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Long term C-PTSD survivor getting ready for micro dosing
    #25978950 -

Hello fellow psychonauts. Saying howdy and telling my story cos sometimes it helps to share.

After 20 years of talk therapy, CBT, DBT, self medication, the occasional ambulance call and an ongoing surprise that I haven't wound up in Ze Padded Cell, I'm embarking on some micro dosing and I'm gonna post my experiences here in hope of interacting with anyone who has wisdom to share, or might benefit from seeing my attempts.

For reference, I was re-diagnosed with Complex PTSD about 5 years ago, after treatment for 14 years for BPD.

I changed shrinks, got the latest info on PTSD, about the link between trauma, the mind and the body (The Body Keeps The Score by Bessel van Der Kolk is the new best thinking) and started work to get right.

In addition to the Panic Attacks, the physical responses, Free Floating Anxiety, insomnia yadda yadda, the thing that kicks my ass is a variant of Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) that affects about 12% of C-PTSD sufferers.It interferes with my work/life because if I get too stressed I zone out and Freeze. I can't get basic shit done.

I've learned to 'bring myself back into the room' using CBT techniques, grounding, but these episodes are a real nuisance. They're involuntary, random (ish) and nothing they can prescribe pharmaceutically can fix it.

It's hard to describe the dissociative state, unless you've been there. In a way, it's a little like how I've felt tripping on acid (ironic huh?).

There's a plus and a minus - under stress, real stress, I go all calm and Just get it Done. I've been through some stuff. I'm still here because I got icy and detached.

The minus is, I pay for it later.

I was talking to a military friend, another PTSD survivor about it, and he understood the feeling. He says it's the same state they get to when they're on a mission.

He also said: shrooms and microdosing. That's what the Ex-Services and Operators are into. Ok. Fine by me.

So I googled. And I read. And I checked. And I talked to my shrink.

With luck, I'll be embarking on a small, regular, treatment. I am getting it together now, trying to keep it as science-y as I can.

I got a mate who is helping me to get this together and I am used to keeping a diary of symptoms and self care.

As a skeptic and a survivor, I'll be doing this slowly and carefully.

As I get through it, I might post up here, if it seems useful to say.

I'm also open to talking about any aspects of what I experience, the treatments I have tried and what's worked and hasn't.

Don't be afraid to post me a reply if it feels right, to vent, tell me something you've learned or just to say Hi.

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Re: Long term C-PTSD survivor getting ready for micro dosing [Re: Bagbalm]
    #25983199 -

I've recently started reading about it and really curious, to help with depression and creativity. I'm not really interested in doing a full trip at this moment and I haven't found a medication that worked, tried about 4 different types. Which type of mushroom are you using? How did you find it or did you grow it yourself? I'm in Australia, finding it almost impossible to find someone to help or buy from - where did all my tripper friends go? Probably grew up and got jobs :wink:

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Re: Long term C-PTSD survivor getting ready for micro dosing [Re: deva] * 1
    #25983470 -

Hey Deva. I'm still sourcing. Yeah if they'd only prescribe it I'd be stoked, I gotta get lucky and go find it.

Once I figure that first step out then my plan is, .1 of a gram, every 4 days for a month, based on the info I found online.

If I understand the microdosing correctly, I shouldnt be able to 'feel' it exactly.

I'll measure progress by comparing my symptoms before (from current journal) during and then after.

If this shit works, it'll be apparent :-)

Sorry to hear your other friends have gotten straight ;-) , I'm in the same boat as you, but I have been doing my reading on the hunt and I'm frickin seriously motivated to get out there and get this happening.

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Re: Long term C-PTSD survivor getting ready for micro dosing [Re: Bagbalm] * 1
    #25989052 -

Yes please drop back with updates. Im gonna keep hunting for it but in the meantime im just interested in others experiences and stories. From what i understand ull be 100% functioning on it, i like the idea of that. I wanna be able to goto work, gym, drive etc... in saying that, id be curious what the negative side effects are if u get any

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Re: Long term C-PTSD survivor getting ready for micro dosing [Re: deva]
    #26041031 -

Hi there, I'm also a cptsd sufferer and have been considering micro dosing to assist with chronic depression. I have a few things that make me wary of psychedelics and am unsure if i'll proceed at this stage but i'm very interested to follow your journey.

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Re: Long term C-PTSD survivor getting ready for micro dosing [Re: Bagbalm]
    #26063952 -

Thanks for sharing. Wow - 20 years of therapy...I guess it's hard to measure but did you feel you got a significant improvement through that time? Have you now started your microdose treatment? I'd love to read any updates.

I'm curious about cubes microdosing - I've tried LSD microdosing for a couple of months but didn't really feel any benefits, and tried Philosophers Stones caps but they just made me zone out too much and feel empty. I also have dissociative issues (BPD - borderline though, rather than bipolar) but I'm also looking to see how I could incorporate small doses with creative practice

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Re: Long term C-PTSD survivor getting ready for micro dosing [Re: kajarookee]
    #26073801 -

Hey Kajarookee. Hard to measure? hell no. I have been fighting this $%#^%#%# and I have been keeping track. heh. Survivor humor.

Q: Have I had any improvements

I have had major improvements, most of which came in the last 5 years when I got a proper diagnosis from a more up to date therapist who was much more in tune with my circumstances.

I was originally diagnosed with BPD (borderline personality) for which the therapy was 'talk therapy' but it never really described my scene. was like a broad stroke call but not right.

6 years ago I hooked up with some Military related Psychologist practitioners, I got rediagnosed with CPTSD and then I started getting treatments that made a big difference.

CPTSD takes a while to treat cos its complex (LOL), you are dealing with a whole bag of different symptoms and everyone has a personal, unique, situation, which requires a personalized approach, even if it shares some features across treatments.

CBT/DBT (cognitive behavioral/dialectical behavioral therapies) were good but the BEST new thinking was to treat the Body through action, exercise and Yoga for Trauma.

Bessel Van Der Kolk 'The Body Keeps The Score' is the current best thinking according to my practitioners.

TL:DR You have sort of three brains - the brain, the spine and the gut. They all do stuff as part of your 'feeling' and thinking. The Gut Brain can't do talk therapy ;-) The gut produces Serotonin and all sorts of chemicals. To treat the 'mind' you treat the body and it starts making the right sorts of chemicals.

So - I have had to engage MULTIPLE tools and strategies to help myself cos I have multiple simultaneous symptoms.

To return to your original question, I have seen BIG improvements in a variety of areas

-reduction in recurring unwanted thoughts (flashback, rehashing the past)

- anger management

- understanding how to  help myself.

- accepting that this shit is for real, I am not making it up, it's as serious as a heart attack and needs to be treated with the same respect.

- asking for help, getting help.

What I haven't been able to get past is the Dissociative State, where I zone out if I get pushed/push myself too hard.

Once again, my military mates come to the rescue and suggested Microdosing, and so I am now on the hunt.

2. Have I started

No not yet, I am being careful and thorough in my prep, and I have to get the ingredients first. that's my current mission.

I have some troubles leaving the house sometimes, so I am lucky that I have a friend who's coming out with me.

Right now, I am targeting a .2 gram dose, every 4 days, for a month, during which I will continue to diarize my responses and symptoms.

I can compare that against the last 6 months of diary to see.

My max projected time will be 3 months, if I find it works, then I'll take a break.

3. Shrooms or Acid.

I am really cautious cos I don't want to make things worse. I don't know.

But I am willing try try this approach, there seems to be enough science to have a go.

Both acid and Shrooms seem to have therapeutic value, my Military mates are keen on the shrooms though and they've been pretty switched on.


---

I'll answer what I can, as often as I can. I hope it helps.

If anyone out there is reading this and has walked through this shit too, I feel for you and I want you to know you can make it, you can keep going. I have been deeply fucked up for a prolonged period, yet I experience Joy, peace and value in life. I pay a price for it and some days it's surviving minute to minute.

There's a certain kind of strength to face the whirlwind, those who do it know that look.

Bring it.

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Re: Long term C-PTSD survivor getting ready for micro dosing [Re: Bagbalm]
    #26074030 -

Hello, bagbalm, and welcome!

I also found this place and started reading up on shroom therapy as a treatment for my mental health issues. Like you I've struggled with them for years (not nearly as long as you, though) and am looking to try something radically different in hopes of reaching a healthier long-term state

I've had some unexpected life circumstances get in the way of doing my first grow, but I've been amassing the knowledge needed and within 3-4 months tops (hopefully sooner), I'm confident I'll have some shrooms

If you'd like, I can send you a free spore print once I get my first harvest. You can use it for one of your grows. I want to use the knowledge of growing that I gain hear to help other people suffering from mental health issues grow shrooms, since we are all fighting similar battles

I wish you luck

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Re: Long term C-PTSD survivor getting ready for micro dosing [Re: Bagbalm]
    #26074280 -

Thank you Bagpalm - that made for a very interesting read and really glad to hear you've found improvement in lots of areas. I know how hard these kinds of mind issues are to deal with and recover from, although admittedly, I have a completely different background and have been fortunate to not have experienced war so I can't begin to understand from that perspective.

Keep up the great progress - I think really wanting to heal is actually the biggest challenge and takes a whole load of courage. I believe that the reason a lot of problemtatic symptoms are kept in place by the subconscious is because there is a "benefit" - no matter how fucked up it benefit might appear to the conscious mind.

Quote:
Bessel Van Der Kolk 'The Body Keeps The Score' is the current best thinking according to my practitioners.

TL:DR You have sort of three brains - the brain, the spine and the gut. They all do stuff as part of your 'feeling' and thinking. The Gut Brain can't do talk therapy ;-) The gut produces Serotonin and all sorts of chemicals. To treat the 'mind' you treat the body and it starts making the right sorts of chemicals.



It's interesting you say that. I've recently been drinking milk kefir for the gut which I started initially because I have IBS but research has shown that it's also loaded with trytophan. I'm definitely feeling better physically as a result of drinking it (I think it has 50+ probiotics vs the few probiotics found in yoghurt). How much tryptophan is being converted to serotonin though is in question - from memory, I think it might compete with protein on the ride up to the brain? I tried 5HTP for years and didn't really notice any benefit, but maybe my dosage was all wrong...who knows. I get impatient trying things and wanting instant results!

I think it's good you're taking your time to prep properly and happy you've got a supportive mate around to help - I'll check back periodically to see when you've started posting your results.

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Re: Long term C-PTSD survivor getting ready for micro dosing [Re: kajarookee]
    #26087127 -

Surviving Nuisance update.

Been out trekking for Finds, nothing so far. Am looking into what other option I got.

Meanwhile, my brain has decided to do a new thing, so I have been waking 1-5 times per night for the last 20 days with Night Terror stuff.

I wake up, I freak out, I am completely awake.

My protocol is to sleep when I am sleepy, don't sleep when I am not, and try not to give myself a hard time about it.

So I get up, go to the couch, blanket up (its cold here), fall asleep, wake up, go back to bed.

Rinse and repeat.

The reason I am getting up is so that I am keeping my bed for sleep, not lying there going through old mental movies.

The protocol is OK but I don't think I am getting enough REM and it's physically tiring. I kind of feel pretty unwell. It's also a bummer because sleep has been my one good thing for the past few years.

I've reached out to my shrink, I've already been trying exercise, reducing coffee/tea, waiting until later, trying earlier, nah. This is my brain doing voodoo shit again.

on the plus side, outright Panic Attacks have diminished, but I am still dealing with the other elements, free floating anxiety, and our good old friend Dissociation.

I'm doing pretty well all things considered; you'd trade a lot of things to be clear of the full panic episodes (shudder)

I guess what I am trying to say is: you can take a lot more than you think, and still keep going. I'm cranky, I feel headachey/fluey (might be some of that there too) and when I start to lose sleep I start to get a bit Feral so I am a little snappy.

I don't quite know wtf the next step is to try and help myself, i'm really keen on not taking and sleepy pills cos I think that is suppressing shit and no thanks. Whatever this is, it needs to resolve, I need to psychically vomit out the last of whatever it is I am holding onto, not  push it further down.

Tea is kicking in, feel a little better. This is the living, what it is.

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Re: Long term C-PTSD survivor getting ready for micro dosing [Re: Bagbalm]
    #26110709 -

- Still alive and SMilin'

Rough 40 days of disrupted sleeping patterns blecchhh.

Good thing about the symptom journal is it puts some science back into this.

About 6 months ago I started keeping a record of my daily symptoms.
Another good thing was keeping a track of what self care steps I was taking.

For example - my nuisance elements include:

- a panic cycle starting with free floating anxiety, terror element with adrenaline dump, followed by an emotional response. Can be strung out over hours or cycle in 30 seconds :-0
- Dissociation - Zone out. I've noticed that it affects my speech patterns, I slow down. I seem to be thinking ok, but it's reallllly trippy and slow, like being in molasses.
- Agoraphobia. Fuck. Just fuck. Random.
- Avoidance - anything that might trigger me makes me swerve away from it. ANd I mean shit as simple as paying a phone bill. And if I push, I get Dissociation or a Panic Cycle. This irks the ever loving bejeezus out of me. it's the cause of most of my nuisance cos I can deal with the symptoms with strategies. But when it all hits. bang. nothing. I just stop working TILT.

Self Care Strategies

- exercise
- fibre foods
- yoga
-sleep
- Companion animal
- doing things for others

Using the journal I have been able to start to see patterns which I was not aware of. Turns out one of my survival strategies has been to quickly forget the last round of awful, otherwise I  guess I'd be non functional :-)

Since I started looking at the microdosing, I have been reading the regular press on current attempts to use psyechedelics therapeutically.

For my own peace of mind, I am waiting until I get an adequate dosage supply, which I am trying to do without getting anyone else involved :-)

Meanwhile, I am reading, learning and bushwalking.

Between the steps I am already taking, the treatment I am receiving and the support I get from friends and fam, I'm still doing useful things.

That said, it's my hope to step out of this thing, to walk away from the past and to carry no more of these memories with me than the acceptance that what was, was.

I hope if you are reading it, and you go through any of this, that you find something useful in the story.

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Re: Long term C-PTSD survivor getting ready for micro dosing [Re: Bagbalm]
    #26189224 -

Bagbalm said:
- Still alive and SMilin'

Rough 40 days of disrupted sleeping patterns blecchhh.

Good thing about the symptom journal is it puts some science back into this.

About 6 months ago I started keeping a record of my daily symptoms.
Another good thing was keeping a track of what self care steps I was taking.

For example - my nuisance elements include:

- a panic cycle starting with free floating anxiety, terror element with adrenaline dump, followed by an emotional response. Can be strung out over hours or cycle in 30 seconds :-0
- Dissociation - Zone out. I've noticed that it affects my speech patterns, I slow down. I seem to be thinking ok, but it's reallllly trippy and slow, like being in molasses.
- Agoraphobia. Fuck. Just fuck. Random.
- Avoidance - anything that might trigger me makes me swerve away from it. ANd I mean shit as simple as paying a phone bill. And if I push, I get Dissociation or a Panic Cycle. This irks the ever loving bejeezus out of me. it's the cause of most of my nuisance cos I can deal with the symptoms with strategies. But when it all hits. bang. nothing. I just stop working TILT.

Self Care Strategies

- exercise
- fibre foods
- yoga
-sleep
- Companion animal
- doing things for others

Using the journal I have been able to start to see patterns which I was not aware of. Turns out one of my survival strategies has been to quickly forget the last round of awful, otherwise I  guess I'd be non functional :-)

Since I started looking at the microdosing, I have been reading the regular press on current attempts to use psyechedelics therapeutically.

For my own peace of mind, I am waiting until I get an adequate dosage supply, which I am trying to do without getting anyone else involved :-)

Meanwhile, I am reading, learning and bushwalking.

Between the steps I am already taking, the treatment I am receiving and the support I get from friends and fam, I'm still doing useful things.

That said, it's my hope to step out of this thing, to walk away from the past and to carry no more of these memories with me than the acceptance that what was, was.

I hope if you are reading it, and you go through any of this, that you find something useful in the story.


I relate to a lot of these symptoms. Agoraphobia can fucking bite me.

I also use avoidance a lot, and sometimes will have a morning where i wake up and decide to do all the shit i've been putting off only for sudden and acute depression to pop up, put weights on me and basically say "no, no you're fucking not"..

Have you started dosing yet? How's it been?

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