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Childhood trauma / LSD psychotherapy / Resolution of the damaged personality into robust adulthood * 1
    #26129014 -

So first things first, I like to talk and share ideas. In fact I make like one really long philosophical/psychological/spiritual/social issues Facebook post almost hourly or bi-hourly, at least over the last month or so where I've been feeling particularly energetic, and mental health workers are always telling me how much I love to talk and how in this case it's a good thing because I really try not to talk shit. I read a lot, I think a lot, very logically, and it makes sense.

Anyway.

I've been really flushing out childhood trauma over the last few months. I am now a completely different person.

I didn't know who I was.

Childhood trauma, in extreme cases, and quite a lot of them are extreme by nature of the event, can cause you to repress identity.

You will live inside the trauma your whole life until you flush the effects out.

Your tough attitude to life? You want life to be tough, because you feel you don't deserve to get things easily.

Your feeling that you have a strong drive despite depression? That's just anger.

Abrasiveness in social life that you think is confidence? You want to hurt someone or hurt yourself.

etc.

You cannot escape childhood injuries, you are not developing, you are not living, it's all in your head and it's all bullshit.

You will find you are generally confused about pretty much everything and cannot set a course, but the anger drives you to do things with your life anyway and you often end up where you don't belong.

The confusion is not only the background semi-conscious question of "why me? Why was I beaten/raped?" but also toxicity in the brain from repressed emotion, and also the fact that with unresolved energies in the body your psyche is warped. Your moment to moment thought processes are warped by presence of the unresolved feelings.

If you're like me, you probably developed a false personality, or several false personalities, during life and came to switch between them randomly and also came to fully identify with them - which is about as crazy as it gets before something like total schizophrenia/psychosis.

If you resolve the emotion you might meet someone else in your mind, someone who has been driving your most effective actions - hopefully there are some - and someone who has everything you need. They are you, who you really are. We are ALL good people, we just get traumatised or lose our way or both, especially in this psychotic modern world. You really are worth a lot and have a lot of originality to bring to the table, whoever you are, whatever your IQ, you are good enough to share yourself with and stir wanted emotions in others.

So.

What's the best way to do it?

LSD Psychotherapy also known as Realms Of The Unconscious by Stanislav Grof is a great read.

Honestly I should say I've only used magic mushrooms for this but they are chemically similar in structure to LSD and have the same psychotherapeutic potential. But I say LSD psychotherapy because there's way more literature on LSD being used in this context than psilocybin and because it's likely many of you know where to get LSD, which may do a better job.

Modern psychology actually has some schools which claims memories are never repressed. That is total bullshit but if you go to a psychologist they may tell you it's unimportant and leave you discouraged. I don't know if this is necessarily true but they may give only some credit to repressed emotions as a concept, and at least they may steer you away from trying to release intense "stored" anger and disgust etc., and instead suggest reshaping your current thought patterns and training you for some vocation that will give you self-esteem. Most likely, they won't help you to release the emotions in the sessions. This is precisely what you need.

So if you know you were abused or you are looking for answers for your depression and anger and struggle in life, look back to childhood and try to understand the simple psychological and development mistakes a child would make after a trauma, and when you get time alone close your eyes and try to figure out what happened to you, really.

And take LSD and look back.

And take LSD and look in your mind and body for tensions.

Then just go for it, however overwhelming and painful it may be. Just forget about how hard it is and just push into it even if you think you're going to lose it or pass out. Just go for it. You will be so glad you did. Break it up into sessions if you have to.

But don't delay. Don't go setting goals and big plans and seeking strong interpersonal relationships etc. before it's out.

You will fuck everything up, everything will carry the taint of your trauma.

---

Thanks for reading. I just wanted to pass this on because it's been MY WHOLE PROBLEM IN LIFE and I want to save other abused children from making mistakes and meandering through bullshit like antidepressants and antipsychotics and suicide.

Good luck if this applies to you. I mean it. If you get it out you will wake up into a whole new level of life and reality and personality that you can't even anticipate from your current place in life. Then finally you will understand the foundations of life that you have been confused about all this time.


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Hostile humankind
Can't you see you're fucking blind?

Edited by beforethedawn (08/09/19 08:05 PM)

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Re: Childhood trauma / LSD psychotherapy / Resolution of the damaged personality into robust adulthood [Re: beforethedawn] * 1
    #26129040 -

CLAP CLAP CLAP
applause mate. seriously.
that is actually exactly my journey. what you write is true and it was my problem as well. i repressed the traumatizing event so much and now comes the important part. before i did primal therapy - if you dont know it google primal scream or primal therapy - i had some experience with lsd where so much came at one point that i could not handle nor get a link to what it actually was. so i started doing primal therapy where it is only about FEELING the pain/trauma whatever it is for you so you can accept it and proceess it and then you become actually who you are. most of it is as you exactly describe it and i find it so cool that you want to share it with others and say : hey its worth every bit of going back to the "negative feelings" so you can becom free from them now. you cant undo what has already past but to move on with your future and becoming present to the now and not be navigated by your neurosis is only possible if you allow the past thing that hurt you, feel it , and then let go and actually BE who you really are.
great write up and for anyone who wants to know more i highly reccomend reading the primal scream or primal therapy by janov and finally being happy again.
and thats crazy. once you do this you realize that everything you wanted to have in life or achieve was actually a symbolic replacement for the things that traumatized you when you were little. and when you dissolve these things by feeling them with or without the help of psychedelics you become the happy little child again and also thats the point where you really can accept the grown you. you become both of them. and you have that magical feeling of being that happy child again.


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Searching the Unknown

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Re: Childhood trauma / LSD psychotherapy / Resolution of the damaged personality into robust adulthood [Re: McLovin333]
    #26129147 -

Absolutely. Absolutely mate. Thank you for your applause! I appreciate it when people REALLY get something out of my efforts.

As you said, McLovin, you don't HAVE to use LSD or others.

In fact, if you are very keen you should perhaps persue spirituality first, especially the books that chronicle discussions with Ramana Maharshi and other Indian sages. India is a very enlightened place. If you can understand how you are the Self and how blissful this makes you, you can "wash out" a lot of your damage with the bliss of "enlightenment" (but it shouldn't be called that because it is NOT hard to achieve). It will come POURING out. But I didn't initially mention this method because I don't want to say shit like:

"Get enlightened and all your problems will be solved maaan."

...when the crowd I'm trying to address is most likely lost in horrible thought patterns, depression, no motivation, no pleasure, what have you.

But yeah there is yet another method - realise the Self and hold it in long sustained meditations and you will very quickly become a proper adult.


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Hostile humankind
Can't you see you're fucking blind?

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Re: Childhood trauma / LSD psychotherapy / Resolution of the damaged personality into robust adulthood [Re: beforethedawn] * 1
    #26131151 -

My God, I've been piecing together the past a lot, and I've identified my childhood aggressor put his index and middle finger in my nostrils while sodomising me from behind and ripped my head back using my nose/nostrils as grip. Can you imagine? Can you imagine the hatred? If you did that to an adult, no matter how sound of mind they were before that, they would turn around and try to fucking kill you.

I always had this fucked up pain in my nostrils from time to time, I couldn't work out what it was, I thought I had cancer.

Reflecting more, I was pretty weird at school and one time in class, without realising, I put my fingers in my nostrils with my arm behind my head to imitate what happened to me and most people just thought it was odd that I was going around the class like that, but these smart little girls in my class were staring at me in horror and one of them goes, in this totally harrowed tone, "that's abuse!", wide-eyed and everything. The way they looked at me... then, and I'm not kidding, the one who said that started dry-heaving, you know, when you're about to vomit but no contents of your stomach are coming up yet. She ran out of the class.

I remember she used to stare at me randomly in class after that. Wide-eyed, total suppressed horror look. It was the way you'd look at a lover who is trying to kill you or something. I would just look up from my desk while everyone was working and find her staring at me like that. I think she went to another school because she disappeared.

So. Fuck guys. My life is explained, all of it, totally, consummately explained.

I used to post harrowing shit on the internet, even here on the Shroomery under old aliases which I won't identify. I was labeled a killer. I made this reeeallly fucked up Photoshop image of, well, something, I won't describe it, and posted it on 4chan expecting laughter, but they called me a killer and people were saying they were going to ring the Police and one guy said he was reporting it to the FBI.

You can imagine if he did that while sodomising me, he would have unrelentingly gone into other utterly abominable abusive actions, for quite a drawn out time. I'm not sure if it happened more than once or not. In my relivings in sleep I'm not always in the same room, nor in the same position, sometimes I'm on my back, sometimes I'm on my knees, etc.

But that's enough, hey. I know of some of the other acts but you guys don't need to hear that.

Protect your children.


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Hostile humankind
Can't you see you're fucking blind?

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Re: Childhood trauma / LSD psychotherapy / Resolution of the damaged personality into robust adulthood [Re: beforethedawn]
    #26131178 -

I seriously hope he is dead. I'm considering asking my father who I've had no contact with for about 20 years about who I think it was, it was one of his strange friends. Even my stupid ass dad thought he was weird, and told him to get lost in the end. Strangely though, when I was talking to my dad on webcam (the fucking idiot was just trying to make some contact so he could tell the courts we were connected during divorce proceedings), he asked me if I remembered... and he said the guy who I'm 99% sure it was... he said his name. And I think I said no (at the time I had no idea) and he said "nevermind." I remember thinking it was weird. I think my dad strongly suspected something. As much as my dad was and is a stupid selfish douchebag he would love to help me on this one if I asked him.

I hope he's dead because if he's not I think I'm going to drop everything and go back to Western Australia and fucking bash him with a group and with weapons. I would never do that. To anyone. Ever. Ever. But him...
Barring that, I'm going to start a case with Police. My brother is in the homocide squad in Victoria Police, it would be easy to get an investigation rolling.


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Hostile humankind
Can't you see you're fucking blind?

Edited by beforethedawn (08/11/19 03:12 PM)

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Re: Childhood trauma / LSD psychotherapy / Resolution of the damaged personality into robust adulthood [Re: beforethedawn]
    #26134751 -

I cant blame you one tiny bit man..... I've got something similar to hate about.  I almost went through with acting a few times, but thankfully things intervened.  Something always happened to cool me off and turn me around, and I am thankful for that guidance.  So I dont blame you.
But do you think vengeance is a good choice of action for the new version of yourself you are now working with.
I feel like holding on to hate will eat you up in other ways.  Try to let it go and forgive.  Yes the offender should be punished.  Work on getting that done legally.  Now days we just cant take these things into our own hands al the time, no matter how justified we may be.
Best of luck for you. (:


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This was an experiment.

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Re: Childhood trauma / LSD psychotherapy / Resolution of the damaged personality into robust adulthood [Re: beforethedawn]
    #26135074 -

LSD is dangerous, man. It's a much safer bet to just meditate.


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Re: Childhood trauma / LSD psychotherapy / Resolution of the damaged personality into robust adulthood [Re: beforethedawn]
    #26135081 -

beforethedawn said:
I seriously hope he is dead. I'm considering asking my father who I've had no contact with for about 20 years about who I think it was, it was one of his strange friends. Even my stupid ass dad thought he was weird, and told him to get lost in the end. Strangely though, when I was talking to my dad on webcam (the fucking idiot was just trying to make some contact so he could tell the courts we were connected during divorce proceedings), he asked me if I remembered... and he said the guy who I'm 99% sure it was... he said his name. And I think I said no (at the time I had no idea) and he said "nevermind." I remember thinking it was weird. I think my dad strongly suspected something. As much as my dad was and is a stupid selfish douchebag he would love to help me on this one if I asked him.

I hope he's dead because if he's not I think I'm going to drop everything and go back to Western Australia and fucking bash him with a group and with weapons. I would never do that. To anyone. Ever. Ever. But him...
Barring that, I'm going to start a case with Police. My brother is in the homocide squad in Victoria Police, it would be easy to get an investigation rolling.


That's pretty fucked up what he did. I don't think he deserves to be alive, but don't do anything that would jeopardize your freedom.


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Re: Childhood trauma / LSD psychotherapy / Resolution of the damaged personality into robust adulthood [Re: yeah]
    #26137885 -

I wanted to add one thing....
I know you want this person, whoever's they are, to be sorry.
Maybe you even want to make them sorry.
Maybe the scales would balance a bit for you then.
But forgiveness on your part also can balance the scales.
And this person does not need to be sorry for you to forgive them.

One of the most important tools I have learned to use is forgiveness that is unreliant on the other party's regret.


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This was an experiment.

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Re: Childhood trauma / LSD psychotherapy / Resolution of the damaged personality into robust adulthood [Re: DoneKildatReason]
    #26137904 -

still doesn't mean he wouldn't be hanged or beheaded under divine law :shrug:


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Edited by yeah (08/16/19 12:30 AM)

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Re: Childhood trauma / LSD psychotherapy / Resolution of the damaged personality into robust adulthood [Re: yeah] * 1
    #26137909 -

Absolutely!  It's a shame this thing has been swept under the rug so long.... put on the back burner .... now the pot has burned its contents and is itself on fire!

Divine Law may just be sorting out the proper dealer of fate for this situation... maybe the guy has already met his appropriate doom....
But OP needs to learn to forget about all that . Or at least put to back of mind.  Forget it forgive it or it'll eat you alive... act on that anger and risk your freedom and all that it grants....


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This was an experiment.

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Re: Childhood trauma / LSD psychotherapy / Resolution of the damaged personality into robust adulthood [Re: DoneKildatReason]
    #26138037 -

You guys are definitely right. I definitely won't be seeking him out if he's still alive and getting vengeance. I was getting more and more tense the more I typed those posts, for obvious reasons.

It is a shame it has been under the rug this long. However, I was beyond help until mushrooms and God (Love) took over. No amount of talk therapy as a child was going to change a god damn thing.

I'm just so glad I didn't hurt anyone or myself, that I pulled through 30 years of total bullshit somehow, perhaps significantly through egomania, and now I've pretty much fully resolved and healed the damaged child inside and I get to be this really cool adult dude. :laugh:


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Hostile humankind
Can't you see you're fucking blind?

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Re: Childhood trauma / LSD psychotherapy / Resolution of the damaged personality into robust adulthood [Re: beforethedawn]
    #26150067 -

Well this above is good to read. (:
Sounds like you're searching some good places (Groff, etc)for answers, and you seem reasonable.
Many of these points you're taking from others and the things you are saying dont often come from unreasonable people.


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This was an experiment.

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