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Can someone really burn their bridges forever?
    #3775916 -

Okay, hi guys...How's everyone doing tonight?


Here's my problem...or deal. I've been going through this for about a year.

I met a girl when I was in my Sophmore year of Highschool...it was during the show, Music Man. I was the conductor :wink: Well, this girl was the Assistant director of the show...so I had to deal with her all of the time when it came to our scenes and what not. I started growing fond  of her immediately

It all started when she asked to use my phone...but it wasnt for a call. She put her number in my phone, and I didnt even have to ASK! I was stoked. Oh, I should mention that this girl was a senior at the time. 2 years older than me. Close to 3.

Her and I went shopping one day...so the day ended at my house. We sat in the car talking and listening to music for hours...(one of my favorite things was introducing her to REALLY good music). She had to leave...but she wasnt leeaving. I waited and waited, then I did it. I kissed her. For about 30 seconds. It was amazing. That was back in the day when I had no expierience on anything. We hit it off from there. We would make dates at my place during spring break and watch LOTR and CKY...just having fun and cuddling.

Those were one of the most uplifting times of my life so far.


Then "it" happened. I refer as "it" as my trip the the east coast to see my uncle for the summer. It was horrible, this would be second time I would be away from her for more than a week....it was for 2. GASP. I thought I could deal. I missed her immensely :shake: But then it hit me. Not all at once...but it hit me around day 8. After listening to countless ataris songs that seemed to match the mood of the case....I could actually function...without her around me. I could really live and not care about anything. I was able to REALLY focus on myself for once.

NOT GOOD. I came back...and I wasnt able to look her in the eyes. I felt like I was guilty of...being me. I would sit at home and watch my tv or just cry sometimes...and I would recieve 3 or 4 calls from her and text's saying "what's wrong baby? please talk to me..."

I would just lash out in anger on the inside. How could someone so...compassionate and sweet care about ME when I wasnt able to even pick up the fucking phone.

So before my birthday...I broke it off...I dont know why. I just didnt....care anymore...about anything. That's when I got into E from a few friends and pot. Mind you, I NEVER overinduldged. I consider myself VERY responsilbe with both. Also, I've taken a leave of absense on both chemicals.

Anyway...I would contact her while she was at college via computer. She would never answer, but never block me on AIM. So I knew she was listening...just not openly acknowledging me. One day, she finally IM'ed me and said...I'll never forget this too, "I know I'm going to regret this" and called me...we talked for hours...that was a great night. It was different the next times we would talk though. I would...be a dick, for no reason..I would try to hold it in...but it just came out. Keep in mind that this ISNT who I really am. I consider myself to be one of the most caring and understanding friend.

So one day, her new boyfriend...

(whom, by the way has been eyeing her since he first met her. He hated me for us getting together...)

I was talking to him since he was on her screen name. Few min later, after being pushed by him...I proceeded to show him a deadjournal post that desribed the first time the girl and I lost our virginity.

That's really when the shit HIT the fan....

We havent talked since then....Fast foward ALMOST two years later.

I have been trying so hard...SO hard to keep her in my life. Keep in mind that she was one of the best friends I have EVER had, she knows me better than I know myself sometimes...or knew.

My thought is that she has a preconcieved notion that im still the selfless, dickheaded kid she met back then.....and I've sent out some emails that had my heart litterally displaced throughout the text.

I have called her...once. At a friends advise. It took me a few days to mustur up the courage...but I did it. You wouldnt believe how scared and...just scared I was. Part of me wished she wouldnt pick up, and part of me wish she had...so she could her me...the man that's much wiser and older..and whom still wanted to continue a friendship that was once something so beautiful.

I recieved an email once...from her. but her boyfriend claimed it was him since she "neva wants to talk to you again bro". I KNOW it was her though.

At first, her boyfriend was threatening to "kick ur ass". But I wasnt scared for one second. I was willing to give and get hurt just to maybe see her there.....sounds...bad. I know...but it never really escalated to that.

Since then, we've talked...but he's using the classic cliche, "keep your friends close...keep your enemies closer..." He thought and still thinks that all I want to do is fuck her...which is far from the truth.


But...I'm just....lost. I've thought of her atleast once a day for the past year and a half. It's bad. I really think I should give up...but then I think of what it would be like if she was in my life again. I would be estatic.

Then...I have the dream. You guys know what dream I am talking about.

It all started when I was walking in the park...then I see her. She runs up to me and hugs me and kisses me on the cheek. I was shocked. She said something along the lines of "we should really be the best friends we once were..." We had so much fun...I remember wanting to her in the dream, "what caused the sudden change of heart?". I never got around to it. I wonder what she would have said though....




I need advice guys. From wise individuals such as yourselfs. Any positive advice is VERY welcome. Please. I will be checking this out freqently to see what you guys have to say.  :sun:


--------------------
Take off my mask and leave the lies to the liars.

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Re: Can someone really burn their bridges forever? [Re: Chazzersize]
    #3776381 -

With a new boyfriend in the picture, it will be hard to reconnect with her.

What do you want? Do you want to be her best friend again? Do you want to be her significant other again?

It is hard to be a best friend to somebody after you have "been" with them. It is hard to scale a relationship back a knotch(or several for that matter). Things will probably never be the same.

I assume you have already explained to her how you felt and how sorry you were for your actions. It seems like the ball is in her court.

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Re: Can someone really burn their bridges forever? [Re: RandalFlagg]
    #3776461 -

I really appeciate your help....


Yeah..the ball is in her court. That's the hard part.


She is planning on getting married to the guy in 2 years...it shocked me, but let's be honest, getting married when your 20? Not going to happen. I don't care what anyone says.

Sometimes, I think the only way I could connect with her, I mean, full on CONNECT is to drive up to her college, which is a 2 hour drive from here) and just stand outside one of her classes til her class gets out and then see what happens next.


And to answer your question...I just want her in my life...I could care less about dating her again.


--------------------
Take off my mask and leave the lies to the liars.

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Re: Can someone really burn their bridges forever? [Re: Chazzersize]
    #3776995 -


Sometimes, I think the only way I could connect with her, I mean, full on CONNECT is to drive up to her college, which is a 2 hour drive from here) and just stand outside one of her classes til her class gets out and then see what happens next.

That would be leaning into stalker territory.  I would suggest against it.


She is planning on getting married to the guy in 2 years...it shocked me

If she gets married this young...she'll end up getting divorced in a couple of years.  Trust me!  :smirk:


And to answer your question...I just want her in my life...I could care less about dating her again. 

Well, good luck.  It really seems as if it is all up to her.  You've already made it plain to her that you are sorry and that you would like your friendship back.  I hope when you relayed those feelings to her you didn't give off "psycho" vibes.

As long as an asshole boyfriend is in the picture, I doubt that you could be friends though.

Edited by RandalFlagg (02/14/05 12:41 AM)

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Re: Can someone really burn their bridges forever? [Re: RandalFlagg]
    #3777520 -

Hey, I have a rather devious idea...  :noway:

You should give one of us on this forum her e-mail or AIM screen name.  We'll message her with "I think there's something that you need to read: http://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php/Cat/0/Number/3775916/an/0/page/0 ."

Then, unless she's a ditz, she'll see how you trully feel, and you can work from there.  What do you think?


--------------------
Delicious Pizza

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Re: Can someone really burn their bridges forever? [Re: Society]
    #3779442 -

I was totally thinking about that society...let me send it to ya.


I would hate for her to come on her and see her information on the page too.


--------------------
Take off my mask and leave the lies to the liars.

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Re: Can someone really burn their bridges forever? [Re: Chazzersize]
    #3779644 -

I sent you the info....



It really sucks coming home expecting an emailing saying anything from "FUCK YOU"...to "I've been thinking alot about this..and I think..."

But nothing...I have nothing from her. Feels awesome.


--------------------
Take off my mask and leave the lies to the liars.

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Re: Can someone really burn their bridges forever? [Re: Chazzersize]
    #3779695 -

Hopefully she'll go to the link and read this to see the situation through your eyes.


--------------------
Delicious Pizza

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Re: Can someone really burn their bridges forever? [Re: Chazzersize]
    #3780530 -

It seems that most of what you've been regretting is not doing something sooner. This regret might accumulate the longer you let time pass by. I say one last bold attempt, lay all your cards on the table, tell her how you feel and don't sugar coat it. Then there is nothing left to do but accept the consequences, which could actually be good or bad. At least then you'll either have her, or have closeur. But without either you're just hurting yourself.

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Re: Can someone really burn their bridges forever? [Re: TheShroomHermit]
    #3792672 -

Lol... getting married when she's 20. She doesn't strike me as incredibly intelligent (or wise), just knowing that one fact.

If she had any knowledge on biology and marriage, she would realize that it is ignorant to get married before you're 25, because your brain isn't fully developed until then.

There are other fish in the sea man. She's just another human being.


--------------------
:cussing::whip:

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Re: Can someone really burn their bridges forever? [Re: MycoJunkie]
    #3795881 -

Yeah...I poured my heart into multiple emails,and phone calls...but she doesnt want anything to do with me.....


I have FINALLY accepted it...sure, I still want to be her friend...but im not going to drive home hoping she wants to contact me....


Funny thing is, you would think and EVEN I would think that I was joyful in hoping that her marrige doesnt last....but to be quite honest, I hope it does for her.


I feel....a little bit better guys. Thanks everyone.

Much love to you all :mushroom2:


--------------------
Take off my mask and leave the lies to the liars.

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