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OfflineJourney
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Registered: 06/27/04
Posts: 117
Last seen: 12 years, 8 months
Schizophrenic break (Help)
    #2969706 - 08/05/04 10:05 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

I just had a terrible trip, I went crazy I don't know how to explain it but it was the scarriest wierdest thing that has ever happened to me. I don't know how i let myself go so far down the spiral, I had no control over myself, it was like a panic attack times 100. I lost my identity and let my self spin out of control. I'm still kind of tripping and recovering and i think it would help if i told how im feeling, i need to geet back to reality, I hope i have not done any permanent damage


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OfflineGrovesk8ter
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Re: Schizophrenic break (Help) [Re: Journey]
    #2969711 - 08/05/04 10:06 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

What did you take?


--------------------
"Much madness is divinest sense"
Dickinson, Emily


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InvisibleOneMoreRobot3021
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Registered: 06/06/03
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Re: Schizophrenic break (Help) [Re: Journey]
    #2969717 - 08/05/04 10:08 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

Hey man, I just looked back at your other post from about five weeks ago...sounds like you're having similar troubles..don't knock yourself for having a bad time, you didn't go down any spiral you just got a little lost...and there won't be any permanent damage, just a lot you might have to think about. what are you doing right now?


--------------------
Acid doesn't give you truths; it builds machines that push the envelope of perception. Whatever revelations came to me then have dissolved like skywriting. All I really know is that those few years saddled me with a faith in the redemptive potential of the imagination which, however flat, stale and unprofitable the world seems to me now, I cannot for the life of me shake.

-Erik Davis


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OfflineJourney
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Re: Schizophrenic break (Help) [Re: OneMoreRobot3021]
    #2969746 - 08/05/04 10:16 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

I only ate an estimated 2 or 3 grams, thanks robot that is exactly what i need to hear, one of my bad thought loops is that there is something wrong with me that makes it so i can't enjoy my trip, this goes back to earlier life issues and my self esteem. I know what its like now to be trapped in torment in my mind with absolutely no escape i can't express it in words.

I also have schizophrenia on one side of my family but i can't let myself think about that or else ill think that there really is something wrong with me and that will further the spiral and thought loop

Right now i am calming myself down and trying to get back to the level i was on earlier


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InvisibleOneMoreRobot3021
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Re: Schizophrenic break (Help) [Re: Journey]
    #2969756 - 08/05/04 10:18 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

You should just try and find something comforting to focus on, listen to some music that might not fuck with your head so much, and just take lots of deep breaths.  Remember, your mind is feeling crazy but you can calm it just by getting into a rhythm and staying with it..try not to think about anything outside of right now....and drink some water. :smile:
How long ago did you eat them?


--------------------
Acid doesn't give you truths; it builds machines that push the envelope of perception. Whatever revelations came to me then have dissolved like skywriting. All I really know is that those few years saddled me with a faith in the redemptive potential of the imagination which, however flat, stale and unprofitable the world seems to me now, I cannot for the life of me shake.

-Erik Davis


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OfflineJourney
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Registered: 06/27/04
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Last seen: 12 years, 8 months
Re: Schizophrenic break (Help) [Re: Journey]
    #2969830 - 08/05/04 10:37 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

I don't know how to look at what happened to me, I am trying to see it in some positive light so i will never go there again. I really hope this will make me stronger in the long run. I have been looking to shrooms and weed to solve my issues and vulnerabilities with myself I have always thought that these were powerful tools of the mind and i have been using them to try and help me with my problems and i have let things build up and just built so many barriers that this was the great climax and hopefully afterwards my problems would be solved. I think i did this to myself subconsciously, what cant kill you can only make you stronger, im used to leveling up from a mental low with one thought or idea that comes to me, i also have a phrase or a few words that i think that will usually get me out of any bad thought loops through good association and reprogramming I was so low and had regressed so much that my usually dependable phrase didnt help me. I know from experience that that level and my schizophrenic break will be permanently imprinted in my mind, i and will always be drawing at me whenever i level to low from now on. At least i ahve the mother of all anxieties now compared to just a lot of small ones like previously, maybe this will be easier to control in the long run.


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InvisibleOneMoreRobot3021
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Registered: 06/06/03
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Re: Schizophrenic break (Help) [Re: Journey]
    #2969838 - 08/05/04 10:38 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

Well I think one obvious lesson here is you need to stay away from all psychedelic drugs for a while after this (and weed IS a psychedelic drug.)


--------------------
Acid doesn't give you truths; it builds machines that push the envelope of perception. Whatever revelations came to me then have dissolved like skywriting. All I really know is that those few years saddled me with a faith in the redemptive potential of the imagination which, however flat, stale and unprofitable the world seems to me now, I cannot for the life of me shake.

-Erik Davis


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OfflineJourney
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Registered: 06/27/04
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Re: Schizophrenic break (Help) [Re: OneMoreRobot3021]
    #2969845 - 08/05/04 10:40 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

I am no longer tripping at all, and am back to baseline thanks for being there robot


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InvisibleOneMoreRobot3021
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Re: Schizophrenic break (Help) [Re: Journey]
    #2969851 - 08/05/04 10:41 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

Sure thing..


--------------------
Acid doesn't give you truths; it builds machines that push the envelope of perception. Whatever revelations came to me then have dissolved like skywriting. All I really know is that those few years saddled me with a faith in the redemptive potential of the imagination which, however flat, stale and unprofitable the world seems to me now, I cannot for the life of me shake.

-Erik Davis


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OfflineJourney
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Registered: 06/27/04
Posts: 117
Last seen: 12 years, 8 months
Re: Schizophrenic break (Help) [Re: Journey]
    #2969888 - 08/05/04 10:51 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

I had eaten the same dose earlier on sunday and had such a great trip, i guess this was the yang of that trip. I thought that i would still have a tolerance from my earlier trip and that this one wouldn't be so powerful. I wish I could remember what caused me to panick but i know it was on logical error i made in the heat of the moment which triggered the depersonalization, if i can just remember that my logic isn't perfect when im tripping and can some how stop the thought loops before they get to bad then i will have no more problems.

Has anyone else had a break from reality like this and how did you cope with it afterwards what were the long lasting effects?


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OfflineJourney
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Re: Schizophrenic break (Help) [Re: Journey]
    #2969910 - 08/05/04 10:55 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

I don't know if i should continue tripping, or take a long break, if i have done any damage i know that i will have to trip again to fix myself


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InvisibleMOTH
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Re: Schizophrenic break (Help) [Re: Journey]
    #2969919 - 08/05/04 10:57 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

Hey man, I've been there too, a very difficult and crazy shroom experience.  Give yourself some space and be gentle to yourself for the next few days.  Don't try and struggle to understand what happened to you, that will come in time.  Just breathe, remember that you're okay!  You just had a rough trip, and you can move past it.  Take a long break from substances for awhile to let your mind (and body!) relax and adjust.  You'll pull through this, just stay strong.  :heart: 

You might want to read the Psychedelic Experience by Timothy Leary.  That book was a great comfort to me after I went through much the same thing. 



love,

*me*


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Invisibledownforpot
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Re: Schizophrenic break (Help) [Re: Journey]
    #2970070 - 08/05/04 11:24 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

Journey said:
I also have schizophrenia on one side of my family




Dude, what are you thinking? Stop doing psychedelics before that shit surfaces.


--------------------



http://www.myspace.com/4th25


"And I don't care if he was handcuffed
Then shot in his head
All I know is dead bodies
Can't fuck with me again"


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OfflineStrumpling
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Re: Schizophrenic break (Help) [Re: Journey]
    #2970550 - 08/06/04 01:52 AM (12 years, 11 months ago)

"I hope i have not done any permanent damage "

heh these are my favorite trips, looking back, although not fun at the time :laugh:

I've had trips where I've felt like "oh fuck I've really fucked myself over THIS time man I'm not goign to be able to be me again!" lol and no matter how strongly I convince myself of such, I always come back and look back and think "wow I can't believe I was so twisted up :smile: My brain rocks!"

You're ok man. WOW wasn't that MIND-BLOWING?! You asked for it :wink: :wink: :shocked: :confused: :crazy: :crazy: :ooo: :crazy: :tongue: :tongue: :eek: :mushroom2: :rolleyes: :smile: :blush: :blush: :grin: :grin: :stoned:

edit: and yeah moderation is totally key for psychedelic use, no matter what your background. You will know if and when you should trip again. I always notice that the longer I wait in between trips, the more interesting the trips are..


--------------------
Insert an "I think" mentally in front of eveything I say that seems sketchy, because I certainly don't KNOW much. Also; feel free to yell at me.
In addition: SHPONGLE


Edited by Strumpling (08/06/04 01:54 AM)


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OfflineSoulSurfer
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Re: Schizophrenic break (Help) [Re: Strumpling]
    #2970821 - 08/06/04 03:45 AM (12 years, 11 months ago)

I have been doing shrooms for MANY years, and have had a few really bad trips in my life, but no permenant damage yet. (my friends would say otherwise) 
:tongue:


--------------------
:sunny: :sunny::sunny:


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InvisibleOneMoreRobot3021
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Re: Schizophrenic break (Help) [Re: Journey]
    #2971249 - 08/06/04 10:22 AM (12 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

Journey said:
I don't know if i should continue tripping, or take a long break, if i have done any damage i know that i will have to trip again to fix myself





First of all, there will be no permanent damage - just experience you have to soak in and think about.

And second of all, I don't think that looking at tripping as a way of "fixing yourself" is a good way to think about it at all.. Nothing about you needs to be fixed, there are just places that need to be peeked in to, things that need to be learned.


--------------------
Acid doesn't give you truths; it builds machines that push the envelope of perception. Whatever revelations came to me then have dissolved like skywriting. All I really know is that those few years saddled me with a faith in the redemptive potential of the imagination which, however flat, stale and unprofitable the world seems to me now, I cannot for the life of me shake.

-Erik Davis


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Offlinegnrm23
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Re: Schizophrenic break (Help) [Re: Journey]
    #2971511 - 08/06/04 11:57 AM (12 years, 11 months ago)

i would have gobbled up 500 mg niacinamide...


--------------------
old enough to know better
not old enough to care


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OfflineJourney
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Registered: 06/27/04
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Re: Schizophrenic break (Help) [Re: OneMoreRobot3021]
    #2972874 - 08/06/04 07:09 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

Thanks for the great posts! After a night of thinking about it, I've come to the conclusion that this trip was beneficial for me. I think the shrooms showed me the outer-limits of my mind. I went as low as I could go and pulled through it with only a tremendous amount of panic. One of my greatest fears and possibly the root of all of my fears is having a panick attack, completely losing control of myself, and not being able to escape from a situation that I find very unpleasant. I think the shrooms showed me in an abstract and harsh way that I really don't have anything to fear but fear itself. When I was trying to grasp for some sense of control and identity and continued to come up with nothing at all to help me get a grasp on reality or even why I was panicing so much, I eventually came out ok in the end, and faced my fear head on with full force and potential which was probably for the best. I now know the potential my brain has both positive and negative, reality is all about perception. I now know my fear and have survived it and have learned from it.


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OfflineJourney
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Re: Schizophrenic break (Help) [Re: OneMoreRobot3021]
    #2972925 - 08/06/04 07:19 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

And second of all, I don't think that looking at tripping as a way of "fixing yourself" is a good way to think about it at all.. Nothing about you needs to be fixed, there are just places that need to be peeked in to, things that need to be learned.




Yes I too have realized the error in the way I use mushrooms, Its almost as if I brought the bad trip on myself subconsciously just to truly find myself and finally come to grips with my fear and vulnerabilities. I do not think I will have another episode again.

Quote:

I've had trips where I've felt like "oh fuck I've really fucked myself over THIS time man I'm not goign to be able to be me again!" lol and no matter how strongly I convince myself of such, I always come back and look back and think "wow I can't believe I was so twisted up My brain rocks!"

You're ok man. WOW wasn't that MIND-BLOWING?! You asked for it




Yes that is exactly what it is like and this time it was so strong that I was sure I had made too many bad connections and lost myself, I am proud of myself for coming back to grips with such an experience so fast. I think I needed it. I also know now that the trip does not have a real face, ie "bad" or "good" until you look back on it and really analyze it, It is only bad if you let it be bad, very reassuring I will have to write that down somewhere for my next trip, which won't be for a long time. I am thinking at least a three month break from all drug use, including weed which seems to trigger the panic on my trips, and really find myself and make my life and relationships with people a lot stronger and better.

Thanks again everyone for your posts


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OfflineJourney
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Registered: 06/27/04
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Last seen: 12 years, 8 months
Re: Schizophrenic break (Help) [Re: Journey]
    #2973090 - 08/06/04 08:00 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

Heres a brief detailed description of my trip:

I had come back from a camping trip earlier in the morning and planned to trip my last one and a half chocolates at an estimated 2.5 to 3 grams. I had shroomed four days later and had had such an awesome positive trip, that my confidence was sky high and didn't think too much about it when I gobbled them down at 3:00 PM. I am 20 and still live at home with my parrents and younger siblings. I did not think I would be tripping nearly as hard as I was the last time, as I had tripped once before twice in a week and the effects were greatly diminished the second time. Previously I had only experienced good trips by myself so I was not prepared at all for what was in store for me.

An hour after ingestion I smoked some weed, which usually triggers the trip to kick in full blast. The weed which I rarely smoke and am very very sensitive too, I tripped the first month or so I smoked weed with full OEV's CEV's and auditory hallucinations, and still trip to this day if it has been a long time without smoking. Immediately after taking a couple hits the trip hits me full force, I usually take such drastic head changes in a meditative state where I can focus on a positive mindset, but I was not prepared for it this time. My trip starts to go south. I get uncomfortable and try to lay down and regain some control. Eventually some really loud annoying sounds which I think were mostly exagerated hallucinations of sounds like the washer and the dryer, tv from upstairs etc, slowly started to drive me crazy. I was now in panic mode and was trying desperately to regain control of myself. I walked upstairs where my family was and they said something to me but I only mumbled "I'm going to take a shower." I got upstairs in the bathroom and felt sick and panicky, I felt the intense urge to throw up and I did, this unfortunately sent me peaking and off to the schizo part of my brain.

The more I puked the worse the trip got. I was making bad connections and leveling down so fast long past anywhere I had ever been before. I had changed. I felt it overwhelmingly I was no longer the nice caring person I was before, I looked into the mirror and saw myself and my crazy evil looking face and eyes, which comparably to the trip just before this where I never thought I could look more attractive. I had such intense physical discomfort I could find no peace, my brain had changed and no where was there any familiarity. I remember looking at my body in a totally new and different way and experiencing what it was like to be a demon. The physical discomfort was nothing like the mental discomfort and panic I felt. I knew what hell was. Struggling for any glimpse of a way to escape my mental prison. Thats exactly what it was, a prison of the mind. I would not wish this on my worst enemy, I felt that suicide would be such a relief to be out of such a terrible mind-state, luckily I at least had the hope somewhere in the back of my mind that I would again be normal. I did not think at the time that there was any escape, that the changes to my character and personality were permanent once those doors were unlocked, I thought, they would always be open and I could not avoid them. I deeply sympathize now with people that are crazy, there would be nothing worse than having to spend a whole day like that, much less a whole life.

I have had bad trips before but none that can compare to this. The frustration, anxiety, fear and pain I was feeling would never have even been remotely conceivable to me before I experienced it first hand, there is just no way I could have guessed the limits and lowest state that my brain could produce, in no way could it be compared to my normal level of consciousness, two entirely different worlds.

What if hell is being trapped in your own mind like that for all eternity, DMT I have heard is released right before you die. Maybe heaven and hell are just polar mind states.


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Mushrooms, Mycology and Psychedelics >> The Psychedelic Experience

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