About a month and half ago I let the stresses of life really get to me and had a kind of freak-out/nervous breakdown situation. Some parts of how I felt were actually cool. But other things were really getting out of control. If you've ever been in a situation where you didn't receive the pay you were owed at work you might understand how I felt. My temper is a little more intense than average and like anyone I hate feeling like someone is fucking with me. I became engulfed in rage for my employer. To the point where inflicting violence was not at all unthinkable. Actually, this same sort of thing happened to me years ago when I was living in Pusan, South Korea, teaching English. My boss their was a real slimy cunt and I still wish him ill. In fact, I hope he's dead. He would do this shit to his Korean workers where they would come in for their pay, and he'd say 'Just a moment' and make them wait for hours and then say, 'Oh I don't have it today.' He basically only hired women (besides me)so I guess he figured he could get away with that kind of shit. Well, I was aware of this so I clearly arranged the time when I would receive my final pay plus my thousand dollar bonus that I earned and needed. When that time came the motherfucker didn't have my money. God, I was enraged. The angriest I've ever been. I called him every name I could think of including racial slurs and everything else. I told him that when he opened his school the next day I was going to show up when all the kids are there and if he didn't have my money all those kids were going to get a front row seat to his beat down. I was prepared to kill him. I was that mad. When I got back to my room I even got a knife. At one point, I even slipped from consciousness, I thought that maybe I had snapped and gone and killed the fucker when I came to. I was beyond furious. But he had my money when I came by the next day and that was the way that story ended. Me with my cash, him with his life.
Fast forward back to the near present, about a month and a half ago as I mentioned, here in Japan. Here I was going through all this shit again. Pay was late three times. I wasn't fully enraged like in Korea but still I was boiling. Like I said, angry enough to inflict violence, but not to kill. But all this adrenaline from being so angry was pumping my body into an almost kind of euphoria like a euphoria of hate.
Again let me take this story to another time and place to explain about another time my blood was happy with hate. I was in Calcutta and I went to this religious festival where these people who worship the Goddess Kali were sacrificing goats on their official holiday celebrating their hatred for Islam (specifically Bangladesh). They had fifty or so goats outside at this temple and big swords. The goats symbolized the hated Muslims and one by one they took to decapitating every goat there. The goats were screaming. Piles of headless goats were still kicking. Blood was everywhere. I was the only foreigner. It was very intense. And it sent my blood into overdrive. I felt like a God myself just from watching it. I was powered by the hate. I felt indestructible.
So again back to the near present Japan. I had all this rage, right? Furious rage. I'm pumped with it. So I sit down next a creek, put on some tunes, take a couple synthetic Valium pills and start pounding the booze. Ooooohhh, I reached such a state of euphoria! It was incredible. And that was what got me thinking about something that's been in my head for quite some while. Legalization isn't enough. Of course it's in mankind's nature to experiment with drugs. Science needs to accept that and start researching and searching for the greatest highs possible through chemicals. If they could find away to pump all this stuff together. The feeling of power and the euphoria and combine it with the time expanding properties of psychedelics. Especially like with some of the stuff I've been reading on here about DMT and Salvia. Imagine the potential for at least creating the illusion (which is just as real as this illusion anyway) that you have 400 years to just chill by the stream and think and meditate! It's a way to combat the shortness of life! To stretch out happy moments and good feelings.
I know we're so far from it now. War on drugs and everything being the opposite of how it should be. But someday. Maybe in the next life . We can dream of a world where Soma is a reality and everyone will at least get some cracks at happiness.
-------------------- [quote]Asante said:
You constantly make posts thatr fling middle school insults at people you don't like mixed in with maladjusted psychopathic comments about wanting to beat up the other poster with a crowbar.
You know how shit you are, you just don't give a fuck for precisely that reason.
I disendorse you.[/quote]
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