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I have a hard time bonding with people
    #26205343 -

I just don't feel people as normal people do.  Probably why it's easy to bond with intoxicants.  I can feel intoxicants, I am much more analytical with people.  Not saying never 'emotional' outside of bonds, but it's the information that I do receive that peeves me.

I'm not even sure where to begin with treatment.  Every Dr I see has a different opinion.  It's kinda easy to manipulate people, if I know what I want.  I know I'm not that big of a deal to people, so I can see a lot about them.

But keeping a bond appearance can be difficult.  I get moody and want to trash what illusion people think we have.


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"in sterquiliniis invenitur in stercore invenitur"

In filth it will be found in dung it will be found

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Re: I have a hard time bonding with people [Re: Morel Guy] * 1
    #26205378 -

Lots of people in your boat, especially amongst us drug users here.

I found my ability to bond with others is pretty well correlated to how curious I am about them and how much interest I show in them. Most people seem immensely boring on the surface, but staying curious and digging a little bit... letting them talk about themselves while also bonding on similarities, it can lead to unexpected things.

From your posts you seem to have interesting perspectives and knowledge in a lot of areas. At times you seem cold though, and can seem to be talking at people more so than seeking their input. Sorry to play armchair psychologist, I'm just guessing you're growing more cynical and losing that curious spark. Could be somewhere to start if you want to start building tighter bonds with people

Edited by feevers (09/23/19 07:53 PM)

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Re: I have a hard time bonding with people [Re: feevers]
    #26205392 -

People aren't just boring but useless.  I have lost the curious spark.

I find ww2 interesting.  But most shit these days are beyond survival.  People seem happy with their nothingburger job, useless wife and kids and lame pointless opinion.

I've been debating telling my pdoc that the shrink I saw for 5 years at her service had a different opinion than she does.  I was off meds at that time for 10 years and convinced him easily I didn't need meds. 

Pdocs kinda are very arrogant though.  They think they have super powers.


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"in sterquiliniis invenitur in stercore invenitur"

In filth it will be found in dung it will be found

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Re: I have a hard time bonding with people [Re: Morel Guy]
    #26205407 -

In many ways people are useless, uninteresting... in many cases evil even.

Or you can look at someone for what's unique about them, what made them how they are, what they're better at or know more about than you, what you have in common and what you can learn from them.

Might not come natural, might not be for you, just a different way to go about things when it starts feeling like you're on your own island. You really aren't, there are lots of people who feel exactly how you're feeling.

Paint the world white and black and that's all you'll get. Your mind is the paint brush

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Re: I have a hard time bonding with people [Re: feevers]
    #26205604 -

Growing up I was always told.... life is what you make it, and how you interpret everything you see, is a mirror.
Do you believe that?


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This was an experiment.

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Re: I have a hard time bonding with people [Re: Morel Guy]
    #26206286 -

What age range are you in? If you're still young, late teen early 20s, it's possible you haven't received a diagnosis, or if you have, it could be an incorrect diagnosis

I can totally relate to what you say, I am exactly the same way. For years I thought I had Bipolar Type 2, but after doing a lot of research and therapy I found out I had Schizophrenia or Schizoaffective disorder

It makes you want to withdraw from the world and makes you disinterested in most things that other people are interested in doing. There is also a connection between Schizoid disorders and Autism Spectrum Disorders which isn't fully understood yet. But if you are ASD then it would also explain your cold, analytical approach to socialization

I've gone through several periods of self-withdrawal in my life. In my last 2 years of high school being around people felt like hell. Then afterwards I became a recluse. I was attending college, but didn't make friends and skipped classes very often and just felt out of it. After going on medications I got a lot better. I made friends and started dating and doing things like that. Then I got myself off of meds and became withdrawn again and started abusing alcohol and other drugs. I've recently gotten back on meds and feel much better, and the desire to re-engage with the world is slowly starting to come back

No matter what you have, you can improve your quality of life with the right treatment. Wish you luck

Edited by meowjinx (09/24/19 11:08 AM)

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Re: I have a hard time bonding with people [Re: meowjinx]
    #26206313 -

Pdoc thinks I'm schizoaffective according to my file.  Shrink I saw for 5 years off meds thought schizotypal personality disorder.  I agree with the shrink more.  The psychosis is transient and caused by stress.  Spd is largely caused by neglect. There was a lot of violence in m childhood.

There's not a lot of opportunity to meet people.  My mom and stepdad are not very social either.  I'm nearly 38 and most everyone my age has kids and a normal life.  I spent the past decades on disability and still am.  As well as 9 years mostly on probation.

I just find being alone with my dog a lot more secure.  I do wish I had some more social opportunity.  A bar with cheap beer would be welcome.  Nearest bar is a long ways away.  At least 45 minutes to restaurant bars like steakhouses and applebees, not cheap beers.  An hour to a bar I used to go to, that had cheap beer on tap and good fair priced pizza. 

I haven't had a car in 10 or so years.  If I was more social perhaps I'd work.  I really don't know how to read people sometimes.  Spd tends to get paranoid about people and I do.  I often wonder people will realize I don't work and general fears about people misinformed and judging.

Basically I project worse case scenerios because I've had to be aware of those being real threats.  Perhaps I'm too preparred for negative reaction and interaction.  When I don't put on that happy face and kind tone in my voice, worse case does happen and spirals.


--------------------
"in sterquiliniis invenitur in stercore invenitur"

In filth it will be found in dung it will be found

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Re: I have a hard time bonding with people [Re: Morel Guy]
    #26206350 -

Morel Guy said:
Pdoc thinks I'm schizoaffective according to my file.  Shrink I saw for 5 years off meds thought schizotypal personality disorder.  I agree with the shrink more.  The psychosis is transient and caused by stress.  Spd is largely caused by neglect. There was a lot of violence in m childhood.

There's not a lot of opportunity to meet people.  My mom and stepdad are not very social either.  I'm nearly 38 and most everyone my age has kids and a normal life.  I spent the past decades on disability and still am.  As well as 9 years mostly on probation.

I just find being alone with my dog a lot more secure.  I do wish I had some more social opportunity.  A bar with cheap beer would be welcome.  Nearest bar is a long ways away.  At least 45 minutes to restaurant bars like steakhouses and applebees, not cheap beers.  An hour to a bar I used to go to, that had cheap beer on tap and good fair priced pizza. 

I haven't had a car in 10 or so years.  If I was more social perhaps I'd work.  I really don't know how to read people sometimes.  Spd tends to get paranoid about people and I do.  I often wonder people will realize I don't work and general fears about people misinformed and judging.

Basically I project worse case scenerios because I've had to be aware of those being real threats.  Perhaps I'm too preparred for negative reaction and interaction.  When I don't put on that happy face and kind tone in my voice, worse case does happen and spirals.


Yeah, man, I can totally relate

There was lots of ugliness in my childhood. After my dad split, my mom's Bipolar Disorder and alcoholism spiraled out of control, so I witnessed a lot of sad, ugly episodes in my childhood. She also became very emotionally abusive. She liked to call me and my brother lazy, dirty just ugly little put downs like that

And in middle school I was severely bullied. I was a shy, quiet kid in a fairly "ghetto" school, so I was an easy target. One bully in particular really seemed to enjoy picking on me. He wasn't big, but he was kind of popular/smooth-talking and could talk the bigger kids into getting physical with me

This period of my life made me terrified of other people. I wanted to be invisible so that I couldn't be a target. That fear has never really gone away, even as an adult. The only thing that changes my very strong instincts to avoid everyone is antipsychotic meds. At least that's the only thing I've found that works for me so far

I'm 27, and have spent the last few years unemployed because of it. Since I had the wrong diagnosis, my unemployment led to feelings of guilt and shame, especially since my mom had made me internalize the idea that I was lazy as a kid (I don't think I'm lazy, I managed to graduated from uni despite several psychological issues). The negative feelings also spurned my drinking on. I am considering getting on disability benefits while I work on continuing my education

And yes, I can relate. It's hard not wanting to be around others, because even with my condition I still experience moments of great loneliness. I know how you feel about feeling like you will be judged if you tell people that you're not working. Modern times have convinced everyone that they should be "hustling" 24/7. Me as a guy in my 20s, which is supposed to be when you're starting to really come into your career, has made me embarrassed talking to women since no one wants to date an unemployed loser

Ultimately, some people will judge you. That is the ugly truth of the world, but since you are 38 I'm sure you know that even better than I do and have accepted it. I'm barely learning to accept life for what it is. It often seems like it gives you so little that it hardly seems worth going on. And maybe that is how it is for some of us, but it's just something that has to be accepted. Seek people out who you feel won't judge you. A bar WOULD probs be a good place, since many there won't be judgmental since they're going through their own issues. Or online, if that's enough to fulfill your need for fellowship.

There are people like us out there who can relate. Sometimes it takes a little work to find them, but I'm sure you can

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Re: I have a hard time bonding with people [Re: Morel Guy]
    #26209425 -

Morel Guy said:
I just don't feel people as normal people do.  Probably why it's easy to bond with intoxicants.  I can feel intoxicants, I am much more analytical with people.  Not saying never 'emotional' outside of bonds, but it's the information that I do receive that peeves me.

I'm not even sure where to begin with treatment.  Every Dr I see has a different opinion.  It's kinda easy to manipulate people, if I know what I want.  I know I'm not that big of a deal to people, so I can see a lot about them.

But keeping a bond appearance can be difficult.  I get moody and want to trash what illusion people think we have.


Sounds like you could be a strong candidate for sociopathic/psychopathic tendencies.  That's not to say that you're a dangerous weirdo who's going to cut people up, but understanding what you might lack can actually help you improve yourself on those accounts.


This questionnaire doesn't really replace a diagnosis, but I feel like it's actually pretty well done.
https://www.counseling-office.com/surveys/test_psychopathy.phtml

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Re: I have a hard time bonding with people [Re: Morel Guy]
    #26215021 -

Anhedonia?

I lost my spark for playing instruments for some reason. I have no idea why.

Ever consider going on an adventure?


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TRUMP 2020

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