the secret to 'immortality'

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Nomadic Jester

Registered: 08/14/02
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the secret to 'immortality'

#4131589 - 05/04/05 09:46 AM (21 years, 5 months ago)

During a recent salvia experience I had the overwhelming sensation that *I* was somehow not the true owner of this body I currently inhabit, and that this odd sorta duelistic personality I've always felt was simply a direct result of two souls sharing the same vessel. The thing about the whole experience that really threw me for a loop though, was the idea that maybe the soul who I typically refer to as 'me' was somehow or another stuck in some sort of position where he simply wasn't capable of having his own body...thus the 'need' to team up with other souls just to be able to experience life (to any extent)

But the more and more I think about it, the more and more it seems almost as if this is more choice on my part then anything else. As if somewhere along the path I decided not to just simply jump straight into another life (supposedly so I could go haunt the fuck outta someone) and I just simply never got around to doing whatever the hell it is that I would have to do to be able to reincarnate myself. Like I had just been wandering about like a restless spirit or some shit, and eventually lost interrest in whatever it was that was holding me back, and I moved on to discover just what else a bodyless soul would be capable of. Apparently somewhere along the lines I discovered that souls were quite capable of teaming up with other souls...much in the same way that mediators will temporarily allow a wandering spirit into their own body, and give em temporary control so that particular spirit can convey some message to someone they love (or whatever) and it seems I've been abusing the fuck out of this technique ever since.

It's almost as if my spiritual essence simply finds some disheartened entitiy that's on the brink of suicide (or what I think is more likely the case - a spiritual essence that's just barely been created, and is too ignorant to resist my attaching onto em) and then simply leeches off of their existance experiencing whatever I'm capable of convincing em to experience, and then drifting away and moving on to find some new chump to leech off of when they finally grow enough gusto to kick me the fuck out...or until they simply die and we both loose 'our' body anyways (which I think is typically the case)

I am, in essence, a spiritual parasite...by choice

It's almost as if I prefer things this way because it allows me to continually experience the things of this world without ever having to go through the trouble of needing to rediscover my past lives in order to avoid mistakes already made a thousand times before. Like I just simply got tired of making the same stupid mistakes over and over and over again, and not ever realizing that I'm living pretty much the same exact sort of existance repeadiately until some time much later on in life when it's already too late to do anything differently...at which point you become stuck in a sort of rut where you generally want to take on a new existance so you can have the opportunity to make something more of yourself, but you feel like it wouldn't help anyway considering you never actually do a god damn thing differently, due to the fact that you loose touch with much of yourself while adjusting to this whole new existance you're now a part of (damn those cosmic loops!)

By not needing to have to ease your way into a whole new reality (i.e. jumping into the life of someone else who's already done all that grunt work for ya) you bypass that entire akward infant stage where you're not capable of doing anything you used to be capable of (walking for instance) and are forced to tranquilize your own ambitions just to keep yourself from driving yourself fucken batty. That whole stage of life seems to cause people to want to dumb themselves down so they can better deal with the torture of never being capable of doing even the most simplistic tasks, and then they wind up spending pretty much the rest of their lives trying to unlock the secrets of how to revive themselves to their former glory (less if you just so happen to be in an environment where stuff like reincarnation is a commonly accepted philosophy that you're exposed to at a younge age)

But by not having to sit through some pissant retard stage where you have to rely on other people to wipe your own ass for ya - you bypass that whole 'dumbing down' phase where you *temporarily* close yourself off from the bulk of who you are in order to better deal with being a freakin ragdoll with a consciousness...thereby never needing to have to 'let go' of who you are, never loosing touch with valuable lessons you've learned the hard way, and never having to sit through a living hell just so your new body can get caught back up with your old one. In essence: you get to be everything you want to be...and it only costs ya not being able to interract with this world directly anymore. (sure, you might stumble across the occasional mediator and get breif taste of reality from time to time...but chances are you're just gonna tease the fuck outta yourself doing shit that way)

I, however, take a different approach - I find someone to latch onto, and then I assist em as much as I can while I'm paired up with em...that way I know that I'm actually an assit to em, and not just some annoyance that they can't quite seem to get rid of. Or in the very least - that's what I strive to do. Sometimes though, it feels like the people I'm forming this symbiosis with eventually start wondering what life would be like without me around, and I inevitably start feeling like I'm probably doing more harm to em then anything else (in some way or another I'm sure) So it seems as if 'life' has turned into this sorta bizarre prostitution ring for me, where I'm the total slut at the center of things doing everything he can to please the people he's dancing along with...all the time wondering when it'll be my turn to be pleased by someone else.

It seems I may be taking this beautiful idea of 'symbiotic immortality' for granted, and am now experiencing the direct result of continual abuse of such power. Despite the fact that this particular symbiosis is flowing effortlessly this time around, it's still quite clear that we both are two seperate entities (each with our own wants and desires, values on the things of this world, and all that other nice crap) and as such - I always feel as if the person I'm with deserves to be free to live their own damn life without having to deal with me looking over their shoulder all the time.

but I'm just whining now...

I'll save your ears the trouble of having to sit through this pointless drivel anymore

feel free to tell me just how crazy I am if you feel you must...I'll make sure not to pawn it off on the person I'm currently infecting :craven:

--------------------

Ravings of a Madman :craven:

Extras:

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