Strumpling said:

This kind of thing reminds me of times where I was tripping with a friend or something, and nobody's saying anything or moving at all but suddenly both of us laugh out loud at seemingly the exact same idea. Sometimes it IS the exact same idea, but many times we could be off in totally different directions and both land at a laugh at the same time, further convincing eachother that we were on the same page, even though we're light-years apart - its just too hard to interrupt the flow and go "hey what did you just laugh about?" so I take it as an affirmation.

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i live a sort of repressed thought-life because i don't want to offend people, so it becomes a very hard internal struggle to clear up my mind space, and i end up punishing myself for critizing others because i feel like i am constantly putting them down and they can feel it, or pick up on it, or i am pushing onto them, making me too intense.

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i know i should accept all thoughts, but when i feel it putting others down, it is harder.

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then i answer those thoughts with really bad, offensive thoughts about myself in case they pick it all up, so they can feel better bout themselves.

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this makes me want to spend more time alone, where i cannot hurt other than myself. it has occasionally lead me to consider suicide just because i feel like an annoying self-centered, arrogant transmitter.

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each time this has been going on i start punishing myself for trying to manipulate reality, but it is like a gliding switch, it comes sneaking.

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Also often it is like i just blurt out alot of shit that hits my mind, and it is like i am picking it from their subconscious, or field, and with no ill intentions i might hurt them, or scare them, because i hit secret nails on the head.

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