, if you've got several years behind you and you do well on some entrance tests, a lot of community colleges don't require that you have a GED or a HS diploma.

It is a good thingh to get, though.

"Do we want the stars? We can have them. Can we borrow cups of fire from the sun? We can and must and light the world." --"On the Shoulders of Giants", Ray Bradbury

All of my posts are full of fiction and blatant lies.

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Invisiblepsilocybe cubensis
Blood, guts, andbroken teeth.

Registered: 08/10/00
Posts: 1,220
Loc: Lost Angels
Re: im depressed / Thinking about school *DELETED* [Re: Sev]
    #1791052 - 08/08/03 05:28 AM (14 years, 10 months ago)

Post deleted by psilocybe cubensis

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Registered: 06/17/03
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Re: im depressed / Thinking about school [Re: psilocybe cubensis]
    #1791181 - 08/08/03 07:37 AM (14 years, 10 months ago)

If you want to learn, then now is the time to go to school.  I wish that I had your attitude before I started University, I've wasted so many classes that I wasn't interested at the time, so I just studied to pass the test and dumped the knowledge afterward, like an idiot.

Get your GED or other equivelant, then go to a community college for a couple years.  You can take out loans and maybe you'd even be eligible for a scholarship or grant or two, who knows (until you talk to the people at the schools!)?  My loans take care of tuition, rent, living expenses (though they kind of have me by the balls, I am basically supporting myself through college through loans =\) so as long as you have a decent part-time job you should be okay with loans/grants/scholarships.

Before you do that (if you do that), you should do the backpack across Europe thing or something like it.  I wish I could do that now, but it's almost unrealistic for to me stop in the middle of my studies to take a few months off to go do something like that.  I wish I could do that.

Anyway, yeah I recommend getting an education.  It is definately possible to work and go to school without giving up your youth or yourself to the establishment.  It's all a mindset anyways.  What is really important in this whole situation is that you want to go to school, that will really make a difference when/if you go.  I bet your sister was like me, really smart in high school then doing crappy in college.  It took about oh 2 years before I got my act together and decided I wanted to pass my classes, I was pretty close to getting kicked out but I guess I am one of the lucky ones.  You already have a head start on how I was when I started school :wink:

One thing about student loans, though.  If Bush does fuck us all over and the worst does happen to the U.S. government, then I'll have gotten a free education at the expense of the former U.S. government :lol:

There are things known, and there are things unknown, and in between are the doors - Morrison

Edited by neutralizer (08/08/03 07:45 AM)

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Anonymous #1

Re: im depressed / Thinking about school [Re: neutralizer]
    #1791517 - 08/08/03 11:06 AM (14 years, 10 months ago)


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geo's henchman
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Re: im depressed / Thinking about school [Re: ]
    #1791717 - 08/08/03 12:18 PM (14 years, 10 months ago)

Thank all of you, I am pretty confident I can take this one if I try my hardest :smile:

dlawagon, you should give it another go.  whats the worse that can happen?

The DJ's took pills to stay awake and play for seven days.

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