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Re: My wife just had an 'accidental' affair.. any advice appreciated [Re: TheEaglesGift] * 1
    #22099937 -

Waddaya mean?  She slipped and fell on his dick.  Purely accidentally


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Re: My wife just had an 'accidental' affair.. any advice appreciated [Re: zappaisgod] * 2
    #22099953 -

Exactly.

Once I was in a similar situation and had convinced myself it was all my fault, that I wasn't a good husband and wasn't attentive enough.

I didn't want to accept that my wife was ruthless and selfish, but I've come to terms with the fact that we all are.

Love is almost always conditional. I can accept that.


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AMU  (Amateur Mycologists United)

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Re: My wife just had an 'accidental' affair.. any advice appreciated [Re: TheEaglesGift]
    #22100048 -

TheEaglesGift said:
"accidental affair" is a term that stems from denial.

there are no accidents when it comes to fucking other humans, it's a conscious decision.



I'm guessing that wasn't really directed at me.....

I don't believe in accidental affairs either. And I hope OP really isn't rationalizing that situation. But knowing from other posts I'm pretty sure he's past that point. He's decided to give her a chance regardless of her infidelity bc there are other problems that may have led to that behavior. F*cked up as it may be.


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:heartpump::heartpump: :heartpump::heartpump:

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Re: My wife just had an 'accidental' affair.. any advice appreciated [Re: pachoo]
    #22100089 -

I don't know what he's doing.  There is some serious whackadoo in this couple and it aint all her.


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Re: My wife just had an 'accidental' affair.. any advice appreciated [Re: zappaisgod]
    #22100098 -

Perhaps.


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:heartpump::heartpump: :heartpump::heartpump:

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Re: My wife just had an 'accidental' affair.. any advice appreciated [Re: pachoo]
    #22100108 -

I'm just really glad I'm not dealing with this shit storm. Makes me unbelievably sad and it's not even happening to me.


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:heartpump::heartpump: :heartpump::heartpump:

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Re: My wife just had an 'accidental' affair.. any advice appreciated [Re: pachoo]
    #22100152 -

I seen this kinda shit so many times it only makes me sad that the parties are too stupid to recognizze shit when they eat it.


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Re: My wife just had an 'accidental' affair.. any advice appreciated [Re: zappaisgod]
    #22100392 -

Oh that's a sad truth. But truth none the less. Sometimes I feel like I'm way too sympathetic to this stuff. But can't help it. I can see disaster going in slow motion and the emotional hurdles to overcome but I'm hopeful for people nonetheless. Unless it's just really stupid. In this case I'm rooting for their wellbeing.

Although realistically I think OP might get further heartbroken. I can't help but see his subtle "she COULD be an awesome person" posts.

How long have they been together again?
Edit: oh! 4 year marriage.


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:heartpump::heartpump: :heartpump::heartpump:

Edited by pachoo (08/16/15 10:48 PM)

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Re: My wife just had an 'accidental' affair.. any advice appreciated [Re: Jokeshopbeard] * 1
    #22101243 -

I know im late to this thread, but I just wanted to express my support and relay that im going through something similar. Found out my gf and best friend of 10 years was cheating on me, lied straight to my face about it until I found pictures.

I saw all the warning signs but chose to ignore it because I didn't want to believe it. Drugs didn't help the situation.

My emotions are all over the place, anger, grief, regret, etc. At the end of the day though you just have to sack up and realize this is what you need, you got done a favor finding out now instead of later.

I too have those "will I ever meet someone like this again" fears. That amount of time is hard to just start over with another woman. Im a firm believer in everything happening for a reason. You will bounce back.

Take care man.

EDIT-

Just skimmed the thread and seems like you are taking her back. I feel like you will regret that someday, but if thats what you feel is right then go for it. Just realize this likely wont end well.


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Long live kratom :kratom:

Edited by danielx (08/17/15 03:14 AM)

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Re: My wife just had an 'accidental' affair.. any advice appreciated [Re: danielx]
    #22101782 -

TheEaglesGift said:
"accidental affair" is a term that stems from denial.


It's a term that is common in psychology. A brief google search reveal a ton of results, e.g:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200910/beyond-betrayal-life-after-infidelity

It doesn't mean that it was 'accidental' - it means it wasn't planned, or contrived prior to the occurrence.


zappaisgod said:
I don't know what he's doing.  There is some serious whackadoo in this couple and it aint all her.


pachoo said:
Perhaps.


I think you should listen to zappa pachoo. He seems to be immensely skilled at passing judgement on others and clearly has insight that far surpasses my own. He is, after all, 'making the points here'. Who can argue with that?


danielx said:
Just skimmed the thread and seems like you are taking her back. I feel like you will regret that someday, but if thats what you feel is right then go for it. Just realize this likely wont end well.



Thanks for expressing your support man. I don't have a single regret in my life thus far, so I'm not concerned that this might turn out to be my first. I've done a huge amount of soul searching regarding this situation and have listened to countless opinions, along with the advice of many people, including friends, family, a therapist, psychologists, and all you lovely people here. I feel I'm doing the right thing. It might well turn out to be the wrong thing, but I'm never gonna know that unless I'm willing to make a mistake and learn from it.


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Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe

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Re: My wife just had an 'accidental' affair.. any advice appreciated [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #22102618 -

You fucking asked me.  I was done with it but you asked me in a PM to call you out and I gave my honest assessment.  You've asked everybody for their opinions.  Don't be surprised if some of them don't sit well with you.  To tell you the truth, I expressed more concern for your well being than the nutjob's.  If you think that is being malicious tell me why.  You are fucking up.  I and many others here can see it.  Stop fucking up.  For your own self.  Danielx is right.


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Re: My wife just had an 'accidental' affair.. any advice appreciated [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #22102674 -

Oh hun I wish the best for you really. But I just can't sit well with cheaters no matter the way or reasons they did it. So I agree with Zappa on that. I personally think you'll be even more hurt in the future from her. It's going to take a long time and she will lash out at you, regardless of medications. A personality disorder is the worst. They don't know or understand how to change themselves. It's a complete reboot of who they are and how they handle life. It's about their perception and their mentality. I'm really hoping for her tho, but it's going to take years of development and she will hurt you again during it. And I'm worried she will cheat again bc that's how she handled it. She's already past that line.

Good luck. I'm happy you have countless support systems. The only way to deal with this is for you to become emotionally stronger with her.


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:heartpump::heartpump: :heartpump::heartpump:

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Re: My wife just had an 'accidental' affair.. any advice appreciated [Re: zappaisgod] * 1
    #22103200 -



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Re: My wife just had an 'accidental' affair.. any advice appreciated [Re: danielx] * 1
    #22103577 -

Someone asked me via PM what the warning signs I saw when my girlfriend was cheating on me. My response was so long winded, I decided to post it her incase it helps someone avoid getting played in the future:

Quote:
No worries. She started pushing me away. I wouldn't hear from her for hours at a time, then I'd get a bullshit response like "oh I was busy", as if anyone can be so busy for hours they cant send a one minute text.

I noticed she had a new guy friend, and was becoming extremely secretive over her phone. I'd take one step towards it and she would rip it away, get angry, defensive, start a fight then make me the bad guy.

Eventually, something drew me to facebook. I never get on it, I don't even have an account, but I started lurking.

Went on my girlfriend's mom's facebook, and saw a picture of my girlfriend and some guy. Searched for this guy, and found dozens of pictures of them together. Her laying naked with this guys dog, them at a movie theatre, her dressed up at a wedding with him and comments saying "nice to meet your gf", so on so fourth.

Called my girlfriend, told her she was a sociopath. She justified it by saying things were getting bad. Which is hilarious because things were getting bad because she was pushing me away, likely because she was cheating on me.

Told her she would never see me, talk to me again, and I love myself to ever treated like that by anyone. Even if she changed, theres no way I could ever trust someone like that ever again.

10 years down the drain. I took her in at age 14, we were together until we were both 24. Took her virginity, grew up together, taught each other, went everywhere together, we were best friends.

Sucks having to start over, but I wouldn't take any of it back. We had a blast.

Sorry if this was long winded, it feels good to get it out whenever I can.



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Long live kratom :kratom:

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Re: My wife just had an 'accidental' affair.. any advice appreciated [Re: danielx]
    #22103858 -

:thumbup:

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Re: My wife just had an 'accidental' affair.. any advice appreciated [Re: Jokeshopbeard] * 2
    #22103912 -

My only advice to OP is if you're going to forgive her, forgive her.

Don't use the situation as ammo in your arsenal in the future when shit gets hairy.

Remember YOU chose to forgive her.

I wish you love and peace.


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:mushroom2::sun::crazy2::leaf:




...once in a while you get shown the light in the strangest places if you look at it right...



:feelsgoatman:

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Re: My wife just had an 'accidental' affair.. any advice appreciated [Re: danielx]
    #22103994 -

Ouch.....that sociopathic whore. Makes me so angry. Glad you're out man. Phew. 10 years.... 10 years.


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:heartpump::heartpump: :heartpump::heartpump:

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Re: My wife just had an 'accidental' affair.. any advice appreciated [Re: pachoo]
    #22105402 -

There isn't a single opinion in this thread that doesn't sit well with me zappa, I'm grateful for all of them, as I have said many times over. It's just you. Since you seem so intent on mentioning the fact I PM'd you at every opportunity, let's look at that in further detail. In my tattoo thread, you said:


Jokeshopbeard said:
zappaisgod said:
Jokeshopbeard said:
zappaisgod said:
I won't even that other thread of yours.


Which one is that?


The accidental affair one


What about it? Please, call me out if you have grounds to do so.



I PM'd you because I wanted to see what mickey mouse grounds you thought you had to call me out on. I was essentially calling you out on your "well earned reputation for calling out bullshit" - which, IMO, is simply a result of you being an egotstical twat. Here's the PM I sent you:

Or call me out here
I'm happy either way, but very interested to know what your opinion is. Last thing you said was that you applauded what I was doing. Have I got you on a bad mood day or something?

Peace and love brother!

Simple fact of the matter zappa, is I find you dislikable in the extreme. I also know for a fact I'm not the only one - I've been through your posting habits and ratings in depth and have seen how you respond to anyone who echoes my opinion about you. I find you to be a sad and pathetic individual and I would prefer to avoid you at all costs. Surely not a surprising fact to someone who prides themselves on being a 'horrid asshole'.

I am grateful for what input you have had, so thank you for that. But from here on out I think it would be best if we simply avoided each other - I hope you agree. The fact that our characters clash so extremely is unfortunate but, IMO, I stand for everything you do not, and vice versa. I have not had this issue with anyone else on the shroomery, and I hope not to again, although I do know that this situation is at times in life unavoidable.

I would appreciate your understanding on this matter.

Peace.


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Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe

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Re: My wife just had an 'accidental' affair.. any advice appreciated [Re: Sham87] * 1
    #22105405 -

Sham87 said:
My only advice to OP is if you're going to forgive her, forgive her.

Don't use the situation as ammo in your arsenal in the future when shit gets hairy.

Remember YOU chose to forgive her.

I wish you love and peace.


Thanks brother. Many people (my closest friends included) have echoed this sentiment exactly, so I know it to be true and absolutely required. Peace and love right back at ya man!!


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Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe

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Re: My wife just had an 'accidental' affair.. any advice appreciated [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #22105487 -

Jokeshopbeard said:
Simple fact of the matter zappa, is I find you dislikable in the extreme. I also know for a fact I'm not the only one - I've been through your posting habits and ratings in depth and have seen how you respond to anyone who echoes my opinion about you. I find you to be a sad and pathetic individual and I would prefer to avoid you at all costs. Surely not a surprising fact to someone who prides themselves on being a 'horrid asshole'.

I am grateful for what input you have had, so thank you for that. But from here on out I think it would be best if we simply avoided each other - I hope you agree. The fact that our characters clash so extremely is unfortunate but, IMO, I stand for everything you do not, and vice versa. I have not had this issue with anyone else on the shroomery, and I hope not to again, although I do know that this situation is at times in life unavoidable.

I would appreciate your understanding on this matter.

Peace.


I was already out.  Clearly.  I said as much but you opened it up.  If you think I'm not going to respond to your insults and assertions about what other people thnk of me you are sadly mistaken.  My ratings are actually quite positive and I am at or near the top in most of the positive polls in this thread.  If you don't want to correspond with me, don't correspond with me.  And that will be the end.  Your whining is useless.  No wonder she doesn't respect you.


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