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Re: Judge and critique my fiction? [Re: Malcolm_Xtasy]
    #24639866 -

he is just jealous he didnt think of such a multi dimensional title!  Is it about mastering peace?
Is it titled after a character known as Master Peace? 
Is it a pun for masterpiece?

:strokebeard:


--------------------
zen by age ten times six hundred lifetimes
Light up the darkness.

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Re: Judge and critique my fiction? [Re: hTx] * 1
    #24640037 -

I don't see improvement. It wouldn't necessarily be a "pun" for masterpiece, it's word play at best and maybe a deformed malapropism breaking a 4th wall if spoken by them, or in real life, spoken by you.

I dunno man there's still so much wrong with it. How much do you read? I mean really read. Sit down with a book or tablet, no distractions no alt-tabbing on a laptop.

Are you taking classes for writing?

Are you forming outlines of where you want this to go? Are you letting it organically grow as characters interact with each other?

Or, do you always have an intended goal to scrunch one "point" into a scene? That is to say, do you already know that people A B and C will be doing XYZ and you need a way to fill in gaps?

What are your methods? Your approaches?

Cause you need help stylistically, grammatically and the dialogue is just real bad it sounds like one person and that's you and it is just flat.

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Re: Judge and critique my fiction? [Re: Adden]
    #24640199 -

I have a general original idea and a few unique concepts which I personally experienced during multiple level 5 psychedelic experiences over the years.



  The title came to me in a dream... a dream character grabbed my hands together shaking them and when he opened them, there were three stones or something like that and he slowly repeated "You must Master...Peace...Your a Master...Piece.." In my dreaming mind, I couldn't make sense of the phrase whatsoever, I remember repeating it to myself in my dream  and I was utterly confused with its meaning, a window breaking woke me up as I was repeating the phrase in my dream and as I repeated the phrase awake, I was like..oh duh! I was actually amazed at my subconscious's use of word play and my inability to initially recognize it.

I wanted Master Peace to be the title of my story ever since as it just encompasses what I'm trying to do so well.

My approach is just to write, edit, revise, write, revise, and write some more. There is a lot written I haven't shared. I don't mind criticism one bit, rather I look for it constantly, I know the first couple drafts are going to be shit, its just part of the process of how I write. Each iteration becomes a little bit better and eventually I have something kinda nice.

I took a class last year, and my professor is the one who encouraged me to take writing more seriously. 

Mostly I write and see where the story takes me, keeping the big picture and concepts in mind, connecting the dots as a I go a long.


--------------------
zen by age ten times six hundred lifetimes
Light up the darkness.

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Re: Judge and critique my fiction? [Re: hTx]
    #24640246 -

I used to read everyday, but honestly its been a few months since I cracked open a good book.

I really like James Joyce, I'll probably revisit Ulysses today at your suggestion.


--------------------
zen by age ten times six hundred lifetimes
Light up the darkness.

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Re: Judge and critique my fiction? [Re: hTx] * 1
    #24640280 -

hTx said:
Chapter One: Conception
  Who fucking cares!?
Anna's silent thought came as lightning and thundered so loud a grimace cracked through.
Her left eye squinted... Her right eyebrow raised. Her neck stiffened and her chin tucked. Her mouth gaped and her lips contorted.



"Came like lightning" might flow better(?)
No need for ellipses here, try to condense her reaction to her thought into one or two sentences.

hTx said:
A group of elderly men were sitting at a table nearby loudly discussing without hibition, their love of Viagra.
"Hot damn, I tell you what...does the trick dandy! The misses tapped out after the third time and I was still goin!" Laughed one of the old men, so hard his wrinkles smiled. He had a cane leaned against his chair and snow-white hair.
A group of young girls, seven or eight, colored in books behind them.



"hibition" isn't a word, though i'm sure you figured this out by now. "Laughed one of the old men" might be better off as "Jeered one of the old men, laughing so hard his wrinkles smiled", it helps the sentence flow better.
"He had a cane leaned against his chair", replace with "propped"

Those are just some examples of things you should be looking for and catching on your first edit. It's OK to write sloppy, as long as you edit well! I could go through more but then I'd be hogging the fun for you.



--------------------
Anyone got a lowpass filter in this biiiiash?

Edited by ModestMouse (09/18/17 11:55 AM)

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