I've been growing and using magic mushrooms for the last 5 months. They've changed my life. I spent ten years suffering badly from depression. Tried everything. Ten different antidepressants, countless sessions of therapy, antipsychotics (for depression not psychosis) mood-stabilisers, pregabalin, exercise, yoga, meditation, mindfulness etc. Nothing worked. It affected me severely - couldn't get out of bed, would sometimes not eat for days, neglected myself, wouldn't see friends or family, suicide attempts.
LSD and magic mushrooms turned off my depression like pressing a switch. I feel the happiest, calmest and most secure I have ever felt before in my adult life. My relationships with family and friends have improved and my outlook is one of positivity and optimism. I used to wake up and sporadically cry for no reason and want desperately to be dead. Now I feel like I'm free and I wake up feeling excited for what the day might bring.
Anyway I've only been using doses between 2-4 grams. Yesterday I thought 'fuck it' and decided to try 6 grams with a friend.
I actually cannot believe how much a higher dose is completely different to the lower to average doses! The visual hallucinations were unreal. They were so unbelievably intricate and beautiful. 3D shapes constantly moving, bending, changing in a variety of rich colours. It didnt matter if my eyes were open or closed the patterns were everywhere. I switched off the light and was transported into an infinite universe, the fabric of which was made from snake scales that writhed and squirmed all around me as though the remnants of some ancient and wise reptile deity. Bubbles erupting from nowhere and dancing towards me in various deep colours. Expanding, contracting. Neon beams streak overhead and extent out into infinity. Intense euphoria fires through my body to the extent that it's almost unbearably beautiful. I'm writhing on the bed as every muscle responds to the electricity of the euphoria. The real world now almost completely dissolved. Time is meaningless. I've lost all concept. I just exist here and now in this moment of sublime eternity.
And then my friend, who had never tripped properly before and had also consumed 6 grams (that just shouldn't have happened for a first mushroom experience) started to react badly. Prior to this he'd been in awe of the beauty of it and was also writhing on the bed in ecstatic ecstacy. And then ego death. I know this term gets thrown about a lot by people and I often feel like they don't truly understand what that it is. He definitely experienced ego death. He didn't know that he existed and couldn't differentiate between hallucinations and reality. He didn't know what was going on and began to panic. He jumped off off of the bed and tried to flee but didn't actually understand what he was doing. He was unable to follow simple instructions and I had to hold him and reassure him calmly and cuddle him into me. In between moments of ego death he was begging for me to make it stop. It was getting quite out of control and so I gave him a small dose of an antipsychotic which quickly stopped his trip and shortly after he fell asleep...relieved but still deeply moved by how beautiful it was.
It was irresponsible of me to let him have 6 grams for a first time. When I say he's never tripped properly...he's smoked DMT a few times and had ayhuasca but the latter didn't work much at all on him. He didnt have any visuals or anything. So he has a small amount of experience but nothing even close to a real extended psychedelic level 5 experience. He said in the end that he still absolutely loved it and would do it again, but said he was glad I was able to end it when I did for him.
It was very difficult looking after somebody when I could barely see for hallucinations! But I somehow managed it!
For me it was an incredibly beautiful experience and I am in shock at just how complex a trip can be! How you can travel through space and time and move about inside of your consciousness like a child in a playground. I'm completely blown away!
I'm definitely no longer scared of higher doses because it was just so damn beautiful. However I can see how a trip that intense could easily be way too much for most people and I don't recommend anybody do this without a sober sitter unless you're experienced travelling about in level 5 trips and are sure you're not going to flip out, because I think things have the potential to get extremely out of hand at higher doses.
On the flip side...it's just so amazingly beautiful that I say if you think you can handle it then do it! Just be safe. It's incredible.
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Throw down your umbilical noose so I can climb right back
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